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Diablo III
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Diablo III is a hack'n'slash kite'n'run game released in 2012. It was announced last Thursday to the joy of many hardcore fans. There was excitement for all of two seconds before the lifeless nerds who still play Diablo 2 were annoyed by the new graphics and features because their eyes are not used to more than 256 colors. This led to lulz, because Diablo is WoW with less dragons. It is the first entry in the series to abandon the classical hack'n'slash genre and instead embrace the kite'n'run concept.
The forging of Diablo III
- Make the new Diablo 3D
- Remove Satanic graphics so it looks like Warcraft 3 in order to ensnare "casual gamers".
- Consult /b/ to gain some insight into how you might go about making the game even better than D2....
- Become mind-reamed at the sheer horror of /b/ and never ever to be hard programmings again.
- Instead of actually programming a whole game, devise just a small section and have it so that when the player reaches the end they just start from the beginning on a harder difficulty level.
- Wait until the next Starcraft gets released.
- ????
- Profit!!
Story
All the guys you killed in the previous Diablo games are still alive. Turns out the whole thing was an opium-induced dream of Deckard Cain's, So you will have to go around magic land and kill all of Diablo's minions, Diablo himself and Lord of Destruction.
When you are done with that you go to hell and kill them all again.
—Hydra | ||
As you go through the game expect to kill the same 10 monsters over and over again with them changing colors as they get stronger. When you beat the game you will only get to see some crappy Blizzard cinematic scene where you find out that the last guy you killed is still alive and you will have to kill him for the 5th fucking time in the expansion pack and the 6th time in the sequel.
Now, don't get bored with it so you can hop onto multi player and spend hours typing in "WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG?". Soon you'll find out that everyone in the fucking game only wants 1 item (remember the stones of Jordan?) even though they already have 2 character's inventories full of them.
Classes
The basic concept of D3 is to get the common classes mixed up with AIDS and fail, leading at least to the following poor abominations:
The Barbarian
This raging jew comes along with a new, unique concept: all of his/her melee skills are for looting. The Barbarian in Diablo II was also capable of stomping the living shit out of the Paladin. This has not changed in Diablo III, in fact their only purpose is gathering money of the sold items and leeching the exp of party members in case gold should get any kind economic value at the battle.net servers. They are not capable of casting spells, one of the abilities however is involved with "9/11".
The Witch Doctor
Basically this is the Necro combined with some Druid elements and all the kind of diseases you can get by lurking not 4chan.
The Wizard
The Wizard is a mixture of the good old fashioned spell caster and a wapanese. Level by level you will get better anime looking equipments, making you the horror even in hell.
The Monk
Kung fu fighters that came from Pedobear's academy.
The Demon Hunter
Ranged emos who dress in black with a cloak and crossbows to shoot their wrists with.
PVP
BUY OUR AUTHENTICATORS!!!1
Just a few days after release, a giant hacking wave swept over the D3 community. The reaction of the fanboys and the forum CMs consisted of riling accusations as they blamed the players and told them that their accounts have been hacked due to supposedly compromised computer systems. Blizzard CMs made sure to continuosly instruct D3 players to buy their overpriced authenticators, promising that authenticators would fight off any attacks on one's account. However many players that have in fact been using authenticators turned out to also have been hacked. Many gaming journalists have since published articles and there have been reliable sources describing how Blizzard servers allow hackers to use multiplayer game session IDs to instigate MitM attacks against players, enabling them to gain hold of their characters without ever having to go through the login authentification process.
Blizzard, being the greedy kikes that they are denied any such accusations, again telling their players to buy authenticators. The audacity of Blizzard reached even greater levels when CMs started to accuse players who claimed to have their accounts hacked despite use of authenticators to be liars. Since then many players have posted time stamped pictures proving that they are in fact owners of an authenticator but despite all of that Blizzard, in its desperate attempt of damage control, still hasn't admitted to their compromised servers and instead goes on accusing their playerbase of downloading too much furry porn.
See Also
External Links
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Diablo III is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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Diablo III is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |