Agent Pubeit

See also: Chanology Contest

	“	His moves are wise. His body is pubes.	„
	—Anon

NEVAR FORGET

Oh, dear God no!

Agent Pubeit (aka Mahoud Samed Almahadin, aka Matt Connor), was a brave mujahideen who valiantly martyred himself in the jihad against the scourge of Scientology by coating himself in Vaseline and pubes and touching all their stuff.

In December of 2008, he ended the year of trolling with a loud bang dressed as Satan Claus, and then started 2009 by slathering himself with Vaseline and the shaved junk of Anonymous from far and wide. Then, looking like the world's most horrible Silent Hill monster (or Ron Jeremy), he ran wild through two New York Scientology Orgs touching everyone and everything he could before raeping a pile of Dianetics books.

Despite Anon's current ambivalence towards Chanology, they collectively doffed their caps to this NYC Anon after catching wind of Operation: Slickpubes and the immenseness of Agent Pubeit's Colbert-like (hairless) brass balls. He is also the leading cause of sand in Magoo's vagoo and Beardtard's copious shit bricks.

The Video Itself

THIS is what Chanology should have been. Tastes great, less moralfaggotry.

BRB, JAIL

Advice Dog made him do it.

Horatio Caine is on the case.

New at the Carnegie Deli in NYC.

“	A hooligan claiming to be a member of an anti-Scientology group was arrested Wednesday for attempting to "desecrate" the Church of Scientology with a wacky weapon - Vaseline, police said.	„
—NY Daily News

Pubeit did 9/11!!!

After OSA got Horatio Caine to run the DNA of some of the captured pubes, Agent Pubeit was v& for terrorism and is getting comfortably prison raped in Gitmo thanks to the all-natural moisturization of Vaseline®. (By the way, it costs $15,000 each to do a DNA test on hair or toenails.)

Anon has retained the lawfirm of Lolington & Wright to argue the case that with so many Anonymous pubes, it would be impossible to determine who actually suicide pubed the alleged 'church' of Scientlology.

“	I find it hard to believe that somebody called "Mahoud Almahadin" would actually need to acquire body hair that was not his own. Motion to dismiss!	„
—Phoenix Wright

In the meantime, the Final Boss of Chanology is taking up a collection of 72 virgins for this brave mujahideen martyr's afterlife.

Shown the tapes at the Midtown North Precinct, Almahadin admitted, "Yup, that's me."

V& and Final Solutioned

File:Pubeit verdict.png

The verdict: He has to stay away from Scientlolgy for 5 years. His attorney, Phoenix Wright commented: "That's a WIN/WIN I'd say. Especially for Pubeit,"

The Series of Pubes Reacts

When news of brave Agent Pubeit's heroic antics hit the Internets, the response was split right down the middle. After all, you're either with the cyber terrorists or you're an unfunny faggot. However, in time honoured fashion, even the epic fail that was the whining of butthurt Scilons and moralfags turned into epic win when harvested for lulz. Meanwhile, Anonymous ROFL'd like they hadn't in ages.

	“	I feel like an asshole because I thought anons were the answer to bringing down this pig cult. I seriously hope all anons don't condone this shit. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? How is that gonna bring down the cult? is he going to start showing up at the protests next? Will he become the new anon mascot? I'm sorry but I'm fucking pissed of. I know we have fun at the pickets but this is just not the kind of group I signed up for. Bad deal. The meaning of anon's mission got lost.	„
	—Moralfag

	“	Stop calling yourself Anonymous then. How about Moralfags? Almost forgot...you *are* an asshole.	„
	—Anon

	“	So the 'real Anon' act like drunk mongoloids. That's terrific. Thanks for clearing that up buddy.	„
	—Fagfag

CrazyDelaney

	“	No one takes their marching orders from me(aside from perman00bs who think i'm goku)...You can one star this video, you can write a buncha nasty stuff in the comments, you can drop my dox, you can feed me to the chans...	„
	—CrazyDelaney Good idea, lets do that.

notchies

	“	I'm a gay male. I didn't dig it. It's like, what, Scientologists are gay? Is "gay" the new bad word?	„
	—notchies, Also asking for it.

	“	All i'm saying is please don't attack me	„
	—notchies.

“	You have a lot of beard that could be applied to Agent Pubeit for Round 2. Also, your boyfriend lets you suck his cock with that beard?	„
—Anon

“	You probably like linux. faggot.	„
—Anon

Epic manboobs

Hairygreasybookhump

888chan loved it.

jewtube B&s the wrong vid, original still up. LOL

Fuck ya!

MOAR

“	الى الجحيم مع السيونتولوجيا. Translation: To hell with Scientology.!	„
—Osama Bin Laden

	“	Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts.	„
	—anonymoushategroup, bawwwling that he didn't came up with it first.

	“	DISGUSTING. This is? typical anonymous cyberterrorism. Every member of anonymous should be thrown in jail for their HATE CRIMES	„
	—ILOVESCIENTOLOGY, who doesn't know shit about IRL trolling.

	“	Cyberterrorism? This is real life trolling at its finest, you dumb cunt.	„
	—Anon, correcting ILOVESCIENTOLOGY's error. And not realizing who Andy Kaufman is.

	“	MY DEAR GOD...this is so fail it has become win.	„
	—WOLF2009, stating the obvious.

	“	This is the least faggy thing to come out of Chanology.	„
	—KillYourselfKids

	“	I'm a Moralfag and even I think this is fucking great!	„
	—NoReligion138

	“	TAKE THAT, MORALFAGS. Everyone's been bawwing recently because chanology has turned into this sick little cesspool of morality and overall faggotry. THIS IS CHEMO. gg, NYanon.	„
	—schoberdink

	“	Oh God, this makes me want to get involved in Chanology again. It's the chemo curing Chanology.	„
	—seaweedprincess, Truth

	“	Well, it's about fucking time someone did took some tangible action against the cult of LYIN'tology	„
	—StoneTemp1Pilot, Also, Truth

PubeitCash

Remember this day.

Hey Faggots,

My name is Agent Pubeit, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, moralfags who spend every second of their day staging hug raids. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you been slathered with petroleum jelly and semen? I mean, I guess it's fun spreading cancer, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than getting v& for criminal trespass.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I'm coated with pubic hair and toenails, and can walk around shirtless in the middle of winter. What private property have you trespassed on, other than the Scientology Center on 46th? I also have an incredibly islamic name, and have a banging pile of Dianetics books (I just fucked it- Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me and my bridge publications shipment.

The Ballad of Agent Pubeit

Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit was very brave
Watch ye friends and ye shall see that he will win the day
Deep underground with stone and trains, Vaseline was applied
We handed him pubes, so many pubes, so he may complete his guise
The path to victory and win, paved with pubes accumulated
from the anonymous horde they came to him, fail he could not afford
the various pubes they stuck to him from the Vaseline he put on before

Brave Agent Pubeit came up from underground
Covered in Vaseline and pubes, he emerged proud
40 degrees in the streets, the streets
here's where we got the call,
Agent Pubeit the brave was on his way, free of delays and stalls
verily he traveled on his way, the brave the brave the quick
to the Church of Scientology to tell them to suck his dick
the many they stared afraid they were for a thing they have not seen
slippery and covered in pubic hair was the way it had to be

Meanwhile back at our the base the attack had already begun
Prank calls and our various faxes would ensure the battle was won
A dozen proud preceded him serving to distract
Incessant and vicious our calls they were, offensive and horrible our fax

BRAVE Agent Pubeit, he was about to arrive
At the Church of Scientology, his target could not hide
Touch everyone and everything once he runs inside
Pubes on their hands as they go to grab the gross slippery pube-covered guy

Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit ran away
He knocked over shit and he got our pubes all over the place
He touched three guys and they found out, how slippery one man could be
He spread confusion and our dickhair, with his touch of Vaseline

His mission complete it may seem, but there was more
Three blocks away awaited another Scientology org
The buildings two he strikes at thee, as he has once before
The CLO headquarters did not know what they had in store

Radioed in we attacked our target number two
Let the enemies know that with them, Anonymous was not through
Off the hook their phones rang as we directed our second push
Agent Pubeit will soon come their way and deliver upon them some bush

Brave Agent Pubeit, safely got away
Scientology we strike at thee because you're fucking gay
Your buildings both we hath spread, our agent covered in pubes
Remember this day we have delivered Operation: Slickpubes.

Links

• Beardtard is jealous of Wise Pube Man
• Jason Begay tells Anon to "grow up"
• alt.religion.scientology BAAAAWWWWW
• Welcome to vaseline.com
• "Greasy Vandal In Hate Crime" - NY Daily News
• DIGG THIS SHIT!
• James Bond is jealous.
  • Never Forget
• Tom Newton reacts!
• Bump to keep moralfags bawwwwing.
• The New York Village Faggot News gets butthurt.
• Butthurt blogger. OMFG...PROTESTING IS SRYS FUKKEN BIDNESS GUISE!!!
• Gothamist: Manhattan = rich bawwwfags with no sense of lulz.

See Also

• Chanology Contest
• Epic Sword Guy
• Furry
• Pubeit did 9/11
• 888chan

Agent Pubeit is part of a series on Project Chanology Visit the Anonymous Portal for complete coverage.

Agent Pubeit is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Agent Pubeit is part of a series on Scientology

[CollapseExpand]

LOL TECH: Dianetics • Disconnection • Child abuse • Saint Hill • Scientology's History of the Universe • Sec Check • Freewinds • Sea Org • Glossary • Religious Freedom Watch • Volunteer Ministers • OSA • Space Opera SCILONS: L. Ron Hubbard • David Miscarriage • Tom Cruise • Scientology Agents • Tommy Davis • Rogues Gallery • Suri Cruise • Terryeo • Heaven's Gate • The Regime • Evil Jacket Guy • Joe Feshbach • VaLLarrr • Tom Newton • John Carmichael • Freezone • Captain Bill Robertson • Danny Masterson • Will Smith • Oschaper • Kendrick Moxon • Tim Armer • Jorge Serrano • Ron Savelo • John Travolta • Jett Travolta NOTORIOUS SPs: Anonymous • Wise Beard Man • Jason Beghe • Gas Mask Girl • Magoo • New Zealand Fail Guy • Message from Scientology • Shawn Lonsdale • Rorschach • Moralfags • Leaderfags • Raidfag Wench • James Packer • Leah Remini • Epic Nose Guy • Stu Wyatt • Tommy Gorman • The Unknown Autobot • Psychiatrists • Marcab Confederacy • David Wu-Kapauw • Epic Sword Guy • Agent Pubeit ENTURBULULZ: PROJECT CHANOLOGY • Why We Protest Forums • A Scientologist's Guide to 4chan • The Geterator • Neil Gaiman's Sandman • Paul "Fetch" Carnes • ReligionIsFree.org • You Found the Card • /i/ • alt.religion.scientology • Complete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX • 888chan (/td/)

Featured article January 15, 2009
Preceded by Boxxy	Agent Pubeit	Succeeded by Amputee Milfs