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Garrett Simmers
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This article has been cleaned up, and it was a trip to hell and back. Please, don't fuck it up. |
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Garrett Simmers looks like it was written by pseudo-intellectual 13-year-old boys. Look out for unfunny Uncyclopedia bullshit, boring in-jokes, and angsty teen-ery. You could also add in actual humor.
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
Garrehandro (Powerword: Garrett Douglas Simmers) is your typical 17 year old playing the Internet Tough Guy that originally joined on YouTube in 2013. He is just a basement dwelling 17 year old fatass that goes on his computer and fucks with people just for his own enjoyment.
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|---|---|
| Gabby Shitters | |
| Born | February 3, 2004 |
| Nationality | Americunt 
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| Residence | South Carolina |
| Ethnicity | White devil |
| Gender | Male |
| Sexuality | Pansexual |
| Aliases | GarrettComedian Garrett Simmers TheGarrettMaster11 JuniorWaffle Garrett16074 13OhFourG Garrehandro |
| Occupation | Trolling random people online for literally no reason |
YouTube past
Mr. Simmers started his YouTube channel in mid-2013, where he started spreading his monstrous obsession with a particularly interesting product known as Vyond to others so that they could do the same. People left honest criticism on his channel and like the blank-minded fatass he is, started attacking those same users and making Grounded videos out of them. He also steals content from other YouTubers and claims them as his own while making said stolen content look worse than the original. Many months of hate comments later... Garrett's YouTube got hacked by some people and ended up getting BAWWWLETED. But just like the other overly-sensitive ass-piefag known as Sonmanic before him, or like a runaway cat *cough* Chris-Chan *cough*, it came back to fucking life. Unfortunately, it doesn't end there...
The "Feud"
One faithful day in the world of YouTube, A YouTuber named Jose "Dax" Hernandez (known better as a member of the Daxter5150 channel) was busy making some videos until Garrett, like the fat dumbass he's known for, decided to vent his frustrations on someone who is more talented than him so he can make himself look intimidating and gain attention. So then he started harassing Dax on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, YouTube, and pretty much any site without a policy against diabetus. Dax eventually took notice and responded with a video called "How to Play Guitar Like Garrett Simmers", a parody of a video Garrett made in August 2013 where Garrett pulled around on the strings of a toy guitar from Toys-R-Us in an effort to "torture" Warren Cook (an 11-year old Logokid who makes fictional VHS openings for his own entertainment and gets made fun of badly for it).
Garrett became asshurt as soon as he saw the video and began flaming Dax, who says that the flame war will never end until Garrett finally decides to go back to school and get off the internets for good. The video itself received praise from several viewers, and Dax would later go on to make several sequels as Garrett's shit-encrusted ass stands horrified. However, by 2018, things appeared to have cooled off between the two...
At one point in 2015/2016, during one of Gabby's autistic sessions with other lulcows, he almost managed to get Dax killed in a car crash by spamming his notifications on Skype while he was driving when he forgot to put his phone on silent. This resulted in Dax looking at his phone and getting into a deadly car crash that resulted in a visit to the hospital. Eventually, other people found out about the incident and turned against Gabby for months thanks to this. Rumor has it that Dax is still not over this incident.
The Taylor Conundrum
Not too long ago, Garrett had a enemy of him named "Taylor The Hayniac VGCP". This girl was involved in a fight Garrett started with one of her known friends. She attempted to stand up for her friend and tried to keep him from making fun of him and/or harassing him. Since having only an IQ of Chris-Chan's, he became a total pussy and decided to block Taylor, which in turn then led to a war between Garrett and Taylor's fanboys/fangirls over Garrett blocking a girl on the internet, and it has become the most silliest war of 2014 that would have resulted from letting your 10 year old son on the internet.
On February 19, 2015, Taylor even started an awesome hashtag called 
#GarrettUnblockTaylor which caused a giant movement against Garrett and have a shit ton of comments up his ass to the point where Garrett's friends start to defend him, but fails every way it can, growing this "war" to the point of annoyance. And much like the war between him and Dax would, it too eventually cooled off.
The movement that made him popular
Several more attacks on Garrett later... His mass army of haters decided to do something to piss off the little crybaby once again, by forcing him to air his body language on his stupid pretend-TV-network "The Garrett Network", but just like how Garrett is the retarded 11-year-old blob that he was back in the day, he refused, piling on more hate and pressure on him like never before. In May 2014, during an OoVoo call, Garrett was crying and screaming while an ABA therapist was teaching him body language. Someone by the name of "Darran Good" managed to record footage of Garrett panicking and uploaded it for the world to fap to. This was met with backlash from some of Garrett's fuckbuddies, and with lulz by pretty much everyone else. Sadly, the original footage was BALEETED off the interwebz, however, one of Garrett's ex-friends has a video containing the audio from Garrett's Body Language being streamed on an online radio station.
And then he decided to make the new and improved GBL which looks like total ass.
Ways to make Garrett Butthurt
If you want to make the awesome 11-year-old rage like hell, this is what you have to do:
- If you have Skype, add him to your contacts, make a spam group, then go to town.
- Joke about his weight and him being underage. -- He will start making up lies about himself to keep himself from bawing his eyes out.
- Make a rant about him. -- He'll make one back and his will be cringier than yours.
- Troll one of his friends so that they'll ask Pepperoni Nipples to make a shitty YTP or Grounded video out of you. -- It happened before.
- Bother him enough and he'll soon find a way to hack one of your social media accounts. -- His attempts are futile, but he's just a kid.
And finally...
- Tell him to "air his body language." -- He will, of course, be very pissed, and repeat the same shitty comeback: "Body language? OK!" -Pulls middle finger-.
TL;DR
Never let your 11-year-old kid on the internet. Ever.
External Links
Editors Note: A lot of the links here are still outdated and are subject to replacement.
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Garrett Simmers is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Garrett Simmers is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |