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Invisible Crane
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
Invisible Crane (aka. GrantM) is a 25 year-old assburger muncher who lives with his parents, is unemployed and desperate to meet a girl to finally lose his virginity to despite how the only two things he ever talks about are anime and video games. While so far this sounds like a description for you, what makes him stand out is his determination to share all these issues with the world via the medium of YouTube. He also has plans of being a pro-wrestler, a voice actor, a game designer and the other get-famous dreams usually only dreamt by 13-year old boys who are also desperate to lose their virginity. The flaws with these issues are:
- for being from Scotland, he speaks with a really whiny, high-pitched, faux-American accent.
- he has an uncanny talent for causing drama of some kind wheresoe'er he goes.
- although a big guy, he's super sensitive to any kind of pain.
- he is as thick as shit and could never learn the programming code needed to be a games designer.
- without exception, everyone who has come into contact with him in any way, shape or form thinks he's a cunt.
The beast was first discovered on the Voice Acting Alliance forums in 2005 dreaming of being a voice-actor for some shitty anime company, followed by a long-stint of internet downtime as he instead joined in on the anime conventions scene around the UK and making himself unforgettable, though not in the way he plans. All this changed when the day he decided, like so many before him, that he has found his ultimate calling in life; To sit in his bedroom and talk to his webcam. Thus began his epic internet comeback, more lulzier and trollable than before.
In The Beginning; Voice Acting
—GrantM, Myspace, 19/03/06 | ||
The clip that launched a thousand loldongs
(or, in this case, "dings")
The first noted appearances from GrantM have been dated to the summer of 2005 when he first made his debut in the Voice Acting Alliance forums, freshly finished watching the "Behind the scenes" feature on the dubbing of some god-forsaken anime and deciding that voice acting is the greatest job in the world. After making some horrible demo on the forum of himself advertising his talents to any voice-over projects going (especially those from ADV/Funimation going onto an amateur site for their next big star) he became a notorious serial forum go-er. What made him so notable is that he would sign up at many forums with only one purpose: to use people and whine about not being an anime voice actor. At these particular forums, he will ask the same questions, looking for different answers. He has always sought out "professional connections" so that he may use them to try to "break into" the field of professional voice-over work. In one specific forum, the Voice Acting Alliance, he created an uproar over a young lady making it into the field, claiming it was unfair. This, among many other irritations, granted him the title of "Fastest Ban" at the forum.
He had been banned several times from one specific forum: Anime on DVD, as well as a quick ban from the aforementioned Voice Acting Alliance. Other forums he plagued were the Toonzone forums, The Anime News Network forums, Anime-England, The Glasgow Anime forum, The Newgrounds forums, the Ayacon forums and the Anime England IRC where he popped up from time to time inducing many lulz.In addition to his forum antics, he has also been sighted at Livejournal, where he hopes that professional voice over artists and the casting studios ADV and FUNimation will discover him and hire him for lead roles in "Fan Favourite" Anime series.
The best of these years was captured on the epic Cats on Mars' GrantM thread. Most of the links on it are broken but still good for the origin story.
LiveJournal
Grant's LJ account is where the best of his whining drama played out. His original journal 
GrantM1 was where his inner whiny little whore truly came out of its shell, bitching about how he's still just a fat retard from Glasgow instead of being the screeching voice of Alphonse Elric as well as attempting to justify his IRL drama and complaining that people bullied him by constantly laughing at every stupid thing he does.
A highlight of Grant's LJ saga was when a mysterious unnamed voice-actor who worked for ADV and Funimation made an account called gmvox and began posting about his career as a voice actor for ADV, claiming to best some of the more and female voice actors. It took anyone with half a brain 2 seconds (and gaiafags 10 seconds) to work out that this so-called "voice actor" was indeed GrantM in disguise. After people saw through this like glass and began revealing this amazing secret on his LJ, Grant had a fit of insanity and deleted all entries in his 'gmvox' journal and ranted and raved about how he was afraid of never being a voice actor for ADV - his sole reason for creating the journal.
IRL Trolling
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Upon joining the Glasgow Anime forum, he came to learn of their regular meet-ups and began to attend them. He would spout his self-important crap to the group, drooling over every woman he saw and waiting for them to get moist for his big fat ass, constantly mistaking himself for being someone of actual interest as he looked down his nose at all the members, then quickly hiding behind his assburger shield whenever being pulled up for it. Thus began the IRL trolling of GrantM. Coming into contact with Grant initially just led to encouraging him to do odd acts, mostly involving Skype chats to his new fanbase. However, thinking he was now the social life of the group, he continued to act retarded beyond comprehension, creeping out men and women alike with his horny-assburger nonsense and very weird self-admitions until he eventually got banned from attending the anime club, a time that Grant considers the worst of his life (Click here for the archived GA forum thread where the members voted to ban him). His LiveJournal and Myspace were flooded with his pleas for re-acceptance into the club; however, Grant was left out for over two years before there was forgiveness and he would begin to attend again.
During his ban from the club, he attempted to actually get some of the actor skills everyone told him about when advising what he needs to not be a wannabe faggy voice actor, but instead be a professional faggy voice actor. He joined the Scottish Youth Theatre where he was told "OMG! You can't act, dance, sing or perform...WELCOME!". The highlight from his tour of duty with the SYT is when he performed in some minor role during a show (sources say he was the all-important third tree from the right in act 2) and was given a brick for his talent, while the audience shat their own bricks after seeing his horrible acting.
One of the greatest recorded trollings of GrantM happened at a party in 2007, where Grant's best friends invited him to join in on the merriment of the evening. What the actual plan was to get GrantM drunk and see how amusing it would be. The following video was captured:
The lulz didn't end here; only the video did. Grant continued onward to lick the floor, eat from bins and strip half-naked. Following this party Grant swore to never drink again
Other "Social" Life clips
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Conventions
It was upon meeting the Glasgow Anime Club that GrantM's convention track began.(Although he was rumoured to have been spotted at Ayacon '05. However, this was prior to his initial burst into the lulz limelight so not much attention was paid to him.) He attended Auchinawa (http://www.auchinawa.org.uk/), a Scottish anime convention in 2006, but sadly there was no reported nervous breakdown--just a lot of nervous walking around, asking gophers questions with blatantly obvious answers then getting unnecessarily defensive when given said answers, and looking over his shoulder a hell of a lot like he had something to hide. The only recorded lulz came from a video of him DDRing. He returned to Auchinawa in 2008, where his appreciation began even before the con did when he was asked by the committee to not use the username GrantM so people don't get put off of going when they saw this big tub of goo will be there. Instead GrantM used the username Invisible Crane. Thankfully, he lived up to his name and stayed invisible the whole con.
In 2009 GrantM went to his second English convention, Kitacon (http://www.kitacon.org/), where he was a gopher. Other than moar DDRing to much lulz, not much was reported from Grant during the convention other than odd moments of his moronic logic, but all the best bits happened at the closing ceremony when Grant delivered two items of comedy brilliance, both captured and on YouTube:
Previous Video | Next Video
Some people say that following these videos, interest for Auchinawa 2010 hit an all time low, but those people are wrong because no one cared about Auchinawa to begin with.
Return to the internet: YouTube
In 2008, Grant (under the username GrantM1) posted around six videos on YouTube where he bared his soul to the internet, realized the internet never cared, and subsequently deleted said videos. Stand out videos included his aspirations to become a voice actor for the Simpsons, the reasons that everyone should watch the new Star Trek, and a scathing critique of Chris Crocker's rise to fame. Notably, the content was wholeheartedly lulzworthy, particularly when he bounced from happy-go-lucky to manic depressive without his voice changing key.
The following year he made another lot of videos under the username InvisibleCrane, once again sharing with us the rants of the worst thing to come out of the UK since Susan Boyle. Most of it is just ranting about other YouTube drama and his own opinions of games and anime, obviously trying to have some sort of new career as a game critic despite his lack of having a credible opinion. After all: would you play games recommended to you by a retard?
He did however find something his retarded powers did give him authority on; watching other retards. Therefore he spends a number of videos giving shoutouts to other YouTubers, either by tributing (AKA: ripping off) other video ideas in his own vids or by blatently dropping to two knees and sucking for all that is good and holy from the cocks of other users who are more popular and about as useless as him.
His current YouTube aspiration is to get 10,000 views of one of his videos, something we should all help him with by watching and voting down anything he does.
Moar Videos
Lulzy stuff Grant did
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Lulzy stuff Grant didn't do
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Audio Clips
Some lulzy clips captured from discussions with the beast.
Too brave to be scared of scary movies
Killing midgits, GrantM's favourite hobby
Crying for dear life as we threaten to call his parents.
Want to hear moar clips like this? A zipfile containing 79 clips captured in Skype chats with him can be found here.
For Moar Lulz
If you've had enough of Crane's shit and do not wish to hear him whine anymore for the greater justice you should file a report to the following link and complain how he's abusing govermental money on shit like Anime and 250 Video Games (including Halo: Reach, Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days and more than likely the forthcoming Rock Band 3)
Department for Work and Pensions Benefit Fraud
Sorry about that link
External Links
His Xbox's blog- Inactive- His facebook page
- His Formspring.me page - questions are lulz but answers are pretty boring
- His YouTube account
- Mirror of his YouTube account (He deletes everything)
- Cats on Mars' GrantM Thread (5 years on and still full of lulz)
- YTMND #1
- YTMND #2
GrantM - PUBLIC (but not been used for a while)- GrantM1 - Now friends only
- InvisibleCrane - His new LJ updated with facist comments about Jews
- [email protected]
- [email protected]
- grantmclellan1 - AIM
- XBox Live Gamertag - Invisible Crane
- Playstation Network Account: GrantM/Invisible Crane (Not confirmed on spelling)
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Invisible Crane is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |