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{{天|1=<div align="left">[[Fact|'''Interesting Fact:''']]<br/>This article contains someone who fails at being [[an hero]].</div>|2=Selfpwnfail.gif|3=180px|4=#eeeeee}}
{{failsathero}}


[[Image:Daddy fucked me and i loved it.jpg|thumb|Regardless of the facts in this case, please remember that all women [[Fact|secretly enjoy being raped]].]]
[[Image:Daddy fucked me and i loved it.jpg|thumb|Regardless of the facts in this case, please remember that all women [[Fact|secretly enjoy being raped]].]]
[[Image:Robocostume.jpg|thumb|Don't worry, internet <strike>LARPers</strike> police are coming.]]
[[Image:Robocostume.jpg|thumb|Don't worry, internet <strike>LARPers</strike> police are coming.]]


'''Crystal Shinkle''' (aka {{ytlink2|Helprapevictim|Helprapevictim}}) is a [[16 year old girl|16 year old]] [[butthurt]] [[Fact|drug abuser]] who [[Last Thursday|On May 1st]], [[At least 100 years ago|2008]],  decided to whore herself out to the whole goddamn internet for [[Drama whore|attention]]. In a really bad method acting [[JewTube]] video, she [[fake|cries]] about how a guy she had consensual sex with [[Over 9000]] times [[lie|raped]] her.
'''Crystal Shinkle''' (aka {{yt|cu|Helprapevictim|Helprapevictim}}) is a [[16 year old girl|16 year old]] [[butthurt]] [[Fact|drug abuser]] who [[Last Thursday|On May 1st]], [[At least 100 years ago|2008]],  decided to whore herself out to the whole goddamn internet for [[Drama whore|attention]]. In a really bad method acting [[JewTube]] video, she [[fake|cries]] about how a guy she had consensual sex with [[Over 9000]] times [[lie|raped]] her.


This novel turn of events has ([[seriously]]) taken the world of news by [[drama|storm]] in a striking display of irony that is, in some circles, regarded as extremely [[lulz|lulzy]]. The video was created after she failed to become [[an hero]], which makes this [[drama]] even more lulz worthy.
This novel turn of events has ([[seriously]]) taken the world of news by [[drama|storm]] in a striking display of irony that is, in some circles, regarded as extremely [[lulz|lulzy]]. The video was created after she failed to become [[an hero]], which makes this [[drama]] even more lulz worthy.
People on [[4chan|eBaumsWorld]] decided to give this poor [[victim]] some [[troll|support]]. Some [[feminazis]] entered the game and started [[Bawwwww|bawwwwwing]] on [[JewTube]], but [[Anonymous|everyone else]] except the [[feminazis]] answered: "[[TITS OR GTFO]]".
People on [[4chan|eBaumsWorld]] decided to give this poor [[victim]] some [[troll|support]]. Some [[feminazis]] entered the game and started [[Bawwwww|bawwwwwing]] on [[JewTube]], but [[Anonymous|everyone else]] except the [[feminazis]] answered: "[[TITS OR GTFO]]".


==Background history==
==Background History==
'''Crystal Shinkle''' was 15.9723 years old when she met Casey Mundling, an [[Douchebag|awesome]] 23 year old guy, at a party. They did some [[jenkem|drugs]] and shortly after they started having a relationship. They had consensual sex [[over 9000]] times in the [[Torture|missionary position]] and they even posted pictures of themselves on the [[interwebs]] and on [[MySpace]]. Then her father found the pictures of her on [[MySpace]] and felt [[butthurt]]. Apparently Casey Mundling broke her heart, and in an attempt to calm her angered father, she told the police about their relationship, hoping that they would nail him for fucking a 15.9 year old. The DA used [[common sense]] and realized that fucking a 15.9 year old, is the same as fucking a [[16 year old]], especially if said crumpet lied about her age. Law databases do not use decimals. Case closed, [[drama]] started.
'''Crystal Shinkle''' was 15.9723 years old when she met Casey Mundling, an [[Douchebag|awesome]] 23 year old guy, at a party. They did some [[jenkem|drugs]] and shortly after they started having a relationship. They had consensual sex [[over 9000]] times in the [[Boring|missionary position]] and they even posted [[CP|pictures of themselves]] on the [[interwebs]] and on [[MySpace]]. Then her father found the pictures of her on [[MySpace]] and felt [[butthurt]]. Apparently Casey Mundling broke her heart, and in an attempt to calm her angered father, she told the police about their relationship, hoping that they would nail him for fucking a 15.9 year old. The DA used [[common sense]] and realized that fucking a 15.9 year old, is the same as fucking a [[16 year old]], especially if said strumpet lied about her age. Law databases do not use decimals. Case closed, [[drama]] started.


Crystal learned that [[Shit no one cares about|the case had been dropped]], because she had given consent to [[Secks|sexual intercourse]] in the missionary position. The DA  said: "[[I'd hit it]] it's legal". She had a [[butthurt|mental breakdown]], and tried to become [[an hero]]. Then she made this video and posted it on [[JewTube]] in an attempt to spawn a [[personal army]], seemingly unaware that [[Megan Meier|bulling is rabbit]] on the internet.
Crystal learned that [[Ignored|the case had been dropped]], because she had given consent to [[Secks|sexual intercourse]] in the missionary position. The DA  said: "[[I'd hit it]], it's legal". She had a [[Chimpout|mental breakdown]], and tried to become [[an hero]]. Then she made this video and posted it on [[JewTube]] in an attempt to spawn a [[personal army]], seemingly unaware that [[Megan Meier|bulling is rabbit]] on the internet.


[[Image:Crystal_jokes.jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Crystal_jokes.jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Crystal_felt_so.jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Crystal_felt_so.jpg|thumb]]


==The ANN Report==
== A shitstorm breweth ==
<center><youtube>XNqjr5vcvLk</youtube></center>
<center><big>'''The original video, reuploaded for great justice'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>H-w26P3i0Jw</youtube></center>


==The Internet strikes back==
==The Internet Strikes Back==
[[Image:Look_at_the_teim_h.jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Look_at_the_teim_h.jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Crystal_cries_rape_(3).jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Crystal_cries_rape_(3).jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Posterrape.jpg|thumb|Once again proving people care more about [[cats]] than they do about raped women. [[fuck you|Sorry]] allegedly raped women.]]
[[Image:Posterrape.jpg|thumb|Once again proving people care more about [[cats]] than they do about raped women. [[fuck you|Sorry]], allegedly raped women.]]
[[Image:Crystal_cries_rape (4).jpg|thumb|Protip: [[retard|never use your name as a password]]]]
[[Image:Crystal_cries_rape (4).jpg|thumb|Protip: [[retard|never use your name as a password].]]]
[[Image:SHOCKING_DEVELOPMENTS.jpg|thumb|The faggotry of YouTube users abounds.]]
[[Image:SHOCKING_DEVELOPMENTS.jpg|thumb|The faggotry of YouTube users abounds.]]
[[Last thursday|On May 15]], [[internet hate machine|eBaumsworld]] began a [[lolocaust|coordinated attack]] on the [[JewTube|YouTube]] video page, leaving [[lulzy|hateful]] messages and video replies. [[Anonymous|Someone]] hacked her [[JewTube|YouTube]] account for the [[lulz]].
[[Last thursday|On May 15]], [[internet hate machine|eBaumsworld]] began a [[lolocaust|coordinated attack]] on the [[JewTube|YouTube]] video page, leaving [[lulzy|hateful]] messages and video replies. [[Anonymous|Someone]] hacked her [[JewTube|YouTube]] account for the [[lulz]].
Line 38: Line 39:
People left seriose comments:<br>
People left seriose comments:<br>
[[Image:Seriose_cat_loved_by_ebaums.jpg]]</center>
[[Image:Seriose_cat_loved_by_ebaums.jpg]]</center>
<center><youtube>lnyc1MDLmc0</youtube></center>


==ZOMG Teh Police Interview==
==ZOMG Teh Police Interview==
Line 52: Line 55:
[[Image:HELP_ME_OBI_WAN.jpg|thumb|Reaching out for support|left]]
[[Image:HELP_ME_OBI_WAN.jpg|thumb|Reaching out for support|left]]
[[Image:Crystal_aristocrats.jpg|thumb|left]]
[[Image:Crystal_aristocrats.jpg|thumb|left]]
==MyPoll says "Asking for it BITCH!"==
==MyPoll Says "[[Asking for it]], [[BITCH]]!"==
A poll was held on [http://www.myspace.com/acryforhelp08 Crystal's MySpace account]. Thank you for voting. The last screenshot taken [[delete_fucking_everything|before removal]] in on the left
A poll was held on [http://www.myspace.com/acryforhelp08 Crystal's MySpace account]. Thank you for voting. The last screenshot taken [[delete_fucking_everything|before removal]] in on the left.


==How [[you]] can help==
==How [[You]] Can Help==
Contact the following government officials and inform them that you think this girl is a lying sack of shit who wanted it [[in the pooper]]. Be sure to tell them that you heard about the case from eBaumsworld:  
Contact the following government officials and inform them that you think this [[Skeezer|girl]] is a lying sack of shit who wanted it [[in the pooper]]. Be sure to tell them that you heard about the case from eBaumsworld:  
*'''State Attorney's Main Office''': 1-407-836-2400
*'''State Attorney's Main Office''': 1-407-836-2400
*'''Mary Pullian (Governor's Assistant)''': 1-850-488-4441
*'''Mary Pullian (Governor's Assistant)''': 1-850-488-4441
Line 103: Line 106:


==SIRZLY U GUISE==
==SIRZLY U GUISE==
This camwhore professes to be victim of surprise sex herself. She is shocked and appalled by the eBaums shenanigans. Sadly she is Canadian and therefore there is nothing she can do. She is also <s>eminently fuckable</s> as ghastly as {{ytlink2|aliveformyself|Crystal's other supporter}}. If you need to fap, but don't feel like you deserve to fap to anything attractive, click play below...  
This camwhore professes to be victim of surprise sex herself. She is shocked and appalled by the eBaums shenanigans. Sadly she is Canadian and therefore there is nothing she can do. She is also <s>eminently fuckable</s> as ghastly as {{yt|u|aliveformyself|Crystal's other supporter}}. If you need to fap, but don't feel like you deserve to fap to anything attractive, click play below...  


<center><youtube>zbctIb7Q6tE</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>zbctIb7Q6tE</youtube></center>
Line 141: Line 144:
*[[Americunt]]
*[[Americunt]]
*[[Butthurt]]
*[[Butthurt]]
*[[Kesha]]
*[[Mexicanicepick]]
*[[Mexicanicepick]]
*[[Michael Crook]]
*[[Michael Crook]]
Line 150: Line 154:
*[http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/05/15/rape.online/index.html CNN confirms: she's a whore]
*[http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/05/15/rape.online/index.html CNN confirms: she's a whore]
*[http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0516081crystal1.html Smoking Gun Report (Taped interview transcript)]
*[http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0516081crystal1.html Smoking Gun Report (Taped interview transcript)]
*[http://www.classmates.com/directory/public/memberprofile/list.htm?regId=7538058865 Classmates Page]
*<s>[http://www.classmates.com/directory/public/memberprofile/list.htm?regId=7538058865 Classmates Page]</s> '''BALEETED!'''
*[http://www.michaelcrook.net/2008/05/15/much-like-an-orgasm/#more-400 Michael Crook article with her name (Crystal Shinkle)]
*[http://www.michaelcrook.net/2008/05/15/much-like-an-orgasm/#more-400 Michael Crook article with her name (Crystal Shinkle)]
*[http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2008/05/15/teen%e2%80%99s-plea-for-help-heard-on-youtube Anderson Cooper 360 Blog]
*[http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2008/05/15/teen%e2%80%99s-plea-for-help-heard-on-youtube Anderson Cooper 360 Blog]
Line 164: Line 168:
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Helprapevictim HelpRapeVictim]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Helprapevictim HelpRapeVictim]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfg3w11_A_E Do I smell an emmy? (The Video)]</s> ('''Removed''')
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfg3w11_A_E Do I smell an emmy? (The Video)]</s> ('''Removed''')
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiQtc6VBdgI CNN report and interview with Crystal Shinkle]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiQtc6VBdgI CNN report and interview with Crystal Shinkle]</s> '''BALEETED!'''
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3wf7L5FdaM FOX 11 report featuring Anons calling her on her bullshit.]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3wf7L5FdaM FOX 11 report featuring Anons calling her on her bullshit.]</s> '''BALEETED!'''


{{Anheroes}}
{{Anheroes}}
{{Whores}}
{{Whores}}
{{ytseries}}
{{ytseries}}
{{FakeRape}}
[[Category:2008]]
[[Category:2008]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
 
[[Category:People|Shinkle, Crystal]]
{{Slept with rubberduc}}
[[Category:YouTube]]
[[Category:YouTube]]

Latest revision as of 08:53, 13 January 2023

Find an iPod?

This page is about an attempted an hero.
Regardless of the facts in this case, please remember that all women secretly enjoy being raped.
Don't worry, internet LARPers police are coming.

Crystal Shinkle (aka Helprapevictim) is a 16 year old butthurt drug abuser who On May 1st, 2008, decided to whore herself out to the whole goddamn internet for attention. In a really bad method acting JewTube video, she cries about how a guy she had consensual sex with Over 9000 times raped her.

This novel turn of events has (seriously) taken the world of news by storm in a striking display of irony that is, in some circles, regarded as extremely lulzy. The video was created after she failed to become an hero, which makes this drama even more lulz worthy. People on eBaumsWorld decided to give this poor victim some support. Some feminazis entered the game and started bawwwwwing on JewTube, but everyone else except the feminazis answered: "TITS OR GTFO".

Background History

Crystal Shinkle was 15.9723 years old when she met Casey Mundling, an awesome 23 year old guy, at a party. They did some drugs and shortly after they started having a relationship. They had consensual sex over 9000 times in the missionary position and they even posted pictures of themselves on the interwebs and on MySpace. Then her father found the pictures of her on MySpace and felt butthurt. Apparently Casey Mundling broke her heart, and in an attempt to calm her angered father, she told the police about their relationship, hoping that they would nail him for fucking a 15.9 year old. The DA used common sense and realized that fucking a 15.9 year old, is the same as fucking a 16 year old, especially if said strumpet lied about her age. Law databases do not use decimals. Case closed, drama started.

Crystal learned that the case had been dropped, because she had given consent to sexual intercourse in the missionary position. The DA said: "I'd hit it, it's legal". She had a mental breakdown, and tried to become an hero. Then she made this video and posted it on JewTube in an attempt to spawn a personal army, seemingly unaware that bulling is rabbit on the internet.

A shitstorm breweth

The original video, reuploaded for great justice


The Internet Strikes Back

Once again proving people care more about cats than they do about raped women. Sorry, allegedly raped women.

[[Image:Crystal_cries_rape (4).jpg|thumb|Protip: never use your name as a password].]

The faggotry of YouTube users abounds.

On May 15, eBaumsworld began a coordinated attack on the YouTube video page, leaving hateful messages and video replies. Someone hacked her YouTube account for the lulz. This is no different than posting personal army requests on /b/ or /i/, so her plan backfired and she got plenty of pizza, male strippers and other stuff ordered to her house. Probably because of that, after a few days the video was taken off YouTube. The only thing left now is mirrors and lulzy responses. This is a great example that truth and justice exists on the internet. There are still feminazis lurking on JewTube defending her, but no one cares about them.

 
“ 		 
"I've lived a really hard life."

partying, doing drugs, and having lots of sex is a horrible horrible life? she was living like a fucking ROCKSTAR. are you kidding me. I want to punch this whore in the face.
 

„
 

—Anonymous

Hey, if anyone wants to help out, some fag is trying to troll the video. BAWWing up a storm, etc. Should prove to be a good lulzcow.

People left seriose comments:

ZOMG Teh Police Interview

  • For moar see links
    For moar see links
  • ZOMG Teh Case(y) File!
    ZOMG Teh Case(y) File!
  • Her report to the police indicates her deep need for a strong father figure.
    Her report to the police indicates her deep need for a strong father figure.
  • Summary.
    Summary.

tl;dr? - they threw out the case because she kept going on about how it was repeated, consensual, drug-fueled sex, on several occasions, over a significant stretch of time i.e.: would be laughed out of court by any jury of non drug-addled, skanky whores.

The results are in...
Reaching out for support

MyPoll Says "Asking for it, BITCH!"

A poll was held on Crystal's MySpace account. Thank you for voting. The last screenshot taken before removal in on the left.

How You Can Help

Contact the following government officials and inform them that you think this girl is a lying sack of shit who wanted it in the pooper. Be sure to tell them that you heard about the case from eBaumsworld:

  • State Attorney's Main Office: 1-407-836-2400
  • Mary Pullian (Governor's Assistant): 1-850-488-4441
  • Nicole Peques (State Attorney): 1-407-836-2402

CNN Chimes In On Their 360 Blog; Gets Trolled

CNN blogs about the case... and anonymous delivers:

Fresh Prince Rape

Now, this is a story all about how 
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
For you to sit and debate
I'll tell you how I became the little bitch
Who lied about rape

In West Florida born and raised
Getting drunk is how I spent most o' mah days
Getting high, climaxing, and cumming all cool
And all shootin' some heroin outside of the school
When a 23 year old guy
Who I thought looked quite good
Fucked me all around the neighborhood
I boned him a few times, and then I got scared 
So I moved over to YouTube and started to baaw there

I turned on the interweb and when it came near
I made my userpage pink, which in no way was queer
If anything I could sit and eat grapes
But I thought 'nah, forget it'
Time to bitch about "rape"!

I uploaded a video 'round 7 or 8
Used my spiffy camera, which I thought was great
I looked at the comments
I could finally see,
That my bitchy moans became a big fad on /b/

Spoof Videos

The untold story, gets told by a very special YouTube user The Truth Bout The Girl Who Cried 'RAPE' And Who Really Raped Her A remix of the lulzy video and some Cannibal Corpse 'Stripped', Raped and Strangled? We can only hope.

SIRZLY U GUISE

This camwhore professes to be victim of surprise sex herself. She is shocked and appalled by the eBaums shenanigans. Sadly she is Canadian and therefore there is nothing she can do. She is also eminently fuckable as ghastly as Crystal's other supporter. If you need to fap, but don't feel like you deserve to fap to anything attractive, click play below...

Schoolmarms everywhere are shocked by your faggotry. Where is your sympathy? Do you not realize you are looking at a FUTURE SUICIDE an hero??? (Final minute contains massive paternalistic call to arms. In remembrance of Bitingbeaver.)

Gallery

  • Delicious copypasta is delicious.
    Delicious copypasta is delicious.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External Links

MySpaces

YouTubes

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Related Pages

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