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{{天|'''This article has been heavily modified at the request of our sponsors at [[Tencent]]. Heaven bless you for your benevolence kind sirs!'''|social credit score positive.png|150px|lightgreen|600px}}<br>
[[File:ED-China-Flag.png|500px|center|link=]]
<center><span style="font-size:12pt;font-weight:bold">China's National Flag</span></center>
<br>
[[File:Mao Lel.jpg|thumb|Top Lel]]
[[Image:Chinese_Roller_Coaster.jpg|thumb|left|Riding a roller coaster into a [[AIDS|baby formula]] processing facility.]]
[[Image:Crazyasianlady.jpg|thumb|Chinese women are known for their unique beauty and intelligence.]]
[[File:Chinesewomanatwork.gif|thumb|This is what Chinese women can do best.]]
[[Image:ZhWikipediaLiuxinyu970226.png|thumb|Typical Wikipedia userpage of a PRC nationalist.]]
[[Image:China map.jpg|thumb|The map of China. See the non-white space? THAT'S China!!!]]


[[Image:Preasetoshowpapers.jpg|thumb|YOU NO HAVE RIGHTS HERE WHITE DEVIR (and neither do we, tee hee!)]]
[[Image:Dickmastersonlulz.jpg|thumb|300px|Dick's iconic appearance on Dr. Phil]]
[[Image:Spreadem.jpg|thumb|[[Over 9,000]] years of Chinese wisdom has much to teach us.]]
[[File:Dickmasterson.jpg|thumb|right|God among men]]
[[Image:Evony.jpg|thumb|Chinese contribution to the Internets...note that there are no boobs in the [http://www.crunchgear.com/2009/07/24/evony-ad-campaign-where-breasts-trick-you-into-playing-a-civ-clone/ ''actual''] game. The developer is a Chinese-American and this is supposed to be a scam-knock off of Civilization, a game very popular among basement dwellers. AZNs love these games because many of them happen to be the luckless gold farmers.]]
[[Image:HamsterDance.jpg|thumb|The [[old meme|only English website allowed in China]].]]


'''The People's Republic of China''', known to many of its inhabitants as the [[hubris|center of the world]] [[shit nobody cares about|(in Chinese, China is 中国 [zhongguo] which literally means "center country")]],or [[Mordor|Middle Kingdom]] (or the Asian version of [[US]] for the rest of the world) is a giant industrial park in [[Asia]]. China has so many people that they once instituted a [[Dead babies|One-child policy]], although this policy has since been rescinded to allow two or three children per family. One of [[America|America's]] [[Walmart|largest trading partners]], China has been known to export [[lies|a wide arrangement of high quality products]], which many imperialist detractors will tell you are [[lulz|defective and dangerous]]. This is in no way related to a religious adherence to the uber-cheap and low manufacturing standards that western dogs love, [[lies|the quality of Chinese products speak for themselves and are well worth the investment]].
'''Dick Masterson''' (aka [[Powerword|Dax Herrera]]), is a messenger from [[God]] sent to [[troll|enlighten]] [[women]] around the world about why everything sucks [[this is why we can't have nice things|because of them]], and this consequently makes him the greatest human being alive. His [[Trolling IRL|IRL trolling]] is not only noteworthy for the [[lulz]] it has generated over the years, but the fact that so many fall for such obvious bait creates a weird meta-troll effect where he's proven right due to the hordes of butthurt bitches left in his path. His trolling never just stopped at pissing off wimminz though, motivated via the vindictive antics of [[Maddox|a certain former associate of his]], he took his trolling to new heights by engaging in some of the biggest [[shitpost]]s in his career, including entertaining [[Maddox#The_Biggest_Lolsuit_in_the_Universe_.28AKA:_George_Ouzounian_et_al_-_v._-_Dax_Herrera_et_al.29|Maddox's $380 million lolsuit]].


China is a world innovator in surveillance; you've probably heard of the amazing "social credit" system by now, right anon? It is a single government-sponsored credit rating system that tracks and evaluates the trustworthiness of individuals, businesses, and government entities in aggregate. [[TL;DR]] - the big brothers check to see if you're behaving. If you don't visit your grandparents often enough, that's a paddarin. If you say something bad about our government, that's a paddarin. And if you ''dare'' stand on the same side of a fence as an imperialist '''OH YOU BERRER BERIEVE THAT'S A PADDARRIN!'''
Dick Masterson is also a CalTech honors graduate with a doctorate in rocket science. [https://web.archive.org/web/20201112034052/http://ucbcomedy.com/user/16155 No, seriously!] [http://thedickshow.com/episode-48/ he actually talked about making rockets and drones that kill terrorists for his day job]. Sorry ladies, so much for him being a retard that doesn't have any clue what he is talking about. When a butthurt psychobitch snitched on him, writing to his family and employers to cut off his penis, it was soon revealed his employer could care less since rocket scientists weren't exactly commonplace, he kept doing whatever he wanted to, living his life like the drunken degenerate virgin king supreme.


It is also very important to note that the [[moonspeak|Engrish]] manuals that Chinese products come with are, for the most part, examples of the greatest heights of Engrish grammar and prose. They're so great, in fact, most people would feel their head aching on reading the first few lines, while others feel a sudden urge to hurt someone. Also, [[some argue]] that the Chinese are [[Lolwut|inscrutable]]. [[Eurofags|Others]] would say [[Americunts]] are just too unintelligent to read.
So, women despise him, men and [[btard|/b/tards]] want to BE him, and [[troll]]s ''WISH'' they could be him. God bless you Dax Herrera, consider this ED article as your #1 fanpage.  


Westerners refer to the people of China in many ways, although doing so can seriously affect your score. Here's a guide to show you how much your credit score will lower if you decide to use ANY of the following terms to describe them:
==Early Career== 
===Website===
[[File:Faggot.jpg|thumb|Dick Masterson's final form]]
[[At least 100 years ago]], Dick owned a website titled menarebetterthanwomen.com, through which he shared his infinite [[bullshit|wisdom]] with fellow [[asshole]]s and [[Man|chauvinist]]s on the internet. Having an advanced degree in Dickology, Dick has written many classic works, including this list of reasons on why [[fact|men are way better than women]], something he would turn into a bestseller on and even translated that into a #1 bestselling book on Amazon. The site has remained inactive as of 2010, largely due to the popularity of the video media he produced for [[JewTube]].


<center>
'''Dick:''' ''women line up to go out with me!''<br>
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align:center; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important;;"
'''[[whore|Her]]:''' ''I don't see any women lining up to go out with you, and even if there were, I would be at the end of that line.''<br>
|- style="text-align:left;"
'''Dick:''' ''Well if you hit the treadmill more, you'd be at the front.''
! colspan="15" style="text-align:center; font-weight:bold;" | Use these words at your own discretion, you filthy, wide-eye, white devils
|-
| style="font-style:italic; text-align:left;" | Term
| Pre-Viral Liveform
| Oriental
| Chinaman/Chinawoman
| Chiggers
| Rice Niggers
| Chink
| Chiamese
| Chine
| Chino
| Ching Chong
| Taiwanese
| Gooks
| Aisan Jews
| Jackie Chan
|-
| style="font-style:italic; text-align:left;" | Social credits
| 0
| -10
| -10
| -20
| -20
| -30
| -20
| -30
| -10
| -30
| -100
| -100
| -10000
| -9999999
|}
</center>


== [[TL;DR]] ==
This is an example of a technique Dick pioneered known as the "Verbal Cunt Punt" or VCP for short. It allows dick to turn raging [[Feminazis]] back into respectable women without the need to punch or kick their filthy untouched snatches.
<center><youtube>OpLvioS8GbQ</youtube></center>


==Yellow soup==
<center>Top 10 Reasons why Men are Better than Women</center>
Ancient Chinese secret! Yellow soup is shit soup! [[Wikipedia:Fecal bacteriotherapy|China invent]]. Bery good. You food poison? You diarrhea so bad? Eat shit [[Brb, soup|soup]]! Eat my [[shit]]! China know for 4th century! Steel after twelve hunderd year [[Fact|Li Shizhen use shit soup treat bad abdomen]]! True story! Make stomach strong! Chinese medicine work! No listen Western medicine! So stupid! Bad for you! Antibiotic make superbug! Western medicine make superbug bad for you! Shit soup is answer! Shit soup is golden syrup!


'''Recipe for shit soup''': I shit bowl, just add water. You drink! Drink up! Is cure for you! Fresh soup bery hot. No bowl? I shit in mouth! No die diarrhea. No die dysentery. Shit soup good for all things! Drink my shit! Cure autoimmune disease! Cure fatness! Cure diabetes! Cure MS! Cure Parkinsons! China know cure for century! You have cholera? You have typhoid fever? You have plague? Eat shit or die! Animal shit good also. Camel shit work also. [[Nazi]] soldier in [[Africa]] know this! Why you think [[dog]] eat shit? Even dog know this! Dog know more than Western doctor!
<center>
{{frame|{{morphquote|morphquote|background-color: #6666ff; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do.'''}}|10. Men have penises
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day.'''}}|9. Marriage is stupid
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Men are natural destroyers. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!'''}}|8. Boys destroy things
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.'''}}|7. Men wear watches
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.'''}}|6. Men write illegibly
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit.'''}}|5. Men live less than women
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred.'''}}|4. Women are racists
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires.'''}}|3. Men are not sponges
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues.'''}}|2. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
|{{colortext|#00007f|'''Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.'''}}|1. [[Jesus]] was a Man
}}|border=#00007f|background=#6666ff}}
</center>


Warning! Not all shit good for eat. No shit from sick person. Bad shit. Bad shit make sick, good shit make well. So simple! Need good shit. Shit healthy person. [[Truth|FDA agree]]! [[Fact|Human shit experimental drug since 2013]]! Donate at shit bank! China know for century. My shit good. You eat! You drink! Drink my shit! Good for you! China #1 exporter good shit! My shit medicine for you! No like shit soup? I shit, I freeze dry, put in pill, you eat! Shit pill cure you! Shit pirr cure famiry! I prescribe shit pill for you! Eat my shit dayree! Home remedy prepare for sickness: healthy person shit, store in freezer. Illness? Eat own good shit. No lie! No freezer no problem. Warm fresh shit often best medicine! China cure epidemic! Try many shit over many year. Have [[Ebola]]? Eat shit person survive Ebola. So easy. Many animal eat dung. Animal more wise than Western doctor! Panda elephant hippo koala all eat mother shit. China know shit. Shit soup best medicine. So wise Panda. Thank you Panda teach China.
===Dr. Phil===
[[File:humanthumb.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Dr. Phil without makeup]]
[[Image:Fat-and-pwnd.gif|thumb|A typical reaction to the truth. Fucking priceless.]]
{{天|[[fanboy|Users]] editing another wiki entirely have spent way more time documenting this bit of internet history<br/><small>[https://dickipedia.fandom.com/wiki/Dick_on_Dr._Phil you can check that out here]</small>|hackinghacker.gif|180px|Gainsboro|50%}}


==Chinese People==
Possibly the most well known and prodigious first appearance of Dick Masterson would have been his very first appearance on [[Dr. Phil]], a [[HelLA|Los Angeles]]-based tabloid talk show hosted by the human thumb from Spy Kids. Dick appeared as his bombastic, chauvinistic self as a featured guest, and once again on the Dr. Phil House mini-series, amid a slew of other guests with similar views. This was essentially a trashy reality TV show where people are exploited for the entertainment of the [[stupid|low-IQ viewers]] watching that shit. Dick's steadfast approach to criticism as well as his magnetic charisma cemented him as an agent provocateur, inciting self-professed feminists to express their true feelings and views.  He simply states a general view about women, and then [[feminazi]]s, [[dyke]]s and [[faggots]] bombard him with death and castration threats, often accompanied by a [[irony|generalized claim about men]], at which point he exploited their own views [[i did it for the lulz|for the lulz]].


[[File:Meanwhile... in china.jpg|thumb|Meanwhile, in China...]]
Dr. Phil was so humiliated by the episodes, according to Dick, that he ordered the House of Judgement segments to be cut months after their initial airing, and were eventually [[deleted|BAWWWleeted]] from the Dr. Phil archive. Later it was revealed that Shirley Dieu (a fictionalized and faked personality created solely for Dick to poke fun at) revealed she had sued Dr. Phil for deceptive business practices and a range of other issues. She revealed that everyone's possessions were confiscated by the production team (including their cell phones), the catering was intentionally terrible and all the guests were forced to share the same bathrooms. Possibly the most egregious thing that happened during filming was a random naked guy literally showing up and exposing their genitalia to the contestants.
[[image:domathfast.jpg|thumb|Another typical Chinese [[math]] plantation.]]
[[image:Kinkajou_Chinkajou.jpg|thumb|There IS a difference.]]
[[File:Chinese kid stomping on Japanese flag.jpg|thumb|left|300px|How Chinese people show that they love Japan.]]


Many have wondered why China has such a [[Sex|large population]] only to be perplexed by the [[ugly|ugliness]] of the [[women|ladies]]. Prince Philip, the greatest philosopher of the [[United Kingdom]], considered Chinese ladies to be the [[Fugly|"ugliest in the world."]] These are simply [[fact|lies]], Chinese women are the most beautiful type of [[azn]] and Chinese men are [[Fact|handsome, strong, virile beasts]] with big [[cocks]] with which to spread their seed far and wide. They were so virile that the one child policy was introduced in order to restrain them, since the Chinese population has more than doubled over the last 70 years, from 563 million in 1950 to over 1.3 billion in 2005. There is only so much [[cum]] a [[vagina]] can take people, use your brains.
Dick placed a $1,000 bounty for the original cuts of the show, which he honored when some [[Sweden|Sweedish]] dickhead somehow ripped a copy from the Swedish National Archive of Recorded Sound and Moving Images, which you can see below.


In the wake of the Republic of China's severe overpopulation, the Chinese Communist Party has mastered the art of sacrificing its people with noble campaigns like the Great Leap Forward (1959–1961), [[I did it for the lulz|which killed 30-40 million people, and the Cultural Revolution (1966–1976) with 7–8 million casualties.]] The Han Chinese are proud of their ancient heritage of being ruled over by foreigners during non-Chinese dynasties like the British Empire who pwned their way into Hong Kong. They have since been absorbed back into the welcoming bosom of the communist party, whether they like it or not, and they will either join mainland China or die. All of China belongs to China, yes, even Taiwan.
{{videoframe|DickDrPhil|background-color: lightgray;|font-weight: bold
|<youtube>nGDF5Y0AkrU</youtube> '''Episode 1: Dick on Treadmills'''
|<youtube>GHhzZLEmE2s</youtube> '''Episode 2: Dick on Single Mothers'''
|<youtube>1jYi6uanPzY</youtube> '''Episode 3: Dick on a Boatload of Emotional Women'''
|<youtube>QqJSnVcb4Js</youtube> '''Episode 4: Dick on Drawing Conclusions'''
|<youtube>T0xoKiH8JJM</youtube> '''"Female anger is the weathervane of truth"'''
|<youtube>htzdo0FBBYk</youtube> '''[[Godhand Edit|FUCK YES YOU ARE THE BEST MAN EVER]]'''
|<youtube>O6W6n9gsrqQ</youtube> '''"Should have stayed in the kitchen where you were safe"'''
|<youtube>1EsLC5FD8R4</youtube> '''"You're paying for the whore to leave"'''}}


Much like niggers with their basketball, spics with their menial labor and whites with their faggotry, chiggers have their own special array of talents. At a young age, many boys are forced to engage in a life of studying the Confucian rites and being able to apply its teachings to the math and physics they're forced to cram for on a study night. And on top of that, you have to learn kung-fu, [[Lies|a real sport and martial art]] and/or gymnastics to compete in the [[Olympics]].
== The Biggest Problem in the Universe ==
[[File:e69_erin2.jpg|thumb|right|The polarity between the hosts masculinity is uncanny af]]
[[File:Maddoxgrinch.jpg|thumb|right|Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The cuck got a wonderful, ''awful'' idea!]]
On May 20th, 2014, Masterson started a podcast called [http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com The Biggest Problem in the Universe] with co-host and mutual acquaintance [[Maddox]]. The Podcast was pretty pretty [[awwright]] at the beginning, but what made the show lulzy was that the entire premise of the show was Dick trolling the shit out of this [[autistic]] 40 year old balding [[Armenian]] [[cuck]], bringing his overbearingly masculine shit-talking game to the fore and instigating massive chimpouts from his co-host. Over time, the show's fanbase gravitated towards Dick, voting his problems over Maddox's. While Dick really didn't give a shit since this show was just a framing device to allow them to air their pet peeves, Maddox would take this personally and seethe with anger whenever it was brought up. Things that Dick talked about include:
*Getting so drunk he took a shit in his fathers pants
*Only doing cool drugs
*Never using condoms during sex
*Talking about how global warming is made up
*Talking about how swearing and saying retard isn't cool
*White knighting for female guest and getting his jimmies rustled when called out for being a white knight
*Forcing Maddox to watch Titanic every time he brought a problem that was shit


Speaking of sports, did you know that the national sport of China is manufacturing? The Chinese countryside is dotted with sweatshops full of [[loli|child laborers]] working their fingers to the bone to make sure bargain stores across the world are bursting at the gills with toys covered in lead paint, tacky polyester t-shirts and poop emoji pillows. It's not just the dollar store stuff that gets made here, they also make your [[vidya]] gaem consoles and cellphones, including their many MANY knockoff iterations to also be sold at the dollar store! It is claimed that the sweatshops are so massive and numerous that they can be seen from space, right next to The Great Wall of China. However, the years of labor they endure are worth it, since on payday they are each compensated with a small sum of sand and a handful of dog hairs.
<center><youtube>lNZ-Njp1YCw</youtube></center>


China actually had a interesting culture 100 years ago. <S>But like everything else, Japanese culture invaded and now Chinese also have to display the peace sign in every photograph they take. Nowadays, Chinese people copy from American, European and Japanese culture. China [[b/|no longer displays original content]].</s> '''WE DO SO HAVE A CULTURE STFU IMPERIALIST SCUM'''
On May 31st, 2016, Maddox abruptly cancelled the successful 107 episode Podcast (not including bonus content) due to Maddox being upset that Dick was having sex with his ex girlfriend (whom Maddox had been broken up with for 3 years, and happened while he was already dating his current live in girlfriend). Being [[cuck]]ed by Masterson, he killed the podcast and begun to wage a never-ending war to ruin Dick's personal and professional reputation. On September 25th, 2016, [[Maddox]] posted a character assassination video in which he attempted to spin an innocuous statement by Masterson, where he stated that if a [[whore|woman]] fell asleep in a bar, she should expect to be taken sexual advantage of because it is a natural consequence of the situation. With this dogwhistle the helldogs of the [[SJW]] world descended upon him, leading to his dismissal from [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upright_Citizens_Brigade Upright Citizen's Brigade] [[snca|(some gay improv group in NYC)]]. Dick refused to disown any of his work, even in the face of threats, and stood by every word he has ever written on his website and in his book (unlike Maddox, who did).


===National Anthem===
<big>[https://web.archive.org/web/20161102004143/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeW4m76E7S0 '''YOU CAN SEE THAT VIDEO HERE, BECAUSE THE SMELLY FAGGOT PRIVATED THE VIDEO''']</big>
[[File:Asianlolz.jpg|thumb|right|Get your own chinky-eye glasses; hurry up while supplies last!]]
[[File:JONES_vs_CHINKS.gif|thumb|right|Dr. Jones demonstrates the correct way to handle a Chinese chinamen, they ''no rikey''.]]


<center>{{frame|{{fv|ImperialVideos|background-color:red;|font-weight:bold;|
Some time after the drama reddit user {{reddituser|Antoids}} unleashed the full force of his autism and painstakingly edited every single episode of the podcast to reveal a slew of content that was cut from production. Most of it was Maddox incomprehensibly stammering like Porky Pig, but there were still large chunks of stuff removed where Dick was either laughing at Maddox, joking at his expense, making him look like a dumbass and so on. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WHb02h7GMU&list=PL502urtP28_9FsepAojgrLC76YO7jigqD You can view evidence of this here.]
<youtube>Qv9wk5lgGFo</youtube>|
}}|border=yellow|background=red}}</center>


===Chinese Hobbies===
== The Dick Show ==
[[Image:Unabomber-fbi.gif|thumb|220px|Ted Kaczynski took the fall for Dick]]
{{videoframe|DickDrPhil|background-color: lightgray;|font-weight: bold
|<youtube>j_BhivBuuoI</youtube> '''Sam Hyde's Lost MDE sketch exclusive'''
|<youtube>8MdjhKWG4IQ</youtube> '''The Ballad of Mansplaining'''
|<youtube>_UWZYgJaumI</youtube> '''Mansplainception'''
|<youtube>Lw1cqWH4ziA</youtube> '''How the victory of Donald Trump will be'''}}


* Inspecting  [[cunts]] through voyeurism.
Following the untimely death of The Biggest Problem in the Universe, Masterson started his own Podcast called ''The Dick Show''. Weekly tidbits of Hot Goss are distributed like Orange Chicken samples in a supermarket. Hosting the show with him is his co-host Sean Jacobson, and his audio engineer Asterios Kokanos, and a rotating cast of recurring guests, including [[Lowtax]], MadCucks ([[powerword|Trevor Brit]]), and some weirdo Dick called Steve met once at a Burning Man gig. While the show can be entertaining since it started off being slapped together last minute and devolved into a [[WWE| male soap opera of drama and gossip]], and as a result requires the listener to have [[TL;DR]] context and backstory of drama involving an dead podcast, then listen to all episodes in chronological order; otherwise, entire 30 minute chunks of an episode [[Da fuq|make absolutely no sense]]. Despite being possibly the most [[TL;DR]] Podcast in human history that requires more back story and cliff notes than [[Dungeons & Dragons]], it is ranked in the top 20 highest grossing Patreons.
* Pretending not to speak English
* Chopping off peoples penises to get eunuchs.
* Eating anything that moves and shitting epidemics. See [[SARS]] and [[AIDS]].
* Shouting in loud, annoying voices with a horrible sounding language.
* Preparing for sweatshop work at age 3.
* Wishing their dicks were bigger.
* Manufacturing inscrutably low-quality, knock-off products that break upon use.
* Manufacturing malfunctioning weapons to other countries who are at war with each other only to make money. See [[Russia]] and [[USA]].
* Doing [[math]].
* Butchering the English language by trying to adopt [[Ebonics]].
* Counter-Racism
* Being just like [[Jews]]
* Farming virtual [[World of Warcraft|gold]] to sell to [[basement dwellers]].
* Surpassing the [[The Jewnited States of Americunts|U.S.]] as being the most environmentally-destructive, air and water-polluting nation on the planet.
* Hating [[Niggers]] better than [[americunts]] (especially the [[India|Curry Nigger]] and [[Indonesia|Shore Nigger]])
* Sending butthurt, stupid, smelly Indonesian Muslims to help the Jew-sent, Syrian Rapefugees rape Europe to death.
* Taking a shit in holes
* Standing on toilet bowls to shit
* Being nippy
* [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2867219/Inside-Chinese-fur-farms-breed-raccoon-dogs-tiny-cages-skin-alive-make-luxury-coats-sold-West.html Skinning animals alive]
* Videotape [[Wang Jue|themselves]] crushing cats to death for [[sick fuck|fap material]].
* Use carcinogenic [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7S7r31cjAQ gutter oil] to cook noodles and sell them on the streets.


=== 2008 Beijing Orimpics ===
=== Dick Masterson: Autism Whisperer ===


<i>Main article: [[LOLympic Games]]</i><br>


[[Image:OrympicShoopSinger.jpg|thumb|China's amazing Shoop-da-Mexican, used to make Mexicans from nothing. [[Pedobear|PEDOBEAR]] APPROVES.]]
In the ashes of Dick Masterson proved to have a very useful weapon in his arsenal that Maddox did not count on. What does a man do when his former business partner attacks him, organizes a smear campaign against him, and leaves you with a fan base full of autistic sperglords? Like the legendary [https://wiki.bibanon.org/The_Legend_of_Chippo_Man chippo man] of yore, you weaponize that autism into your very own personal army.


[[Image:Happy Happy Happy.jpg|thumb|A typical slave to the Dalai Lama.]]
When Maddox's attack failed miserably and backfired, fans of TDS kicked in a whopping $18,465 (2/2/17) to the Dick fund, spiralling him into a 24-hour, 7 day a week alcoholic rage, condensed into an hour and a half long [[Podcast]].
Dick then [[Witchcraft|channelled]] the power of autism to outsource the work of [https://imgur.com/a/ji30G#xlDQCRe finding examples of Maddox advocating sexual assault], causing Maddox to [http://imgur.com/a/7Pp2x disavow his only successful book]. Another autist with far too much time on his hands decided to [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/55ojx0/discrepancies_and_analysis_of_bpitudick_show/ go through the accounting ledger to show Maddox was lying about his financial claims and actually owed Dick over $5,000.] Another poster on the board (Trevor Brit) became a long-term contributor on TDS as a not so subtle parody of Maddox, and ended up earning more money on Patreon than the real Maddox. They then decided to do some epic trolling by purchasing domains related to Maddox and all people associated with Madcast media, troll Maddox's Twitch stream, create a [https://i.redd.it/x7qxfcgbmfhy.jpg #1 charting comedy album] about what a [[cuck]] faggot Maddox is and chart higher Maddox's #4 charting comedy album, and [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/63z225/maddoxs_new_book_is_100_new_material/ pick apart the content of his new book] to prove that the entire thing is Maddox recycling old rants from Biggest Problem in the Universe.


[[Image:TeamBWWOOOOONG.jpg|thumb|Team China has their eyes on the ball...and the gold.]]
Dick has weaponized autism by separating his audience into two catagories:  [[Liquid Chris|top autist]] and [[Chris-chan|bottom autist]]. He incentivizes weaponized autism by giving autists 'life advice' in a simple to understand way even a retard can understand and mocking them when there is too much tism (aka labeling them a bottom autist). Dick is able to do this because he is an autism himself, however instead of focusing his autism into Thomas the Tank Engine and Sonic, he focused it on guns, bombs, telling women they are inferior to men, and trolling. Basicly Dick is /pol/ IRL, minus <s>being half spic and</s>([[Unrealistic expectations|as of January 2018, Dick is retroactively half Greek]]) loving jews.


Beijing was fortunate enough to <strike>win</strike> purchase the bid for the 2008 Orimpic Games, and they have delivered on a promise to give the world an amazing competition.
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The August 8th Opening Ceremony of the Orimpics started off with a bang. The nation that invented fireworks gave the world the most impressive display of photoshopped fireworks ever seen. The fun did not stop there; after ¥1 Billion Renminbi and years of hard work, Chinese computer engineers managed to create a program able to shoop an attractive child over an [[ugly]] child with talent.
== HOT GOSS: Dick vs Maddox & Other Associated Drama ==
When Dick and Maddox broke up due to '[[Autistic]] differences,' Dick attempted to end things as [[gay|nice]] as he could saying [[Maddox]] was a legend and he was grateful for the [[lemonparty|opportunity to]] [[AIDS|host]] a podcast with him. However, because Maddox is incapable of acting like an adult and both of them are notorious internet trolls, this quickly dissolved and turned into a Battle Royale-grade free for all. As Maddox had already pissed off his fans by killing the podcast they loved and becoming an unfunny cuck, Maddox took the coward's way forward sneaking around implying shit he couldn't back up about Dick and sending his employees to dox, harass employers, and do his general [[Scat|dirty work]] while publicly pretending to be above it all and to be a [[Pussy|good boy]] who [[dindu nuffin]]. Dick, secure in the fact that Maddox made a flaming bitch of himself on his side, handled it like a [[Trap|man]] by publicly airing his dirty laundry and shaming him. Dick later got a bit more creative and him as well as his army of people who hated Maddox decided to [[troll|have some fun]] and:
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As the Orimpics got underway, Team China dominated the in the child labor competition, winning the gold with two of the youngest loli to have ever competed. It wasn’t long before everyone was asking how China managed to train some of the best underage athletes in the world. The Chinese reveled their forced labor training camps where loli are selected at the tender age of 3 for rigorous training in making high quality Nikes and lead-covered sports equipment for other teams. (Team Wal-Mart was disappointed in the Chinese decision to reveal secret training exercises.)
*Buy up Maddox's sponsor domains,
*Redirect Domains of his co-hosts' websites to,  
*Read private "[[Fuckboy|Please get back with me]]" letters he wrote his ex,
*Create Billboard charting albums about what a [[cuck]] Maddox is to out sell his album,
*Create a parody of Maddox called Madcucks,
*Buy a billboard outside of Madcast Media's official P.O. Box saying what a cuck Maddox is,
*Release bonus content from Madcucks that outsells Maddox's bonus content,
*Establish a "podcast network" that isn't even really a network, but is still more popular and gets more downloads than Maddox's official Madcast Media network that he hyped up for over 2 years to relase shortly before his book,
*Shit talk Maddox's sponsors,
*Explain how Maddox makes his money off shirts by selling shitty quality Guildan shirts,
*Buy the domain to the super secret domain that Maddox was originally going to name his book,
*Release a Madcucks book with that same exact name making fun of what a faggot cuck Maddox is,
*Release the financial records of Biggest Problem in the Universe,
*Make fun of guests that go on Maddox's show,
*Get a restraining order against his current girlfriend Jessica "M3ntal Jess" Blum,
*Troll his twitch stream,
*Shit on Maddox's podcast reviews,
*Leak Maddox's chat logs,
*Poach Maddox's audio engineer and making him co-host in exchange for him never working for Maddox again,
*Take the Patreon name Maddox,
*And sue Maddox of trademark patent disputes.


While performing well in the child labor competition, the U.S.of fucking A. try-hard "Redeem "Shitfaced" Team" has hurt China's chances of earning the gold in the Orimpic Basketball Tournament. However, hopes still ride on Yao Ming to bring home a metal. The Chinese state-sponsored coaching staff hopes by training Ming into the ground and destroying his career as a basketball player, they will be victorious in earning the gold for Team China. In a statement to the press Ming said, "If I don' bring home the gorrd they wirr kirr my famiry and reprace me wit any one of severar mirrions erigibre Chinese basketba' praya." You can bet that Ming's famiry will be cheering for him during the games.
Dick soon learned just from his own personal beef with Maddox that Drama was profitable and makes for [[encyclopedia dramatica|quality content]]. Other Drama sagas on his podcast include (but are not limited to):


China did however excel in spitting, bottle peeing, and shitting in holes. Unfortunately, none of these activities are recognized Olympic events. Regardless, the Chinese moved forward, with each day in the events producing more spit, urine and feces than one could ever have possibly imagined. These events climaxed with the closing ceremonies, where Chinese performers ended the games with a series of enormous bowl movements, the drowning of several Chinese "dissidents" in a spit / urine pool, and a secondary invasion of Taiwan.
*Making his liberal writer vote for [[Donald Trump]]
*Getting a mod of /r/the_donald to Box a liberal faggot greek Asterios whose only stated training regimen was to "get as fat and train as little as possible just like the real Donald Trump"... and the /r/the_donald mod lost!
*Everyone forever mocking the losing mod's girlfriend, a furfag cat-kin
*Having a fan almost kill himself on air (see Valentine's Day Massacre)
*Inviting [[Null]] on as a guest and as a result KiwiFarms getting shut down the next day
*Inviting [[Faggot|Mike Cernovich]] on as a guest and then letting his writers and fans mercilessly mock and ridicule Thernovich ever since
*A war between his facebook and reddit group who hate and fuck with each other all the time
*Advising listeners to drink wrecklessly and do only the [[Win|cool drugs]].


The Chinese government broadcast the events on live TV, then quickly denied the incident ever occurred, right after calling Google to ask for another "favor".
== Best debate in the universe: Brought to you by Dick Masterson ==


[[Image:Kexin platinum.jpg|thumb|400px|center|[[In_Soviet_Russia...|In Communist China]], loli destroys [http://www.nastialiukin.com/ ''your''] life.]]
[https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Maddox#The_Biggest_Lolsuit_in_the_Universe_.28AKA:_George_Ouzounian_et_al_-_v._-_Dax_Herrera_et_al.29 Maddox sued Dick and everyone he knew for $20 million each per count in New York City.] The lolsuit was the funniest thing produced by Maddox in over 10 years, and ended with Maddox and his drunken dog bite lawyer getting their shit rammed in.


===Things They Don't Want You to Know===
After winning his lolsuit, Dick was upset. He wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his [[hugbox|cuck shed]] alone and pretend he never tried to do something so retarded. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that [[Bukkake|blew up in his own face]], Dick decided on Episode 113 of <s>Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick</s> Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be a [[lulz|hilarious]] future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:
[[File:Chinese claw machine.jpg|thumb|right|100% of China's youth are chain smokers.]]
* Fact: China's National Motto? China: The Land Of Spit And Tobacco.
* Fact: Chinese city workers can't dig up roads to repair pipe systems as the natural instinct for a Chinese person when they see an open hole in the ground is to shit in it. It is estimated that the Chinese population could fill the Grand Canyon is less than three minutes.
* Fact: Anything a Chinese person can pee in WILL be peed in. Example: empty water bottles, plastic sandwich baggies, purses, the pocket of a stranger, rectums, vaginas, open sewers (AKA: China)
* Fact: Chinese pussy is hairy and sideways.
* Fact: China almost got nuked in the Sino-Soviet border conflict.
* Fact: Chinese [[women]] have small [[breasts]]. Any Chinese [[women]] you see with normal or large breasts has implants.
* Fact: The [[ED]] website is not censored in China.
* Fact: Chinese families name their newborn babies by gathering their whole family together and smash glass plates on the floor.
* Fact: The Chinese take pleasure in gobbing on pavements, in restaurants and on each other for that matter. This frequent transfer of bodily fluids is considered more effective in getting woman pregnant. Even children, amirite?


===Chinese Childcare===
<big>[https://soundcloud.com/user-663667932/113-should-certain-animals-be-extinct-ali-spagnola-ron-babcock-taylor-nikolai-maddox-crows '''DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD'''].</big>


Children in China are treated like crap.  They are either eaten as a staple food, chained to posts like animals and/or brutally molested as a sport. Those "lucky" enough to survive till the age of 3 are given the privilege of being [[socialism|socially sold]] into mandatory slavery for the greater glory of the country in a sweatshop.
To further [[rape|help]] Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox: he is trying to [https://archive.fo/11TbX pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit show's website].


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However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully [[Jew|bill]] Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.  
Image:Fetus soup 2.jpg|Fetuses are often revered as a Chinese delicacy.
Image:BabyDog.jpg| "HOW FAR CAN I GO ON CHAIN?"
Image:ChineseCarryOut.jpg|--Ancient traditional Chinese method of [[child abuse|transportation]].-- Actually, the baby in the plastic bag is actually a picture taken in [[good Korea]]
Image:Catburger.jpg
Image:China_-_Raw_Puppy_Eats.jpg
Image:Babysoup5.jpg|Yummy!
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[[PROTIP]]: Google "Chen Chuanliu".
<center><youtube>utTVGln1Uws</youtube></center> <center>'''A full TL;DR break down of how Maddox got cucked out of his own iTunes feed'''</center>


Chinese babies don't wear diapers, as they're far too expensive for 3rd world bordering chinky chip slave laborers only making 10 cents an hour to churn out [[Apple]] and [[My Little Pony]] crap.  As such parents rely on "split pants", letting the child just shit and piss all over the floor and themselves.  As a result, most chinklets are treated like animals and caged or tied up outdoors.  The "split pants" also offer a unique "double feature" in that it allows for "easy access" to China-men who recreationally molest young children, which is in fact a national sport in China.
Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.


===Destiny Baits Dick into Autsim thunder dome===
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[[Last tuesday]], Destiny used his [[autism]] to successfully [[bait]] Dick into a "debate." This however was a 'debate' in the the same way autistic screeching is a conversation. Dick being a drunken rage filled asshole who is too lazy to research twitch attention whores, fell into a trap and admittedly he did not perform well in. Destiny accomplished this by making the whole thing about Trump after Dick explicitly said he didn't want to talk about Trump. Destiny using his adderall enhanced autism to find Dick's weakness.  
Image:China_-_Split_Pants_-_01.jpg
[[File:DesTINY.jpg|200px|thumb|right|DesTINY shows Dick whose the bigger man]]
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===Famous Chinese===
*Dick goes up against <b>literally anyone</b> anyone who challenges him like a drunk rage filled asshole
# [[Confusion|Confucius]]
*Dick is too lazy to research anything
# Winnie the Pooh
*Dick lets others lead the direction of the conversation to shit on where they take it
# Lin Zhong Min
*Dick is a 24 hour rage
# Guan Yin
# [[Kill Bill|Pai Mei]]
# Bruce Lee (and clones Bruce Li, Bruce Lei, Blues Ree etc)
# Christopher Lee
# [[Pokemon|Hitmonlee]]
# [[Pokemon|Hitmonchan]]
# [[Pokemon|Hitmontop]]
# Mao Ze [[loldongs|Dong]]
# [[Kill Bill|O-ren Ishii]]
# [[Elliot Rodger]]
# Yao Ming
# Ho-Ming Mee Sao
# Wang Wei (The pilot who took down an American plane and made them apologize)
# Ming The Merciless
# Fu Manchu
# Yin-Yang Twins
# Lao Tse
# [[Goatse|Goa Tse]]
# [[Edison Chen]] (the hero with many jpegs to back him up)
# David Carradine
# Ms. Wang ([http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/17/us/17student.html Infamous traitor of China that was exposed by the Internet and the New York Times])
# O-chin Chin
# Lu-Bu
# Lu-Wi
# Helen Yoo
# Long-Ho
# Hu-Dat
# Jackie Chan
# Chris Rock
# Donnie Yen
# Ching Chong
# Peter Chao (The guy who rubbed his own crap on a building)
# Kim Jung Il
# That white guy from Kung Pow
# [[Bill Clinton]]
# [[Chuck Norris]]
# [[Belgium|Jean Claude Van Damme]]
# [[Kevin Rudd]]
# Long Le
# Steven Segal
# William Hung
# William Fu
# Jason Statham
# Jet Li
# [[Pokemon|Brock]]
# Yung Shin Boys
# [[Michael Phelps]]
# Lo Wang (Fictional character from Shadow Warrior, made by the same guys that made [[Duke Nukem 3D]].)
# [[Pwnt|Dalai Lama]]
# [[Christopher Walken]]
# [[hippy|Tommy Chong]]
# Hu Flung Dung
# Adolf Hitler
# [[George Bush]]
# [[The Matrix|Agent Smith]]
# [[Geert Wilders]]
# Wu Tang Clan
# [[Batman|Mr. Lau]]
# [[You|Yu]]


==Government==
[[File:Masterdebater.png|200px|thumb|right|DesTINY demonstrates what physique a master debater should strive for]]
[[File:DesTINY2.jpg|200px|thumb|right|DesTINY may be cumming up short, but at least he never cums up bald ]]
As a result, Dick performed like shit. What was not supposed to be a debate and not supposed to be about Trump and supposed to be about how the way Destiny argues is a cherry picked exercise in confirmation bias that has made the internet and people shittier and unable to communicate, [[irony| turned into a debate about Trump]]. When trying to get off the topic, Destiny challeneges Dick's masculinity and accuses him of being a triggered snowflake needing the topic to be changed to keep him engaged in shit he really didn't care about talking about. Around waaaaaay top long into this "debate," Dick finally stops giving a shit and starts making fun of Destiny for being a midget. You could delude yourself into seeing this as some sort of meta-win for Dick as Dick's original statement that the way Destiny talks to people is not an actual conversation, its just autistic screeching to jerk off your ego to appeal to confirmation biases of you audience of tards over click bait talking points; but you can never take a circus midget seriously for over 30 minutes and be considered a "winner" in any way. Dick looked foolish for this, knew it, and openly admits he fucked up by letting Destiny change the subject, use sophistry tricks, and drill down into talking points into a point of absurdity. [[A winner is you| Destiny immediately declared himself a winner]], which is true in the sense that when two special ed students screech at each other in tard rage the one who is louder is the "winner". Destiny also considers it a badge of pride in triggering that he got a guy who is known for a rage based podcast that screams all the time and never does any research and argues from pathos to scream at him and not have researched sourced facts to support his arguments. Destiny's autism truly shines through at the end of the interview:


[[Image:ChinasRedArmyFly1.jpg|thumb|right|HOLY SHI- They can FLY?]]
{{quote|DICK: I guess in the argument department I came up a little SHORT  *laughs* you know what thats like. DESTINY: At least I didn't come up a little bald *Hangs up immediately* GOT HIM!|Destiny proving Dick's original point that the way Destiny talks to people is not an actual conversation, its just autistic screeching to jerk off your ego to appeal to confirmation biases of you audience of tards over click bait talking points was wrong by debating that Drumpf is bad.}}
[[Image:ChinasRedArmyFly3.jpg|thumb|right|Harry Potter is speechless...]]
[[Image:Chinamastercard.jpg|thumb|right|Chinese Electricians]]
<s>One of the few remaining [[Communist]] regimes in the world, China's leader is always a member of the Communist Party of China.</s> China is now "[[Socialist]]". While the Democratic Party of China, founded in 1998, tried to make a go of it, their leaders were [[Pwnt|promptly detained]] and sent to [[Holocaust|"correction facilities"]].


[[Fascist|President]] Hu Jintao, when he's not busy stomping on kittens, has overseen the rise of China from a third world nation to an [[Wal-Mart|economic superpower]] (but still third world nation). lulwut? Open mouth insert truck of cocks you dumb piece of shit, after the Hilarious Chinacost that oldskool commies unleashed during the Cultural Revolution it was for Deng Xiao Ping to divert the chinacide to what outcummed as an economic development, hence, China finally stopped sucking cock and became [[Wal-Mart|economic superpower]]. There is more to that, If you weren't smoking pot during Elmo Street, you'd know that during WWII China got raeped hard by the Japan niggaz. Back then Commies were nothing but your average Fallout 3 wastelander hobos, living on sucking Russia's delicious cock, Republic of China with Chiang Kai-shek as the Leader owned the street cred in the back days. So, when Japz went partying hard at Shanghai and especially at Nanking, Commies and Kuominttangs didn't give a flying fuck and continued to saw out each other. Eventually they "united" and fought back. Little did they know, that after the war, casualties were counted and bricks of uranium were said to be shat, for it turned out, that the Japz lost hardly 1.3 million samurais, 700 000 of which were ass fucked as POW's by glorious IVAN's army in Korea, and China managed to get their dicks cut by 30 000 000 (thirty million) people. 1.3 million to 30 millions, kinda tells a lot 'bout chinese army, amirite. So, after the war ended, Chinks had a small civil war between Commies and Kuomintang ended with Chiang Kai-shek GTFO to Taiwan with all the gold and hookers, thus on 1st October of 1949 People's Republic of China was born. USSR, UK, even Germany were quickly recovering form WWII, but China was still in mid 16th century, having no industry, no telecom and no 4chan, but as they were commies they pledged for some hard soviet cock in their tight azn pussies and so a glorious path to Prosperity began. To cut a long story short, Chinks got a fuckton of OIL in factories, telecom, 2ch, 4ch, Chris Hansen, education and even nukes from USSR, 'till Stalin decided to GTFO forever, with Khurshev being Steve Ballmer, Mao got pissed with USSR, they even attacked USSR's border posts in 1969 scoring some frags. And there was but one country, that rejoiced at such an outcome - the US of A. Back in China with no Soviet cock, commie leaders initiated Chinacide, so when Deng Xiao Ping finally got some street cred, he had a fucking great Idea - If we can't have some delicious Soviet Penis, we could ask for PHAT AMERICUNT DONGS in our asses, as it happened with President Nixon's Shocking visit to PRC in 1973. Which brings us to the beggings - Deng Xiao Ping is responsible for China's economic growth and the fact, that China WILL ALWAYS CRAVE FOR PHAT COCKS.
Dick also has a long list of enemies of the Dick show who he personally will punch in the face the moment an opportunity arises where he can and legally get away with it. This includes, but is not limited to:
*Maddox
*Destiny
*Madcast media
*Tim Pool
*Elon Musk
*Bill Nye
*Neil DeGrasse Tyson
*Mark Maron
*All members of Last Podcast on the Left
*Everyone at [[Cracked.com]] and it's affiliated podcasts
*Amy Schumer
*Security Guards
*The Police
*All employees of the US government (excluding military)


China's government is also known for its [[Lie|sterling Human Right's]] record, treating more diverse members of its society such as Falun Gong adherents and Tibetan Buddhists with the utmost [[torture|dignity]] and [[Party_van|respect]].
== Dick Masterson: Zionist shill? ==
While Dick doesn't talk about the Jews a lot, it has occasionally come up and has made statements sounding like he want to suck circumcised cock.
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While it's unclear if he just fucking around or if Dax secretly worships the [[jew| children of satan]], you should trust Dick as much as you would trust any [[Israel|Isreali]]. There is a good chance Dick will try and fuck your girlfriend, take your population of fans, and claim he has an ancestral right to it as he lawyers up and rapes you in court.


===Military===
== The Valentine's Day Massacre ==
[[File:Great Wall of Doge.jpg|right|thumb|Built in 6th century BC, the Great Wall of Doge is a testament to Chinese militarism.]]
On February 14th, 2017, Dustin, a random guy who had made a [[Facebook]] page for the show and appointed himself Moderator, brought 3 of the saddest stories to the bonus episode, at one point leaving listeners wondering if the current caller had [[an hero|killed himself]]. Among the other callers were a sexually-abused and near-homeless [[trap]] and a guy with.. well, with just a shitty life. Mind you, he brought these callers into a [[comedy]] show. Dustin, as a result of his actions, was sentenced to a day in the stocks down at the marketplace where customers could hiss and curse at him, along with the occasional [[golden shower]].
While China was famous in the past for [[Epic_fail|losing hard]] to the [[Japanese]], [[Russians]], [[Mexicans]], Martians, homosexuals, and 3rd grade girls, the latter half of the 20th Century saw a dramatic turnabout in China's ability to wage war.


In [[Korea]] and [[Vietnam]] they were notorious for their [[Zerg Rush]]es against [[Americunt]] forces.
== EDiot on the Dick Show ==


Recent advances include:
One of ED's admins made [[lulz| a shit video]] about [[Maddox]] and Dick invited him onto the podcast. What followed was 30 minutes of [[autism]], telling everyone about what a drunken meth-head failure [[Zaiger]] is, that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] is ran by a bunch of [[fact| lazy drunks]], and about that time [[William Atchison|a former ED mod shot up a school and only killing 2 people before getting cucked by a couch]] and bringing great shame and dishonor on Encyclopedia Dramatica by not even getting a [[High Score]]. As all Dick show fans are [[fact| an autism]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] is a collector of all things autistic and autism related, it was the [[retard|special]] [[cum|moment]] that all Dick show autists we waiting to happen. EZ also shut people up correcting him that Dick Masterson was half Mexican, not Half-Greek by getting Dick to agree that [[fact| from now on he is retro-actively Greek]].
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* The selling of Nuclear Arms secrets to China by [[Bill Clinton]] (thanks a lot, asshole).
After EZ PZ's video became one of the top search results for Maddox on [[Jewtube]] [https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=maddox (no srsly)] Maddox's [[white knight]] from [[faggot|Podhomo]] began sperging in the comments to defend m'lady [[Maddox]] and her honor. When it became clear that an admin of ED not only doesn't really give a shit about being insulted online, but communicates exclusively in internet shit talk and is more comfortable speaking that language [[homo|Jessie]] decided to threaten ED's admin with a [[lolsuit]]!
* The selling of uranium to China by [[Australia|drunk convicts]].
* The purchasing of diesel-electric submarines that can sneak up on unsuspecting [[Americunt]] ships.


'''Disadvantages of the China Zerg Rush:'''
<b><u>This would be somewhat scary if...</u></b>
[[File:Second opium warb17fec93446e2bf26b74.jpg|thumb|right|The Chinese military gets bitch-slapped by Europe's [[awesome|epic military power]] during the 2nd Opium Wars]]
* EZ Didn't live in ((([[Isreal]]))) (aka the real masters of the [[Jewnited States of Americunts]])
It costs the Chinese government approximately $1 to give their soldiers a cheap uniform and a basic two-day training course. That is not difficult. However, it is quite expensive to produce weapons, even if they are cheap, unreliable pieces of shit. Thus, the government forced everyone to learn Kung Fu in hopes that they might have rare chance of winning if they ever get close enough to engage in hand to hand combat. In a group of five Chinamen, there will be one or two with rifles the rest might be armed with Dao swords and Three-section staffs,lol! The others will just throw fireballs at you and hope you die like a low budget Kung Fu film. China often parades its military equipment since they've made some progress since the "great leap forward" but most of their weapons are outdated. It's a ploy to convince its neighbors that attacking China is foolhardy but the truth is that China only has its massive infantry division as an asset. When the world and China's neighbors realize that China is in reality actually a very weak country with only the power to only oppress its citizens, China will get pimp-slapped like an overdosed hooker as it has been in the past.
* Said something that wasn't true or wasn't a joke
* Gave a shit
* Had a reputation and image he cared about


'''Advantages:'''
When it became clear that calling the cyber police so consequences were never the same again wasn't going to cause the video to be removed, [[Herpes|Jessica]] [[Nigger|Blum]] and Podhomo started [[delete fucking everything| false flagging and reporting the video]]. In response, EZ PZ released a "retraction" video that is a retraction in the same way [[herpes]] is a sexual performance enhancer that makes your dick ribbed for her pleasure and [[Maddox| more desirable]] to the ladies. EZ also made it clear that if the Maddox Kuckhold Kissing Krew got the video successfully taken down, he'd get it hosted on ED and get it mirrored everywhere.
No country has unlimited ammunition. If a country is unprepared and doesn't have reserves while a group of troops is firing at the [[Zerg_Rush|never ending horde]], a Chinaman will fly around the back and Kung Fu their [[ass]] up.  


Fuck with one, fuck with them all, and you're bound to get Kung Fu-cked Up. <strike>Why bother messing with them?</strike> [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I EAT DOG]].
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'''Nukes'''
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China has nukes, but like every other country with nukes it knows that if it is dumb enough to use 'em, the USA will pwn their entire country to glass and then shit on the radioactive remains from a great height.
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==Economy==
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[[File:China Loli Rd.png|thumb|right|250px|Chinese equivalent of Wall St.]]
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[[File:China Bacon Apartment.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Fresh meats can be purchased from your neighbor.]]
The people of China are willing to work hard for little money, from a [[Children|young age]] until they drop dead. Without their hard work, most people in places like [[Australia]], [[Canada]] and [[United States]] would be [[Wal-Mart|naked, living in trees, and eating berries]].
 
Chinese spies spent years studying the American economy from secret bases in Chinatowns. They copied the capitalistic economy, while keeping the dictatorial political system.
 
The Chinese mastered the art of sleazy economic competition. They deliberately pegged their Yuan currency to the Dollar so Chinese products always stay cheaper than American, and other developed countries.
It ensures massive Chinese product exports so America and co. are swamped with cheap crap and cannot compete in this unfair trade scheme.
Much of America's industry and jobs has been outsourced to eager Chinese sweatshops.
 
The United States turned into an unsustainable consumer country of primarily Chinese products. This dirty trick created an enormous trade deficit and national debt for America.
The American leaders are oblivious to the perils, and spend like drunken sailors, addicted to everything Made in China. Especially the  mail in waifus from china. Bitch will make my sandwich and suck my small asian wee wee.
 
1.00 USD = 7 Chinese Yuan (also known as "one month's wages").
 
'''Opinion of Chinafag:''' A little known fact is that China Likes Big American Cock. They way it tastes like shit reminds me of how my mom tasted after the Tiananmen Square Massacre. When my friends say to me eat her dead body and ask, "wing wang. What the fuck are you doing?" I replied, "My food stamps ran out. The government was displeased by my -A in math, so I needed to eat my mom to survive."
 
===Economic Policy===
The three step economic policy used by China:
*[[Accidentally]] the paint.
*????
*PROFIT!!!
 
===Exports===
[[File:Opium merchant.jpg|right|300px]]
Some notable Chinese exports include:
*[[McDonald's]] Happy Meal toys
*[[My Little Pony]] toys.
*Lead paint
*Diseased chicken
*[[AIDS|Bird Flu]]
*Fleshlights
*[[Irony|American Flags]]
*African Genocide
*Pirated copies of anything and everything
*Rice
*<s>Chinese food</s> urban myth, Chinese food is actually made in Wisconsin
*Stuntmen
*Chinatowns that take up all the local jobs
*Malware such as Nimda
*Everything else
 
==History==
 
[[Image:GreatFirewall.jpg|thumb|right|The last Great Wall didn't work any better...]]
{{quote|The [[death]] toll stands at nine thousand, and that number looks certain [[Over 9000|to rise]].|BBC 6 PM News, 12 May 2008 on the Great Sichuan Earthquake.}}
The People's Republic of China is not an inheritor of previous dynasties which were created by foreign barbarians. The PRC has false imperialistic claims to territories that never belonged to China proper ([[Tibet]], Taiwan, Manchuria). Despite that, the Chinese Communist Party led by [[Hitler|Mao]] still managed to [[Pwn|conquer]] the two countries of Tibet. Adding to the humiliation is the fact that China was a mainly aggrarian country when said countries were conquered.
 
Starting in 1959, the Chinese started dying from famine on a massive scale. One of the consequence is that there are few to no pets in China. Despite [[PETA|what some retards]] say, [[cat|cats]] and [[dogs]] are just food there. One more reason why the Chinese found a way to make just about anything digestible. It is estimated that over 30 million people died. The famine was ended in 1961 by [[Lmao_Zedong|Mao Zedong]] importing grain from the [[capitalist]] countries and making a law that every Chinese can have a handful of rice per day, thus, thwarting [[evolution]].
 
===Chinese Inventions===
[[File:Potn china starts televising the sunrise.jpg|right|thumb|Eat that, [[Japan|Land of the Rising Sun]].]]
[[Lie| The centuries of foreign rule over China means many inventions and achievements were made possible thanks to their foreign overlords. Were it not for their generous intervention, they'd still be living in igloos and hunting jellyfish.]] Actually, they discovered and invented a lot of cool things like paper, the printing press, silk, compasses, and most importantly gunpowder BUT the Arabs were smart enough to [[steal|burrow]] these inventions from the Chinese. They then assraped China at the Battle of Talas in 751. Then the Arabs converted the entire Central Asia to [[Islam]] and screwed China's plans at raping the shit out of the place. Then during the Crusades, the Europeans lived the raping shit out of the ME and stole the inventions from the Arabs. Thus the "barbarian" Europeans eventually harnessed and improve on those originally Chinese inventions to [[rape|pwn the living shit out of]]the whole world during the age of Imperialism. And even to this day, the Chinese are still butthurt over the imperialistic rape and pwnage they created an <s>[http://www.humen.com/english/info/humeninfo7-2.htm entire museum dedicated to imperialism/buttrape].</s> [[LOL|ROR]] [[404]]
 
===The Great Wall of China===
[[File:China_No_Foresigners.jpg|thumb|right|Modern incarnations of the Great Wall are still prevalent throughout China.]]
[[100_years_ago|At least 100 hundred years]] ago, the Great Wall was built to stave off invading drug lords. It never actually worked, because the drug lords simply bribed the gatekeepers. They killed them too when they came through.
 
On the other hand, ordering that a great wall be built has turned out to be a very effective form of [[Birth control|population control]], as it is estimated that [[OVER 9000|millions of people died]] constructing the wall over the span of thousands of years and several dynasties.
 
On a side note, anyone who believes the myth that a 20-foot wide dirt colored wall can be seen from space is fucking retarded. See: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Wall_of_China#Visibility_from_low_earth_orbit FACT]
 
===Later History===
 
[[File:Fuckingtestfrogtranks.jpg|thumb|right|Joey "Tank Man" Johnson takes his pack of tanks for a walk.]]
 
[[Image:InvisibleExecution.jpg|thumb|right|Invisible Execution!]]
 
Either China made Marco Polo famous, or Marco Polo made China famous. At any rate, now we know what to say when wandering around a dark room. China is known for contributing spaghetti ([[YA RLY]]!), deadly diseases, and useless products to the western civilization.
 
In the latter half of the 20th Century, China has had [[Lie|good relations]] with its neighboring country, [[Japan]]. In fact, whenever you meet a Chinese person, repeatedly refer to them as Japanese. This will ensure your ability to make many Chinese [[e-pal]]s.
 
Inexplicably, the Chinese also get extremely offended when they are mistaken for Taiwanese, which, technicly, they are. To [[Lulz|demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of their culture]], always be sure to tell them you are aware that [[Mexico]] is NOT part of China and is in fact an entirely different country.
 
Deng Xiaoping, China's version of [[Reagan]], was [[Lolwut|inscrutable]]. Was he a stalwart [[Communist]] or [[Capitalist]] reformer? Did he hate our freedom like all <s>[[Communist]]</s> [[capitalist|Capitalists]], or did he love money like a Jew?
 
====Chinese Imperialism:====
 
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===Great Firewall of China===
[[Last Thursday]], China embarked on a [[Epic fail|monumental project]] to [[Party Van|protect its citizens]] from the [[CP|evils]] of the [[internets]]. Called the Golden Shield project, every communication is routed through a [[Fail|government firewall]], where it is blocked if it attempts to connect to a [[No|site banned in China]]. Naturally, it [[Epic_fail|works just as well as the last Great Wall]].
 
P.S:
[[File:Illegal-flower-halt.jpg]]
 
===Unit 731===
[[File:Japanese Woman cuts off Chinese penis.gif|thumb|eight|Japanese conducted torture and mass experiments of Chinese during [[World War II]], and castrated the entire Chinese male population. Here a Japanese woman cuts off a [[Chinese]] man's [[penis]].]]
There have been countless atrocities throughout history many ignored which we can learn from but whenever you're talking a chink you'll be sure to have this mentioned. Hilariously enough many of histories atrocities were committed notoriously by the Chinese themselves including cruel Chinese emperors, Chinese imperial expansionism, Lingchi:death by a 1000 cuts, violent cultural revolutions, Chinese gulags, artificial famines, mass genocide by Mao Zedong, invading and plundering Africa and Latin America, etc.. The list could go on forever...Instead of learning from Unit 731 as a humbling experience for china to never be belligerent again. China became worse and more aggressive, now china had a reason to adopt a victim mentality(while others who have been persecuted move on)furthering their agenda for imperialism and world domination covertly. Whenever you mention any of China's bad points they will immediately BAAAWWW!!! and bring UNIT 731 up.
 
[[Image:Unit731-logs.jpg|thumb|left|A Unit 731 Log Inspector]]Unit 731 was a [[epic]] underground complex full of [[4chan|sekret stuffs]], and if you don't know what it is you should probably Google it, because its full of epic win and [[CP]], but to sum it up... 
 
Unit 731 (pronounced CHING-CHONG NIP NONG NONG) was a [[Lulz|covert biological and chemical warfare]] research and development unit of the [[Sick fuck|Imperial Japanese Army]] that undertook [[Tentacle rape|lethal human experimentation]] during World War II. It was responsible for some of the most hilarious war crimes carried out by Japanese personnel, including the killing of thousands of logs.
 
There is some question to whether UNIT 731 was an actual event or not many times throughout history we hear a one sided story mainly told by the victors of wars and China during WW2 was part of the allied powers. Many in Japan call into question UNIT 731 as an actual event because China is known for its dubious claims especially about history. Interestingly enough many Koreans joined the Japanese when they invaded china. The Chinese are known for propaganda especially the Chinese cinema which is very famous in continent of asia and in the United States because Chinks have infested [[Hollywood]].
 
==Culture==
 
[[Image:2139_baby.jpg|thumb|Authentic Beaner food sold in the local china town in Germany.]]
 
[[Image:Hello_Kitty_7-11.jpg|thumb|Chinese love Slurpees and Hello Kitty all in one!]]
 
[[Image:Vram-Win.jpg|thumb|Kai Yat Sai, [[for great justice]].]]
 
While the Chinese [[government]] is surprisingly [[Atheist|non-religious]], those who are [[retarded|religious]] must adhere to one of the [[Yes|state-sanctioned]] [[religion|religions]], such as [[Buddhism]], Taoism, Confucianism, or [[Christianity]] and even they are imprisoned sometimes. Members of [[No|non-sanctioned]] religions such as Falun Gong are [[Party Van|V&]] and sent to [[Jail|correction facilities]], where their vital organs are harvested and [[Profit|sold on the black market]]. Although things are looking to change as religion is now flourishing in china.
 
According to [[John Lennon]], [[win|''If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make it with anyone anyhow.'']]
 
The average Chinese is [[over 9000]]% racist. This is mainly directed at [[Blacks]], especially the Negro equivalent of the [[Mexican]], the [[Curry nigger]].. However, in all circumstances this racist rage can boil over and be directed towards anyone, especially other Chinese. This manifests itself in a variety of ways, from being admonished for tipping to throwing yourself in front of cabs otherwise the don't stop for [[Whitey]].
 
The average Chinese street is piled with the dead bodies of pedestrians who couldn't look both ways before crossing the street because in China that's how you yield right of way. 'THEY SAW ME. THEY SHOULD HAVE STOPPED.' [[srsly]]. Luckily dem Commies cracked down on [[IRL]] carmageddeon and now you can only hit ONE jaywalker scott free.
 
Average Chinese [[children]] spend [[Over_9000|up to 200%]] of their time in sweatshops. They have most likely created your shoes, braces, computers, houses, electronics and food. [[Owned|The average sweatshop laborer receives a maximum of ten grains of rice per day.]] The Chinese think that having a daughter is very unfortunate, which is obviously [[loli|wrong]]. When [[Obama]] went to China to discuss the issues the people were facing, all they could think about was the fact that he had two daughters in a row.
 
{{quote|You already have 2 daughters. Will you try for a third? And if it is still a daughter, what would you think about that?|Lzm048 asks [[Obama]] a hard one}}
 
 
===Food===
 
Many [[American]]s think of [[cock|eggrolls]], General Tsao's (or Tso's, Gau's, Zor's, Chau's) [[chicken fight|chicken]], and chop suey as Chinese food. However, all of this is untrue. "Chicken" is actually made from the stray cats in the alleys of Chinatowns while chop suey is in fact a traditional [[Armenia]]n dish popularized by the band [[System of a Down]].
 
To easily sum up most oriental foods, if its incredibly disgusting, rare, or endangered, they will consume it in mass quantities.
 
One must travel to China to find true, authentic Chinese food. Feast on such mouth-watering delicacies as:
* Everything's uterus
* Cat and Dog
* Donkey Curry
* Stinky Tofu (Odor of belly button and foot-ass)
* Beef tripe
* Fried eel
* Really expensive Pizza Hut
* Really sketchy McDonalds
* Starbucks and Kentucky Fried Chicken on every corner
* Tiger penis
* Internal Organs of [[victim complex|Persecuted]] [[fundie|Falun Gong]] followers.
* Swallow bird's nest
* Shark fin
* Chicken gizzards
* The best fake meat for vegetarians (Only at temples)
* Marinated squid and jellyfish [[tentacle rape|tentacles]]
* Roast pigeon
* Dog soup
*<s>[http://www.ispub.com/ostia/index.php?xmlFilePath=journals/ijto/vol2n1/eggs.xml Artificially made eggs]</s> Broke ass link
* [http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/07/12/health/main3049080.shtml Cardboard buns]
 
The Chinese, enamored to the magical delicacy of American invented [[Slurpee]]s, have allowed Western convenience stores to infiltrate the shit hole province of Guangzhou and it's Specially Economical Zone of Shenzhen. [[Last Thursday]], thousands of [[7-11]]s sprouted up in all sizes from kiosk to full size store.
 
===Strange Chinese Dishes===
 
Some Chinese eat Baby Soup which contains a deceased human fetus and costs about $4000. Chinese eat Baby Soup to increase overall health, stamina and the power of sexual performance.
 
===Medicine===
Chinese medicine is based around the notion of Chi, which is complete bullshit on the order of the four humours of ancient Greek medicine. Simply wrong. Although they have some rudimentary knowledge of anatomy, it's garbled by the fact that the sole concern of Chinese medicine is the smallness of Chinese penises. For instance, Chinese medicine is certain that the kidneys have something to do with sex. This is what is going on when the Chinese doctor or apothecary suggests something to "strengthen the kidney". They are not talking about urinary function.
 
With the exception of acupuncture and hanging weights off your cock, Chinese medicine consists of eating, drinking, or probably snorting anything even vaguely penis-shaped or somehow related to penises in the hopes of getting a boner. Tigers are being driven extinct by the market for tiger-penis soup. Rhinoceroses are being driven extinct by the market for powdered rhino horn. Priceless dinosaur fossils are ground to powder and sold as "dragon bone". And it's all because the Chinese can't get it up, and when they do it's disappointing.
 
===DERRICK UH SHEE===
Chinks eat fucking everything as a delicacy. Especially human dong. The ancient Chinese proverb "Ching chong ding dong" from the Hai Chang roughly translates to "Dirty Chinaman chew this penis." Other scholars translate "chong" as "chomp" or "chow down." In fact, the term "chow down" comes from the traditional Chinese garbage soup Chao Daon. Every animal penis and every animal part is used as "medicine" in China. '''EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE'''. The Chinese alone keep every poacher in business worldwide. Shark fin. Rhino horn. Tiger balls. Zebra penis. Kangaroo pouch. Platypus nostrils. Orangutan fingernails. Panda liver. Porcupine lymph nodes. Elephant thyroid. Musk ox pancreas. Lion ovaries. Cheetah tear ducts. Slug semen. Electric eel stomach. Jellyfish testicles. THE CHINESE WANT TO EAT IT. NO EXCEPTIONS. The most popular menus in China are the Endangered Species Act and the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species. Melamine is another delicacy in China and they always use it in place of wheat, rice, corn, soy, milk, and baby formula. Make kidney strong like bull!
 
The world's largest penis museum was required by a UN treaty to be set in Reykjavík, Iceland simply to prevent the Chinese from consuming the museum's entire collection. Every museum worker at the Icelandic Phallological Museum quakes in fear when they see Chinese tourists approaching. Most museums have signs like "Do not touch" or "No leaning on the glass", but due to the Chinese, the Iceland penis museum has had to put up multiple "Do not eat" signs written in multiple variants of Chinese: Mandarin, Wu, Yue, Min, Jin, Huayu, Shanghainese, Huizhou, Gan, Xiang, Amoy, Teochew, Zhuyin fuhao, Pinyin, Xiao'erjing, Dungan, Zhongwen, Chingchong, Pingpong, Fengwang, Hoju, Heihachi, Gon, Lo Wang, etc. As a result, the Icelandic Phallological Museum has become one of the world's foremost experts on the Chinese language simply as a means of survival and continuity of operations. Plaques with pictograms meaning "do not eat penis" have also been permanently affixed in the museum. Some very rare penises are kept in a fortified basement vault with armed guards. The Iceland penis museum has considered banning all Chinese visitors, but since gooks are their major source of ticket revenue it's a catch-22. The Icelandic military's sole mission is to protect their national penis museum from Chinese tourists.
 
There have been multiple extinction events in the history of life on Earth, but none has been as devastating as The Chinese. China is currently Zerg rushing all land and sea animals and bioconverting them into slanteyes. For the Chinese, seeing any eyeball on another living thing that isn't constantly squinting is deeply offensive and drives their murderousness. Quite often, the Chinese instinct to violently kill everything with eyes is expressed as elementary school knife massacres, subway gas attacks, [[Virginia Tech Massacre|VTEC]], and [[Elliot Rodger|supreme gentlemen]]. Chink on chink crime can be explained by overpopulation, hunger, and self-hatred due to the medical condition Guangdong Min Dong, Latin for "Grown Man Have Baby Penis."
 
If you're ever walking on a beach and see some monstrous horror washed up, it is always true to say "That's a delicacy in China." If you're hitchhiking along an interstate and see two dead animals violently fused together by tires, it is always true to say "That's a delicacy in China." If you visit an abortion clinic and open a biohazard bin, it is always true to say "That's a delicacy in China." If you've ever seen a picture on the Internet of eyeball soup, it came from China. Placenta lasagna? Made in China. Fetus stew? Made in China. Penis dumplings? Made in China. Spaghetti and testicles? Made in China. THIS IS NOT A FUCKING JOKE. This no game Daniel-san, this for real.
 
===Morality===
Morality in China is no different from other godless ex-commie countries (like [[Russia]]). They run over their children first with a truck to soften the meat before consuming them.
 
'''Confucius says:''' If child is dying in agony, keep walking.
 
===Sports===
[[Image:POTN_China_Swimmers.jpg|right|thumb|Not sure if swimming or [[North Korea|Arirang Festival]].]]
The Chinese are notoriously great at martial arts, ping pong, gymnastics, figure skating, diving, synchronized diving, synchronized marching, rikshaw pulling, Qui-Gon Jinn, stuntmen and putting people before firing squads. However, their prowess in Western [[sports]] is [[Basketball|limited to the freakishly tall Yao Ming.]] The Chinese especially seem to excel at sports when the event is held in china with Chinese judges where they seem to become world champions with a history of winning consecutively. A more obvious reason behind this is the presence of a large number of Chinese labs experimenting in mixing chemical meths with steroids.
 
===Language===
The entire Chinese language consists of two syllables: ''[[Rosie O'Donnell|cheech]]'' and ''[[Rosie O'Donnell|chong]]''. Linguistic scholars<sup title="The text in the vicinity of this tag needs no citation." class="noprint">&#91;[[Citation_needed|''citation&nbsp;not&nbsp;needed'']]&#93;</sup> believe this to be the origin of the term "[[Azn|Ching Chong Chinaman]]." Even to a [[Cunnilingus|cunning linguist]] who sees differences with types of words, even with the approximately five different tone inflections, there still is an irritatingly huge number of homophones. Fortunately, lulz can be harvested; the symbol for slave [[pimp|looks like the symbol of a woman near the symbol of a right hand]], and the literal translation for their name of Africa, fei zhou, is "wrong continent". Not necessarily ugly, but the Chinese language generally sounds like cats trying to imitate a drum set.
 
The most useful Chinese words are 不要 ( buyao / búyào ) Roughly pronounced boo-yow with a falling inflection it means "[[DO NOT WANT]]" ([[srsly]]) and is used by yelling it at the [[Assholes|Chinese]] trying to electrocute you in the subway/ take your picture/ sell you crap/ selling sex from weird massage parlors/ begging for money/ asking if you're a wrestler/ being racist at you. More useful words are 出口 (Chūkǒu) pronounced chew-kow and means "Exit." This can be used to your advantage as most exits anywhere in China or china-adjacent are brightly marked with Coat Rack/T.V. for speedy escape from thundering hordes of Chinese bent on taking everything nice from you while rejecting such foreign concepts such as "lining up" or "personal space".
The Chinese language does not have tenses in it, which is why all the food is raw. It's impossible to asked for "cooked" meat - meat that was being cooked in the recent past but is now no longer being cooked. It's also impossible to ask for "boiled water" - water which has been boiled but is now no longer hot. In Chinese, the water either is or is not boiling. This is why bottled water - "water in a bottle" - is the only way to get safe drinking water and is responsible for a great deal of waste.
 
On the other hand, people who natively speak languages like this routinely make better long-term decisions than those who speak languages with tenses. It seems there us an up-side to not being able to put worries off until tomorrow.
 
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'''Chinese child musicians who did not practice enough and therefore [[fail|failed]] their parents and dishonored their ancestors.'''|
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===List of Chinese Pastimes===
[[File:Chinese Panda Dog.jpg|thumb|[[Sparkledogs|Painted dogs]]: so much easier than saving the [[Panda]].]]
[[Image:From_nikonfans.jpg|thumb|Picture from a typical Chinese website, advertising for a restaurant.]]
[[Image:Abortionlol.gif|thumb|Japanese soldier solving overpopulation.]]
 
* Pretending to give two shits about the environment
* Attempting to piss off [[Americans]] (but failing at it)
* Playing "which button makes the nuke explode?" (for nobles only)
* Opening Chinese restaurants
* [[Kung fu]]
* Exporting Chinese whores to spread disease in other countries and regions like North America, Western Europe, Russia, Israel and Japan
* Speaking [[Engrish]]
* Playing '[[Where's Waldo?]]: China', which is far more difficult than other versions because all chinese people look the same
* Making [[McDonald's]] Happy Meal toys
* Working at the local [[Wal-Mart]]
* Manufacturing [[SARS]] (and possibly other deadly diseases for export to the rest of the world)
* Stealing American and European [[job]]s through outsourced [[slave]] labor.
* Chinese fire drills
* Traveling overseas as tourists to Europe, Canada, Australia and America and pissing off the locals.
* Killing and eating babies.
* Violating quarantine laws in other countries by smuggling items like dead cat heads or diseased plants through the border.
* Smuggling heroin to other countries.
* Sticking it to the [[White]] [[The Man|Man]]
* Playing ping pong
* [[World of Warcraft|Farming Gold]]
* Spitting on sidewalks
* Picking their flat noses.
* Scaring America with [[communism]] and failing at it!
* Scaring America with [[capitalism]] with massive success
* Engineering man-made viruses such as SARS and the Avian Flu in hopes of thinning out their population by 75%.
* [[win|Executing people for simply having any kind of religious faith which is considered a "threat to national security"]]
* Executing political prisoners and then charging the deceased's families for the cost of the bullets
* [[Death penalty|Executing people in general]]
* [[Pwn|Running people over with tanks]]
* Having the filthiest and most polluted environment in the world
* Having filthy living standards
* Bragging about their massive arsenal but most of their weapons are faulty and used for propaganda purposes
* Framing Tibetan monks for "bomb plots" and then promptly executing them
* [[Awesome|Holding the record for THE most murderous regime in all of human history, having murdered over 250,000,000 people]]
* Murdering people who claim to have cured [[cancer]]
* Kidnapping and [[Murder|murdering]] people to harvest their organs
* Having [[Capitalism|no safety and sanitation laws]]
*[[Romance of the Three Kingdoms|Being a true hero of the Three Kingdoms!]]
* Telling stories around the labor-campfire
 
===[[I accidentally X|Accidents]]===
 
[[Image:Chines.jpg|thumb|right|Me so horrny! Me ruvv you rong time!.]]
[[Image:Fetus_soup_2.jpg|thumb|right|Chinese eat human fetus to "increase" their sexual performance.]]
 
According to a [[shit nobody cares about|report]] [[over 9000|at least 100,000,000]] Chinese died in accidents in 2007, this is a dramatic 10% drop from the previous year. Some officials cite less hazards in the workplace such as two inspections per year rather than just one, a [[doing it wrong|gun]] to encourage factory workers to do it right, and signs that replace 'do <s>not</s> touch this' with images of [[buttsecks|smiley communist pandas describing what can happen with images of a mangled worker]].<br /><br />
 
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==U.S.-China Relations==
The Chinese word for [[America]] is 美國, pronounced meiguo, a transliteration which means literally "beautiful country". This would seem to be overtly flattering; however, the first character 美 (mei), though it does mean beautiful, is a vertical combination of the characters 大 (da) and 羊 (yang), meaning, respectively, "large" and "sheep".
 
The contrast between the conspicuous "beautiful" and the subtler "big sheep" contains a hidden truth and tells you everything you need to know about China's [[Rich_and_beautiful|public]] versus [[Dumbass|private]] opinions of [[Americunts|America and Americans]]. Rightly so. It is also well known China is slowly taking over the world. Most Experts suggest that they will make their move when America collapses, some think it is when they finally figure out how to open their eyes.
 
 
[[Image:OlympicLesbianAssFingering.jpg|thumb|400px|center|American Ali Bernard [[asking for it|getting raped in the ass]] by Chinese Wang Jiao.Typical Chink unsportsmanlike behavior.]]
 
==How to Troll the Chinese==
 
* Point out the many, many times the Great Wall failed them.
* Mention the period of Mongolian foreign rule
* Tell them the Manchu ran their country better than they ever did
* Predict that India will surpass them
* Claim that Western and Japanese corporations will sue their economy into oblivion.
* Support Tibetan freedom
* Support Uighur separatism
* Support Hong Kong democracy
* Support Taiwan
* Yell "TAIWAN NUMBA WAN!"
* Buy Taiwanese goods.
* Tell them that Taiwan is, in fact, a country.
* Tell them [[Lmao Zedong|Mao]] killed more people by accident than [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] and [[Rainbow Stalin|Stalin]] could on purpose.
* Tell them [[North Korea]] will betray them sooner or later.
* Claim that another Century of Humiliation is coming.
* Make fun of their attempts at hegemony.
* Make fun of their military
* Say they'll never get control of the Easter and South China Sea
* Tell them Japan will recover and outdo them.
* Tell them Confucius was full of shit.
* Ask them why Sun Tzu couldn't be bothered to write more.
* Remind them [[America|who]] saved their tiny asses in [[World War 2]]
* Diss communism
* Send them this:
{{quote|"动态网自由门 天安門 天安门 法輪功 李洪志 Free Tibet 六四天安門事件 The Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 天安門大屠殺 The Tiananmen Square Massacre 反右派鬥爭 The Anti-Rightist Struggle 大躍進政策 The Great Leap Forward 文化大革命 The Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution 人權 Human Rights 民運 Democratization 自由 Freedom 獨立 Independence 多黨制 Multi-party system 台灣 臺灣 Taiwan Formosa 中華民國 Republic of China 西藏 土伯特 唐古特 Tibet 達賴喇嘛 Dalai Lama 法輪功 Falun Dafa 新疆維吾爾自治區 The Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region 諾貝爾和平獎 Nobel Peace Prize 劉暁波 Liu Xiaobo 民主 言論 思想 反共 反革命 抗議 運動 騷亂 暴亂 騷擾 擾亂 抗暴 平反 維權 示威游行 李洪志 法輪大法 大法弟子 強制斷種 強制堕胎 民族淨化 人體實驗 肅清 胡耀邦 趙紫陽 魏京生 王丹 還政於民 和平演變 激流中國 北京之春 大紀元時報 九評論共産黨 獨裁 專制 壓制 統一 監視 鎮壓 迫害 侵略 掠奪 破壞 拷問 屠殺 活摘器官 誘拐 買賣人口 遊進 走私 毒品 賣淫 春畫 賭博 六合彩 天安門 天安门 法輪功 李洪志 Free Tibet 劉曉波动态网自由门}}
This will instantly boot them from whatever platform you sent it to them through it and will get them sent to a Maoist gulag [[IRL]] where [[Bubba|Bubba Bing Dong]] will stuff them full of [[Cock|chopsticks]]
 
==Actually other Asian countries hates china==
In fact, other Asian countries also hate China. Chinese bastards are ruining the image of Asians. In particular, [[good Korea]], [[Japan]], [[Taiwan]], [[Hong Kong]], [[Singapore]], and Vietnam]] are the most hated for China. They all want to [[massacre]] the Chinese
 
==Gallery==


{{cg|Gallery|chinaGallery|center|<gallery>
Given the history and success of the Dick show, how much Encyclopedia Dramatica admins love trolling retards, and the fact that a sizable group of autisms will throw money at anything their Autsim Whisper passingly mentions it's predicted this Encyclopedia Dramatica admin will most likely start being linked to the C.U.N.T. "Network" (whether he wants to be or not), trick autistic Dick heads into giving him a sizable chunk of money, and make a living from the ashes of Maddox's former career. Well either that or continue to be a (((lazy drunk))), after all he is an admin for Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Image:Chinaiswin.jpg|"Foorish imperiarists. China wins this round."
Image:WasntChicken.jpg|An all-too-common experience.
Image:MAN FUK.jpg|Typical Chinese taxi driver. [[Rape]] is imminent.
Image:Doge dies.gif|China kills [[Doge]]
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:madpwnt.gif|Foothurt
Image:Everyformrape.jpg|It comes in different flavors!
Image:Translateservererror.jpg|Chinese trying to put up a sign in [[Engrish|English]].
Image:Pedo_only9.jpg|Even [[Pedobear]] put in an application.
Image:Edison-chen-cecelia-cheung-gillian-chung-02a.jpg|Chinaman [[Edison Chen]] getting his dick licked before having it chopped off. Notice Pedobear is present.
Image:Death_Train.JPG|The Chinese have trains now.
Image:All_look_same.jpg|The Chinese Council disapprove of your shenanigans. You better believe that'll result in a lower social credit score
Image:Edison-chen-09.jpg|Chinaman [[Edison Chen]] eating cunt, once his dick was removed by Gillian's teeth.
Image:Azian.jpg|Typical Chinese Beauty.
Image:Penis.jpg|Traditional Chinese toothbrush
Image:popstation.JPEG|China's amazing [[Fail|originality]].
File:Big shit.jpg
Image:ChineseSOB.png|Those Chinese sons of a bitches are going down.
Image:Forbid.jpg|Shut up.
Image:ChinasRedArmyFly2.jpg|Great Firewall of China...more like great faggotwall, amirite?
Image:TankManHacker.jpg|China's hackers on steroids can block tanks. Who knew?
Image:Gungagalunga.jpg|Even drunken louts can share in the wisdom of the Dali Lama.
Image:Soup_3.jpg|China is full of sick fucks.
Image:Chinese_fetus.jpg|China's so called "beautiful" culture.
Image:Chinese_execution.jpg|Example of the government benefits the Chinese can expect.
Image:Cunt_examination.jpg|Nice use of +1,000 year old Anglo-Saxon terminology.
Image:Skidknee.jpg|Azns are known to want it [[up the butt]].
Image:Wtfisthislee.jpg|Bruce Lee is not amused.
Image:Chinese_dude.jpg|OH, I SEE A COCK.
Image:Jimbo in red.jpg|The future of U.S.-China relations.
Image:China mad.jpg|Don't fuck with China.
Image:Chinese_babies.jpg|Space exploration propaganda, or solution to [[over_9000|massive population]]?
Image:China_segways.jpg|China's nerd patrol.
Image:Taiwan.jpg|Delicious Chinese food.
Image:Toy dead cat.jpg|The chinese [[hate|loooooooove]] cats.
Image:stonerchan.png|Stoner Chan, brother of Jackie Chan. Master of Stoner Kung Fu.
Image:China_-_Negotiations.jpg|Chinese hostage negotiator at work.
File:POTN China Wheelchair.jpg
File:ChinawomenridesPWC.jpg|Fucking white guys is a typical freetime actitvity of an average Chinawoman
File:Grocery_Gross_Dog_Heads.jpg|Typical Chinese cuisine.
File:Grocery_Gross_Tuna_Eye.jpg|How about some dessert?
File:ChinaGathersForUSDebt.jpg
File:Chinaownsyoubitch.jpg
File:Veryhotchinesechick.jpg|Very hot chinese chick
File:Anasianslut.gif
File:Kai-Lan.png|Your typical Chinese cartoon girl.
File:GookGirlTongTongWu.jpg|Typical Chinese woman named [[LOL|Tong Tong Wu]]
File:A young Chinese woman.jpg
File:JadeKush.jpg
</gallery>}}


==See Also==
== External Links ==
* [[Anti-CNN]]
*http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com
* [[Afghanistan]]
*http://www.womenarebetterthanmen.com
* [[Asia]]
*[http://biggest.thedickshow.com/ His old podcast with Maddox]
* [[Azn]]
*[http://thedickshow.com/ His new podcast]
* [[Chyna]]
*http://www.myspace.com/mabtw
* [[China Guy]]
*http://www.youtube.com/mabtw
* [[Communism]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0-Q-6GiLDLrAIkTqNrNr-Q current youtube channel]
* [[Death Van]]
*http://twitter.com/dickmasterson
* [[Eingee.com]]
*https://www.patreon.com/thedickshow
* [[India]]
*[https://facebook.com/groups/TheDickShow fagbook]
* [[Indonesia]]
*[https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/ reddit]
* [[Human flesh search engine]]
*https://www.thedickshowwiki.com/mediawiki/index.php/Main_Page
* [[Japan]]
*[https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.freenode.net/thedickshow IRC]
* [[Kazakhstan]]
*[https://discordapp.com/invite/ETjPVDS Discord]
* [[Mizhi County No. 3 Middle School Attack]]
*[http://books.simonandschuster.com/Men-Are-Better-Than-Women/Dick-Masterson/9781416953814 His Book]
* [[North Korea]]
*[http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/erect-the-man-billboard/ ERECT his billboard for the lulz]
* [[Olympic Flame]]
*[http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/forums/rss.php?c=50&f=27&t=1 An RSS feed to his hatemail]
* [[Pakistan]]
* [[Russia]]
* [[Taiwan]]
* [[Tajikistan]]
* [[Tibet]]
* [[Vietnam]]
* [[Wang Jeu|Wang Jew]]


==External links==
{{8chan}}
*[http://www.virtualworldsnews.com/2007/08/habbo-hotel-chi.html Chinese Habbo Hotel closed permanently] thanks to AIDS.
{{Maddox}}
*[http://www.thestar.com/article/200265 Chinese sell couches labeled as nigger-brown.] At last, a quality product.
{{sex}}
*[http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2010/04/google-china-and-censorship-a-wiredcom-faq/ '''Fired !'''] ''from Google - what did you expect, you honorable imperialist cunt ?''
{{Trolls}}
{{truth}}


{{azn}}
{{timeline|Featured article May 30 & 31, [[2018]]|[[Realstreamnews]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Aydin Paladin]]}}
{{commonwealth}}
{{Takedown}}
{{Unitedstates}}
{{Qing}}


[[Category: Locations]]
[[Category:People|Masterson, Dick]]
[[Category:Epic Shit]]

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Dick's iconic appearance on Dr. Phil
God among men

Dick Masterson (aka Dax Herrera), is a messenger from God sent to enlighten women around the world about why everything sucks because of them, and this consequently makes him the greatest human being alive. His IRL trolling is not only noteworthy for the lulz it has generated over the years, but the fact that so many fall for such obvious bait creates a weird meta-troll effect where he's proven right due to the hordes of butthurt bitches left in his path. His trolling never just stopped at pissing off wimminz though, motivated via the vindictive antics of a certain former associate of his, he took his trolling to new heights by engaging in some of the biggest shitposts in his career, including entertaining Maddox's $380 million lolsuit.

Dick Masterson is also a CalTech honors graduate with a doctorate in rocket science. No, seriously! he actually talked about making rockets and drones that kill terrorists for his day job. Sorry ladies, so much for him being a retard that doesn't have any clue what he is talking about. When a butthurt psychobitch snitched on him, writing to his family and employers to cut off his penis, it was soon revealed his employer could care less since rocket scientists weren't exactly commonplace, he kept doing whatever he wanted to, living his life like the drunken degenerate virgin king supreme.

So, women despise him, men and /b/tards want to BE him, and trolls WISH they could be him. God bless you Dax Herrera, consider this ED article as your #1 fanpage.

Early Career

Website

Dick Masterson's final form

At least 100 years ago, Dick owned a website titled menarebetterthanwomen.com, through which he shared his infinite wisdom with fellow assholes and chauvinists on the internet. Having an advanced degree in Dickology, Dick has written many classic works, including this list of reasons on why men are way better than women, something he would turn into a bestseller on and even translated that into a #1 bestselling book on Amazon. The site has remained inactive as of 2010, largely due to the popularity of the video media he produced for JewTube.

Dick: women line up to go out with me!
Her: I don't see any women lining up to go out with you, and even if there were, I would be at the end of that line.
Dick: Well if you hit the treadmill more, you'd be at the front.

This is an example of a technique Dick pioneered known as the "Verbal Cunt Punt" or VCP for short. It allows dick to turn raging Feminazis back into respectable women without the need to punch or kick their filthy untouched snatches.

Top 10 Reasons why Men are Better than Women
   
 
Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do.
 

 
 

—10. Men have penises

   
 
Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day.
 

 
 

—9. Marriage is stupid

   
 
Men are natural destroyers. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
 

 
 

—8. Boys destroy things

   
 
Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
 

 
 

—7. Men wear watches

   
 
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
 

 
 

—6. Men write illegibly

   
 
Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit.
 

 
 

—5. Men live less than women

   
 
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred.
 

 
 

—4. Women are racists

   
 
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires.
 

 
 

—3. Men are not sponges

   
 
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues.
 

 
 

—2. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

   
 
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
 

 
 

—1. Jesus was a Man

Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil without makeup
A typical reaction to the truth. Fucking priceless.
Users editing another wiki entirely have spent way more time documenting this bit of internet history
you can check that out here

Possibly the most well known and prodigious first appearance of Dick Masterson would have been his very first appearance on Dr. Phil, a Los Angeles-based tabloid talk show hosted by the human thumb from Spy Kids. Dick appeared as his bombastic, chauvinistic self as a featured guest, and once again on the Dr. Phil House mini-series, amid a slew of other guests with similar views. This was essentially a trashy reality TV show where people are exploited for the entertainment of the low-IQ viewers watching that shit. Dick's steadfast approach to criticism as well as his magnetic charisma cemented him as an agent provocateur, inciting self-professed feminists to express their true feelings and views. He simply states a general view about women, and then feminazis, dykes and faggots bombard him with death and castration threats, often accompanied by a generalized claim about men, at which point he exploited their own views for the lulz.

Dr. Phil was so humiliated by the episodes, according to Dick, that he ordered the House of Judgement segments to be cut months after their initial airing, and were eventually BAWWWleeted from the Dr. Phil archive. Later it was revealed that Shirley Dieu (a fictionalized and faked personality created solely for Dick to poke fun at) revealed she had sued Dr. Phil for deceptive business practices and a range of other issues. She revealed that everyone's possessions were confiscated by the production team (including their cell phones), the catering was intentionally terrible and all the guests were forced to share the same bathrooms. Possibly the most egregious thing that happened during filming was a random naked guy literally showing up and exposing their genitalia to the contestants.

Dick placed a $1,000 bounty for the original cuts of the show, which he honored when some Sweedish dickhead somehow ripped a copy from the Swedish National Archive of Recorded Sound and Moving Images, which you can see below.

Episode 1: Dick on Treadmills
Episode 2: Dick on Single Mothers
Episode 3: Dick on a Boatload of Emotional Women
Episode 4: Dick on Drawing Conclusions
"Female anger is the weathervane of truth"
"Should have stayed in the kitchen where you were safe"
"You're paying for the whore to leave"

The Biggest Problem in the Universe

The polarity between the hosts masculinity is uncanny af
Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The cuck got a wonderful, awful idea!

On May 20th, 2014, Masterson started a podcast called The Biggest Problem in the Universe with co-host and mutual acquaintance Maddox. The Podcast was pretty pretty awwright at the beginning, but what made the show lulzy was that the entire premise of the show was Dick trolling the shit out of this autistic 40 year old balding Armenian cuck, bringing his overbearingly masculine shit-talking game to the fore and instigating massive chimpouts from his co-host. Over time, the show's fanbase gravitated towards Dick, voting his problems over Maddox's. While Dick really didn't give a shit since this show was just a framing device to allow them to air their pet peeves, Maddox would take this personally and seethe with anger whenever it was brought up. Things that Dick talked about include:

  • Getting so drunk he took a shit in his fathers pants
  • Only doing cool drugs
  • Never using condoms during sex
  • Talking about how global warming is made up
  • Talking about how swearing and saying retard isn't cool
  • White knighting for female guest and getting his jimmies rustled when called out for being a white knight
  • Forcing Maddox to watch Titanic every time he brought a problem that was shit

On May 31st, 2016, Maddox abruptly cancelled the successful 107 episode Podcast (not including bonus content) due to Maddox being upset that Dick was having sex with his ex girlfriend (whom Maddox had been broken up with for 3 years, and happened while he was already dating his current live in girlfriend). Being cucked by Masterson, he killed the podcast and begun to wage a never-ending war to ruin Dick's personal and professional reputation. On September 25th, 2016, Maddox posted a character assassination video in which he attempted to spin an innocuous statement by Masterson, where he stated that if a woman fell asleep in a bar, she should expect to be taken sexual advantage of because it is a natural consequence of the situation. With this dogwhistle the helldogs of the SJW world descended upon him, leading to his dismissal from Upright Citizen's Brigade (some gay improv group in NYC). Dick refused to disown any of his work, even in the face of threats, and stood by every word he has ever written on his website and in his book (unlike Maddox, who did).

YOU CAN SEE THAT VIDEO HERE, BECAUSE THE SMELLY FAGGOT PRIVATED THE VIDEO

Some time after the drama reddit user Antoids (Archive 1) unleashed the full force of his autism and painstakingly edited every single episode of the podcast to reveal a slew of content that was cut from production. Most of it was Maddox incomprehensibly stammering like Porky Pig, but there were still large chunks of stuff removed where Dick was either laughing at Maddox, joking at his expense, making him look like a dumbass and so on. You can view evidence of this here.

The Dick Show

Ted Kaczynski took the fall for Dick
Sam Hyde's Lost MDE sketch exclusive
The Ballad of Mansplaining
Mansplainception
How the victory of Donald Trump will be

Following the untimely death of The Biggest Problem in the Universe, Masterson started his own Podcast called The Dick Show. Weekly tidbits of Hot Goss are distributed like Orange Chicken samples in a supermarket. Hosting the show with him is his co-host Sean Jacobson, and his audio engineer Asterios Kokanos, and a rotating cast of recurring guests, including Lowtax, MadCucks (Trevor Brit), and some weirdo Dick called Steve met once at a Burning Man gig. While the show can be entertaining since it started off being slapped together last minute and devolved into a male soap opera of drama and gossip, and as a result requires the listener to have TL;DR context and backstory of drama involving an dead podcast, then listen to all episodes in chronological order; otherwise, entire 30 minute chunks of an episode make absolutely no sense. Despite being possibly the most TL;DR Podcast in human history that requires more back story and cliff notes than Dungeons & Dragons, it is ranked in the top 20 highest grossing Patreons.

Dick Masterson: Autism Whisperer

In the ashes of Dick Masterson proved to have a very useful weapon in his arsenal that Maddox did not count on. What does a man do when his former business partner attacks him, organizes a smear campaign against him, and leaves you with a fan base full of autistic sperglords? Like the legendary chippo man of yore, you weaponize that autism into your very own personal army.

When Maddox's attack failed miserably and backfired, fans of TDS kicked in a whopping $18,465 (2/2/17) to the Dick fund, spiralling him into a 24-hour, 7 day a week alcoholic rage, condensed into an hour and a half long Podcast. Dick then channelled the power of autism to outsource the work of finding examples of Maddox advocating sexual assault, causing Maddox to disavow his only successful book. Another autist with far too much time on his hands decided to go through the accounting ledger to show Maddox was lying about his financial claims and actually owed Dick over $5,000. Another poster on the board (Trevor Brit) became a long-term contributor on TDS as a not so subtle parody of Maddox, and ended up earning more money on Patreon than the real Maddox. They then decided to do some epic trolling by purchasing domains related to Maddox and all people associated with Madcast media, troll Maddox's Twitch stream, create a #1 charting comedy album about what a cuck faggot Maddox is and chart higher Maddox's #4 charting comedy album, and pick apart the content of his new book to prove that the entire thing is Maddox recycling old rants from Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Dick has weaponized autism by separating his audience into two catagories: top autist and bottom autist. He incentivizes weaponized autism by giving autists 'life advice' in a simple to understand way even a retard can understand and mocking them when there is too much tism (aka labeling them a bottom autist). Dick is able to do this because he is an autism himself, however instead of focusing his autism into Thomas the Tank Engine and Sonic, he focused it on guns, bombs, telling women they are inferior to men, and trolling. Basicly Dick is /pol/ IRL, minus being half spic and(as of January 2018, Dick is retroactively half Greek) loving jews.

(Yes, a top autist parody of Maddox actually makes more money than the real Maddox.)

HOT GOSS: Dick vs Maddox & Other Associated Drama

When Dick and Maddox broke up due to 'Autistic differences,' Dick attempted to end things as nice as he could saying Maddox was a legend and he was grateful for the opportunity to host a podcast with him. However, because Maddox is incapable of acting like an adult and both of them are notorious internet trolls, this quickly dissolved and turned into a Battle Royale-grade free for all. As Maddox had already pissed off his fans by killing the podcast they loved and becoming an unfunny cuck, Maddox took the coward's way forward sneaking around implying shit he couldn't back up about Dick and sending his employees to dox, harass employers, and do his general dirty work while publicly pretending to be above it all and to be a good boy who dindu nuffin. Dick, secure in the fact that Maddox made a flaming bitch of himself on his side, handled it like a man by publicly airing his dirty laundry and shaming him. Dick later got a bit more creative and him as well as his army of people who hated Maddox decided to have some fun and:

TL;DW


  • Buy up Maddox's sponsor domains,
  • Redirect Domains of his co-hosts' websites to,
  • Read private "Please get back with me" letters he wrote his ex,
  • Create Billboard charting albums about what a cuck Maddox is to out sell his album,
  • Create a parody of Maddox called Madcucks,
  • Buy a billboard outside of Madcast Media's official P.O. Box saying what a cuck Maddox is,
  • Release bonus content from Madcucks that outsells Maddox's bonus content,
  • Establish a "podcast network" that isn't even really a network, but is still more popular and gets more downloads than Maddox's official Madcast Media network that he hyped up for over 2 years to relase shortly before his book,
  • Shit talk Maddox's sponsors,
  • Explain how Maddox makes his money off shirts by selling shitty quality Guildan shirts,
  • Buy the domain to the super secret domain that Maddox was originally going to name his book,
  • Release a Madcucks book with that same exact name making fun of what a faggot cuck Maddox is,
  • Release the financial records of Biggest Problem in the Universe,
  • Make fun of guests that go on Maddox's show,
  • Get a restraining order against his current girlfriend Jessica "M3ntal Jess" Blum,
  • Troll his twitch stream,
  • Shit on Maddox's podcast reviews,
  • Leak Maddox's chat logs,
  • Poach Maddox's audio engineer and making him co-host in exchange for him never working for Maddox again,
  • Take the Patreon name Maddox,
  • And sue Maddox of trademark patent disputes.

Dick soon learned just from his own personal beef with Maddox that Drama was profitable and makes for quality content. Other Drama sagas on his podcast include (but are not limited to):

  • Making his liberal writer vote for Donald Trump
  • Getting a mod of /r/the_donald to Box a liberal faggot greek Asterios whose only stated training regimen was to "get as fat and train as little as possible just like the real Donald Trump"... and the /r/the_donald mod lost!
  • Everyone forever mocking the losing mod's girlfriend, a furfag cat-kin
  • Having a fan almost kill himself on air (see Valentine's Day Massacre)
  • Inviting Null on as a guest and as a result KiwiFarms getting shut down the next day
  • Inviting Mike Cernovich on as a guest and then letting his writers and fans mercilessly mock and ridicule Thernovich ever since
  • A war between his facebook and reddit group who hate and fuck with each other all the time
  • Advising listeners to drink wrecklessly and do only the cool drugs.

Best debate in the universe: Brought to you by Dick Masterson

Maddox sued Dick and everyone he knew for $20 million each per count in New York City. The lolsuit was the funniest thing produced by Maddox in over 10 years, and ended with Maddox and his drunken dog bite lawyer getting their shit rammed in.

After winning his lolsuit, Dick was upset. He wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never tried to do something so retarded. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be a hilarious future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:

DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD.

To further help Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox: he is trying to pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit show's website.

However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.

A full TL;DR break down of how Maddox got cucked out of his own iTunes feed

Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.

Destiny Baits Dick into Autsim thunder dome



"I'm not triggered you shithead"Dick knows how to stay calm...also TL;DW


Last tuesday, Destiny used his autism to successfully bait Dick into a "debate." This however was a 'debate' in the the same way autistic screeching is a conversation. Dick being a drunken rage filled asshole who is too lazy to research twitch attention whores, fell into a trap and admittedly he did not perform well in. Destiny accomplished this by making the whole thing about Trump after Dick explicitly said he didn't want to talk about Trump. Destiny using his adderall enhanced autism to find Dick's weakness.

DesTINY shows Dick whose the bigger man
  • Dick goes up against literally anyone anyone who challenges him like a drunk rage filled asshole
  • Dick is too lazy to research anything
  • Dick lets others lead the direction of the conversation to shit on where they take it
  • Dick is a 24 hour rage
DesTINY demonstrates what physique a master debater should strive for
DesTINY may be cumming up short, but at least he never cums up bald

As a result, Dick performed like shit. What was not supposed to be a debate and not supposed to be about Trump and supposed to be about how the way Destiny argues is a cherry picked exercise in confirmation bias that has made the internet and people shittier and unable to communicate, turned into a debate about Trump. When trying to get off the topic, Destiny challeneges Dick's masculinity and accuses him of being a triggered snowflake needing the topic to be changed to keep him engaged in shit he really didn't care about talking about. Around waaaaaay top long into this "debate," Dick finally stops giving a shit and starts making fun of Destiny for being a midget. You could delude yourself into seeing this as some sort of meta-win for Dick as Dick's original statement that the way Destiny talks to people is not an actual conversation, its just autistic screeching to jerk off your ego to appeal to confirmation biases of you audience of tards over click bait talking points; but you can never take a circus midget seriously for over 30 minutes and be considered a "winner" in any way. Dick looked foolish for this, knew it, and openly admits he fucked up by letting Destiny change the subject, use sophistry tricks, and drill down into talking points into a point of absurdity. Destiny immediately declared himself a winner, which is true in the sense that when two special ed students screech at each other in tard rage the one who is louder is the "winner". Destiny also considers it a badge of pride in triggering that he got a guy who is known for a rage based podcast that screams all the time and never does any research and argues from pathos to scream at him and not have researched sourced facts to support his arguments. Destiny's autism truly shines through at the end of the interview:

   
 
DICK: I guess in the argument department I came up a little SHORT *laughs* you know what thats like. DESTINY: At least I didn't come up a little bald *Hangs up immediately* GOT HIM!
 

 
 

—Destiny proving Dick's original point that the way Destiny talks to people is not an actual conversation, its just autistic screeching to jerk off your ego to appeal to confirmation biases of you audience of tards over click bait talking points was wrong by debating that Drumpf is bad.

Dick also has a long list of enemies of the Dick show who he personally will punch in the face the moment an opportunity arises where he can and legally get away with it. This includes, but is not limited to:

  • Maddox
  • Destiny
  • Madcast media
  • Tim Pool
  • Elon Musk
  • Bill Nye
  • Neil DeGrasse Tyson
  • Mark Maron
  • All members of Last Podcast on the Left
  • Everyone at Cracked.com and it's affiliated podcasts
  • Amy Schumer
  • Security Guards
  • The Police
  • All employees of the US government (excluding military)

Dick Masterson: Zionist shill?

While Dick doesn't talk about the Jews a lot, it has occasionally come up and has made statements sounding like he want to suck circumcised cock.

Dax speaking out against der fuhrer



While it's unclear if he just fucking around or if Dax secretly worships the children of satan, you should trust Dick as much as you would trust any Isreali. There is a good chance Dick will try and fuck your girlfriend, take your population of fans, and claim he has an ancestral right to it as he lawyers up and rapes you in court.

The Valentine's Day Massacre

On February 14th, 2017, Dustin, a random guy who had made a Facebook page for the show and appointed himself Moderator, brought 3 of the saddest stories to the bonus episode, at one point leaving listeners wondering if the current caller had killed himself. Among the other callers were a sexually-abused and near-homeless trap and a guy with.. well, with just a shitty life. Mind you, he brought these callers into a comedy show. Dustin, as a result of his actions, was sentenced to a day in the stocks down at the marketplace where customers could hiss and curse at him, along with the occasional golden shower.

EDiot on the Dick Show

One of ED's admins made a shit video about Maddox and Dick invited him onto the podcast. What followed was 30 minutes of autism, telling everyone about what a drunken meth-head failure Zaiger is, that Encyclopedia Dramatica is ran by a bunch of lazy drunks, and about that time a former ED mod shot up a school and only killing 2 people before getting cucked by a couch and bringing great shame and dishonor on Encyclopedia Dramatica by not even getting a High Score. As all Dick show fans are an autism and Encyclopedia Dramatica is a collector of all things autistic and autism related, it was the special moment that all Dick show autists we waiting to happen. EZ also shut people up correcting him that Dick Masterson was half Mexican, not Half-Greek by getting Dick to agree that from now on he is retro-actively Greek.


After EZ PZ's video became one of the top search results for Maddox on Jewtube (no srsly) Maddox's white knight from Podhomo began sperging in the comments to defend m'lady Maddox and her honor. When it became clear that an admin of ED not only doesn't really give a shit about being insulted online, but communicates exclusively in internet shit talk and is more comfortable speaking that language Jessie decided to threaten ED's admin with a lolsuit!

This would be somewhat scary if...

  • EZ Didn't live in (((Isreal))) (aka the real masters of the Jewnited States of Americunts)
  • Said something that wasn't true or wasn't a joke
  • Gave a shit
  • Had a reputation and image he cared about

When it became clear that calling the cyber police so consequences were never the same again wasn't going to cause the video to be removed, Jessica Blum and Podhomo started false flagging and reporting the video. In response, EZ PZ released a "retraction" video that is a retraction in the same way herpes is a sexual performance enhancer that makes your dick ribbed for her pleasure and more desirable to the ladies. EZ also made it clear that if the Maddox Kuckhold Kissing Krew got the video successfully taken down, he'd get it hosted on ED and get it mirrored everywhere.




Given the history and success of the Dick show, how much Encyclopedia Dramatica admins love trolling retards, and the fact that a sizable group of autisms will throw money at anything their Autsim Whisper passingly mentions it's predicted this Encyclopedia Dramatica admin will most likely start being linked to the C.U.N.T. "Network" (whether he wants to be or not), trick autistic Dick heads into giving him a sizable chunk of money, and make a living from the ashes of Maddox's former career. Well either that or continue to be a (((lazy drunk))), after all he is an admin for Encyclopedia Dramatica.

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