Michael Ryan

NO COLOREDS The events described in this article took place prior to the invention of colors in the 1960s. Expect all images to be presented in 50 shades of grey.

Lose an iPod? This page contains an hero.

Michael Robert Ryan
Born	May 18, 1960
Died	August 19, 1987 (aged 27)
Nationality:	Britfag
Highscore	Killed 16, injured 15
Top 50?	43rd
Style	FPS, Single player
An Hero?	Yes

Michael Robert Ryan was a beta male, NEET, and innawoods gun collector who sought out the High Score on August 19, 1987, when he killed 16 people and injured 15 others in an event known as the Hungerford massacre. His killings caused massive amounts of butthurt across the United Kingdom, and led to new laws prohibiting normal people from owning semi-automatic centre-fire rifles.

Background

Harry Nilsson pictured with Danny DeVito

Michael was a spoiled mummy's boy born near Hungerford on May 18, 1960. His father Alfred was an IRL oldfag who did not visit often and died 2 years before the massacre from cancer. He had no siblings, and lived with his mother Dorothy who was a qt chef at the local primary school. Like Campo Elías Delgado before him, he barely had any friends and paved the way for the modern-day Beta Uprising and shooters like Chris Harper-Mercer and Adam Lanza. He was known as a loner that lived in a world of fantasy and never left home except to go to work, in which he was a part-time antiques dealer and laborer.

Claims were made after Michael's death that he had an obsession with firearms and was a survivalist that had a large amount of magazines about survival skills and guns. Other tabloids and press reports also said that he had a fascination with Rambo, and reported that the massacre had many parallels with the movie, but the retarded "journalists" didn't realize that Michael never even owned a video player and Rambo had nothing to do with the style he perpetrated the shootings. Later evaluations by psychiatrists determined that Michael may have been a psychotic schizo, but his true motives will most likely never be known because he killed the only person that could shed light on his personal life, his mother. Killing your mummy is apparently a common theme amongst high score seekers.

Loadout

Class Setup
Item	Accessories/Bonus
Primary: Norinco Type 56 assault rifle	Chink-made AK-47. Decent, but not Russian. 45~65 Damage.
Secondary: Underwood Carbine	Civvie clone of the M1 Carbine. Chambered in .30 cal. 35~45 Damage.
Secondary: Beretta 92	Average 9mm pistol. 19~25 Damage

The killings

In the forest

It was right before tea time on a cold August morning when Michael decided he'd had enough and went to Savernake Forest outside town. There he discovered a single mother with two children that were planning to have a nice picnic. "Haha no," says Michael who raised his rifle and told the MILF to put her kids in their car then go out to the bushes. Once that was done, he fired an entire clip into her back and obtained a L-L-Ludicrous kill, impressive for the first blood. The cops were alerted after the two kids snuck out of the car and told a local hiker that,

	“	A man in black shot our mummy!	„

Failure at the petrol station

Michael then drove his family car down the A4 and stopped to fill it with petrol at a station three miles from Hungerford. After finishing, he fired at the cashier named Kakaub Dean but missed. He then burst inside the store and tried to shoot her again, but the magazine had fallen out because he was an idiot and hit the release mechanism. Michael at least knew when to give up and fled, but not before a motorcyclist had called the police because he thought he saw a robbery.

The real shit goes down

Burnin' down the house!

Not 30 minutes after the forest killing, Michael went home to Hungerford and grabbed his other weapons and tried to drive away, but the piece of shit car wouldn't start. He got incredibly frustrated and shot four rounds into the right side of the car before going back inside and shooting his dog and setting the house on fire. He ran back outside, grabbed his weapons from the car, and shot at an old couple in the garden, getting a one-hit kill on the wife. Afterwards, Michael walked to the town common and critically injured two people (including a 14 year old girl) while smiling devilishly at them. He then encountered a family walking their dog; everyone ran away except for poor old man Kenneth, who raised his hands up and got shot in the chest, dying immediately while still holding the dog's leash.

Michael then went to another part of town where he saw a fatass police officer eating donuts in his squad car while trying to respond to calls of gunfire. Michael shot 23 rounds at him, causing the dumbass copper to veer his car, crash into a telephone pole, and die. Michael turned around opened fire on a white car with another MILF and teen daughter, but he managed to only injure them. He reloaded and shot at another car, killing the driver and injuring passenger Ivor Jackson; the car then rear ended into the now dead policeman's squad car. Michael then moved down the road and shot & killed a Mudslime mowing his lawn. By this point, Michael had spent enough time shooting at people for the paramedics to arrive, so he shot at the ambulance window, injuring the driver who instantly sped away. With no other obvious targets, he began to shoot at random pedestrians and houses' windows when his mummy appeared and tried to help the previously wounded Ivor. Michael heard her and aimed the rifle at her head. Dorothy tried to reason with her son, but this was in vain as Michael shot the only person who cared about him dead. Hearing the shots, a woman stepped out of her house and tried to yell at Michael for making too much noise but got shot instead.

A photograph of the police at the center of town

Michael then ran to Hungerford Common being followed by a police helicopter that couldn't even see him because of the media blocking their line of sight. He shot another oldfag walking his dog and got a headshot on a nearby taxi driver. After almost raping a repairman, Michael went to the town center where police were trying to redirect people outside of town. Another old couple were trying to see their son, a Constable who had signed Michael's request to extend his firearm certificate, when they were shot at, killing the husband. Another car then ran into Michael's path, so he fired on the driver instantly killing him and causing the van to crash into a wall. Michael ran off and killed another driver before shooting his way into a house on Priory Road, where he killed even more old people but bonus points has to be given to him here because the wife was wheelchair bound. He then shot at the windows of the neighbors' home, injuring 2. Now nearing the end of his rampage, Michael killed a man driving home from a shopping spree with his family, causing them to crash into another parked car.

Michael becomes an hero

	“	Hungerford must be a bit of a mess. I wish I had stayed in bed.	„
	—Michael's last words

Michael injured another goddamned old person taking care of his lawn before he broke into the then-empty John O'Gaunt Community Technology College, where he had previously attended. He barricaded himself inside a classroom as police surrounded the college, Michael then shot at some responding helicopters and waved an unpinned grenade at the piggies near a window. Eventually he gave in and began to negotiate with the police, who tried to coax him out of the classroom but failed. He refused to leave until he knew what happened to his mummy, whose death he called "a mistake." At 6:52 PM, Michael gave up and successfully became an hero by shooting himself in the head.

Legacy

Despite being only a mid-tier spree killing, Michael Ryan and his Hungerford massacre is one of the most notorious firearm incidents in Britfag history. Many parallels have been drawn between Michael and Derrick Bird, who killed 12 and injured 11 in 2010. As mentioned before, the spree caused many new gun control laws to be passed within the country, causing much debate over whether the whole charade was a false flag operation in order to get these laws passed. Hm... Also he inspired a Radiohead song or something, I don't fucking know.

Video

OMG it's a documentary!! Previous Video | Next Video

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count:	16/20 (15 injured)
Accuracy:	10/20
Style:	17/20 Went full GTA decades before GTA
Butthurt:	20/20
Bonus:	20/20 An hero bonus
Total Score: 83/100 (B)

Great work mate, maybe next time aim for the head See full ranking

Wanted Level:

S.W.A.T. Team

See Also

• High Score
• Derrick Bird
• Campo Elías Delgado
• Marc Lepine
• Anders Breivik

External Links

• Hungerford massacre at TOW
• Michael Ryan at Murderpedia
• Crime and Investigation
• Totally super smart guys over at Fakeologist point out the holes that prove the massacre as a hoax

	Michael Ryan is part of a series on An Heroes
[iPod][Xbox] Died Alone 1-14 Jakarta Attacks • Aaron Bushnell • Aaron Howard • Aaron Swartz • AcidChan • Adam Lanza • Adolf Hitler • Akbarzhon Dzhalilov • Alan Turing • Alexis Pilkington • Amanda Todd • An Halo • Andrea Pignani • Andrew Kehoe • Andrew Koenig • Anthony Warner • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • August Ames • Ben Vodden • Bob8466 • Brandon Clegg • Brandon Crisp • Brandon Hole • Brenda Williams • Brigit Gonzalez • Broadt Ledet • Bruce Pardo • Bubba Copeland • Budd Dwyer • Candyjunkie • Arcan Cetin • Charles Bishop • Charmaine Dragun • Chloe Sagal • Chris Benoit • Chris Dorner • Christine Chubbuck • Christopher Foster • Chris Harper-Mercer • Cho Seung-Hui • Clay Duke • Codey Porter • David Ritcheson • Derrick Bird • Devin Kelley • Dustin Michaels • Dylan Klebold • Elliot Rodger • Emma Jones • Eric Harris • Etika • Euler Grandolpho • George Hennard • George Sodini • Gizgiz • Gleb Korablev • Hannah Bond • Heath Ledger • Hunter S. Thompson • Israel Keyes • Jake Roberts • James Leshkevich • Jarrad Willis • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Jenny Grant • JewWario • Jiverly Voong • Jodie Gater and Stephanie Gestier • Joe Stack • John Houser • Jonathan Kendrick Lewis • José Betts • Jürgen Conings • Kevin Neil Whitrick • Klerck • Kurt Cobain • Leelah Alcorn • Livecorpse • Lowtax • Matthias Schoormann • Mario Ferreyra • Marvin Heemeyer • McSkillet • Megan Meier • Mercedes Herrera • Mia Janin • Mitchell Henderson • Mr. Hands • Matti Saari • Josh Ballard • Nathaniel Berhow • Nghtmrchld26 • Nikita Lytkin • Nikki Catsouras • OldDirtyBtard • Otoya Yamaguchi • Panya Khamrab • Paula Goodspeed • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Petri Gerdt • Philip Markoff • Quentin Hubbard • Rachele Rudd • Rehtaeh Parsons • Ricardo Lopez • Richard Jeni • Rina Palenkova • Robert Card • Robert Hawkins • Robin Williams • Ronnie McNutt • Rudolph Zurick • Ryan Palmeter • Sadie Davila • Salman Abedi • Sam Leeson • Shane Halligan • Shaun Dykes • Shawn Woolley • Shay • Shuaiby • Sol Pais • Stephanie Michelle Brown • Stephen Kazmierczak • Stephen Huff • Stephen Paddock • Stiletto one • Tang Yongming • Tatiana the Tiger • Terry Davis • The An Heroes of Bridgend • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • Tony48219 • Tyler Clementi • Tyler Dumstorf • Tyler Peterson • Verne Troyer • William Atchison Failures Adf-fuensalida • Ahuviya Harel • Alek Minassian • Amber Buttrum • Amy Bishop • Anton Bichivin • Ariana Raykotto • Audrey Hale • Aydin Paladin • Bernie Madoff • Brandon Clark • Brenda Spencer • Brian Clyde • Brian Connors • Brook Higgins • Campo Delgado • Charles Ziese • Cobanermani456 • Colonel McBadass • Crystal Shinkle • David Gray • DeWayne Craddock • Dimitrios Pagourtzis • Dmitry Vinogradov • Dylann Roof • Gabe Parker • George Stinney • Hugo Jackson • Ilnaz Galyaviev • Imma-The-Deer • Jakrapanth Thomma • James Huberty • Jameth • Jarrod Ramos • Jeffree Moon • Jessica Evert • Jonathan Ross • Joseph Camp • Justin-anon • Lindsay Souvannarath • Lolo Ferrari • Mamoru Takuma • Martin Bryant • Mary Bell • Michael Carneal • Michael Gimson • Missy • Mychal Bell • Neogrant • Nikkineko333 • Nikolas Cruz • Noah Esbensen • NuzzieKoma • Owen Wilson • Pikacat39 • PogoRoo • RainBoy107 • Richard Reid • Randan Fontaine • Rex Fowler • Robert Crimo • Robert Long • Salvador Ramos • Shaan Singh • Shinji Aoba • Sienna Johnson • Sirtom93 • Sneakylizard • Stephen Fry • TakeShotAction • Timur Bekmansurov • TJ Lane • Toaster Steve • Tom Preston • TooDamnFilthy • Tumbles the Stairdragon • Viper Related Pages 90 Day Jane • An hero day • ask.fm • Autoerotic asphyxiation • Columbine • Golden iPod • Heaven's Gate • High Score • How to become an hero • Jeffrey Epstein • Mydeathspace • Pseudocide • Shotgun mouthwash • Suicide • Suicidal Failure • The Great Sonic-cide of 2007 • Threatening suicide • Virginia Tech massacre • Waco

	Michael Ryan is part of a series on [GAME OVERInsert Coin]
	Single Player Elite Hall of Fame Adam Lanza • Anders Behring Breivik • Andrew Kehoe • Ariana Grande Massacre • Baruch Goldstein • Brenton Tarrant • Campo Elías Delgado • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dong Yangling • Gabriel Wortman • Jack Gilbert Graham • Jakrapanth Thomma • James Huberty • Luby's massacre • Martin Bryant • Mutsuo Toi • Nice Truck Attack 2016 • Omar Mateen • Panya Khamrab • Patrick Crusius • Reina Nightclub Massacre • Salvador Ramos • Shinji Aoba • Stephen Paddock • Ted Bundy • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Unek • Woo Bum-kon Single Player Amateur Division Aaron Alexis • Alexandre Bissonnette • Akbarzhon Jalivov • Ali David Sonboly • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Andrea Pignani • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Artyom Kazantsev • Audrey Hale • Brandon Scott Hole • Breda Highschool Massacre • Breitscheidplatz • Brenda Ann Spencer • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Capital Gazette Shooting • Charles Whitman's Tumor • Chris Harper-Mercer • Connor Betts • Dallas Police Shootings • Darrell Brooks • David Katz • David Kozák • David Malcolm Gray • Death to Traitors, Freedom for Britain • Derrick Bird • DeWayne Craddock • Dimitrios Pagourtzis • Dimitrious Gargasoulas • Dmitry Vinogradov • Dylann Storm Roof • Elliot Rodger • Éric Borel • Euler Fernando Grandolpho • Flemming Nielsen • Fort Hood • Gabe Parker • George Sodini • Gian Luigi Ferri • Ian David Long • Ilnaz Galyaviev • Jake Davison • James Alex Fields • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Dalton • Jason Rodriguez • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeffrey Dahmer • Jeff Weise • Jesse Osborne • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • John Russel Houser • John Wilkes Booth • Jonathan Sapirman • Josef Fritzl • Khalid Masood • Kimveer Gill • Kip Kinkel • Kongsberg Bow and Arrow Rampage • Lam Kor Wan • Mamoru Takuma • Marc Lépine • Mark Barton • Mark Essex • Martin Peyerl • Matthew de Grood • Michael Carneal • Michael Kenneth McLendon • Michael Ryan • Mikese Morse • Mr. Saari • Nathan Gale • Nghtmrchld26 • Nikolas Cruz • Noah Esbensen • Orlando Harris • Otoya Yamaguchi • Patrick Purdy • Payton Gendron • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Petri Gerdt • Ramadan Van Man • Randy Robert Stair • Richard Speck • Robert Bales • Robert Bowers • Robert Card • Robert Crimo • Robert Hawkins • Robert Long • Robert Steinhäuser • Ruslan Akhtyamov • Ryan Palmeter • Santino William Legan • Satoshi Uematsu • Sayfullo Saipov • Stephen Kazmierczak • The Twinkie Man • Thomas Matthew Crooks • Thomas Watt Hamilton • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • Timur Bekmansurov • TJ Lane • Tobias Rathjen • Trystan Andrew Terrell • Tyler Peterson • Unabomber • Wade Michael Page • Walter Seifert • Wellington Menezes de Oliveira • Zhao Zewei • Zug Massacre Multiplayer Co-Op Mode 1-14 Jakarta Attacks • Academy Maniacs • Boston Marathon Bombing • Charlie Hebdo • Columbine • Crocus City Hall Massacre • Hiroshima and Nagasaki • ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 • Jews did WTC • London Bridge Attack 2017 • Medianeira School Shooting • Pearl Harbor • San Bernardino Shooting • Sri Lanka 2019 Terrorist Attacks • Suzano School Shooting • Timothy McVeigh • Zhaodong Massacre Civilization and Great Prophets Adolf Hitler • Augusto Pinochet • Charles Manson • Heaven's Gate • Holocaust • Jonestown • Joseph Stalin • Kim Il-sung • Mao Zedong • Osama bin Laden • Pol Pot • Saddam Hussein • Waco • World War II Banned From Scoring Alex Hribal • Anthony Warner • Anton Bichivin • Asa Coon • Ben Moynihan • Billy Mitchell • Brandon Clegg • Brian Isaack Clyde • Charles Bishop • Clay Duke • Dillon Cossey • Faisal Shahzad • Frank James • Hayden Jagst • Hugo Jackson • Ilya Ivanistov • John Earnest • Kyle Rittenhouse • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Logan Clark • MAGABomber • Mikhail Pivnev • Nasim Aghdam • Nicky Reilly • Philip Manshaus • Richard Reid • Ryan Routh • Sam Hyde • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • Stephan Balliet • Todd Rogers • Willem Van Spronsen • William Atchison • You

[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]

Michael Ryan is part of a series on Gun Control

Michael Ryan is part of a series on Psychopaths

[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]

Featured article January 3 & 4, 2016
Preceded by Brandon Smith	Michael Ryan	Succeeded by 2015