School Shooting

OMG theres a musical!!

Remember, Video Games are a bad influence.

Brenda Spencer, lulz-warrior extraordinaire. She did it 'cause she didn't like mondays - as good an excuse as any!

School shootings are one of the greatest weapons in an IRL troll's arsenal; causing a victim to shoot up the school is a prime example of winning the internet. Can YOU beat the high-score?[1] LOL IT HAPPENED AGAIN; THE FIRST OF 2012. THIS ONE FAILED TO BEAT THE SCORE[2]

While the participant is unleashing all of his teen angst on the faculty of his place of education, the benefits are not just solely for himself.

The event not only creates HUEG amounts of IRL butthurt and shame, but much drama generating OL potential from relevant livejournals, blogs, myspaces, etc.

Nearly every good school shooting ends with the assailant receiving massive troll's remorse and promptly becoming An hero.

History

School shootings began in the 11th century AD, when 16 year old Brenda Spencer of San Diego, USA, opened fire with a rifle on an elementary school across the street from her home, killing 2 adults (including the principal) and wounding 9 students. Police surrounded her home and waited for 7 hours until she gave herself up. When asked why she did it, Brenda replied, ""I don't like Mondays", which basically translates to "I did it for the lulz." Adding to the humorous impact of the event, she explained further. "The children were standing around like cows. It was easy pickings."

Later that year, a pop band from Ireland called The Boomtown Rats released a song called "I don't like Mondays." It was a #1 hit in more than 30 countries, but didn't do so well in the USA.

Since Brenda Spencer invented the school shooting in 1979 others throughout the 1980's and 1990's also partook in the IRL Trolling in their own special ways. But it wasn't until the year 199somethingorother when Reb and V revolutionized this school tradition by killing themselves after the massive Pwnage of Columbine High School. This meant that no more depressed Emo kids could simply just commit suicide to kill the pain, but now they could become an hero after an epic Pwnage of their fellow students.

Columbine gave way to a swath of copy cats, and as any dumb ass knows the copies are just not as good as the original, and for a long time, came nowhere close to the high casualty count of Columbine . What followed Reb and V's Epic Win was a bunch of pussies using shit weapons, not high enough body counts and certainly no suicides, so nobody really gives a shit about them.

Fast forward to one of the 2000 years with the butt rape of Virginia Tech by Seung-Hui Cho culminating in the highest score ever awarded a player in this popular video game.

High Scores

Map	Player	Frags	Almost Raped	An Heroes	Notes	Bonus
cs_Utoya	ABB_WWJD	77	319	0	Killin' kids at summer camp in the name of White Christian Norway	7x Car Bomb
de_Bath	Andy_the_Taxman	44	58	1	Child killer, school board member, angry that the school was driving up his taxes	38x + 5x Suicide Bomb File:Grave.png Fatal Wounds
arena_vtech	(BLAZN_AZN)ch0	33	25	1	One man Zerg Rush	File:Grave.png Survivor Suicide
cs_SandyHook	WhosDaBoss_Lanza	26	1	1	Played on easy mode	Best killed-to-wounded ratio
de_UTAustin	Charlie_Hitman	17	31	0	Camper	Pregnant Woman File:Grave.png 30 Year Fatal Wound Cop AWP
cs_PreSchool	GrNDk33p3r_Wi11-E	17	14	1	Loli Hunting	"What a waste"
cs_Erfurt	Xx_Steinhauser_xX	16	7	1	Legally purchased his weapons (lol gun control)	Cop Killer
GTA_San_Winnenden	JawsPredator1	15	9	1	Escape in a hijacked car and got wounded by police two hours later, then became an hero	2x + Another's Wife
COD4_EcolePTech	(CaNaDiAn_BaCoN)M4rC_L3p1N3	14	14	1	Bonus points awarded for leveling to get weps and not H4x0Ring the game.	Knifer Teamkill
cs_FtHood	PraizAllah	13	33	0	The best showing on Expert Mode.
columbine.wad	REB & VoDKa	13	24	2	Doom Cosplay	Co-Op
cs_Col0wned	Walfert_01	10	22	1	Proving that all good things come from Deutcheland, Seifert achieved his score with a home made flame thrower, lance, and mace (the medieval kind, not the spray on Mexican spice). He died a day later after eating a shit load of insecticide.	9x Flamethrower
CS_CathSk00l	W41+3R42	10	22	1	Happy Birthday to him	1337 H4xx0R
de_kauhajoki	w_u_m_p_s_c_u_t_3198	10	2	1	YouTube advertising. Tried to increase difficulty by shooting cops, but failed.	Burned corpses.
cs_RedLake	Cher0k33	9	15	1	Self loathing	Kill family members or you fail
fy_Jokelaschool	TheFinnisher_Auvi8==D	8	1	1	Put a video on YouTube predicting the killing spree	Killed the headmistress/Final Boss, bonus points for using a shit gun.
cs_NIU	ST3V3-O	5	18	1	No date for Valentine's Day	Doin it 4 Allah
cs_Jnsbro	M1TCH3LL & 607D3N	5	10	0	Ambushed frags by pulling fire alarm	Co-Op
cs_Thurston	k1p	4	25	0	Failed at becoming an hero	Killed parents
cs_KentState	OhioNG_1970	4	9	0	Shooting hippies	Co-Op
cs_Marysville	BurgersAndFryberg99	4	1 (or 3 depending on who's counting)	1	Injun jock who was upset about girls	Kill From the Grave x3 Shot his cousins, killing one of them
cs_FtHood	Lopez_the_Ivan	3	16	1	Played on Expert Mode First known challenger to replay a previous map
cs_Paducah	EvilCarneal	3	5	0		Chickened out during game
cs_alabama	Amy Bishop	3	3	0	She's a teacher! srsly
gg_Appalachia	Od1gh1zuwa	3	3	0	Made the mistake of trying to shoot up a progressive college that allowed students to bring their guns to school. Was taken down by fellow classmates before he could an hero.	Fragged a Dean and a Professor
de_Chardon	ThizzlehatJunction	3	2	0	Shot up a school other than his own	Got chased down by a teacher and turned himself in
cs_Elementary	.:Bren_Spen:.	2	9	0	Get a good vantage point	Doing it for the lulz
cs_Dawson	fatality666	1	19	1	Goth	Let counter-terrorists follow him in
cs_BuelElem	d3dr1k_0wnin	1	0	0		Youngest player ever
gg_FranklinRegionalHS	tHribal	0	22	0	Only used melee weapons	Tagged a security guard Knifer
cs_STech	454 Racc00n	0	4	1	Poor strategy choice	Flanked defenses
cs_RCHS	Gothic_Zilla_Fan_69	0	4	0	Tried to beat it using only melee weapons, on single player mode, without armor or power-ups. Failed miserably.	Knifer Successfully evaded justice.
L&O_JohnLockeHS	m00t	0	3	0	Hunting newfags	Final Boss of Law & Order
GTA_MoCo	Hardcore_Dan	0	0	0	IM GOING TO MAKE NATIONAL NEWS	Staged entire event on his cell phone while batshit insane. Failed epically.

Actual quote from wikipedia's article on Brenda Spencer

Style Tips

Remember, no Russian.
Call 911 and pretend to be Yakov Smirnoff/play Rickroll or Interior Crocodile Alligator to clog the system.
Plan your event to take place on April 20th.
Make sure to bring a change of underwear, warm clothing and a towel.
Make an effort to suggest Russian involvment or a secondary shooter from the grassy knoll.
Leave the corpses in humourous sexually suggestive postions.
Peform Necrophilia with said corpses.
Bring a friend to share the fun.
Smear fæces over everything.
Become an hero.
If you can't get motivated to start a school shooting, listen to Nine Inch Nails and play Counter Strike (1.6 or source, your preference) at the same time.
Watch the movie ZARDOZ, and base your entire shooting rampage on that film. So when you attack your school "exterminating the brutals" while wearing a red diaper, bandoleer and hooker boots screaming the "The Gun is Good, The Penis is Evil" at least we all can get a kick out of the lulz that will follow when the media bubble-heads try to make sense of it and blame a shitty 1974 Sean Connery movie for your rampage.
Learn how to fucking aim, remember 3 shots center mass, or do the Mozambique Drill which is 2 to the chest 1 to the head.
Better yet, do not use guns because that just gets all the anti-gun faggots crying, be a man and do what Timothy McVeigh did, you will get a higher kill count too.
????
Profit!!!

(And for Christ's sake, if you're planning a school shooting, don't talk about it on 4chan, like this guy did. Half the fucking world saw it, and he got B& both OTI and IRL.)

Tryhard Tips

Plan ahead; don't just wake up one day depressed an angry. Doing so will result in an epic fail, like Kip Kinkle.
Use a practical caliber, such as a hollow point .45 ACP or a .357. However, if you are stuck with a 9mm, then make sure you perform the Mozambique Drill.
If you are using a rifle, make sure you use something like a .30-06, .308, 5.56, 7.62, etc. Shotguns are very deadly, and contrary to what video games tell you, can easily put down the kids fleeing at the end of your long school hallway.
Also, if you are using a shotgun or rifle, make sure it is a reasonable size. Carrying a rifle/shotgun the size of an 18-wheeler is a bad idea, so saw them off like Reb and Vodka did. This will allow you to maneuver with them much easier.
Don't use a fucking .22, unless you are sure you can hit every person in the head, which is highly unlikely.
DON'T USE A FUCKING .22!
Use hollow-point bullets. This will cause them to expand on impact, greatly increasing the chance of death.
I CAN HAZ EXPLOSIVES!!!??? Yes, fucking Google how to make a pipe bomb or Molotov cocktail. Even you can make one.
Don't get too close to students or teachers that are in groups. They will try to play hero and disarm you, again, like Kip Kinkle. Keep your distance, and keep firing.
Bring a shitload of ammunition, like Reb and Vodka did, if you plan on spraying randomly for the lulz. Otherwise, pick your shots wisely.
Barricade the exits.
Keep a couple bullets in your sock for yourself to become an hero. Do not give up or get caught.
Watch your back. Some pussies will try to disarm you and ruin the fun just for a fucking national medal.
Keep a sidearm. You do not want to get caught empty handed.
No survivors. Do your best to make sure the people died don't just injure them.
If you can make sure the media do not blame Vider gamz for the cause.
Finally, make sure you DO NOT tell anyone, unless it is your lover that wants to do it with you and will not snitch. Do not get caught; have your guns at the ready before you enter the school.

Achievements

So many school shootings have happened over the years that it's time to spice things up a bit. Instead of the usual strategy of just "kill all the jocks and then turn into an hero," this guide will help any aspiring Columbine copy-cat reach new levels of lulz. Since a school shooting is obviously just a game, here are some extra sidequests, if you will, to aim for while unloading all your angst into your peers.

Hail Xenu: Kill in the name of Scientology

Mama's Boy: Make someone cry out for their mother

Music to My Ears: Get ten screams at once

School Spirit: Wear school colors

Gentleman: Spare women and children

Good Choice: Have second thoughts about the whole thing, but go through with it anyway

Well Endowed: Lie about gun in your pocket

Arabic Executioner: Behead a target.

Tell Me Where it Hurts: Kill a school nurse

Half a Point for Half a Human: Kill a minority

Skinneeeer!: Kill the Principal

Thomas Edison in This Bitch: Shoot out a light

Zoology: Kill three classroom pets

Last Supper: Buy lunch for your friends before starting the rampage

Dumbass: Tell a friend about your school shooting plans a week in advance

Keep it Organic: Do it while high

Legalize This: Kill a stoner

Would You Like Seconds?: Begin the rampage during lunch

Down With the Clowns: Kill a juggalo

It's Getting Hot in Hurr: Start a fire

Billy Joel: Deny starting said fire

Yippee Ki Yay: Spout movie quotes

Slam Dunk!: Kill the entire special ed class

Monkey See Monkey Jew: Lay out a dollar as bait

Mystery Meat: Kill the lunch lady

Lucky You: The person you wanted to kill the most is home sick that day

Fuck The Police: Kill a hall monitor

Double Kill: Kill a pregnant girl

Consent to THIS: Rape someone

Here Comes the Sun: Kill while listening to upbeat, unfitting, and completely ironic music

Cupid: Kill a couple as they embrace for the last time

Social Experiment: Make someone kill their best friend in order to save themselves

Fairer Sex: Kill only women

Why So Serious?: Crack a joke before killing someone

Big Game Hunter: Kill gym teacher

Milkman: Masturbate while killing

Leaving So Soon?: Shoot someone's car tires out as they attempt to escape

Save You for Later: Shove someone in a locker

Bill O'Reilly: Fuck it, do it live!

Good Will Hunting: Kill while solving math

The Social Network: Update Facebook status while on the rampage

If You Pull it, They Will Come: Pull the fire alarm and pick people off with your gun as they run out of the building

Show and Tell: Begin in the middle of class

Cha-Ching: Steal fifteen wallets

E=MCFUCKYOU: Force someone to solve life-or-death math problems

New Guy: Do it at a school that isn't yours

Pizza?: Order pizza while on your rampage

Godlike: Force ten people to pray

Lemonade Stand: Make three people piss themselves out of fear

Lumberjack: Kill someone with paper

Monkey Man: Pull the trigger with your toe

Van Gogh: Make painting with a student's blood

Halloween: Wear someone's face

Free Point: Have someone kill themselves out of stress while you're on your rampage

Macgyver: Get ten kills without a gun

What Goes Up...: Push someone out of a window

WhatTheFuckium: Mix chemicals in the chem lab and create a deadly new toxin to be used on the school

Fender Bender: Start the rampage in the parking lot

(/b)ackup: Recruit a shooter while on your rampage

Who is Spiderman?: Go to school the next day unscathed

Crush that pussy: kill your crush and then shoot her in the vagina

That's why!: leave a note saying why you started the rampage (you can lie)

Take that faux!: Engrave Jack Thompson's name onto someones body

2 the ranting rampage: Yell out one of 2's rants (preferably the one about "cyber bullies") while doing the rampage

The needs of the many outweighs the needs of the few: Your kill count outnumbers your injuries count

Hut Hut: Use a football to mutilate a jock's face until he cannot be recognized

KIMCHO: Dance to K-Pop whiles you shoot people

Inspirational Music

Thinking about doing an an hero? Want some background noise to help whilst you headshot your school mates? Well, you're in luck, because we spent like 5 minutes making this video list for you!