The Beatles

The Beatles were an overrated English rock band made up of four pathetic hippies. Formed in the 1960s and popularized by other smelly hippies, one might think that no one actually listens to this band anymore, but throughout the world, hippies, addicts, flaming homosexuals, 13-year-old-boys, and crackers still continue to listen to repetitive and annoying rifts, terrible vocals, and otherwise over-rated works of so-called "musical mastery".

The Beatles copying One Direction's album cover.

	“	Well she was just, SEVENTEEEEEEEEN, If you know, WHAT I MEEEEEEEAAAN!	„
	—Paul

Paul is Dead

Back in the 60s, some jokester thought it would be funny to start a rumor about Paul McCartney being killed in a car crash and replaced by one William Shears, the winner of a "look-a-like contest." The idea was that clues to his death could be found on album covers, (No shoes on Abbey Road's cover) by playing the songs backwards, (for example, Revolution 9, a crappy sound collage by Lennon could be played backwards to hear "Turn Me On Dead Man") and in short sections of songs - Come Together allegedly had sound effects from the dirt being shuffled over "The Real Paul's" grave.

This was exposed as a hoax by media outlets quickly, but to this day, many gullible saps still believe it. In other words, it was a hippie troll fest.

If it was true, it explains why they took a vastly different direction after Rubber Soul. If not true, and if the band planned it all along, it would make them master-rusemen.

They always say that truth is stranger than fiction, and the truth is that Paul McCartney faked his own fake death so that he could slip back to a normal life in Liverpewl while everyone else wasted their time obsessing over stupid 'clues' in album artwork. Today, looking considerably rougher than his jet-setting body-double, Paul McCartney lives in a Merseyside council house and occasionally emerges to buy tins of strong lager from the local shop, and tell pointless rambling yarns to passing tourists with video-enabled phones in return for Bernard Matthews's famous Turkey Twizzlers, which he eats direct from your hand.

Not popular on /mu/

Too mainstream for the patricians of /mu/, any thread about the Beatles is quickly derailed by Piero Scaruffi's scathing review (read: angry hipster rant) and international-award-winning essay about how much the Beatles sucked by being popular.

Scaruffi Copypasta

John Lennon's solo work was well-received in Germany

The fact that so many books still name the Beatles "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the greatest jazz musicians of all times are Duke Ellington and John Coltrane, who were not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still blinded by commercial success: the Beatles sold more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will think that the Beatles did anything worth of being saved.

Unoriginality

The Beatles have been known to be very unoriginal as much of their material can be described as watered-down versions of music by superior musicians such as Bob Dylan, Frank Zappa, and Love. They have completed countless collaborations and all of the band members have made their own songs, much to the dismay of humanity as a whole. Each member of the group decided that every other member of the group was a douche, so they eventually broke up, but not after John Lennon snapped and committed suicide to finally end his bleak and miserable life. The media of course reported it as homicide.

John Lennon

Truth

Despite what every half-brained, retarded, unwashed, wannabe hippy majoring in art might think, John Lennon had very little commitment to any of his causes and quickly quit them when they started getting too complicated or in the way of his womanizing, doing drugs, beating his wife and punching women, hypocritical living, or psychologically abusing his son Julian.

An example would be when John Lennon went to India and quickly bought into the Maharishi's teachings and went around preaching them like a first semester college student preaching Communism and the evils of religion; Lennon quit his new-found faith when he learned what commitments were required from him such as celibacy, a drug-free life and living a life free from all the trappings of the material world.

Lennon's peace movement and his dive head first into Americunt politics fared no better. Lennon's commitment to Peace On Earth and the Far Left lasted right up until his Immigration attorney suggested that he should lie low and keep out of the newspapers preaching the evils of Nixon if he wanted to be granted Americunt citizenship.

John Lennon is the model for every mentally retarded, has-been celebrity looking to remain relevant - such as Mark Hamill, Tara Strong, Alyssa Milano or Brad Pitt who believe that their fame gives them an expertise in politics. Like John Lennon, these fuck wits are only committed to the cause so long as they are getting something from it such as headlines, interviews or speaking engagements and quickly quit when it becomes to complicated, usually when an expert shows them what an inbred, AIDS-infected monkey they are by using simple things like facts to disprove their heroin high inspired utopia.

Drummer

Ringo Starr was most famous for drumming, while not being a great drummer, in fact, he wasn't even the best drummer in The Beatles. Deemed a wannabe, Ringo pursued a path of sex, drugs and rock and roll, but as expected, he failed miserably. His life after The Beatles was marked for chewing four gums at once, recording with an ever-changing band, unwanted contributions to the local sperm bank and a Rick Roll tribute, which eventually, he gave up on.

Yoko Ono

Interracial relationships may break up one of the most famous bands in history.

John Lennon's widow is an azn banshee.

'Nuff said.

See Also

• Abbey Road
• Azn Learn what a back stabbing money grubber Yoko was
• Hippies
• LSD; the only reason why the band was so popular.
• Marijuana the higher you get, the better John Lennon's solo albums sound
• England
• Rock Band

The Beatles is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.

Featured Article for November 2 through November 4, 2023
Preceded by Halloween	The Beatles	Succeeded by Abbey Road