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Beefcake
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BEEFCAKE.TXT
SO BEEFCAKE WAS DRIVING ACROSS FUCKING EUROPE AGAIN TO MEET GENCDO, THE WOMAN HE "LOVES" AND ALSO MET OVER THE INTERNET WHICH SHOULD BE A HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T GET OUT ENOUGH TO FORM ACTUAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH REAL PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY ONES THAT AREN'T BELJEN. SO ANYWAY BEEFCAKE SHOWS UP WITH SOME SHITTY FLOWERS HE BOUGHT AT SAFEWAY OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY HAVE IN BELJIM, FUCK EUROPE TBQH LOL, AND HER PARENTS LOOK AT HER LIKE, "OUT OF ALL THE FUCKING LOSERS TO BRING HOME, YOU HAD TO PICK THIS UNWASHED BELGIN LINUX NERD". SO ANYWAY SHE GETS IN HIS CAR THAT'S FUCKING FILTHY FROM MCDONALDS WRAPPERS AND GREASE DRIPPING ALL OVER THE SEATS AND CAT HAIR STARTS TO STICK TO HER NEW DRESS SHE GOT AT A FUCKING ROSS BUT STILL TRIES TO LOOK GOOD IN IT (LOL), AND SHE'S LIKE "WTF????". SO NOW THEY'RE DRIVING AND BECAUSE BEEFCAKE IS FUCKING EUROPEAN AND THE STEERING WHEEL IS ON THE WRONG FUCKING SIDE, PLUS HE'S PREOCCUPIED ON HIS PHONE BANNING MEEPSHEEP AND LITERALKA AND HEX FROM IRC BECAUSE HE CANT TAKE SOME FUCKING HARDCHATS, SO ANYWAY HE'S NOT LOOKING AT THE FUCKING ROAD (ONCE AGAIN HE'S ON THE WRONG FUCKING SIDE BECAUSE THEY DRIVE THAT WAY IN BELGEM) AND SOME LITTLE FUCKING COMPACT CAR IS COMING RIGHT AT HIM WHICH WOULD JUST BE LAUGHABLE IN THE UNITED STATES BECAUSE WE HAVE BIG FUCKING STRONG CARS, UNLIKE EUROPEANS WHO ALL DRIVE FUCKING HOT WHEELS, SO ANYWAY BEEFCAKE IS LIKE "OH SHIT!!!" BUT IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE AND THE TINY LITTLE EUROPEAN FAGGOT CAR RAMS RIGHT INTO HIS TINY LITTLE EUROPEAN FAGGOT CAR AND RIGHT INTO GENCDO, SEVERING HER ARMS AND SHE'S ALL BLEEDING AND SCREAMING. SO NOW THEY'RE AT A BELJEN HOSPITAL, AND BECAUSE BELJUNS ARE 20+ YEARS BEHIND THE KNOWN WORLD, THEY HAVE TO FUCKING AMPUTATE HER ARMS WITH A FUCKING TABLESAW. SO NOW SHE'S LAYING ON A HOSPITAL BED WITH A FUCKING HANGOVER BECAUSE BELGANS DON'T HAVE ANESTHETICS AND BEEFCAKE WALKS UP ALL SAD AND LAYS HIS HEAD ON HER BED A FEW INCHES AWAY FROM ONE OF HER NUB SOCKETS, RIGHT AROUND NOW IS WHEN HE WOULD USUALLY HOLD HER HAND TO SIGNIFY THAT HE WILL NEVER LET HER GO BUT SHE DOESN'T HAVE ARMS ANYMORE LOL. SHE'D PROBABLY EVEN TRY RUNNING HER HAND THROUGH HIS RATTY HAIR, ASSUMING SHE COULD SLUG THROUGH THE GREASE, BUT ONCE AGAIN, NO ARMS. SO NOW SHE'S OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND STAYING AT BEEFCAKE'S POTATO CHIP-RIDDEN HOME ON HIS NASTY FUTON COATED IN PORK RINDS AND BEAN DIP. SUDDENLY SHE HAS TO SHIT, SO SHE MAKES HER WAY TO THE EQUALLY NASTY, IF NOT WORSE, BATHROOM WHERE SHE TRIES FOR ABOUT AN HOUR TO GET HER PANTS OFF, BUT EVENTUALLY FINDS A WAY TO WORM DOWN HER PANTIES. HAVING EATEN NOTHING BUT FOOD MUSH DELIVERED IN A TUBE AT THE HOSPITAL FOR THE LAST FEW WEEKS, SHE STARTS SHITTING ALL OVER THE PLACE AND UNCONTROLLABLY RELEASING HER BOWELS ALL OVER BEEFCAKE'S DISGUSTING TOILET. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE REALIZES, "OH SHIT HOW AM I GOING TO WIPE MY ASS?!?!?!" CRYING FOR ABOUT AN HOUR OVER THE MATTER, BEEFCAKE EVENTUALLY HEARS AND SURPRISINGLY LEAVES HIS POSITION AS WANNA-BE IRCOP TO SEE WHAT THE MATTER IS. THEN HE TOO REALIZES THE NATURE OF THE ISSUE AND GRIMACES IN DISGUST; AT THIS POINT HE PRETTY MUCH DOESN'T LOVE HER ANYMORE. NEVERTHELESS, HE FEELS OBLIGATED TO GO THROUGH WITH IT, AND COURAGEOUSLY WATCHES AS GENCDO BENDS OVER, REVEALING THE SHIT STUCK TO ALL WALLS OF HER ASSHOLE. TRYING TO MAKE THE MATTER AS FAST AND PAINLESS AS POSSIBLE, BEEFCAKE MAKES SEVERAL QUICK STROKES WITH THE CHEAP TOILET PAPER AND LOOKS BACK TO ASSURE HIS MISSION HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED. UNFORTUNATELY THE LAZY FUCK ACCIDENTALLY GOT SHIT ALL OVER HER BACK. NOT WANTING TO CLEAN OFF ANYMORE SHIT, BEEFCAKE FLUSHES THE TOILET AND AIDS GENCDO IN GETTING HER PANTIES BACK ON, MAKING SURE HE SUBTLY WIPES UP THE SHIT WITH THEM IN THE PROCESS. STILL CRYING OVER GETTING HER ASS WIPED BY HER BOYFRIEND, GENCDO BURIES HER FACE INTO BEEFCAKE'S CHEST, WHILE HE WITNESSES THE FUCKING TOILET OVERFLOW AND GENCDO'S SHIT START POURING OUT AND ONTO HIS BATHROOM FLOOR. MORALE OF THE STORY: FUCK BELJAM THE END
GENCDO
02:44:42 < Nicotine> I come here to watch bonzi_b's rap lyrics 02:44:47 < Nicotine> isn't that why you come here? 02:45:01 < gencdo> i come here because beefcake needs my support 02:45:06 < gencdo> through this tough time in his life 02:45:29 < Bromacia> gencdo why did you get deoped 02:45:33 < Nicotine> ...is he even in here? 02:45:40 < gencdo> Bromacia: because beefcake is having a tough time 02:45:46 < gencdo> Nicotine: he comes and goes 02:45:53 < gencdo> i can't predict when though 02:45:55 < gencdo> so i idle 02:45:59 < gencdo> making sure that he is OK 02:46:01 < Nicotine> what you're doing 02:46:05 < Nicotine> is not idling, honey 02:46:16 < gencdo> i didn't say that i was idling right now, did i? 02:46:22 < gencdo> or that idling was all that i do 02:46:53 < Bromacia> he banned me once for some bad shoops with jessi slaughter's face over it 02:47:31 < Nicotine> how long were you b&? 02:47:54 < Bromacia> I think it was like a week 02:47:58 < gencdo> Nicotine: probably until he got his ~ removed 02:48:00 < gencdo> for oper abuse 02:48:12 < gencdo> now he's deluded himself into thinking that he never had it 02:48:53 < Bromacia> he was pretty serious 02:48:59 < Bromacia> did he really have it? 02:49:02 < gencdo> yes lol 02:49:14 < gencdo> but i shouldnt be laughing 02:49:17 < gencdo> its a sad thing 02:49:18 < Bromacia> well it's kind of a real issue then 02:49:36 < Nicotine> p sad yes 02:49:38 < Nicotine> no laughing 02:49:38 < gencdo> he called irc logs fakes 02:49:44 < gencdo> irc logs that were posted on the forums 02:49:52 < gencdo> right before he got it taken away 02:50:01 < Bromacia> that's sad 02:50:05 < gencdo> hes only lying to himself 02:50:10 < gencdo> so hard that he now believes it
When all else fails...
dont annoy me
dont annoy me
dont annoy me
dont annoy me
dont annoy me
dont annoy me
dont annoy me
See also
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Beefcake is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |