Angband

The Angband Logo, in all its nerdy glory.

Hello, welcome to Angband!

Angband is a Roguelike which means it's Rogue only less lulzy, indulging players in a much smoother learning and difficulty curve, and pre-packed pretty graphics for faggots who can't handle ASCII.

So, what's happening?

Like many games, Angband features a very original plot. You, as one of your chosen races are to dwell down into a 100 level dungeon to try and rape an immortal spirit Morgoth taken strait from Tolkien. As so, expect every single thing in the game to be stolen from a shitty series of books and movies.

Angband and Nethack

As an attempt at being original, Angband is different from Nethack.

Nethack always provided a pleasantly terrifying level of terrifying, slaying foolhardy players with a swipe of a kittens claw, and regularly perpatrating hate crimes againts Downies by making it physically possible to die of a broken foot if they felt like just kicking a wall until their foot was no more than a bloody, mangled, splintered stub.

Or, if Nethack was just feeling moody/lulzy, it would kill you on Turn 0 after you've spent an inordinate amount of time number-crunching that perfect character, just by helpfully spawning you in some horrible death trap, such as lava. This event treats you with the pleasant, friendly message...

"Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 zorkmids".

Angband took a more cunning approach. Angband lets you kick ass for a few levels, lulling you into a false sense of security, comforting you, feeding you everything you need like an infant at a mothers teat... then it will suddenly provide you with some delicious buttsecks from a suprise ambush of, for example, Hounds. Or, at lower levels, Wood Spiders. If you're an unlucky fucktard (which you are), you will probably have your character devoured alive by Jackals on level one.

Once you get to the final fight, if you've been an asshat and not saught out every named enemy (Including Farmer Maggot and his Dogs), Morgoth with summon them all with a single word, promptly bending you over, opening you wide and shoving your entire inventory into your rectum until you burst in a pleasing shower of gore.

See Also

• Ragnarok
• Rogue
• Nerd

External Links

• Official website, get Angband here
• Angband manual. Read this shit, if you don't want to die on your first level.

Angband is part of a series on MMORPGs.

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