America's Third Party

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America's Third Party is the manifestation of the midlife crisis of the racist, closeted-homosexual, chronically-unemployed, narcissistic David Jon Sponheim.

After David realized how pointless his life has been, living in his parent's van, eating out of the trash — he was born addicted to nicotine as his mother smoked ten a day while pregnant, he now desires to redeem himself by running for President of the United States, with his unshaven lover Sarah L. Hart as his running mate. Despite a vigorous attempt at running a presidential campaign on internet cam sites with a poor copy of Alex Jones, their party still consists of only two members and the occasional moral support of a few literal retards.

A True Founding Father

During a certain period in America, parents were encouraged to teach their worthless children they could grow up to become anything they wanted to be, regardless of actual skill and aptitude.

Children during this time were raised as though they were a special snowflake, and carried that mentality into adulthood, and whether win or lose they'd still be someone important.

What could possibly go wrong?

After spending his entire life knowing nothing about politics, David Jon Sponheim founded a political party that speaks to the people — all 54 of them on Facebook. Originally the party was a joint effort between David and Sarah, with Sarah being the only one to actually run for the Washington State Senate; but Sarah had to step aside to Dave's greatness. In a lame attempt to appeal to America's kiddies, the party started with the awful name "cool rock party." You can find David rocking the vote with black face-paint, reminding everyone that all of America's problems are to blame on the president being a nigger. As your standard yuppie generation faggot, David is acutely aware that niggers are inferior, but as a fellow inferior with a lust for popularity to sooth his fragile ego, he has a constant need to hide this fact when you aren't stealing all his narcissistic supply like evil Obama. But remember, he's not a racist, he's an American!!

Die Partei ist David

What you have to understand about Dave is, he's something of a big deal. He was a chess master and valedictorian of his class, and he would have been accepted into the top schools if it was not for affirmative action, which allowed Obama take his place. He had to go to his last choice, UCLA, and dropped out after two years when the communist professors laughed him out of the building on a daily basis. He once interrupted Milton Friedman with his whining, telling others later how he totally pwned him in a debate. David has a 185 IQ and has all the best ideas you've never heard of because of the man keeping him down, such as tying a Boeing plane to a blimp. He remains mysteriously unemployed while knowing more about every subject than the people paid to know the subject. Being originally from California, he has a made-up story about meeting every celebrity under the sun. He loves to gaslight and use big words incorrectly. Fitting with his Alex Jones style, he knows the least about and talks the most about the Nazis. Contradicting him on any of this will lead to epic amounts of tard rage where he will pretend you are paid by the government and threatened his life. He will also randomly invoke "you think in black and white, there is grey area." He has a multi million dollar security system, aka two BB guns, if anybody ever shows up at his door.

David is very gullible, pictured left is a retarded guy who pretends he is a war hero who has the derps because he fell 6000 feet out of a helicopter. Dave refused to acknowledge he was lying for years until he was forced to do so. The tard pretends to be a doctor as well. He also talks to a "Doctor" Mount, who has expertise in foreign relations as a PhD who got a bible degree from a diploma mill. In general, if you pretend you're a secret gubment special ops guy with insider info, you can take up his show time with your rambling and get into Dave's inner circle very easily.

Too much of an aspie to meet anyone in real life, he met Sarah online. Sarah was living on welfare and so puts up with Dave's bullshit so she can have a roof over her head. They met some time in 1999, Dave was 38 and she was 20. No one has ever seen Dave kiss Sarah on the mouth, and chances are Dave is one of those asexual narcissists.

The Campaign

The time tested strategy of perpetually campaigning online is proven to be the most effective.

David Jon Sponheim spends all of his time in his dead parents' house, extracting rent from his substitute teacher girlfriend, the house's breadwinner. Instead of getting a job or doing any actual campaign work, he spends his time watching Alex Jones and believing in every stupid conspiracy theory he can get his hands on, blaming society for his lack of self confidence. His online show...er "campaign", consists of him playing the same seven conspiracy videos, patronizing mentally retarded faggots who will tell him he is awesome, doing shitty impressions of presidents and other famous people, or raging and banning anybody who has any disagreement with him whatsoever.

The party platform involves a new economic model called hybrid capitalism. The idea is for government to compete in the private sector as a business, with no adverse effects in the free market, as if public schools don't exist and have no crowding out effect. While calling all his trolls NSA puppets, he is unaware his own platform supports the NSA. His favorite plan is to build a seawater pipeline, because "Much of our country is uninhabitable due to a lack of water."

The show is broadcast six days a week, consisting of "Conspiracy Monday," "Truth Tuesday," "Wasteful Wednesday," "Technology Thursday," "Fun Friday," and "Anti-War Saturday," but let's be honest, every day is Conspiracy Monday. You will hear such greatness as that oft repeated Alex Jones lie that duh natzis used fluoride on da jews, and that fluoride also caused Columbine; because the best way to pacify people into submission of your tyrannical regime is to make them capable of going off on murderous rampages. Like most conspiratards, his worldview centers around an awareness of the Jewish question, but because of the six trillion and a need to be PC to gather social proof, they have convinced themselves of the truth of euphemisms such that "globalist" "banker" "elite" "media"—with Jewish names—funded EVIL NAZI HITLER.

Replace the star with a dollar sign and Dave would agree.

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Gallery

America's Third Gallery About missing Pics

David's proof that he is in fact American
David taking special caution around people of color
Bwahhh
More glam shots!
DO NOT WANT

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Party donations help him make trips to lecture a retard in a mickey mouse shirt.
Where the magic happens
David's design of an airship that travels up to 400 MPH is one example of his vast knowledge of aerophysics.
Obama fears MS Paint
Truth