Minnesota

A group of Purple People Eaters after a meal of virgin white women.

Minnesota was once home to a mythical race of creatures known as Scandinavians, but is now filled with nothing other than gangsters, thugs, and Somalians. Currently, it is populated with Republicans, Crips, GD, The Democratic Farmer's Labor Party, and other varieties of unwanted members of the gene pool. The capital of Minnesota is Minneapolis also known as the Ghetto.

There are two seasons in Minnesota; winter and road construction. Most of the time, the sky is gray with the sun blocked by flying spider monkeys. It's potentially lethal to enter Minnesota.

The state mascot is the Purple People Eater. The state song of Minnesota is "Purple Rain" by the artist who used to be known as "The Artist Formerly Known As Prince" and some sort of symbol thing, but is now known as simply "Prince." He is really small and known for showing his buttocks to anyone with a quarter.

Minnesota Colleges

Yeah, sure. You Betcha!

• The University of Minnesota is the state's main college, source of hatred for college hippies and capitol of teen rape. It is really big, bigger than Oprah's ego multiplied by a garbage can full of her ass fat. Although Oprah has nothing to do with Minnesota, she does laugh at the idea of black person trying to educate themselves at this establishment.

• Winona State is not a state (well, not in that meaning of "state"), but a shit-hole town which produces sad, pathetic lulz at an alarming rate from said college. Your friends will want to move here and create a clique of anime nerds which is a form of acceptance. This is nice for them as opposed to living in the city and getting their shit packed in on a daily basis. They will work for minimum wage even though they're fucked in debt with an expensive piece of paper that's not even worth wiping their ass with, until they die.

• Macalester is a private, liberal farts school that accepts no one who isn't a Satanist (despite claiming to be Church-linked). Here, the idea that there is no greater aspiration than to change the world is realized by awarding their graduates degrees in 19th-century British literature. Their football team is regularly smeared, with at least five players dying from concussions and one player bawling and wimpering like a wounded puppy every game due to their collective preference of playing violin and eating vaggies like a couple-a' fayggets instead of practicing like any other football team would.

• ITT-Technical Institute is a school for the deaf, blind and mentally challenged. Here, hopeful students will learn trade skills they can use to be equal in societal standards as people in Southern States.

• Le Cordon Bleu is a university for all of the dumb-fucks who need to learn to get back in the kitchen and make a sandwich. This includes homosexuals, women, Jews, and most importantly, you, you faggy ass son of a bitch. In fact, it does a lot of non-important things within the state, such as your mom.

Minnesoootans

Average minnesotan 16-year-old girl in comparison to an ape. Can you really tell the difference?

Minnesotans are known for various attributes, including "Minnesota Nice", which can be summed up as "I'll talk nice to ya on the streets but if ya come on my property I'll shove a cold hard icicle up your ass and sic Jesse Ventura on ya, dontchaknow." If you pass the test and are able to "Talk Minnesoootan"(for beginner lessons watch the movie Fargo), you will then be accepted as long as you additionally bring a "hot dish" with you, though you will talked about behind your back. Minnesota Nice is enforced by conceal-and-carry laws, because Minnesotans are gun-toting whackjobs.

Many cultures are slowly mixing together in the state today. Indians (the "whoo whoo" kind) have a moderate presence in Minnesota, and some tribes operate casinos which have been said to be among the most profitable in the country. Raping the white man for his hard earned money is a popular pastime among the tribes. When the local Indians are not on going out on warparty raids, scalping whitey, and fixing slot machines, they drink themselves to death with mouthwash and hoard trash outside their castles of gold on the rez.

Outdoor activities are major parts of the lives of many Minnesotans, including hunting, fishing, and eating dairy products obsessively. Unique activities include ice fishing which, if you like freezing your ass off in 20 degrees Celsius below zero weather, is about the most exciting activity one can take part in in Minnesota. Families frequently own or share cabins on central and northern tracts of land in forests and adjoining lakes, and weekend trips out to these properties are common. These trips "Up Nort" are usually done by Whites to escape their black person neighbors whom they are forced to live next door to thanks to liberal lawmakers. Besides, Black people don't like nature anyways, everyone knows that. Gay sex is shared by most state residents in one form or another and is, in fact, encouraged by restroom patrons and the Minnesota Constitution alike. It's not uncommon to see a Minnesotan humping a tree whispering "yahhh, you betcha" into the bark.

It should be noted that Minnesotans are not, in fact, Americans, but are closer related to Canadians.

Minnesota is known for active yet quirky politics including such oddities as a professional wrestler turned governor and a giant douchebag troll of a Republican losing to a washed-up 80s SNL writer for Senate. 77.3% of Minnesotans voted in the 2004 U.S. presidential election, the highest of any U.S. state. Liberalism thrives in Minnesota and it's a great place to go if you'd like to learn how to fly an airplane into buildings. In fact it has been found out that the same liberal undead commie queers which make up that 77.3% of Minnesota single-handedly flew the planes into the World Trade Center and the Statue of Liberty using only the power of their collective liberal guilt.

13% of Minnesotans are werewolves, 15% are vampires and 12% resemble Frankenstein's Monster. If you are well-liked, and very lucky, you might get to see an authentic Monster Mash during your time in Minnesota. The Monster Mash is usually held in October in a secret graveyard. Scholars believe this ritual centers around a satanic "blood orgy" in which a small child from Wisconsin is sacrificed to Moloch. This sacrifice is used to gain ungodly powers of hate, which are then used in the annual Packers-Vikings clash.

A positive note about Minnesota, however, is the fact that only five furries live there. All of which were captured from California for the ransom money. Little did they know no one would pay for them.

The Whispering Bushes of Loring Park

A couple of Loring Park queers in traditional garb.

Loring Park is a place in Minneapolis were roaming hordes of homos come to assault each others asses. These hordes are often mistaken for buffalo, but since the white man has already killed off most of those terrible things, we can safely assume they are fags.

There is so much rampant homo-sex in Loring Park that the Minneapolis Police Department has set up a special Task Force to monitor the spread of AIDS in the park. This was brought about as a result of numerous complaints about the infamous "Whispering Bushes," where gay men lure unsuspecting victims into liaisons. While this crackdown on illegal activity has been successful, an unintended result has been transplantation of this behavior to nearby airport bathrooms safely outside of the Task Force's jurisdiction.

Due to the excessive, uncontrollable amounts of discarded, AIDS-ridden condoms left at the park, the Federal Government has declared Loring Park a Superfund site.