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Denmark
Denmark (Legoland) is a tiny communist boring ass country with nothing but Sand niggers and snow and tax exceeding 50% of your income. The government picks up the snow from Greenland to get rid of the Sand niggers, but it doesn't help. Therefore they send some of them to Iceland. It is also the butt-fucker of Greenland as well. Denmark is ruled by an old whore named Queen Margrethe II who's gonna die in a few minutes from alcoholic diseases. Denmark is known for making Lego, the letters ÆØÅ and the Muhammad Cartoons. The Danes only settled down in other countries peacefully during the Viking Age, thus the Danes were only being annoying, like Jews, this would eventually lead to the massacre of Danes, known as the St. Brice's Day massacre.
History
So, you are here to study the interesting history of Denmark?. Well, the Danes have lost every land battle they have ever fought. Congratulations! You now have master's degree in Danish History.
Knowledge of the world
Being completely sheltered from the world, it is of course no surprise that Danes can't tell reality from shitty video games.
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He actually believes this game to be real
Politics
Denmark's politics is based on 3 paragraphs, as no Dane is capable of being in charge of the country (apart from the alcoholic and narcotic Queen Margrethe II and Helle Thorning who doesn't do shit anyway).
§1 - l00t
§1.1 - 1 kg of l00t or less counts for 50 xp.
§1.2 - 1-5 kg of l00t counts for 100 xp.
§1.3 - 5-10 kg of l00t counts for 250 xp and the amount of kg in spareribs.
§1.4 - 10 kg of l00t counts for 500 xp and the amount of kg in spareribs.
§2 - Rape
§2.1 - Rape a woman and finish under 5 minutes counts for 50 xp.
§2.2 - Rape a woman and finish in 5-10 minutes counts for 100 xp.
§2.3 - Rape a woman and finish in 10-30 minutes counts for 200 xp and the amount of minutes will count as - (minus) in Øre (the Danish cent) in your taxes (example: 30 minutes will - (minus) 30 Øre or 4 cent everytime you pay taxes.
§2.4 - Rape a woman and finish in 60 minutes or more for 400 xp and the amount of minutes will count as - (minus) in Øre (the Danish cent) in your taxes (example: 60 minutes will - (minus) 60 Øre (1 krone) or 8 cent everytime you pay taxes.
§3 - Wimmins
§3.1 - If your bitch says no to your request, you either hit it, cap it's head off or KILL IT WITH FIRE.
§3.2 - Wimmins imported from Amsterdam, Germany and Sweden can be rented from 09:00-03:00 (9 am to 3 am) from the Copenhagen City Hall for 250 kr. ($43). Delivery costs 50 kr. ($9) extra.
Economy
Denmark's main export is Legos; second to that are dairy products, followed closely by cartoons of Muhammad. The Danes were great looters back in the day, and there are a small remaining group of Vikings who have avoided contact with the modern world and have been known to raid merchant ships bound for Narvik, Norway.
The only things that Danes import are Swedes, who come, drink all the booze in the country, and piss everywhere. This, of course, angers the used-to-be-vikings, but because they are now Socialist hippies, they don't do anything about it.
Politicians are all tax frauds
With the insanely high tax of Denmark it is no wonder that all the politicians are tax dodgers. Here are a few of the more famous cases.
- Former Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen cheated a lot in 1992, when he was treasury secretary. So much he even got the boot
- Former Prime Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen took giant liberties with the taxpayer's money, as he chose to host expensive parties for his friends.
- Current Prime Minister Helle Thorning and her husband Stephen Kinnock didn't pay their proper taxes, but she was of course allowed to continue on the job, so she could buy more Gucci purses.
- Mayor of Farum Peter Brixtofte decided to host even bigger parties than Lars Løkke.
Inventions
Denmark's inventions are numerous and epic from Danish bacon and Danish pastry, to the pedo storyteller Hans Christian Anderson to Tycho Brahe's psychic midget Jebb and alcoholic pet moose, (who fell down the stairs whilst drunk and died), thus prophesying Fahrenheit 9/11.
Language
Phrases
- Your beautiful eyes make me think about my hairy balls - Dine smukke øjne får mig til at tænke på mine behårede boller.
- Fuck off, sandnigger - Pis af, perkersvin.
- No thanks, I don't want to buy your daughter - Nej tak, jeg ønsker ikke at købe din datter.
- No you idiot, I don't speak the vomit known as Danish - Nej din idiot, jeg taler ikke det opkast kendt som dansk.
Danes attempting to speak English
The danish are also said to have uncanny skills in the language of Ænglisj:
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Other countries making fun of the shitty language
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Equal Opportunity
Denmark is world famous for their woman friendly labor market. If a woman wants a job in Denmark, she just has to have an education from the porn industry and blonde hair. Actually only 56% of the women in Denmark are employed in the porn industry the rest are in prison, but about 1% are hardcore lesbos.
Food Culture in Denmark
The average Dane eats whatever he/she can get with alcohol in/on it. This means, for example, that no normal Dane would have any problems drinking only beer for breakfast, anything else alcoholic goes just as well. And then just keep drinking beer the rest of the day until he/she passes out. The rich Danes, however, may exchange the alcohol with actual food. And then down some bottles o' wine for dessert.
Gay Culture in Denmark
The gay culture in Denmark has expanded to a degree for which there are no words nor sentences to describe. Too many young Danish boys seek to become gayer than the rest, resulting in gay bars having to invent membership systems to prevent their bars being overrun by what seems like a lot of homosexuals, but most likely includes a significant number of what are in fact, very, very confused heterosexuals. And now with the release of the award winning Danish film BRODERSKAB, even the Nationalist Right, aka Neo-Nazis, are going gay. That's right, two of the most unlikely bed fellows are now fucking like rabbits in Denmark. It doesn't get any better than this.
Racist culture in Denmark
Now apart from the above mentioned Gay-Neo-Nazism that is apparently flourishing in Denmark, there is also quite a bit of good old fashioned racism. Here is some sensitive and insightful Danish commentary on our colored cousins:
[00:19] ShadowCrush: srs DK is full of them [00:20] ShadowCrush: they're "fleein'" from they battle they say [00:20] ShadowCrush: thourgh, I know it's a tactic [00:20] eins: ic [00:20] eins: lol [00:20] ShadowCrush: to DESTROY THE HUMANKIND!!! [00:20] eins: OMFG [00:20] ShadowCrush: they arn't humans [00:20] eins: they are sand monkeys [00:20] ShadowCrush: they're more like... monkeys [00:20] ShadowCrush: yeah [00:20] ShadowCrush: sand monkeys [00:21] eins: lol [00:21] eins: towel heads [00:21] ShadowCrush: wam. sand monkeys? [00:21] eins: lol [00:21] ShadowCrush: nm [00:21] ShadowCrush: they gotta be stopped [00:21] ShadowCrush: send in China [00:22] ShadowCrush: they gotta have the biggest army in world [00:22] ShadowCrush: just why don't those sand monkeys have a brain? [00:22] eins: i think they do [00:22] eins: but its smaller [00:23] ShadowCrush: what? they have a brain? [00:23] ShadowCrush: where? [00:23] ShadowCrush: since when? [00:23] ShadowCrush: how? [00:23] eins: its just small [00:23] eins: liek an ant's [00:23] ShadowCrush: probably smaller [00:24] ShadowCrush: black shit of the south. well, here they are, no offence [00:25] eins: to bad the duke of edinburgh is no loger a danish prince
Famous Danes
- The Great Dane
- Mads Mikkelsen, famous old gay Danish actor, who rose to fame in Denmark as 'Tonny the drug dealer' in the first two films of the Turdpusher film trilogy
- Nicolas Winding Refn, known as a writer and director of the aformentioned Turdpusher trilogy N dat LGBT-friendly film with a frog actor who has been casted in a main role
- Niels Bohr, was a Danish Nobel Prize winner in Physics, who died from heart failure
- Hans Christian Andersen, was a Danish writer, who died from liver cancer
- Carl Th. Dreyer, film director, contributed nothing to humanity, therefore nothing of value was lost when he died from pneumonia
- Viggo Mortensen, is actually N Argentine, famous for being gay with men and having AIDS
- Scarlett Johansson, a Danish Jewess, famous for having N inferiority complex, resulting in compulsion of dying hair a little too often to appear more Nordic, and also appearing in provocative commercials, while being a lefty political activist
- Tycho Brahe, was a Danish nobleman and astronomer, who died under mysterious circumstances, involving a giant metal phallic object getting stuck up his anus
- Anna Karina ( real name: Hanne Karin Bayer ) is an actress, which has spent most of her life in France. She is widely known as a mail order bride of Jean-Luc Godard who got his wife through an ad in a French newspaper.
Fun Things to do in Denmark
A quick ferry ride to the Faroe Islands will provide all kinds of wholesome family fun.
Danish sites
Gallery
See Also
- Danish - Their incredibly gay language
- Europe
- Iceland
- Norway
- Rita - A forced meme on 4chan that supposedly came from some Danish cartoon.
- Sweden
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Denmark is part of a series on Visit the Wikipedia Portal for complete coverage. |