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Failbook

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Did You Know: that Facebook was originally a Hot or Not for Harvard, and by very definition since its inception has been a welcome place for drama?



ED is back on Fæcesbook. You can join and lurk moar until they kick us off again by joining here.
Facebook? Moar liek Failbook, amirite?
File:Zuckerberg-zombie anim.gif
The Truth, in october on your screens.
   
 
They "trust me". Dumb fucks.
 

 
 

Mark Zuckerburg

   
 
I am too old for my friends to be this dumb
 

 
 

—What you'll inevitably realize once you start adding your irl friends

The Failbook (alternatively known as: Bookface, FakeBook, FagBook, Faecesbook, DeFaceBook, FapBook, MyFace, FaceFuck, FacePalm, FaceBukkake, WasteBook, RapeBook, FaceBleed, Fascistbook, and Myspace 2: Electric Boogaloo and the MySpazz Killer) is a Web 2.0 site cornucopia of uselessness originally designed to connect school classmates and allow college graduates to find drug dealers. It, however, is now open to everyone, and greedy Jew Mark Zuckerberg wants 15 billion lollars for it. (It's actually worth $11 billion and Zuckerburg himself is worth $7 billion.) Facebook was most often used to troll memorial tribute pages and controversial groups. Now it is getting difficult to troll since Facebook now ask users to verify their identities with a mobile cell phone number. However, insane stalkers still enjoy harassing classmates and also co-workers until the cops come. When Facebook goes down, users roam the streets in tears, shoving photos of themselves in people's faces and screaming 'DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU?

Applications

Facebook, approximately 100 years ago, allowed external applications to be installed within profiles, making them moar money and as painful to load as MySpace pages. But only easier to block. These applications range from the pointless Daily Horoscopes and RIGHT NOW I'M LISTENING TO BURZUM on Last.fm to click farm data harvesting "games" Farmville, Mafia Wars, mafia wars clone.v2, mafia wars clone.v3, etc etc. Especially the 'E-Mail adding list, consisting of add me bullshit!' threads on the discussions as these will allow a wily user to gather hundreds of 'friends' relatively quickly

The Honesty box 'feature' allows anonymous posting to people's profiles and other pages. Trolling opportunities are rife. Armed with a dozen accounts one could easily convince an especially weak willed individual to go on webcam.

The cream on the cake however is the multitude of applications involving pirates, zombies, ninjas, vampires, wizards. No one is quite sure what the purpose of these applications are, however, if your close friend /ex/ local stalker "Bites" you then you must respond, ASAP, Now, Quick, otherwise...nothing happens. However, if you do respond... Well.... Nothing happens. Be warned! Just because she bit you, means it wound be rude not to bite her back IRL.

In 2010, Facebook has shown who the boss is, by betraying them by removing the featured apps page. now you can easily NOT discover any apps you would like, which lead the investors of those apps to be BAW. Nobody likes apps anyway.

Prepare to spend countless hours playing games like cafe world clicking to start the dish wait on the fucking dish to be cooked serving it to the 3d bastard who want your food and hardly even give you any money Give them there fucking coffee and hope they burn them self it truly makes it +1 Fun

Pages

Facebook's "Pages" feature allows a user to upload a profile for a charity or organization, though they are usually set up when people think something is funny, when really, they fail. Hard.

People are allowed to join pages, and when they do (pictured right), everyone in the whole world, including you, is notified about this.

Pages are also popular among the people who have Unwarranted Self-Importance. You can create a "page" for yourself, your band, your dog or even maybe for your ex-gf, to make people fap to you, your band, your dog OR your ex-gf.

Causes

Failbook wants you to feel like you're actually contributing to life on the planet, rather than just wasting your precious time filling out surveys that no one cares about. To wit, they've allowed 'Causes', which is the trendiest way to pretend to care about something. You can donate to any cause, which will lead the "owner" of that cause to buy himself some weed, alcohol, a rapidshare account or maybe even party equipment to celebrate having your monies IRL.

Stalkerbook

The most prominent use of Fascistbook is to allow people with no social skills to stalk people that go to the same school as they do. People will post just about anything about themselves on there, from the names of their cats to photos of themselves having fun. Of course, this can be used for good, too.


This also allows the U.S. Government to stalk you as well, which makes sense, considering FACEBOOK IS ISRAEL ONLINE/jews pedophile furries. This makes sense, given the obvious connections between founder Mark Zuckerberg --> Jew --> CIA --> JEWS DID WTC.

Bleeding edge stalking technology

An Example of an Assbook Profile.
Your mother loves you; everyone else thinks you're a cunt.
Don't forget that your boss is on Facebook as well.
DevianTART's very own 18bitz. GIVE HER A NOBLE PEACE PRIZE.
Warning - Facebook is SERIOUS BUSINESS

On September 5, 2006, Facebook added an A+ feature called Feeds. Any time a user changes, adds, or removes data on the site, this act is broadcast to a feed which all their friends or classmates can read. The main feed is presented on the home page of the site as soon as users log in. For example, if you:

  • Post a comment on a picture in some drunk chick's album telling her she's hot
  • Leave a drunken comment on your ex's wall
  • While drunk, change your mind about coming out and remove "officer in Campus PRIDE" from your activities
  • Change your Current Status to "OMG SOOOO DRUNK"
  • Confirm that you'll be drunk at an event at a particular location and time
  • Tag a picture of yourself and your friends drunk and in an awkward position

Then everyone at your school will instantly be notified as soon as they log into Facebook!

This is A+. On this hallowed day, thousands of collar-popping date-raping fratclones were dumped by their orangeskin girlfriends for cruising skeeze snatch in photo comments, an activity now publicly viewable to all in the news feed! REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 5TH OF SEPTEMBER, IN OTHER WORDS NEVAR 4GET.

Serious drama

protest image macro of Brian Peppers

By the evening of September 5, a number of groups opposed to the various changes had appeared on Facebook, including Students Against Facebook News Feed. At 7pm EST, the group had 11,000 members. By 9:30, it had over 30,000 members and was adding a staggering 20 members per second. By about 10:30, the clip had slowed to about 4 users per second which would be sustained overnight.

The group hit 100,000 members at 2:15am Eastern, by which point all communication occurring was from basement dwellers saying shit like "oh man the last two hours of my life were spent watching this group to see when it rolled over 100,000....its like new years only better" and girllovers posting hundreds of pictures of Dakota Fanning over and over and OVER AND OVER. In a crude variant of the fifty Hitler post, a Texas user named Jonathan Cunningham or simply "The Rape Kid", continuously posted the word "RAPE" at least 100 times in every thread for over 2 hours.

By September 7th, there were over 700,000 members angsting over the use over the word "gay" in a 1,000+ discussion thread, because the internet is serious business.

If the group's growth continues merely at a linear rate, by midnight on 9/11 it will have 1,712,786 members, ranking in population ahead of Philadelphia as the 5th largest US city. If it were a real city, it would have at least one million additional pedos waiting for several hundred thousand clones of Dakota Fanning to make the first move.

Idiotic Art Theft

Because copyright means nothing, and people think it's much more fun, and easier, to steal things from people who post things on DeviantART and y!Gallery then doing the honourable thing, and stealing them from Viacom and Microsoft, large amounts of fantard clubs have been formed revolving around posting stolen fan art on the site, both in the fantard clubs, as well as all over their user pages. Mostly yaoi related, and the occasional furry, the art pours in by the hundreds, no sources, no credits, the posters too lazy and stupid to even bother taking the artist's watermark, which happens to have their contact information, off of the picture. The comments that go with the pictures, "OMG!!!1!1!!!!11 SO HAWT!!!11!!", referring of course to anything, a stick figure, or the best piece of art in two thousand years. Upon finding adequate "proof" of the art theft, showing that it is from a different person, because the watermark is not good enough, you can finally report it to the Facebook staff. Now, after spending the last 30 minutes smashing your head against the desk for doing a favor for your friend who's art has been stolen, getting the adequate proof that they need, they inform you that you must cut through the 3 miles of red tape, and follow the simple 299 step copyright report process. Please note, the copyright report process must be done via e-mail, you must provide your Date of Birth, name, address, phone number, social security number, bank account number, PIN number, all credit and debit card information, and your soul. Upon completion of this, a friendly staff member will take a look at your case in approximately 8 years, when Facebook has already been closed down for copyright violations, not THOSE copyright violations, but the fact that the founder was a fucktard and stole the idea from someone, or whatever.

zOMG boycott

Predictably, a number of online petitions and calls for boycott sprang up. Though most of the boycott calls were amusingly posted on Facebook, one srsly TL;DR one was posted on Blogspot: http://daywithoutfacebook.blogspot.com/

Presented in anarchist red and white text on a black background, the authors urged readers to refuse to log into Facebook on 9/12, which is the day after 9/11.

Albeit ugly as hell, the author was at least wise enough to realize having the bajillionth "FUCK FACEBOOK Boycot Group" is redundant, as Facebook would then be required to boycott Facebook. Time paradox.

Media Sharkfrenzy

At about 10:30 EST on September 6, 2006, the story hit Slashdot, driving tons of furry traffic to lame sites whining about Facebook which I left out of this article. Around the same time, TL;DR editorials started appearing in college papers picked up by Google News.

By morning, snarky posts comparing the "revolt" to 1960s anti-Vietnam demonstrations started appearing in blogs on prominent nerd sites like ZDNet and CNet.

By late afternoon, the story had been picked up by Time.com as a front page "what's hot" story. This was followed shortly by articles in the San Francisco Chronicle, Wired, and later in The Washington Post.

Response

Mark Zuckerberg posted an article to the Facebook blog at 1:45am the next day. It wasn't too contrite, though:

 
 
We're not oblivious of the Facebook groups popping up about this (by the way, Ruchi is not the devil). And we agree, stalking isn't cool; but being able to know what's going on in your friends' lives is. This is information people used to dig for on a daily basis, nicely reorganized and summarized so people can learn about the people they care about.
 

 

Of course, friendwhores make this all bullshit by 'friending' everyone in sight. Because everyone is so used to adding friendwhores, it's easy to get yourself added by a victim. Problem solved!

Predictions

National news agencies, always eager for more online German teen drug sex stories, should shortly pick up the story leading to yet another round of hand-wringing over e-pedos and a statement from Joe Lieberman. This will quickly be followed by trite contrition from Mark Zuckerberg and a rollback of the new features to the disappointment of "ephebophiles" everywhere.

If the features aren't removed, a brisk market of Facebook account trading will spring up on eBay within days as capitalist Young Republican users sell their accounts to Catholic priests.

What Really Happened

Mark Zuckerberg set up an open letter of apology on 9/8 that allowed users to block the feed. However, this is slightly TL,DR.

The Corruption of Facebook: THE FAKEBOOK

A new use of Facebook is the creation of fake celebrity Facebook accounts. This internet phenomena is popular on many community websites, and is called 'fakebooking'. We hope the fucktarded managers of Fakebook don't turn into pussies and start deleting those accounts. General opinion is that Anonymous is to blame for the Fakebook accounts.

Other people also make multiple accounts to prove their point about something that no one else agrees with. For instance, four to six accounts were created in the span of about two months, all by a girl with no life named Jessy Kelleway. She did have an account under her own name, but she also made accounts under the names Melissa, Cassandra, Samantha, Christina, Rachel, Chantel, etc. Ironically, Jessy was not smart enough to realize that another person would not know the details of all the messages sent to someone under another account. This is how it is for almost all Facebook users who think they can get away with making fake accounts. Although some are smart enough to pull it off, many are not. Most of these people are either trying to hack people that they hope to make friends with online, or just attention whores. These attention whores, much like Jessy Kelleway, cannot spell. They claim they are good and decent people. They say they were almost raped/murdered at a party. And overall, they cannot spell to save their lives.

Fakebook Statistics

  • 1 out of every 1 male Fakebook user above the age of 25 is a convicted child molester.
  • 89% of all worldwide rape victims were raped because of information given out on their Fakebook news feed.
  • By the year 2010, scientists believe that 2 out of every 2 Fakebook users will have either raped someone or will have been raped themselves.
  • According to real statistics, Fakebook users have a serious mental inability to grasp and appreciate certain humorous concepts, such as CP.

Usage

Another use of the endless amounts of puppet accounts possible is for raids. Recently, a group has arisen with the dread name /i/. Notable members include Mitchell Henderson, Sandy W. Itchef, and Poonchief Mangina. The group has had great success in taking down a Megan Meier group and plans more assaults in the near future. The group kindly requests /b/lackup as soon as possible.

Experience

Among favored experiences on Failbook is its dating feature. See a pretty girl that you like? Well, you’re just a few clicks away from seeing her personal pictures. You may then chat, send nudz, troll, or masturbate to her. Another nice feature is when you combine the above.

New Facebook

Starting in September, Facebook will be making the new Facebook the only Facebook. New Facebook is the same as old Facebook, except it looks completely different and has more aids. Facebook decided that since 20% of their userbase used it, they could Jew on the other 100 million users by forcing the new layout upon them. This was met with a large amount of petitions, groups, and butthurt, however Facebook knows what its users want and doesn't give a shit. A good example of all this butthurt is the faggots, who can't accept change for the better because they spent so much time on Facebook that they've become incapable of using anything but the layout from over 9000 years ago.

Scrabulous

Scrabble, but stolen - in violation of copyright - by some Mexicans and made very popular on Fecebook.

   
 
Did you know that QI is a valid Scrabulous word? It means a life force in Chinese medicine.
 

 
 

—Ziva David, pwning Mcgee @ scrabble with "Qi"


For some reason the company behind Scrabble, Hasbro, actually cared that their very old board game was being abused on Facebook, despite the fact that no-one makes money on Facebook, ever.

Uno

File:Fiatuno.jpg
With your money winnings at Uno you can afford a Fiat Uno. Spook!

Uno is in fact an Olympic sport and we are very lucky to be able to play it from our basements via Facebok. How to troll at Uno:

  1. Don't play any cards; just use the draw/pass button
  2. Give the roast pig "gift" to any Jews playing
  3. Use exceptionally bad language in the chat box
  4. Wait until it's only you versus the "Player" robots as all the real human players log off in disgust/fear
  5. Pawn Pwn the bots and get a score of Over 9000
  6. ????
  7. PROFIT!!!!

/fb/

Last Thursday, a group of 4chan namefags decided to form a group on Facebook. Composed of a small circlejerk of b "veterans" and their sockpuppets, the 4chan Facebook group attempts to imitate /b/ by placing images on the photo album and commenting on them. The group's wall is comprised mainly of trolling, faggot bitching about Rules 1 and 2, rambling about what somebody had for dinner, or pretentious bragging about how awesome some obscure shitty band is.

Although the group creates a sense of standard by laying the banhammer on newfags who repost pictures, continuously leave idiotic commentary such as unfunny or popular memes, or generally fail at getting the point of the group in general, these standards are generally eased for people who have been in the group for a long time and who kiss moderator ass.

Other 4chan groups on Facebook

Typically comprised of butthurt failures who have been ejected from the main 4chan group and denied return due to the closed membership status there, other Facebook 4chan fan clubs are full of insurmountable fail, with lolcats constantly posted in the image section and memes repeated endlessly in the commentaries to an extent that makes a typical Monty Python and the Holy Grail conversation seem original. In other words, these groups are actually closer to the true, shitty nature of 4chan, except that most members are not anonymous.

Rule #6, page quality improvements

As a service to Failbook, /b/rotards devoted their time for the improvement of pages. Organizations like ‘VIRGIN for life’ were assisted with consultation for the removal of their epic faggotry. ‘Pornography Harms’ was given a warning for its exceeding idiocracy scale and later released under surveillance. "Muslims ARE No0T Terrorists" had exceeded its potential for lies and deception so it had to be trolled hard until its ultimate removal. MANT is a hazard for the limited intelligence of all humans, and has the potential to make an already psychologically vulnerable newfag the incentive to support terrorism or sympathy towards such savages. One new and repeating theme that this correctional service provides is the active involvement and care that fags provide to their communities.

Rose Zephyr

File:Rose-zephyr.jpg
Some members of Rose Zephyr

The one exception, this group of awesome individuals convened in Facebook on Thursday January 20th. Not sure what to do, they then proceeded to friend request and comment each other like a giant orgy of /b/tards, spreading to each other the joy of shedding the facade of anonymity.

Next day, the group reached a critical mass of 500 members. However, the mods then relentlessly purged the members of Rose Zephyr, thus depriving them of epic lulz despite no actual trolling committed by its members. Rose Zephyr has thus vowed to avenge its fallen members and regain its promise of lulz by getting back at the niggers of Facebook.

Leaving Failbook

Last Thursday, another million people left the website, after seeing that Failbook is only for fucktards and aspies and sociality IRL is a much better use of time. But there is still a billion people on there because today's children being 60% aspies, 30% animu or furfags, 6% pedo's and the remaining 4% being cops and pedo baiting losers, theres still too many fags on teh internets. Zuckerburg is just going to have to realize he did nothing better than Tom from MySpace. In the future, all non-users will be thrown into concentration camps.
STFU, DO IT : http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=delete_account

Anti-ED Lulz

 
 
There is a sick, fucked up website in this world, called Encyclopedia Dramatica - which apparently is satirical. Well it isn't! Not one fucking bit! Look up the word satire, and then go to that website and then come back to me and agree that it's satirical! Of course, it's been set up and is mainly run by inbred Americans who like fucking their sisters and fiddling with farm animals. So basically takes the piss (in a none funny way) out of tragic events which have recently happened - for example: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Christopher_Foster Takes the piss out of the what has happened to the Foster family in Obaston, Oswestry, Shropshire. None of it is true, and as I knew Kirstie very well, it disgusts me a great deal! I'm sure it would disgust all those who didn't know Kirstie, but have paid their respects to her in one way or another. The idea of this group is to get as many people as we can to join, and then hopefully get google to shut it down, or get them to do something about it, as the creators of E.Dramatica have managed to cover their cowardly backsides, by saying that they are in no way responsible for anything that gets posted on the website. Also there is no way of contacting the website creators either - because as I've stated above - they're taking no responsibility for what gets posted on there. Please invite all your friends to join this group people, as it will be greatly appreciated! Many thanks, Harry
 

 

—Unwitting pawn,, farming lolcows

Obviously, Google can totally shut ED down. Just as soon as the FBI can permanently stamp out 12chan, right?

Yiff on Facebook and other groups to Spam and troll

That's right. Feel free to spam and troll the hell out of it.

Troll some Proud Italians. You can spam a lot of pictures on here and troll some Internet Tough Guys. If you just say to make some Olive Oil or Eat some Pasta, they will go batshit!

Fat womentrolling is easy. Just say any woman over the size of 8 are fat and have to lay off of the burgers from Burger King.

[1] a group that is a like magnet is awesome. For moar lulz, spam this page, as well as one. Yes, they're both duplicates.

[2] troll this soccerfag. Notice his profile picture.

H4X0ring

What newfags crave to accomplish.

Recently some oldfags managed to hack some internets about shit nobody cares about. This resulted in epic lulz throughout /b/ spawning ovar 9000 fantastically wonderful shit dumps on peoples failbook accounts.

Two or so lists were posted. These contained passwords associated with emails for the aforementioned internets. Since people are lazy fucks, these could be used to gain access to peoples Failbook and/or email through trial and error.

Two lists can be found here and here.

ED Facebook

Despite Encyclopedia Dramatica's constant claims that we are not /b/, this is taken to be a mere red herring for the denizens of Facebook. On November 10, 2009, ED's machine god decided to advertise the forums on the official Facebook page to attract hordes of new users and their sockpuppet friends to discuss enthralling topics such as The IRC fucking sucks and Trap Of The Year. What the machine spirit discovered on the page was not a discussion of how many girls wanted to suck our Sysops' cocks, but rather a collection of morons spouting memes and acting like mouth-breathing retards. To set them straight, God spoke. And they listened.
Editor's note: If any of the people featured in these quotes attempts to remove them, I'll post the uncensored version.

   
 
oh my god, is this the page for 4chan? no it is not. SO QUIT IT WITH YOUR LAME CHANNER BULLSHIT BEFORE YOU ALL GET SENT 100 PIZZAS.
 

 
 

—Encyclopedia Dramatica in cruise control

Although these threats have slowed down the tide of failure somewhat on the forums, they have done little to solve the problem of the ED facebook page and it's fans. The page continues to have an overabundance of memefags and general retardation in every comment and post. It is uncertain how much longer Thayo will be able to go on updating it without being committed to a psyche institution or performing ritual suicide.

Shenanigans

Of course, ED Facebook, like the rest of ED, is not without its share of failed trolling attempts:

 
 
Lol, I tracked this kid down from the site from my hs who was using the fucking black person like a racist faggot and me and my crew bullyied the shit out of the dude in real life, i fucking beat beach, y'all better watch your back, internet shit can lead to real life, I bet that nikki coustus's dad may drive his porche into... some of you virgins that are outta touch with society and shit
 

 

Some guy, pulling a 187 on your servers.

Basic Tutorial: Facebook Photo Stalker

Usually if someone is not your friend on Facebook you cannot see his/her picture. Facebook allows you to see pictures in most cases.

Method 1

  1. Login to facebook
  2. Open this page http://anonym.to/http://apps.facebook.com/josh_owns/?_fb_q=1&
  3. Copy-paste ID of a person or the URL to the page of person
    • (sometimes this gives you error, but keep trying with different URLs)
  4. You can see albums and descriptions of pictures (potentially revealing useful information)

Example

File:Facebookharishoffman.jpg

Method 2

This method is described in the following picture. It is more difficult, but sometimes it is better to do things manually.


Facebook Images

Hall of Shame About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Serious Photoshops

Facebook stalkees also made hundreds of lame Photoshops. Some of the best:

Facebook Gallery About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Failbook = Zombieland part 2 ?

...we put a berg in your berg so you can jew while you jew

David Fincher (Seven, Fight Club,... ) is releasing The Social Network, a movie about Failbook's cofounders. Jesse Eisenberg who was also playing Columbus in "Zombieland" is now going to play Mark Zuckerberg. Of course, considering the reality behind Failbook's inception involves how the entire idea was ripped off from Jew associates (including the actual first prototype), none of that will be documented. Its in the trailer that you just linked retard.

How to stalk on fb

  1. add your girlfriend on several accounts of yours
  2. disable one of you accounts
  3. when youbreakup with her, she will delete and block all your accounts except for the one you disabled
  4. when you wanna see her wall, activate your account, look at her wall, save the screenshot and deactivate your account
  5. repeat step 4 until you are over her (forever)

See Also

External Links


Failbook
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]

Failbook is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.


Failbook
is part of a series on
Web 2.0
Web 2.0 Concepts

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Web 2.0 Sites

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People of Web 2.0

Fast EddieTom AndersonSteve ChenBrad FitzpatrickMax GoldbergMichael CrookIain HallChad HurleyKevin RoseOMGFactsKathy SierraJimmy WalesYouMark Zuckerberg

Featured article September 6, 2006
Preceded by
Duke Otterland
Failbook Succeeded by
Final Fantasy VII