Lustifera

Man dressed as a woman or 47-year old crackhead? YOU DECIDE.

Cosplaying as a female.

Lustifera (aka Lustinina, Lustina, Val, Valeri, and Valeria) is an alcoholic Italian goth groupie and clubwhore with a severe case of Internet Disease who looks like she fell out of a Hot Topic bargain bin. She also claims to be an Internets model and dancer. Her Photoshop photo-editing skills are of legendary fail; see below for an example. Her family name (Valeria Parsi) suggests she may have some kind of Arab ancestry, but the truth may never be known.

Recent rumors suggest that Val may be planning her final sex-reassignment surgery to become the woman that she has always felt she is on the inside. Val's father is said to be fronting the cash for her penis removal, probably because he's always wanted a daughter to touch inappropriately and her testicles turned him off. Hormone therapy and breast implants soon!

Legal Hilarity

Approximately last Thursday, Lustifera attempted to take her Marilyn Manson wannabe ex-boyfriend to court for distributing videos of her sucking his dick for the 2nd time. However, she forgot to take into account that the Italian court system is even more fail than she is, and doesn't care about her bitching since she is fails at deep throating. Lulz ensued and she promptly left to get gangbanged in the party van.

MOAR LULZ

Recently, she has had to resort to advertising in order to find new sex partners, which is of course lol.

Upon learning of this page, she freaked the fuck out. She went out of her way to claim that she was not bothered by it, yet keeps having her friends deface this page by deleting her images and babbling in half-understandable Italian(?) (see history) over and over because the truth hurts. The fact is that she is slowly becoming aware that she is a public laughingstock and is using the tried-and-FAIL "words can never hurt me" defense.

On May 27th, her MySpace got BALEETED by MySpace admins because she started raving about having oral sex with dogs in response to her ED article:

• 
  "I am ugly and have sex with dogs." At least she's honest.
• 
  She so totally does not care about this article. Which is why she keeps defacing it (see history).

Her accounts (5 or 6 so far) keep being deleted within days of signing backup, and according to knowledgeable sources who share their lulz with others, this is because someone at MySpace Italy thinks she is a retard. She keeps blaming this on random enemies of hers, thinking that anyone cares enough to hack her accounts, which is certainly not a ridiculous idea. In the meantime, she has declared war and asked all her wop friends to deface this page, thinking that ED will cave in and delete her article when put under the pressure of so much Faggotry.

The highlight of her life currently is bragging about being on posters all over her city because her loser club friends spammed every street with a flyer with a 4 year old highly photoshopped photo of her on it, trying to get people to go to their crappy goth club. Apparently, having 45 year old goths print out some flyers and post them all over the place is her big break into modeling. As a side note, they were spamming MySpace saying that "if at least 500 people showed up, there would be a striptease". We can only assume that this meant another show with Val getting buttsecksed on stage by some transsexual goth loser, but apparently this didn't happen, so I guess nobody showed up. LOLFAIL!

History

Note: Please keep sharpies away from Vulcan prostitutes.

P0rked on stage by an Faggoth.

DO NOT WANT.

Her parents must be so proud.

Like most Italians, Val lives at home with her parents and relies on them for all her money. She claims to be twenty six; estimates from sources close to her place her IRL age as being anywhere from thirty two to a little over 9000 trillion years old. This accounts for her funky ass pot belly, and washed out appearance. Some claims suggest she is a MTF (an assertion given credence by the presence of enormous false eyelashes, glitter and generally garish clothing), while others claim that she is merely an unskilled tranny. Her personal style generally consists of a mishmash of padded bras, corsets to hide her permanent 5-month pregnancy, fake horsehair weaves sewn onto her balding head and neon-colored Italian haute couture. It is a known fact that she has had at least one cosmetic surgery to correct her god-given dumbo ears, and she is also guilty of overbleaching her rabbit teeth (to compensate for her chain smoking, which had rendered them looking like squares of old cheese) to the point that they appear gray. She has a history of dental problems, including a severe underbite which will require surgery and wiring her jaw shut; She refuses to do this because it'll mean she has to stop feasting on cocks for a few weeks.

Psychiatric History

Get with the emergency corset, fatty!

Not even Raptor Jesus can save this fugly bitch.

A long paper trail leads through the depths of Val's mental illness. Plagued by recurring panic attacks she must carry Valium or Xanax on her at all times or she begins to threaten suicide. This, of course would be a benefit to society and the internets alike. When her meds can't cut it (which is most of the time) she resorts to overindulgence in alcohol and drugs because, like all classy women, she knows that looking drunk, greasy and hungover only adds to the feminine mystique. This overindulgence allows her to combat her feelings of shame at still living with her parents, never having had a real job in her life for more than a few weeks, being flatchested, and having to see herself in the mirror every morning. Pictures of her with puny scratches on her arms sometimes surface on the internets, showing her pathetic attempts at cutting.

As a groupie

Val is linked to at least 6 (hundred) bands sexually within Italy, and generally makes a play for anyone who resembles a Faggoth. She has been known to break down crying and say, "I deserve to be on stage, not you!" when her meds are low. She has since made a name for herself by dancing on bars in crap clubs. She is best known for fucking members of Dope Stars Inc. (perhaps the best known ElectroWop band in Italy) and for being the occasional on-the-side cum spittoon for the Italian midget Dave Shadow, who sings for an equally crappy Dope Stars Inc clone band in Rome.

She is famous for taking on the style and mannerisms of whomever she dates; her most most recent boyfriend had a mohawk. She didn't have the confidence to do it right, so she shaved one half of one side of her head, leaving her looking like she has a bad case of mange.

MySpace Lulz

Her MySpace profiles have been deleted and otherwise fucked with many times and she regularly threatens to sic her E-lawyer on anyone she suspects of having lulz at her expense. Many fake profiles have been created for her, some including fake and genuine pr0n of her, which she thought her exes would keep private, but is now available to anyone with eMule (because Italians can't figure out Torrent or Rapidshare).

IMMA BIG MODUL

Professional Modeling.

I work for a living!

Val contends that she is a professional model that only works for pay. However, her pix consist mostly of badly edited amateurish images of her drunk and high at various clubs and there is no proof to date of her ever having modeled for anyone other than some horny guido with a camera, although hardcore phone cam pornography exists, and is A+++ WOULD BUY FROM AGAIN if you're into sweaty goth girls with no eyebrows giving terrible blowjobs.

She claims to be a bass player, a DJ, a dancer and a model. However, she cannot play bass (though she owns one), has never DJ'd (though she owns a DJ deck), has danced at clubs a grand total of twice in her life (once was when she was porked by the Faggoth in the top right pic), and has never had a professional photo published. Despite this, we love her the way people who are not involved usually love car accidents.

On more than one occasion, she has put up an image and then replaced it with an edited one. This was the cause for much lulz as it invited a side by side comparison:

The version she edited for her MySpace profile and the RL THING!!1 Please note reverse pregnancy and the nipple popping out of the red top (the other chick, not Val - nobody would wanna see that).

Eventually she will come to realize that she is just a greasy, bruised-up drunk wop whore with no marketable skills (well, except for being a filthy attention whore. Some people go for that type of shit), and should stop posing with women more attractive than she is. Or not.

WHY R EVERONE SO MEEN 2 ME

Unfortunately, her English is too awful for her to have an LJ, so her whining is restricted to her MySpace friends. This generally ranges from "why is everyone so mean to me when I am so nice" to legal threats but sometimes extends to headline messages like "I CANT WAIT TO GO FUCK MY NEW HOT LOVER AGAIN" a few days after she has met a new guy for the first time. It is worth noting that she freaks out publicly every time she gets dumped, which is several times a year, and does things like post every picture she has of herself with her ex publicly with captions about how the pix still mean something to her just because she is an obsessed psychopath.

She loves to be the poor victim in her own stories, and often makes up her own drama in order to villainize someone else and make herself seem unfairly picked on. Undoubtedly she will feel famous because she is now being Wikistalked and will call down the wrath of her E-lawyers to send everyone involved to Internet jail. This is understandable as it is the only time that anyone outside of Italy will ever notice she exists.

Related Links

• [1] Her NEW MySpace page (she's back!)
• [2] Her DELETED Model Mayhem profile
• [3] Trying to hide on Netlog since her MySpace keeps getting haxx0r3d (now DELETED also!).
• [4] A Lustifera Halloween costume

Lustifera is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Lustifera is part of a series on Whores Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.

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Lustifera is part of a series on Psychology