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Conrad Alan Rockenhaus: Difference between revisions
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{{Quote|When asked about his deployments, he ultimately | {{Quote|When asked about his deployments, he ultimately | ||
admitted, “I never deployed.”}} | admitted, “I never deployed.”}} | ||
==Death and Revival of ED== | |||
On August 23, [[2019]], encyclopediadramatica.rs [[Coronavirus|died suddenly]] (presumably the hard drives containing ED's data got corrupted). Upon the loss of his beloved Encyclopædia Dramatica, Rockenhaus decided to take action. Since he was one of [[Zaiger]]'s butt buddies, he had access to the last ED backups made under his reign; dated [[At least 100 years ago|mid 2017]]. Using his [[skiddie]] powers as well as said backups, the [[Shit|new and improved]] ED 3.0 rose from the ashes of 2.0 in late October. While the wiki and forums thrived (despite being rolled back to mid 2017), Rockenhaus's autism would come back to bite him in the ass; eventually resulting in the permanent death of [[EDF2]] and the rise of [[Ass Napkins]]. | |||
==Arrest== | ==Arrest== | ||
Revision as of 02:01, 16 April 2023
CLEAN UP IN PROGRESS
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—Conrad after being discovered | ||
 Conrad's bust | |
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| Conrad | |
| Real name | Conrad Alan Rockenhaus |
| Nationality | American |
 RockRockenhaus
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Conrad Alan Rockenhaus (a.k.a. Adezero's 4th wife) is a 40-something-year-old Americunt military veteran, ex-con and anal rape victim who was the de-facto owner of Encyclopædia Dramatica for about 2 weeks in late 2018 or some shit. Conrad's reign as Æmporer followed that of Sibin and was among the shortest in ED history as he was arrested for hacking mere weeks after his reign began. Conrad's sudden arrest led to the dictatorship of Assnapkins, whose girlfriend he would eventually steal after being released from prison.
Conrad was best known for his stolen valor and general butthurt after his claims were proven false. Shortly after being fired from his job, he decided to DDoS his former employers in an attempt to get his job back, which totally couldn't be traced back to him. Due to his role as a sysop and server hoster, his arrest brought a brief loss of lulz when ED server keys were lost.
Stolen Valor
Attempt 1.0: The actual military
—Navy Crime Scene Investigation (not the show) | ||
After serving a few years in the United States Navy and getting a fair amount of rank, Rockenhaus decided the amount of prestige he held was not enough. Being only a measly IT nerd, he never actually had the "opportunity" to see real action like a big boy. Armed with his knowledge of the military and about 5 minutes of internet research, Rockenhaus decided to award himself some medals. He quickly uncovered some old records of service members that earned the medals he desired and decided to forge some documents to prove he earned them. Unfortunately, the military is not as autistic as he anticipated. Believe it or not, someone who had less rank than he quickly realized something didn't add up. And of course, questions were asked. But fear not, since Rockenhaus had the documents to prove he "earned" the medals he wore. However, there was one problem: the documents looked like they came right out of a preschool classroom! Nobody was amused. Soon after, Rockenhaus was reported for stolen valor to the navy's crime investigation team who came to the exact same conclusion: this guy is full of shit.
Attempt 2.0: Encyclopedia Dramatica Forums
In a striking episode of déjà vue, despite holding the title of sysop Rockenhaus decided to try and earn more "respect" from fellow Ediots by claiming he was a decorated Desert Storm combat veteran. Armed with his previous experience, Rockenhaus proceeded to upload his (previously used) forged documents to back up his claims. While this fooled many prospective employers, the members of EDF were not amused. Unfortunately for Rockenhaus, there are actual veterans on ED. It quickly became apparent that these documents were forged, probably because he used the same exact shit he tried 5 years prior. Rather than admit defeat, Rockenhaus went on a crusade to put down these "ridiculous" claims and convince everyone he truly was a decorated combat veteran.
However, there is one issue with his claims: he couldn't keep a story straight. Switching back and forth between separation conditions he continued to assert his claims and only served to bring more negative attention to himself. He repeatedly requested others obtain his military records for display, and only denied the accuracy of what was found. In fact all this begging really did was uncover some old ground and it was quickly discovered this wasn't his first try.
Conrad vs Likeicare
Edit: This section was added by Conrad himself, apparently unaware that it is up to himself to prove things, not other people:
- Subedit: Holy Shit, someone did get the FOIA and posted, yet Likeicare discounted it as a "sock" since it apparently didn't fit his narrative.
False. As soon as it was posted i stopped accusing you of anything. This is sounding slanderous conrad
- Subedit: Your sock, Cassius Longinus, still accuses Conrad of stealing medals. By the way, when it's written it's called "libel." But even in the beginning, I provided proof that I wasn't lying, which you said was "forged" yet you had nothing to base that on. You were wrong, and you posted a shitty attack page that ew normally delete, because we normally delete shitty attack pages. Faggot.
I dont have any socks, that account belongs to someone over 1000kms away and you aren't part of the "we"
- You do have socks. Whatever, you're a proven liar. Oh God, it's a colloquial "we" you dumbass, or do you not know English? Want me to leave ED? Want me to take back the help I've provided? I can leave now, just let me know.
Why dont you just message me on skype lol
Deployment
Death and Revival of ED
On August 23, 2019, encyclopediadramatica.rs died suddenly (presumably the hard drives containing ED's data got corrupted). Upon the loss of his beloved Encyclopædia Dramatica, Rockenhaus decided to take action. Since he was one of Zaiger's butt buddies, he had access to the last ED backups made under his reign; dated mid 2017. Using his skiddie powers as well as said backups, the new and improved ED 3.0 rose from the ashes of 2.0 in late October. While the wiki and forums thrived (despite being rolled back to mid 2017), Rockenhaus's autism would come back to bite him in the ass; eventually resulting in the permanent death of EDF2 and the rise of Ass Napkins.
Arrest
—Conrad Alan Rockenhaus | ||
See also
- Girlvinyl - Fat whore who killed the original ED because she needed jewgold for pizzas.
- Zaiger - Homeless druggie who made ED nearly unusable without AdBlock by flooding it with porn ads.
- Aediot - His jewish successor who tried (and failed) to sodomize a 13 year old boy.
- Umkemesik - Doxed and harassed his tech boy for ousting him as a pedophile.
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Conrad Alan Rockenhaus
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