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Ohio
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DOWN IN OHIO SWAG LIKE OHIO ONLY IN OHIO HA HA |
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Warning! A FUCKING TRAIN FULL OF CHEMICALS DERAILED IN EAST PALESTINE AND HAS CONTAMINATED THE OHIO RIVER |
Ohio is a shithole excuse of a state in the Jewnited States, in Middle America and best described as the Armpit of America. It is only of importance every fourth year in Presidential elections where the Presidency can be won with only 27% of the popular vote by winning 270 electoral votes as Ohio has 18, down from 20 after the 2016 census. The only reason anybody knows that the state exists is because, if you are doing a family show on Tv, they will most likely live in Ohio like Family Ties and Leave It To Beaver, The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame being in Cleveland and The Football Hall Of Fame in Canton.
It is known for its mass export of Drew Carey and for its releasing of Ed O'Neil on America. Ohio is widely known for having four unique seasons -- almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
Ohio, or what North East Ohians like to call the trailer park of America or the rest of Ohio, is famous for having one of the highest populations of white supremacists, hicks, and retards (Unlike ED, they SRSLY believe Obama's a Muslim), due to its close proximity to Indiana, and the ridge runner states of West Virginia and Pennsylvania.
A favorite attraction of Ohio is creating moon-crater-sized potholes that rival Pennsylvania's. Since it's so craptastic, no one bothers to fix them and after it rains, children can be found floating face down in them.
—Jay Leno | ||
It's known for having four of the shittiest cities in America (and that's saying something): Cleveland, Dayton, Columbus and Youngstown. Only Detroit, New Orleans (the black parts), and Baltimore are worse. Other than Toledo (which isn't really so much "shitty" as it is unremarkable) all the other "cities" in Ohio are small towns filled with midwestern hicks that nobody cares about.
Note to Eurofags: Don't bother using Ohio as an example of why America sucks. Ohio is the butt of every joke ever in the USA. Everyone hates Ohio and Ohioans (yes, that's what you call them). But Detroit is way worse.
If you are born in Ohio, you will never leave Ohio for good. The only way to do so is to become president, become an astronaut, invent a mode of transportation, host The Price Is Right or be LeBron James and betray the state to such a level that the only intelligent option is to run away.
Geography
Ohio is round on the sides and high in the middle. The streets are under constant construction and always littered with dead animals, and depending where you are and the time of day, bodies.
State Government
He didn't win the election.
Typical Ohio resident's activities
- Sit on your ass
- Watch football
- Throw rocks at cars with michigan license plates as they are trying to drive to Florida
- Get into fistfights with Steelers fans because no Browns fan can verbally explain why the Browns dont suck.
- Drink
- Drink
- Continue to drink
- Plan your suicide.
- Attend the nation's largest Country Concert in Fort Loramie
- Drink because you just wasted part of your life at a Country Concert in Fort Loramie
- Go over to Fairfield Mall and have a really fun time with the teenagers there.
- Kill 11 people and leave them in your house like the dumb nigger you are. Ohio is known for producing 8999 serial killers, most of whom leave Ohio. See Ohbutyouwillpet and Jeffrey Dahmer.
- Own a small town
- Get all your stuff repoed because of payday loans.
- Get an STD
- Drink because of STD
- If you're from Southern Ohio, go to a gay bar looking to pick up a fag and then kick the fag's ass when your friends see you with him.
- Watch football because you're a redneck
- Start a shitty college band at Ohio State University
- Get addicted to meth
- All the cool kids are saying Heroin is the in drug this year.
- Go Fagging. This is where young boys try to pick up older men for money at a mall.
- Drink because of your addiction
- Watch civilization degrade at a rapid pace
- Drink because of said degrading
- Philosphise on how Lake Erie smells exactly like your mom's cunt.
- Claim that this is the year that OSU doesn't lose to an SEC team in the National Championship (Note: This will never happen)
- Hate on Michigan and University of Michigan (good for easy trollans)
- Start a methlab.
- Arguing over tornado sirens.
- Start a war over who owns Toledo (Wait, that's already been done)
- Go to a Columbus Blue Jackets game
- Drink because you know you can never leave
- Hoard exotic large cats because of lax state laws, then set them loose on an unsuspecting populace and an hero for maximum lulz [1]
- Shoot a innocent elderly man of your own race out of pent up anger and frustration because your wife cucked you
- Set the Cuyahoga River on fire for the, what, third time?
- Drink to the river's flames which represent all your dreams going up in smoke.
Public oral sex
Moar info: Rape Culture.
In 2013, a video went viral of some chick getting licked out in broad daylight on a busy street. This happened a block away from a police station outside Athens, Ohio. After feeling ashamed, she filed false rape charges even though in pictures and witness testimony she was clearly conscious, smiling, pulling his head into her, and telling him not to stop.
Naturally the media blew this out of proportion and simply believed the woman at her word that it was a rape and called her a 'victim' and such even though the jury saw through the bullshit and threw it out:
- "Ohio U Student Tweets Picture of Alleged Sexual Assault in Progress" (Archived
1 
2) - "People Filmed Sex Assault Instead of Stopping It: Cops" (Archived: 1: (Robots) 2: File copy (Complete))
- "Photo of couple engaging in public sex act actually picture of rape, female student says" (Archived: 1 2)
Other news sources were somewhat neutral in their headlines:
- "No charges to be filed in alleged Ohio University sex assault that was tweeted and photographed by passersby" (Archived: 1: (Robots) 2: File copy: (Complete))
- "Twitter Photo Of Public Sex Is Rape; Or Is It? Ohio University Student Says She Was Raped " (Archived: 1 2)
- "Public Oral Sex At Ohio University Blows Up On Social Media, Rape Alleged" (Archived: 1 2)
WATCH AND DECIDE THE TRUTH FOR YOURSELF
—Beantown | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
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Tom Pyle -
Vance Blanc: a 19 year old student at the scene who uploaded pictures to his Twitter -
Rachel Cassidy- wrongly accused -
Allie Erin
Quotes from the above:
- Tom Pyle: "The community at large views this as they watched and witnessed a sexual assault occurring, and did nothing but watch," said Chief Pyle. "But the flipside of that is that they may not have realized what they were witnessing."
- Allie Erin: already made up her mind that it was a rape, in spite of not actually being there, because feminism. "All that needed to happen was ask 'hey are you all right, is this what you want to be happening'?" Ignoring witness testimony that she begged him to continue and posed for photos happily after. Thinks that "she wasn't okay with it" after-the-fact makes it retroactively rape.
Quotes from Ohioans
— Jim Traficant on Bras in 2001 | ||
Most Ghetto Cities In Ohio
After a 2017 study that considered crime rates, High School drop out percentages and average income the following are the 10 most ghetto cities in Ohio.
- East Cleveland
- Cleveland
- Youngstown
- Dayton
- Lima
- Whitehall
- Canton
- Springfield
- Ashtabula
- Warren
Keep Your Fucking Hands Off Of Our Water
Every year, around summertime and always in the grip of a major drought, States like California, Arizona and Texas start whining how they badly need water, while somehow unnecessary vices like their water parks are able to remain open and the first thing to always come out of their mouths is that the U.S. Army Corp of Engineers should figure out how to build a pipeline from Lake Erie to their State so they can water their lawns, make fake snow for skiing and fill their swimming pools they never use.
These water hungry states argue that since the Great Lakes hold 25% of the world's fresh water that it belongs to everyone in America and not just the states surrounding them and The Socialist Republic Of Canada.
Rather than learn how to conserve a limited resource in their area, they'd rather drain the Great Lakes with arguments like, "The State of Ohio is so water rich, filled with lakes, rivers and aquafers, that it wouldn't miss a few drops," not realizing or pourposely remaining ignorant to the fact that many of the states surrounding the Great Lakes rely on them for industry and transportation and if some areas of these lakes were to go down as few as 2 feet, shipping would become near impossible.
Seeing how states like California can't manage its own water resources properly and how rivers like the Colorado don't even reach the ocean anymore because it thinks, for being a desert state, it should be able to waste water on things like green lawns, pools and water parks - Ohio tells them, every year, to politely go fuck themselves and reminds them that States like California ironically refuse to look into the desalination of ocean water because of the environmental impacts.
Population
Ohio is home to a wide variety of interesting people, from the college students at Ohio State to the elderly at CGNU. At least 50% of OSU students are fags, while the other 50% are Asians. The population is often bitter, due to their inability to drive properly, their close proximity to Michigan, and their all-around vacant space. Suprisingly, some are Furfags, others are Nintendofags
It is a common misconception that Ohio allows lulz; but like Boston, Ohio hates lulz. Because they're all insecure about the fact they live in a crappy little state, if you ever try to fabricate, discuss, or terminate lulz you will be v& for attempting to have fun.
Some of Ohio's more famous residents:
- Anders, Akeshia
- Bary, Rifqa
- Bloodydiaperman
- Carabbia, Ronald ("Ronny The King Crab") - Youngstown Mafia Enforcer who took out Danny Greene with a car bomb or a Youngstown Tune Up
- Carey, Drew
- Chappelle, David ("Dave")
- Dahmer, Jeffrey - who ate some other people from Ohio
- Ellison, Harlan - wrote 'A boy and his Dog' (not a porno fuck face)
- Frantz, Robert ("Bob")
- Burger King Foot Lettuce - We are not kidding this actually took place in an Ohioan Burger King.
- Green, Danny - Mick, Irish bastard that pwned the Italian Mafia and got taken out by a car bomb planted by a dago from Youngstown.
- Holmes, Katherine ("Katie") - says she's from Ohio even when the state refutes her claim.
- Hyena, Mix
- Kazantzakis
- Kruger, Frederick ("Freddy") - Nazi child molester who kills kids
- Lane, TJ
- Lords, Traci - porn star that made men in the 1980s pedophiles.
- Manson, Marilyn - who dated the guy from NIN before people stopped caring about either of them
- Mays, Trent and Richmond, Ma'lik
- Newman, Paul - actor famous for starting the pre-internet meme, "24 hours in a day. 24 cans of beer in a case. Coincidence?"
- O'Neil, Ed - unfunny guy from Married With Children that only became an actor because he wasn't good enough for the Cleveland Browns or the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers we can believe but the Browns?
- Peppers, Brian
- Renetto - apparently
- Seman, Robert - an Hero
- Sherman, William Tecumseh
- Sheen, Martin - actor best known for making the mistake that is Charlie Sheen.
- Tourette's Guy
- Trafficant, James ("Jim") - US Representative that got the banhammer, from the FBI, because he got caught taking bribes. Probably the most loved politician by the ED staff because he knew how to bring the lulz, even mooning FBI head Janet Reno during a congressional hearing.
- Twenty One Pilots - laughable indie band made known by Tumblrinas
- Wayah
- Whitefire, Merle
Gallery of Ohio
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See Also
- Cleveland
- Dalavesta - Taking it to the next level
- Kucinich, Dennis
- Lane III, Thomas Michael ("T.J.") - another Ohio school shooter
- Lara Kollab
- Michigan - Ohioans Hate everyone and everything from this state
- Seman, Robert - pedo child killer that an heroed at Mahoning County Court.
- Toledo
- Jim Traficant
- University, Ohio State - where another fucking mass shooting happened
- Warmbier, Otto - Ohio citizen that Obama let North Korea murder
- Stephen Sample
- Youngstown
| Featured article February 15 & 16, 2023 | ||
| Preceded by Neutral Milk Hotel |
Ohio | Succeeded by TBD |