- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Angry Grandpa
—Angry Grandpa | ||
—Angry Grandpa | ||
Angry Grandpa (Charlie Green) is a pathetic subhuman heathen of a man, God-Emperor of the Hillbillies, and quite possibly the world's most hilarious example of trailer trash. He is renowned for tearing up entire kitchens over shitty Brach's candy, smashing televisions and furniture, yelling at his miserable children, and unleashing farts toxic enough to permanently destroy the planet's eco-system.
Beginnings
Charlie Green was raised in a poor hillbilly family living in a trailer complex. As trailer trash yield little to no social intelligence nor class, little Charlie was basically the poster-boy for hillbillies everywhere - young, dumb, full of cum, and yielding an unhealthy obsession with smoking and beer. Instead of being whisked off to a higher land promising social class and a degree of wealth, Grandpa grew up in his hillbilly haven and eventually found love in the form of Tina - his mentally-challenged crackhead of a bulldyke wife EX-wife. This union was made during what must have been a fit of intoxication among the worst levels. Grandpa and Tina decided to have hot steamy dirty raunchy sex the old fashioned hippie way - this yielded four horrible ugly children whom are as detrimental to the human race as the mass of Facebook's userbase.
At some point, Grandpa began losing it. He became a compulsive alcoholic like his own father and became increasingly angry and borderline abusive towards everyone around him. One Christmas, he decided to take out his wild impulses on his daughter's children in the form of telling them that Santa Claus ain't real. This is where old Grandpa's life took a turn for the worse.
One of Grandpa's kids Michael Green took a video highlighting his father's insane rage and shared it on the internet. This spread like wildfire in an oil field, catching hundreds of thousands of views. As Grandpa is already a basket case, Michael found it suit to film him going nuts on his own impulse or by pulling off amazing pranks to purposely piss him off. These pranks range from genuinely lulzy to forced shit just to make Michael's account gain more views and monies. As ol' Grandpa has aged on and become more senile, it is more common to see him provoked instead of letting him rage on his own. Warranted? You be the judge.
Social Justice Bullshit
Grandpa and the crew are naturally not smart citizens. They do not comprehend the universal concept of "do unto others as others shall do unto yourself" despite Grandpa being a Catholic Baptist Non-Denominational-Christian and Pickleboy a fairly moderate Agnostic. Instead, everyone warrants an air of self-importance over little reason and cause than their existence. To make their vapid, self-obsessed existences look halfway tolerable, they now support shitty social justice causes including "women's rights", "gay marriage", and of course the most laughable of all: "respect". The same man who's driven to up-throw his entire living room in rage is now telling us to be nicer to each other. His same son who cried over The Office finishing up is also going to tell us about the joys of liberal ideology and mutual respect while tearing apart wresting action figures and DVDs. Let's all put the Iron to the E now.
Additionally, Charles himself has been shown to be a massive hypocrite. He despises Mexicans (not that there's anything wrong with that), and frequently makes racist comments to people over the phone. The hypocrisy comes into play, however, when Charles released this video:
That's right, the man who constantly hollers racist insults at people over the phone then pretended to be upset when some nigger thug was killed by an honest neighborhood watch member who was only trying to keep good, clean white people and their families safe.
Ludicrous Fanbase
"Angry Grandpa" has acquired a mass of idiotic fans who don't just watch the videos for cheap laughs like every smart person. Instead, these people wage comment wars over which member of Grandpa's family is dumbest, most violent, smartest, least sane, and so forth. Whom to cheer for, whom to wish dread and misery upon, and of course which group of people Grandpa should rage at next. These range from castrated whiteknights who typecast Bridgette as a poor abused girl who is forced to deal with two stupid fatasses (because women can never do any wrong on their own) to people who think Grandpa is a well-intent family man who's just upset at how his kids turned out. Fierce debates over the integrity of Pickleboy's motives are brought up as well - is he a simple kid who wanted to bring himself out of trailer drudgery, or is he a thieving scam artist who's exploiting his senile father for as much money as he can make? The answers for all of this reside in a very simple phrase. The second-most widely spread comment wars are between faggots proclaiming the videos as fake, and the people with brains in their heads being forced to remind these cretins that the videos are made for entertainment. This, of course, leads us to...
The AGP Drinking Game
Here's how to play:
- Acquire vodka and a shot glass.
- Go to any Angry Grandpa video and scroll down to read the comments.
- Drink a shot any time some fuckwit proclaims that the video is "fake".
- Die within five minutes from alcohol poisoning.
Have fun!
The Hillbilly Circus
Charlie 'Angry Grandpa' Green - An old angry fatass who suffers from an alcohol addiction and is theorized to have Bipolar disorder, causing him to spin out of control at any given moment. Has been banned from every Wal-Mart in a 100 mile radius for doing horrible things like smashing a jar of jelly against the wall and swearing at employees. Despite understandably griping about the country's welfare state status, he himself lives off food stamps and constant support from his son Michael. These days he is less angry and more senile, resulting in a bit less legit lulz compared to the olden days where he'd flip shit at the drop of a hat. One of his most widely-known characteristics is his ability to unleash deadly and explosive farts, which is an ability he gained as a result of his gastric bypass surgery.
Michael 'Pickle Boy' Green - Charlie's fatass monstrosity of a son and overall sissy boy. Despite being the ultimate symbol of modern America's youth, he is only redeemed in having filmed his father's insane outrages over the years. This is where his redeeming qualities end - he is morbidly obese, eats like a cow, resembles a female Bono (he has even dressed up as a woman in public), and voted for Obama twice. He is also a massive fan of wrestling, and is known to throw massive hissy fits himself over this. He finally got his ass handed to him upon raging at the results of the 2014 WWE Royal Rumble which multiple talk-show and radio hosts took aim at his utter lack of decency, masculinity, and his habit of grunting like a prostitute in anguish (upon seeing the news about himself, he wound up even more butthurt). He is named Pickle Boy because he ate his own dick in thoughts that it was a leftover pickle.
Tina Green - Angry Grandpa's ex-waifu and example of why meth is bad. A lazy, drugged out, thoughtless heathen obsessed with Elvis, Tina was the perfect match for Grandpa being stupid and insane herself. She only married Grandpa for the sake of hot dirty sex and never thought out the consequences of living with your male mirror counterpart for the rest of your life. Nor did she think out how awful an idea it was for two stupid hillbillies to have children. She divorced ol' Charlie in 2012, and probably lives in a dumpster full of Elvis memorabilia. Despite divorcing his sorry ass, she's still a lunatic who looks like Emperor Palpatine in drag. A podcast interview with Angry Grandpa revealed that despite her miserable appearance, she is actually a raging psychopath who is exponentially more dangerous than her ex-husband, once going as far as to setting their trailer on fire and watching it burn from across the street.
Bridgette 'Princess' West - Michael's desperate cow of a girlfriend. Joined up with the manlandwhale after finding his MySpace profile and thinking his shitty emo profile picture was sort of cool. She is also fat and bears the dining etiquette of a diseased cow. In recent months she's ballooned in weight, to the point of rivaling her lawful master and eventual hubby. This was dismissed as the side effects of medication, though a basic look around the house suggests something more corpulent in nature. This is ironic as fans used to come to Bridgette's defense under pretense that she was hot. Upon gaining weight, fans now see her for the true ignoramus she really is and habitually spam video comments with remarks on her obesity. She primarily lives with Michael by choice for the sake of love, warmth, and happiness money, proving once more that she is in fact stupid on her own - this shatters the long-standing myth that all women are simply crazy from being forced to live with stupid men, as she made the fucking choice herself. Luckily, her mass of white knights have fallen apart upon this realization, giving a small glimmer of hope that humanity isn't entirely doomed. She is also known to tell Angry Grandpa behind Pickledick's back that he is being pranked, causing Michael massive butthurt.
Tina (The neighbor) - Horrifying bulldyke who happens to live near Grandpa's poopcave. She is a veritable nightmare made flesh, from being morbidly obese to not wearing a bra to finally screaming like an air raid siren. She is one of relatively few people to invoke fear into Grandpa, effectively pussy-whipping him into submission. Sadly this perfect couple will never wed - she's married to a pimp who she had at least four kids with. And yes, she lives in a fucking trailer.
Derrick - Possibly the only sane character on the show and is actually a pretty cool guy. He runs Sub Station II, a local sandwich restaurant. Nothing more can really be said about him here, because being so sane and ordinary, there is very little footage of him. Therefore, not much is known about him.
Jennifer Green - Grandpa's shitmongling daughter, whom is only slightly less cringe inducing than Michael. While not morbidly obese, she still bears the family genes of wielding a total lack of intellect, ranging from having kids she refused to support to mingling with men after divorcing her first husband. Got her shit handed to her by Grandpa, and has slowly learned the values of not being a total piece of filth. It doesn't help she still looks creepy, however. Also has the most annoying voice imaginable. Seriously, she sounds like a chipmunk on helium.
Batista - Object of Michael's massive rage. Unlike Grandpa's lulzy fits from candy and the economy, Batista is simply a bought-and-paid wrestler doing his job to make a living. This, somehow, is terrible to poor old Michael, who called out Batista as a scam artist who clouts up the wrestling system from other newer trainees. What Michael doesn't care to know is wrestling is fake - it's soap opera for men - and of course this lead to one of the most cringeworthy videos uploaded on Youtube yet. Despite his relevance to Michael, Batista has nothing to do with the moron masses personally.
Sockpuppet Channels
As with any famous Youtuber, there are plenty of people sockpuppeting KidBehindACamera(Michael's channel) and BridgetteWest (Bridgette's channel). These brave souls go about the interwebs, masquerading as our favorite fatties, spreading lulz and butthurt. The list of known sockpuppets is as follows:
Michael Sockpuppets
- ManChildBehindACamera
- PickleDildoBehindATaser
- TheAnnoyingKidBehindADildo
- FatSobbingDouchebagBehindABlackDildo
- DildoBehindAKid
- DildoBoy BehindACamera
- HippopotamusBehindACamera
Bridgette Sockpuppets
Grandpa Sockpuppets
As of this writing, there have been no sockpuppets of either TheAngryGrandpaShow or GrandpasCorner found. This is probably because Charlie is the most likable of the characters shown.
Things Angry Grandpa has broken
- Washing Machine
- Keyboard
- Michael's door
- Michael's anus
- Bridgette
- Bridgette's old laptop
- Microwaves
- Barbecue
- Fruit rack
- Grandchildren's belief in Santa
- The walls
- Door knob
- Car battery
- Valentine's Day balloon
- His grandchildren's feelings
- Tina's heart
- Pimento cheese
- Christmas lights
- Christmas tree
- Tina's tax forms
- His belt
- Tina
- Tina's vagina
- Grape jelly
- Some chairs
- Computer monitor
- Screen Door
- Swimming pool
- Slip n Slide
- Tina's Elvis crap
- Elvis Experience tickets
- Shed door
- His toenail
- Stomach cyst
- Michael's Camera
- TV
- Microwave(again)
- Toaster
- Stove/Oven
- Refrigerator
- Stereo
- Bathtub (along with rest of bathroom)
- Michael's HD TV
- Dryer(again)
- Fatboygetdown
- Marriage with Tina
- Xbox 360
- Couch
- Another couch
- Dryer again
Michael's PS4Never mind, it was actually a cable box inside the PS4 box.Michael's PS4 (Again)Still didn't do it- An electric hair trimmer, but only after he had shaved Michael's head half-bald first.
- Yet another microwave
- A safe
- Michael's PS4 (For real this time)
Places Grandpa's been banned from
- Charlie Brown's Seafood Market
- Cici's Pizza
- McDonald's
- Papa John's Pizza
- Target
- Wal-Mart
Pickleboy's Tard Rages
- Michael's daddy takes care of him after he has his
gallbladder removed, and begins whining because his father
is giving a shit about his welfare, even going
as far as to asking "What did I do to deserve this??"
Previous Video | Next Video
Copypasta
Pickleboy crouched behind a chair, his knees to his chest, and prayed that Bridgette wouldn't see him. To put things in perspective, Bridgette was angry at him. It hadn't entirely been Pickleboy's fault. Earlier, he'd walked in on Bridgette fucking their dog Clyde with a strap on, so naturally, Bridgette was pissed off. Currently, she was looking for him in the kitchen, a staple gun as her weapon, which was why Pickleboy was now cowering behind a chair instead of his camera like usual. Bridgette's voice carried through the kitchen, sleek and deadly:
“Pickledick, where are you? Come out, I just want to talk to you!”
Pickleboy didn't buy it for half a second, and bent his head further down to ensure his survival. He knew, however, that Bridgette wasn't one to give up. She had once fucked Grandpa for days without taking a single piss break.
He heard Bridgette coming closer to his hiding place. If she got any closer, he'd be trapped.
Picklebitch took a deep breath, jumped from behind the chair, and ran like hell. Actually, he was pretty sure he had just shit his drawers.
He ran, with Bridgette chasing after him, staple gun raised. Pickleboy squealed and ran faster.
He dove into the bathroom, only to be greeted by a horrifying smell. The toilet had not been flushed for nearly a week, and he could smell several day's worth of shit moldering inside. His penis began to harden from the foul odor.
“Mikey, come out, come out wherever you are!” Bridgette called.
Pickleboy took a deep breath and held it. He started thinking about shit sliding out of Grandpa's asshole, and couldn't help but get even harder to the point where he could no longer resist the urge to start fapping.
Pickleboy started thinking of ways he could get out of his predicament. He figured he could try crawling to their bedroom and jumping out the window. Or Plan B, he could beg for mercy. No, running for it sounded much less demeaning. Pickleboy swallowed hard and shifted onto his hands and knees and began crawling towards the door. A staple whizzed over his head.
“Oh shit!” he screamed. He jumped up on his feet and ran like fucking hell while simultaneously shitting his fucking pants! He ran up the stairs and almost tripped. Felix was sitting on one of the steps, right in Pickleboy's way! He quickly picked Felix up and threw him at Bridgette. Bridgette, unfazed, snapped the cat's neck and continued to fire staples at Pickleboy. Pickleboy felt like crying like he always does, but he knew he wouldn't be comforted this time. He kept running and finally made it to their bedroom door. He broke it down and ran to the window.
“Oh my God! I don't know if my fat ass is going to be able to pull off a wild stunt like this!” he said.
He opened the window and looked down. His dog, Bella, was taking a huge steamy shit! He fantasized about going down and eating it up... Oh, if only he could get down there without killing himself first! Seeing Bella shitting actually motivated him to grow a pair and get on with it. He jumped.
His fat ass landed directly on top of Bella. As he got up, he looked at the squished remains of what had, just a few seconds ago, been his dog. Bitterly, he thought,
“Shit! I'll never be able to fuck that little asshole again!”
Suddenly a staple shot into his arm!
“Fuck! You crazy fucking bitch!” he yelled.
A sudden thought occurred to him: He had his phone with him, didn't he? He could make a video! He pulled out his phone and began filming.
“Hey guys, KidBehindACamera here, and Bridgette has gone completely fucking insane! She's trying to murder me with a staple gun! She's killed Felix and caused me to kill Bella! This might be my last video, so please remember me!”
He stopped filming and called Grandpa (he was too stupid to call 911).
RING RING
“Hello?” “Dad! Bridgette is off her fucking meds! Help me!” “Is this another one of your goddamn pranks, boy?!” “No! Get your fucking pregnant ass over here!” “Whoa whoa whoa, motherfucker! Don't you call me and start talking shit to me over the phone, boy!” “I'm sorry sir, it's just... she's gone fucking insane!” “Son... did you walk in on her fucking one of the dogs again?” … “Yes...”
Suddenly, Bridgette's fat ass burst out the front door.
“Heeeeere's Fatty!” she screamed. “Holy fucking shit!” yelled Pickleboy.
He began running again, and was just barely out of the yard before she tackled him. She held him down and tried to fire a staple into his eye. He pushed her fat ass off of him, got up, and started running down the street. All of a sudden, Grandpa's van came barreling down the street.
“Get in, son!” yelled Grandpa.
Pickleboy opened the passenger door only to be hit in the head with a brick, knocking him unconscious. Grandpa and Bridgette dragged Pickleboy back to the house. When they got him inside, Bridgette walked back out and looked at Bella's corpse. She felt like crying, but then she remembered how last week, Bella had eaten her ice cream when she had left it unattended while she took a huge shit. Bridgette walked over to the dog's corpse and spat on it.
"Nobody fucks with my food!" she yelled.
She went into the house to join Grandpa. At that particular moment, Grandpa was jerking off over Pickleboy's unconscious body. Bridgette punched Grandpa in the dick.
"Save it, old man!" "Fuck you, bitch!"
They dragged Pickleboy into the bathroom. Bridgette got a bucket of cold water and poured it on his face.
"BWAAA!" yelled Pickleboy. "What the fuck is this?!? What are you guys doing?!?" he screamed. "Shut the fuck up, Picklebitch!” shouted Grandpa.
Grandpa proceeded to unzip his pants. “Suck my dick, boy!” he screamed. “Dad, please no!” “Suck it or you die!”
Picklyboy started to whimper, much like he does when his snacks are lost, or when Bridgette keeps fucking up his video intros.
"This is some bullshit!” he screamed. "I'm about to shut you up!” Grandpa yelled.
He quickly shoved his 9 inch cock down Pickleboy's throat. Pickleboy gagged a little. Bridgette began fingering her nasty cunt to the sight of grandpa forcing pickleboy to give him oral.
"Fuck yeah!" Grandpa yelled.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was Tina... not Grandpa's neighbor, but his ex-wife! And she wasn't there for sex!
Grandpa quickly pulled out of Pickleboy's mouth. He ran to the window and looked out to see who was knocking at the door while he was trying to have an explosive orgasm in his son's mouth. He began to get a tightness in his chest, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. He was having a heart attack! Again, Tina banged on the door.
“What the fuck is going on in there?!” yelled Bridgette.
“When Grandpa didn't respond, Bridgette walked to the front hall to see what was the matter. Then she saw Grandpa laid out on the floow with his pants down and his hand clutching his chest.
Gasping for breath, Grandpa wheezed “...Hel-----*” “Oh my God!” yelled Bridgette.
Suddenly, Bridgette looked through the peephole on the door, and realized what had caused Grandpa's heart attack. Tina was right outside, and she was getting impatient.
“Oh fuck! She's going to ruin our plans!” screamed Bridgette. She ran to the kitchen and came back with a knife. Positioning herself at the door, she prepared to strike. 3... 2... 1... Now!
She burst through the door and tackled Tina, and stabbed her three times in the face. Tina kicked her off and began running for her car. Bridgette ran after her swinging the knife wildly and laughing like an insane person. She managed to slash Tina's back twice. Before Tina could get in the car, Bridgette seized her by the shoulder and quickly dispatched her with a lethal slash to the neck.
Grinning insanely, Bridgette dragged Tina's corpse through the front door, and looked down at Grandpa. He was dead. Dropping Tina's body next to Grandpa's, Bridgette returned to the bathroom. Pickleboy was unconscious again, and Bridgette really saw no more use for him. She picked up the staple gun which she had left on the counter, pointed it at the back of his neck, and killed him instantly.
Finally, she reached in the drawer and pulled out a package of razor blades. She then slit her wrists and let the blood run down to her fingertips, and, in a slurring, semiconscious scrawl, wrote on the mirror what were thankfully her last words...
“Subscribe”.
See Also
- Burger the Angry Cat
- Old people
- Bi-polar
- Fatass
- Redneck
- Rage
- Tourette's Guy - Angry Grandpa's long lost son?
External links
The Official Angry Grandpa Youtube Channel
GrandPa on Twitter
Michael's Twitter
Grandpa on Facebook!
 |
||
|
|
||
