Kicesie

Kicesie is a self-appointed "sex expert" on YouTube. Known for an extreme case of USI, she doles out "advice" under the ruse that she is a sex/relationship guru of sorts, offering "information" - you know, the kind widely available all over the interbutts and that has been repeated a thousand times over ad nauseum on every shitty basic-cable sex tv show. Of course, the only people who take her seriously are desperate retards too dumb to go to youporn to fap. If you dare compliment her fat tits or say anything other than 100% praise, expect a high level of butthurt as she moderates her video's comments more heavily than the SA forums combined.

When she's not discussing medical issues she isn't qualified to discuss, she's tackling edgy topics such as giving blowjobs. At the top of her scant resumé is her 2 second blip in ~~Weezer's Pork and Beans music video~~ (private), which has somehow justified her intense, and somewhat warm and moist, desire to appear on the black person.

The Almost-Raped Video

Kicesie made quite a spectacle when she recently posted a ~~self serving video~~(Kicesie is a lolsuit fan) about having been raped. The video was horribly over-dramatic and overdone, and served no other purpose than to be noticed. The lulziest part was a dramatic reading of poetry over some slow motion video of her crying. Knowing masked ssp when they see it, trolls started to descend on her shit video en masse like flies on hobo-cock. She became instantly butthurt, set everything to private, deleted all comments pointing out the holes in her story. For instance, despite lamenting over the seriousness of the rape she never even mentioned going to the police. Estimates on how many have squeezed one out to her tears are in the high millions.

Kicesie seemingly changed her story, the rape now having occurred in Tennessee according to her new story, where according to Dr. Kicesie the first rape is free. When people called bullshit she claimed she already paid for a prosecutor so it was 100% certain that her rape charge would go to court. She changed her story a third time less than a week later saying that it was settled out of court. Even more recently she changed the story a fourth time saying that the rapist is being tried in criminal court.

The ensuing lolcano, caused shitloads of her "fans" to go apeshit. Once she got a different kind of attention, she immediately put all her dramatic and telling Youtube videos on private.

Watch the original video for yourself. Embedding disable due to butthurt

A Video Pointing Out Her Bullshit

Raped by The New Effort

Kicesie's pathetic cries of rape had gotten her far more attention than she was hoping for though. SASS splinter group, The New Effort, discovered Kicesie and began to incessantly troll her due to a combination of her shitty videos and Wiscon withdrawal symptoms. First posted by user Cleon, The New Effort started pwning the fuck out of her. In fact, they were kind enough to take the five seconds needed to point out the fucking obvious, causing massive amounts of reality to swoop upon thine faire maiden. When Kicesie was finally alerted to dissenting commentary she could not delete, she posted a passive-aggressive note saying she didn't care and that she would ignore this slight against her e-persona. Two days later, she tried to lawyer up and failed in a way befitting a YouTube camwhore: she got her boyfriend, Todd Davis, Boyfriend at Law, to send a hilariously shitty Cease and Desist email, claiming DMCA violations. TNE picked this apart as the lie it was, going as far as to point out that the state of Texas says there is no lawyer in Texas named Todd Davis.

“	What happens if people use my name, my image or my 'intellectual property': Well you'll probably be getting contacted by my lawyer who has been of great benefit to me thus far.	„
—Kicesie, being ironic

“	To Whom it may concern, Your website www.TheNewEffort.com has a thread link located at (link) his post is defaming my my client Kicesie from You Tube. They are defaming her and using images that are protected under the DMCA. If you fail to have the contact removed, we will be filing suite against you and your company! I am meeting with Kicesie's attorney's at 3:00pm Central time to discuss further legal action against you and your company. I expect a response with in the hour to this email address in order for you and your company to avoid further legal action. Sincerely, Todd Davis	„
—Email sent from Kicesie's Gmail account

His pathetic request was met with an excited Chinese lawyer looking for a fight. Finding little satisfaction in additional rape, Kicesie tried to file a complaint with Dreamhost, who told her to stop being such a whore.

“	For those out there who care, NEVER use Dreamhost as a server. They condone rape and the promotion of it. If you use them, find someone else	„
—Kicesie, on twitter after finding out the truth about Dreamhost

Rape charges are pending investigation/Youtube video. She then whored herself out to find a lawyer, eager to dispatch them (as long as they worked pro bono).

“	If you are an attorney with copyright and trademark experience and have an invested interest in sex education and sexuality information, and are willing to volunteer your time when a copyright or trademark issue comes up, please let me know! (This would be volunteer based only!)	„
—Kicesie, internet camwhore

Later, Kicesie tried to hire real lawyers, who promptly let her know that she had no case and to GTFO. Sensing failure, she notifies her followers to meet back at the hugbox.

“	Feels like I'm fighting a losing battle! So good thoughts please. Surround me in them!	„
—Kicesie, on twitter

Bawwwwing to ED

“	Dear Girlvinyl, I am contacting you on behalf of Kicesie from You Tube. I am her manager Todd Davis. It has been brought to my attention of the following DMCA violations located here: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Kicesie We are requesting that the stated thread be removed immediately because this user has uploaded copyrighted material without consent. Her works can be seen on www.YouTube.com/Kicesie and www.Myspace.com/Kicesies. Thank you in advance for removing the listed material from your website.	„
—Sincerely, Todd Davis

“	How much does head from your client cost btw ?	„
—Tok`ra 13:36, 28 January 2009 (CST)

E-begging

Kicesie released a video wherein she stated her rape case is being settled out of court, then makes a plea to the internets for money not to sue the trolls but to get a lawyer up before the US Supreme Court to create new laws to protect her. Much like in Charles Taylors Liberia she expects it costs ~~$10,000~~ $8,500 for a private citizen to buy a personal law, so be a doll and give Kicesie your money because she promises to give it back and she totally won't steal it.

I NEED YOUR MONEY, GIVE ME YOUR MONEY

Stopping Trolling in its Tracks

Being the lazy bitch with the overblown sense of entitlement she has, Kicesie recommends you bring the lulz to her, for free.

“	I try to spend a few hours every week searching my username on YouTube to see what people are doing with it. I’ve found that nearly always it’s used as a tag or a title in videos that are spam, fairly pornographic, or a gross copyright violation by using nearly all of an already existing video of mine. What YOU can do to protect the name Kicesie and help me out is to do a search yourself and if these videos violate ANY of youtube’s terms of service, flag it with the appropriate category! This is something I would encourage people to do with any videos... it takes almost no time to flag an inappropriate video, but keeps youtube the way it’s meant to be! IF you find a copyright violation (not only on youtube but if you happen upon one ANYWHERE on the web) please write to me! I have filed and will continue to file the appropriate paperwork to see this theft taken care of. Most of the time I came across these videos, images or uses of my registered name ‘Kicesie’ because one of YOU guys let me know! So thanks, and keep it up!	„
—--Kicesie, Taking the internet very fucking serious

Fans

The typical Kicesie fan is an awkward basement dwelling older male. Despite the fact that they are safe in their mom's house, these developmentally challenged losers still find it difficult to talk to a girl even when she isn't in the room as evidenced by their starstruck schoolboy Jewtube responses.
[-+]The videos

A High Steppin' Yellow Nigra Dreamin' of his Own Rape Time with Kicesie

Buffalo Bill's Retarded Australian Cousin Tries and Fails to Lure Her to His Rape Dungeon

Standard Fatass

Here comes the police.

On August 31, 2009 an article posted by the Chattanooga Times Free Press reported that a judge had ordered Kicesie's college to hand over her personal records. Kicesie immediately responded with a lulzy youtube video about the ongoing investigation into her personal history. BE CAREFUL GUIZ SHE GOT LIFELOCK.

Current Events and More Lulz

If you want to know what this nutbar is up to now, you should really really read her chipin.com page, because damn: kicesie's chipin page (where she begs for your cash but inexplicably does not offer to give blowjobs in return)

I mean, srsly- we couldn't make this shit up if we tried. Gems from this page include the following:

“	I do long-distance reiki/energy healing. It costs $50 for one time, or $30 each time if you want it done weekly. IF after the first time you are totally dissatisfied, I will refund 80% of it.... I can't refund all due to the cost of running a credit card and the physical energy it costs me. This works for any type of help or healing you need... emotional, physical, spiritual, etc.	„

“	[W]e are now being sued ... the agency this corporation employed to serve us ran INTO our garage, which is our private property, which constitutes criminal trespassing... something our local police won't even write up. He Came at us and I screamed with everything I had in me over and over and over 'I don't know you! Get Away from me! Help! 911! I DON'T KNOW YOU! GET AWAY FROM ME! HELP! HELP!' He never identified himself... And if I'd had a gun I would have shot him and here in TX it would have been TOTALLY legal! But I've been bedridden with anxiety every since. I can't even shower.	„

Is this stuff great or what? We can't remember the last time we laughed this hard. We expect to see a made-for-TV movie about Ms. Kicesie on the Lifetime channel eventually.