Ahuviya Harel

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Ahuviya Harel is an Epic Lolcow
One page alone is not enough...
Why not read the ED page that documented the start of ADF’s descent into lolcowdom?

	“	I’m a misandrist. I’m a feminazi. I’m a communist. I have an Oedipus Complex. I must be really, really, REALLY fucking evil! – Yeah, fear Chairwoman Harel! You don’t want this monster knocking on your door!	„

Usually when most people get an ED article on here, they are quick to either remove themselves from whatever got trolls attracted to them in the first place or they leave the internet forever. However, such was not the case for ADF-Fuensalida. Instead of attempting to live as a NORP, ADF continued to dramawhore on the interwebs. When the gay Democrat Hispanic Wiccan shtick gotten stale, he looked for other edgy subcultures to shove himself in and christened himself Ahuviya Rotem Harel in the process. Quite rarely do you get to witness the transformation from lolcalf to full-blown lolcow.

C-C-Changes

	“	Denying that I am Female is on par in my eyes of denying the Holocaust.	„

ADF, feeling completely dissatisfied that straight women and gay males would rather take cyanide than have sex with him, decided that gender-confused women would be the perfect prey for him. It all started when he first put on his Sakura cosplay, that he began identifying as a “transgender lesbian” and then changed it to “straight queer transgender.” Then he started taking hormones and even changed his name from Phillip V. Delici to Ahuviya Harel. He also identified himself as a Jew on account of his obsession with everything Israel and need for some sweet oppression.

Another change happened as a result from watching too much Hetalia; He also started identifying as a communist. Completed with a China and a Nazi cosplay, he was ready to begin fapping to everything Russian or Chinese. This included many sloppy drawings of communism uniforms, Vladimir Putin, and his own batshit insane dickgirl communist Mary Sue. He also tried to force badly translated Russian and German into his drawing and blogs. Of course, the commie masturbation didn’t stop there; he also claimed himself to be Prussian and Russian, because of two of his favorite characters on Hetalia.

Some argue that the biggest change yet was that ADF moved out of his mother’s house. ADF’s mother acted as a small voice of sanity within his life. After destroying all of his baby photos and punching her, ADF moved out of her house and into the house of a lesbian couple. ADF became much more insane after distancing himself from her.

All of these events contributed to ADF becoming what he is today.

Cosplay Magic

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The Perfect Storm

	“	obviously you're one of those 789fags	„
	—How ADF now dismisses any form of criticism on his DA page.

Two websites in particular focused on his antics, 789chan and ED. Before the downfall of Old ED, ADF’s ED article was being updated by ADF trolls. At the same time, Chris Chan followers first found out about ADF through his trollshielding of the internet’s favorite lolcow, Chris Chan. His trollshielding included sperging on the Cwcki about Sasuke and uploading gigantic pictures of himself on the Cwcki, all while acting superior to Chris. 789chan began to make threads dedicated to discussing his antics and even made a Cwcki-ish wikia.

ADF shit his pants when he found out about 789chan and the wikia. As an attempt at damage control, he deleted his ADF-Fuensalida account and made his Verganza-De-Sasuke shortly afterward. Of course, he would not quietly let the trolls declare victory over his fallen account. He went onto the site and dox’d himself, declaring that he and his roommates would beat any trolls who dared to go over to his house.

	“	Hey, Kourine (and everyone else that is here). If you are so hellbent on getting me, why don't you come up to where I live with my friends in Mount Airy, in Philadelphia. Go and try me and find me in this city, I dare you. Better yet, I dare you to and find where I live in Mount Airy. Because my two housemates are ready to use their Louisville Slugger on ANYONE who want to fuck with me in their house. BATTER UP! Wanna play some baseball? Here's is my -CURRENT- Address - Again, I am ready to play Baseball with your heads . BATTER UP! come at me you chicken-shits...	„

Failbook Drama

Still anally destroyed over the loss of his deviantart account, he holed himself up on his Facebook page, which he quickly made private after trolls begin screencapping his posts, where he thought he was safe.

However, he quickly realized that all of the strange people he friendlisted might be the trolls who were showing screencaps of his Facebook posts to other trolls. This fed into his paranoia that anybody on his Facebook page could be a troll. He even started screencapping suspicious troll posts on 789chan and posting them with the caption “The KGB is watching you.”

All of this came to ADF announcing that he was going on a “spy hunt” and eliminate the 789chan spies from his Facebook page. This led to 6 people, including a couple of female cosplayers, being listed in a separate group of whose settings he had changed. Out of all the people he had accused of being trolls, none turned out to be the ones who were screencapping his Facebook. This great de-friending lasted until he was scared of retaliation from trolls and let the people he “had into custody” go.

Two notable victims of his paranoia were a bisexual communist male and a young homosexual male who both lived several states away from ADF and told him off multiple times. ADF constantly started problems with the two and believed them to be trolls. He even accused one of them of being one of the writers for his ED article. After three months of trying and failing to get both of them to be his “dobes” (a special term for lover), both parties got sick of ADF and ADF blocked them from his Facebook.

Homeless Social Justice Faux-Activism

Pick the worst ideologies and fandoms in the world, mash them together and this is what you get.

After getting kicked out of his roommates’ house when his roommates caught wind of ADF doxing himself online, ADF quickly became a crazy, greasy mooch who rarely showered. Of course, he became a restless hobo, who wanted to garner as much attention for himself as he possibly could. This led to him getting involved in the Occupy Protests.

ADF is no stranger to Faux-Activism. ADF has been known to show up at gay pride parades dressed in Naruto garb scaring event-goers who are unfortunate enough to see the 250 pound Sakura in a bad wig. During his time in a support group for transgenders, he along with the other batshit insane trannies, including Robert Wayne Stiles, of the group attempted a takeover.

ADF flailed around the Occupy Philly in a faux-communist uniform and a Chinese flag. Like most of the Occupy protesters, ADF contributed little to the movement and used the place as a camping area and a place to get free food. Of course, ADF had gotten a bit of attention, but not the kind he had hoped for. He had become a freakshow at the event. One video in particular went viral which shown ADF bitching about being fired and denying the war crimes committed by Mao, along with a guest appearance by Rainbow Hippie Jesus.

The video was the talk of a couple of Conservative talk show hosts, who used it in their shows to dismiss the Occupy Protesters as leftarded communists. Indeed, ADF gave both Glenn Beck and Alex Jones something to laugh at, making them both look sane in comparison.

Chris vs. “Jack Thaddeus”

ADF became known as something else to most Chris Chan followers. Out of the blue, Chris Chan accused him of being Jack Thaddeus, one of his trolls who made him hump his PS3. Of course, ADF jumped at the chance of making a video, without realizing that something was amiss. ADF made a boring video, trying to get Chris to move out of his parent’s house and move to Philly. He also didn’t edit out the part where he farted on camera. Chris made one last video refuting ADF’s claims.

Chris stopped responding to ADF, due to the death of his father. A couple of days after Chris’ father’s passing, ADF made a video where he panted while walking down the street trollshielding Chris along with his good friend, Robert Stiles. Whatever grotesque mentions of Bob’s death that were missing from the video were mentioned in the next video where he walked in a graveyard, presumably looking for his next dobe. Not caring that Chris is still in mourning over his father, ADF mocked Chris and his mother, stating that Barbara was next to die. To this day, Chris still hasn’t seen this video. However, this video is still used as an example of ADF’s blatant disregard for others.

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ADF and Love

As was mentioned before, ADF would find willing victims in women who are as gender-confused as he is. Of course, these women do share other things in common, such as being dark haired and heavyset. In other words, ADF wanted to date himself in the female form, so went towards women who look similar to him.

His first actual girlfriend was a “genderqueer” middle-aged woman who spent a small percentage of her trust fund on ADF for an expensive phone and 100 dollars at a time for him to spend on cosplay. ADF kept going out with her to keep getting a part of her trust fund and even had sex with her. However, that was not enough to keep ADF happy though. He resented her over a small issue they had over children. He hated children and privately wished he could fuck one that looked like Sasuke. She wanted children before she went into menopause. Instead of doing something sensible or realizing that female hormones have ruined any chance he had of having children, he argued with her constantly online and even threatened to commit suicide. All of this came to a boiling point where he punched her in a bookstore.

What makes the situation ironic is that he hated his own father for doing the same thing. Another ironic thing, is that he is open about his hatred against “cisgender” straight, bisexual, and homosexual men and even makes violent statements about what he would do them in a particular situation, though hasn’t acted on his violent wishes towards men.

The next willing victims on his list were transmen whom he met online. The first one was an 18 year old weeaboo cosplayer, whom after only a couple of weeks of dating, he announced that he was engaged to the girl. However, due to his inability to separate chan drama from his relationship with her, they split up.

His relationship with the next one went quicker than his previous one. When he first introduced the internet to her, he immediately described them both as “married.” Who is ADF’s blushing new bride? She’s none other than a jailbait Satanist who whores herself out on Reddit. ADF even moved from Philly to Portland, just to get with her. They even had big plans of holding a Satanic wedding in someone’s basement and even have Marilyn Manson be the priest who weds them. After only a year of being together, ADF split up with her, stating that she doesn’t understand that he needs "interdependence and mutual aid".

In between lovers, when he can’t get anyone to have cybersex with him, he relies on his Sasuke plushie with a SPH to keep him company at night.

Daddy Rape Day

Despite dismissing 9/11 as American Nationalism or whatever, he demanded international attention for his dad raping him. Whether true or not, ADF had shoehorned the statement into anything unrelated that he could possibly can. If his statement about his Oedipus complex was obvious enough, he wants to kill his own father. However, he is hellbent on ruining his father’s life before he ever gets an unlikely chance to.

When trolls found out about the page, they flooded it when cosplay photos of ADF pinning down 16 year old girl cosplayers in his China outfit and other embarrassing photos of him on the internet. When ADF discovered the flooding, it made him seethe with rage and call the trolls who violated his previous event “Nazis.” He immediately deleted the event in anger due to the fact that the “dang dirty trolls” got him again.

Fourth of July, 1997

It wasn’t enough that ADF made a Facebook event about his own father, he even written about him on Deviantart. Due to ADF having less talent than Tara Gilesbie when it comes to writing, his serious prose read like a badly written shotacon fan fiction. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

ADF's rape fiction

I remember that day,

The Fourth of July Nineteen-Ninety-Seven.

I was defiled by the man,

I was supposed to call 'Father' .

Under those Stars and Stripes

Red, White, and Blue.

It would be the perfect day no one will believe,

Sexual Assault would happened to you.

I guess the word "America" means "freedom" - as in,

"free to rape your fucking eleven-year-old kid" .

I was but a piece of meat,

For him to pound and rip and play.

He radiated sweaty heat

As he bent me over, and was forced to obey.

Like White European Settlers,

He colonized and violated my body,

As if it were land,

a dead thing you can claim.

Maybe I displayed effeminate behavior,

and therefore he decided to have his way with me.

I remember that day,

The Fourth of July Nineteen-Ninety-Seven.

I was defiled by the man,

I was supposed to call 'Father' .

He touched my gentials and my torso

and viced my wrists,

as fireworks exploded along the Delaware,

in Philadelphia that night.

Right on the waterfront,

At Penn's Landing to be exact.

I found the courage to report it to the police,

it went to court in Woodbury, New Jersey.

On August Twelveth, Nineteen-Ninety-Seven , My twelveth birthday.

The Fucking Judge Tomasello, let the bastard walk free.

The court said "My mother and I made this up"

I was blamed for telling the truth

The State protects that patriarchal bastard-of-a-prepetrator,

who lied his way out of jail.

I guess that crack in that Liberty Bell,

shows how fucked up the American Injustice System really is.

I was shamed and ridiculed,

And ostracized from my community.

I cut myself on my shoulder, cut out my first birthmark with scissors,

and attempted suicide several times during my teenage years.

I hated my Male Body,

I didn't want to be a boy anymore, more so after the rape.

So I did something about it years later,

but that's a whole other story I'll get into later.

So this and every Fourth of July: past, present, and future.

Please don't fly those Stars and Stripes for me,

and tell me it represents freedom, its fucking bullshit.

Trolls and Whores

To say that ADF has never gotten over the fact that Canis and Kourine forgot about him is an understatement. Out of the blue, ADF had began threatening them again with the cheap gun he obtained, accusing them of siding with one of his trolls. He also threatened to throw her in the Philly Roundhouse for trolling him. The whining then delved into calling the three Polish and German whores, because it's the strongest word he had to call them.

(The Roundhouse) will give you free cheese sandwiches and we know how much you hate cheese

You're not getting anywhere with this ED bullshit, maintaining the wiki, 789chan . . . I like to see you locked up for it someday. - We have two German whores and a Polish whore!

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Needless to say, the DA admins were contacted over ADF's threats and banned him for a month on Deviantart. After his ban was over, ADF seemed to have completely forgotten about the incident.