Pyromania

Close but not the right Pyromania short bus. BTW, we think Stage Fright is the best track off the album. Points for the cover art because it got Tipper Gore's panties in a bunch

There we go. Look at the pleasure on her face

Pyromania is more than just setting fires to cleanse the Earth of the foul and degenerate population that your Bible says has taken over the Earth while the voices in your head say that you need to be elected President so that you can release the Nuclear Hell Fire upon the faithless.

Pyromania is when you can't stand to see fire fettered in its man-made Prisons of lighters, matches and gas lines leading into the big eyed, super cute Puppy rescue. Pyromania is when you feel a sexual release from starting a fire and watching the flames devour everything it touches because you were the one that freed it.

Pyromaniacs should not be confused with Arsonists. Arson is when you start a fire for Financial Gain where Pyromania, as we described, is about a psychological release from stressors that borders on Busting A Nut.

How To Know If You Have It

No real reason. Article needed boobs

For starters, if you're an E-Girl trying to diagnose yourself with Symptons you think you have so you can feign some semblance of a personality on Social Media. You will most likely have it, at least, only while you're crying for attention and money, while posting videos on TicTok. Just remember, if you're a Girl, say that Your Father Molested you and that you Cut Yourself to throw those nasty internet psychologists a curve ball and make it look like you actually have it.

If you show up to the party with Vaseline and set a fire so you can play with your Little Pee-Pee while everything burns away and become depressed when The Fire Department comes and takes away your recently discovered Girl Friend to find yourself getting angry because they are the enemy that refused to let her live a full life that would spread and bear your many flame babies. Yeah, we'd say yes, you're a Pyro and a Sick fuck.

If the fire is simply for yourself and you have no ulterior motives such as a big insurance payout or political ones where you set fires to undermine the trust of the constitutes to prove that Crime has signifantly increased since a Black mayor has taken over so that your candidate can demand a recall, you know - the Batman motive, than you most likely aren't one. If you're setting fires for instant gratification, Jacking Off or schlicking genius, then there's a possibility that you are a Pyromaniac and you should bring some tinder, paper and lighter fluid so you can set a fire in the middle of the crazy house's lobby, ensuring that you'll be taken in and drugged to levels of drooling and staring at the wall.

Causes

What pyros 'bate to

It does help that you're a Sick fuck with no friends, an absent father figure and an Over bearing mother. What the Fuck are we saying? We should save time and just say You.

It helps if you're Bullied at School, at home, Online and At Work. More so if you have created yourself a fantasy world where Doctors, Psychiatrists and casual observers would describe it as being your own private universe where you see yourself as its god because, no matter what, the outcomes will always favor you.

It should be noted that the questions, "Did your parents drop you on your head?" or "Did you eat paint chips as a kid?" will apply to you.

Girls laugh at you and flee when you approach them, even if you are over 21 and offer to buy them beer and cigarettes.

You starred in a porno between the ages of just born to about 17.

Fun Things To Do With Fire

• Smack your Bitch across the face and make her use it to cook you a steak.

• Burn those Traci Lords video tapes your father gave you because they're Child Porn and need to be destroyed before you get Party V&ed by the FBI. You really don't want to know what they do to pedophiles in prison. It does include fire and your Asshole.

• Burning all Bibles except for your own edited version because the other versions are just lies.

• If you're an LA Black Man, wait for a white police officer to be acquitted of felony assault on a Crack smoking, black fugitive that has super human strength because he is Wet. Start a riot. Burn down YOUR part of the city, dislocating all of the businneses by burning down their shops and stealing their merchandise. The final step is to proclaim that it is a White conspiracy when businesses don't want to reopen shops in the BLACK parts of town.

• If you're a liberal fucktard, use it to ask for an ass beating from a Redneck because you decided to use it as a protest by burning the American flag.

• Show them Sand Niggers that you mean business by setting a Quran on fire and then putting it out by pissing on it in a Youtube video.

• Use it to burn off the Genital Herpes you got from a $15 hooker.

• Fire. HE He. Fire

• Suggest it to Adolf Hitler as the Final Solution

• If you're a Woman, throw all of your boyfriend's Shit into a pile in the backyard and then set it on fire as a polite I want your cheating ass out NOW, letter.

So You're A Pyro - Now What?

I don't know about you but this morning I had a burning sensation while taking a piss

So you're tired of burning the neighborhood Cats or collecting all the neighbor's mail, while they're at work, and setting it on fire in a nice, neat pile. So now what?

This is the moment that defines a person like you as either an Arsonist, or a Pyromaniac. If you go the way of the arsonist, you are a boring Fuck that only lights fires for cash and corporate big wigs that want to bully home owners into selling out. You can just Fuck off. You're boring and have no Soul.

Ah, you're a Pyro. The first thing you should be thinking about is the Aesthetics of your works because they'll be critiqued harshly by your critics - firemen.

Don't just go out and start a fire because you need to bust a nut. This isn't abstract art where only you know the message. You want others to see and feel your message. After the fire is put out and the investigator is on the scene, you will want him to understand your message because all of the best crazies had a message.

American hero Mark David Chapman had a message that he gleamed from the pages in The Catcher in the Rye in that he didn't like fakes and John Lennon was the biggest fake of them all. Because Lennon put out the message that Money is evil and communism is its cure he contradicted himself by living at a $11,000 (80s money, so - $35,000) a month apartment and made unusual demands on his staff. People that he, himself, would go on to describe as Wage Slaves. This is the reason that Chapman felt that Lennon should die as an example of Corporate Double Speak.

Che Guevara's was that he wanted to start World War 3 and reset the world back to 0 so that Cuba would have a fair chance establishing an empire. Much like, former and curent world powers England and America had done for themselves. Che's goal was to bring about a New World Order where Cuba, he dreamed would be at the top of the chain and not chucking coconuts at their invaders. The same, exact scenario it faced when Spain invaded them and they will see again when Puerto Rico feels it is time to extend its borders.

For you to establish yourself as an artist like The Zodiac Killer and not some kook like, "I have to kill Ronald Reagan because Jodie Foster said she'd go on a date with me if I succeed," John Hinkley Jr. You will need to be in contact with news reporters. Have a little fun with it, find a CNN or Fox News reporter that you think is cute and help her career by sending her letters explaining your artistic vision and the name you gave yoursel and want the press to call you. Make sure you read up on The Zodiac Killer. He is the example of how not to get caught because how can you continue to awaken the corporate blinded pleebs to see their suffering if you are stuck in jail.

Grow as an artist. Embrace your vision. Seek to become a celebrity. What you are doing may seem like Performance Art but it will be archived by News sources. You want people to question you and your vision. Put yourself on the path of Immortality. Always ask yourself how you can vocalize your message so that even the dumbest of people can take away something from your work while impressing even the smartest of your critics.

Gallery

Fire, it's just so . . .

Gallery Of Fire About missing Pics

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  I'm super serial. I was just making a cup of coffee with my Keurig.
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  Come on Jimmy-Joe-Jim-Bob. You do this every time you say you're going over to the neighbor's house.
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  Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches/I slam in the back of my Dragula
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  I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like. . . Victory
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  OH yeah. I got my nut. Harry S. Truman after nuking Hiroshima

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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See Also

• Fire

• Fire's Forum

• Flame wars

• Flamer

• Kill It With Fire

• Pyro

• The ePsychiatry DSM]

• Witch

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