Menopause
Menopause (or the menopause, if you're a britfag) is what happens when women become absolutely useless. The woman with such an affliction will come to realize this, and so become more of a bitch than ever before. By this time, the woman has become very old, her breasts will sag (more), she'll gain (more) wrinkles, she'll have become ugly(er), and she will have "accidents" outside of the bathroom (more often). Thus her bitchiness will be no excuse any longer, as the respectable man will realize that he will never get laid by her again (and indeed, will no longer want to), as opposed to the .000000000001% chance of having sex with his wife he had before menopause. This will cause him to walk out on her, which only justifies her fears and makes exacerbates her symptoms. Combined with irritability, hot flashes (which are not as "hot" as one would think), weight gain, and gassiness, you will be lucky to make it out alive, especially if this lady is your mom.
Pre-Menopause, "The Good Years"
Or, as should it be, the semi-unpainful years. Women are bitchy at this stage but it's offset by the fact that they are sometimes willing to fuck. Some lucky girls aren't even that fat and thus the respectable man will not even have to close his eyes when receiving the blowjob. It should be noted that wimminz at this stage do not have much cooking experience, therefore the sammiches will not be the most tasty. Nevertheless, she will learn quickly with a good backhand or ten.
Menopause
At this stage (around 55 or so), an average woman will have hit menopause. This means that her ovaries are beginning to shut down and the endocrine response has her hormones running more rampant that a twelve year old girl who just hit puberty. Since women are only good for:
- Birthing sons
- Sex
- Making sandwiches
and she can no longer do two out of the three (since it is doubtful she will be able to get wet with her uterus all dried up), she will begin to feel useless. This is magnified as her hormones hold her hostage, making her flip from "happy" to "bitch" to "FLAMING ANTI-CHRIST FROM THE OUTER DARKNESS WHO HAS COME TO DEVOUR YOUR SOUL".
Other Symptoms
- Hot flushes
- Cold flushes
- Irritability (no shit)
- Loss of horniness- but who'd wanna tap that anyway?
- Dry cooze
- Crying
- Sudden bouts of bloat - which is just a wimmin excuse when they get fat and saggy with age
- Weight gain
- Depression
- Hair loss
- Hair gain around the upper lip
- Aching joints/ breast tenderness
- Vaginal boils
- Urges for bestiality
- Yelling at husband/partner that he/she has never satisfied her
- Yelling at children that they are useless
- Becoming a hagraven
- Refusing to make a sammich
Explained Through Video
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What You Can Do
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See Also
External Links
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Menopause is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |