THE NEW HOVEROUND TESTAMENT, BOOK OF CADNOCAT

THE NEW HOVEROUND TESTAMENT, BOOK OF CadnoCat

1:1 In the beginning there was ED. And Hoveround did join this channel and he saw that it was Good. And Hoveround did declare that "this is truly a fine and suitable place for lulz."

1:2 And lo and behold there were many other lands through the Internets, and Hoveround did trek them for many ages. Hoveround did go on a voyage back to the far off nation of AustNet, where he did troll freely.

1:3 Hark! But did a fellow EDiot respond "Look unto me, and I am also a great provider of trollery; gaze upon the lulz I creatheth in this AustNet land". And Hoveround saw that it was good.

1:4 And Hoveround did identify this bringer of trollery not as CadnoCat, but as an Angel named Ronin.

1:5 "Provide for me your MSN address, for I grow weary of this land, and require respite and n00dz far from this wretched Internet Relay Citadel"; said Hoveround, and CadnoCat did comply.

1:6 CadnoCat and Hoveround did have a Holy Dialogue of webcam and fapping; and it was decided that there be a meeting to conjugate the new friendship of these Angel of Lulz.

1:7 The two did meet in IRL, and proceeded to imbibe alcohol, speak of many great ruins and much geekery; and did retire to Hoveround's humble abode as the dawn broke on the Second Day.

2:0 The Second Day dawneth and, well affected by the imbibement of many great and mighty beverages, Hoveround did suggest that the two Angels retire and gain respite within his quarters.

2:1 But a mighty sickness rose within CadnoCat; and in the very spite of every attempt the Angel Hoveround did make to gain respite, there was a great muttering and joyless exultations from the Angel CadnoCat.

2:2 The Angel Hoveround turned to CadnoCat and did declare "BEGONE, FOUL EDIOT! I GROW WEARY OF YOUR NONSENSICAL BABBLING. BEGONE SO THAT I MIGHT HAVETH SOME RESPITE!" and summoned the taxi company to his abode.

2:3 CadnoCat wailed and gnashed and and seethed with butthurt, and demanded of the Angel Hoveround "THOU MUST COME OUT OF YOUR DWELLING AND FACE ME, HERE, IN THE OUTSIDE LAND", to which the Angel Hoveround replied "Fuck off."

2:4 To which there were many great beatings upon the door of the Angel Hoveround's dwelling; and fearing the wrath of an insane fgt; Hoveround did waver in his faith and called the police.

2:5 Compelled by the beatings upon his door; the Angel Hoveround did allow CadnoCat entry to his realm a final time, in which he did turneth upside down the quarters (and bedding) in the search for his icons of identity, secured within the fabric pouch of wallet which he did misplace.

2:6 "Begone from here!" exclaimed the Angel Hoveround; "and have faith that I may return to you your belongings upon their later discovery."

2:7 And CadnoCat did vanish.

3:0 And so it came to pass that the icons of identity were discovered and returned to CadnoCat by the morrow; but the Angel Hoveround did have a great fear of the chubby Welsh demon, and did charm himself with the writings on the icons; and did save them to "heddwyn dox.txt" on his Incredible Machine.

3:1 A season passed, and CadnoCat returned to the land of ED IRC, where he cast many jibes and insolent remarks upon the Angel Hoveround; who did then present one of the charms from his Incredible Machine, and did cast it across #ED.

3:2 Lo and behold, there was a great outcry of "LOL!"; and this angered the demon CadnoCat.

3:3 "Tread with caution; for you are marked, Angel Hoveround", the warning came forth; "I runneth with the Skips gang of Terra Victoria; and death is near."

3:4 And the Angel Hoveround did cower, before consigning CadnoCat forever back to his hugbox.

3:5 And that day will two monsters be parted, one monster, a female named Eppigy in order to dwell in the abyss of the jewtube over the fountains of water; and (the other), a male called Djbb, which holds his chest in an invisible desert whose name is Livevideo, east of the garden of Eden. - 1 Enoch 60:7-8

Other Gospels

• Yea and Verily Thou Shalt Suffer the Punishment of At Least One Hundred Russians
• And then Cadnocat Did Seek to Speak Unto the EDiots
• And Cadnocat called forth the Internets Police

THE NEW HOVEROUND TESTAMENT, BOOK OF CADNOCAT is part of a series on Ausfailia [CollapseExpand]

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