Bros B4 Hoes

This article discloses the secret passwords and handshakes of The Patriarchy

"Bros B4 Hoes" is a white trash catchphrase that can be loosely translated as: "My male friends are more important to me than my girlfriend." The statement is a paradox in that it can either be a massive form of faggotry or, if done right, an epic lulz maneuver. More often than not, the wiggers who use this phrase are in fact massive fags.

The faggotry way

"YEAH, BROS B4 HOES! My virginity is safe once again!

To any close-knit group of male friends, a time will come when one of the guys goes out and gets himself a girlfriend. The guy in question is busy learning to win at life by getting laid on a regular basis, while his douchebag friends continue to fap to /b/ and play Halo with their hats turned around backward.

When they notice that their friend isn't attending the nightly raid party, they decide that he is pussywhipped, even though he still hangs out with them when it's not Nerd Time. Feeling threatened by the idea of their friend reaching manhood while they're still stuck in stage one of puberty, they decide to confront him and lay on a bunch of bullshit about how she is "taking over his life," eventually ending with the bombshell "bros b4 hoes, d00d!"

Eventually they will get so jealous of their friend for getting more action than all of them combined that they will start to spread lies about his girlfriend, calling her a slut and a ho, until he either dumps her or them -- usually her.

The girl usually swears never to date a geek again, thus making it harder for everyone else to get laid, damn it all. This sad state of affairs is just fine, however, for the "bros" whose closest thing to a date is at least 9,000 seconds and ends in .mpg

The lulzworthy way

House is one of the only people who can actually pull this off looking this awesome.

For the other 10% of the time, there is a way to use it as a lulz maneuver. There is a chance that you might end up with a girlfriend who turns out to be the center of the universe, which means that she will guilt you and throw fits if you don't devote 100% of your time to her.

If you actually WANT to see your friends for a weekend, she will start bitching & complaining to you about how you don't love her and you're a horrible insensitive dickbag. When she slams you with the inevitable "It's either THEM or ME" ultimatum, guilting you to choose between giving up your lifelong friends forever or losing her as a girlfriend, you casually say "No thanks, I think I'll keep my friends."

And just as her expression changes to utter disbelief that her selfish plan has backfired on her, you then say with a smirk:

"Sorry, baby. Bros before hoes!"

This will cause her to go into a fit of crying and cutting almost guaranteed. You can now casually walk away as she collapses into a pathetic sobbing heap from the shock of having her human hugbox leave. Extra lulz added when you check her latest LiveJournal/MySpace/Facebook entry.

• REMINDER: Again, this can only happen in the extreme cases where the "Them or Me" ultimatum or similar is used. All other times it is done by either wiggers, 13 year old boys, nerds, or faggots.

See Also

• Pussy-whipped
• Bromance