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Cow
A cow's anatomy consists of 25% milk, 25% steak, 25% beef, 10% Bacon and 85% prions, if you wondered about the question "Where's the beef?" well it's inside of the cows and in order to get it out of them we just ask nice like and they hand it over no problem - not really. Really what happens is the cow gets sent to a plant in some shit hole to die, first a local mouth breather shoots a bolt into it's brain and then the cow is ripped apart much like your dog rips apart your sisters toys.
Also, believe it or not, their midichlorian count is off the scale.
Despite the fact that cows are some of the stupidest animals on the planet they are more useful than a bag full of McGuivers. Rip their skin off (more fun to do when they are alive) send it to some kids in Asia, pay them 15 cents an hour and a few weeks later they'll send you some new Nikes. Cut them up all tricky like and toss them on the grill (again more fun when they are alive) and make yourself a smorgasbord of yummy steaks and burgers. Really nothing is better than a hunk of cow cooked just right and still dripping blood. The truth is that if we didn't wear and eat cows (and toss their bones to our dogs) there would be absolutely no reason for them to exist. Hitler actually wanted to start out with killing all the cows but in a side by side comparison he realized that medium-rare Joos taste lots, lots worse than cows and so the kikes had to go first (this is a true story, swear!)
"Cow" is also your mom's nickname.
Some fun things to do with cows
- Eat them.
- Wear them.
- Turn them into sporting equipment. (baseballs, footballs, gloves, basketballs etc.) and toss and kick them around the yard.
- Tip them over.
- Drink their milk with cookies.
- Turn them into bondage and fetish clothing and fuck other pervs.
- Dry them out and make them into chewy jerky.
Cows are so fucking useful it's amazing that we can't get high smoking them. Seriously. In the same way Asians make all sorts of stuff with rice (rice paper, rice milk, popcorn and um rice) Americans make shit with cows.
What sound does a cow make? And why?
Baah
Another theory on this is that cows are actually trying to communicate with us, a few years ago a few chinks came from teh future to visit us and try and figure out why we fucked everything up so bad. While they were here they told us that "Moo" is actually part of cow-speak that roughly translated means "Please don't grind me up into hamburgers and feed me to fat people at shitty restaurants. And please don't rip my skin off and make me into Nikes - but if I had to call it I'd rather my skin became Nikes than Doc Martins. And please don't eat and wear my children and my childrens children and on and on." Of course it didn't change anything, everyone kept on eating cows like never before. The future-chinks thought we were just crazy and stole a bunch of dogs from the neighborhood for lunch and went back to the future. Good riddance.
What is Mad Cow disease ?
Mad Cow disease is either your girlfriend when she's on the rag or a disease actual cows get.
Where did Mad Cow disease come from?
Niggers.
What do prions have to do with mad cow disease?
You could say prions are the mysterious proteins that cause Mad Cow Disease (Bovine spongiform encephalopathy if you want to get serious, which we don't).
Actuality prions are aliens sent in starships from a galaxy not too far away. Prions are invisible and come to rape you when you're dreaming about naughty things like sex with cows or your first lay (your stepfather).
Prions have built many civilizations in the past but we have yet to learn more about them though so we suspect the British are descendants of the Prion empire. Evidence has yet to turn up as Prions are not yet materialized in actual form.... yet. Keep your wet pants on.
How to milk a Cow
From a webpage long taken down called I LIEK MILK!!!: SOME OF YOU MAY BE WONDERING JUST WHERE THE MILK COMES FROM? WELL LET ME TELL YOU! UNDERNEATH THE COW IS A GIANT FAT SACK WITH FOUR FLESHY KNOBS POKING OUT OF IT, THESE ARE CALLED UTTERS! YOU CAN GET THE MILK BY GETTING A BUKET AND PULLING ON THEM YOU HAVE TO BE GENTEL THOUGH OR THE COW GETS REALLY MAD! ALSO WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T TRY THIS ON THE MALE COW THEY ONLY HAVE ONE AND IT TAKES FOREVER TO MILK AND THE MILK IS TOO THICK I FOUND THIS OUT TEH HARD WAY
If the cow is male get down on your knees and suck on it like you used to suck on your step dads dick. Swallow. Don't tell mom.
\==Boy or Girl Cow== How do you tell the difference? You will have to learn this on your own, the hard way. Realistically you better get to this before the cow comes to you in the form of a BigMac because by then it's really impossible to tell, and, well, if you eat ground up male cow dick (and you probably have, seriously what do you think meat by-products are anyway?) it might make you a fag.
Note: There is no such thing as a male cow. Anyone who calls a bull a male cow is likely to buy a new monitor and say they bought a new computer and then complain how nothing is running faster. Or maybe they're total fags and/or tards.
Note: My computer isn't running faster...
Dangers of Usings Cows for Murder
Of course, seeing as people will be people, we will eventually end up using animals for personal enjoyement by first poking colorful little stick in their backs and then stabbing them repeatedly with a sword. Unfortunately, some fag will fuck up every once in a while and get a marvelous looking deepthroat from big Tyson. Either that or he will just get stabbed in the throat with a horn.
How to troll cows...
Despite what others may think, trolling cows can be pretty lulzy and and very entertaining to spend time, especially if you have no fucking life whatsoever. Due to the lack of intelligence of the cow as well as very bleak and doomed futures, you can say that trolling them can be well worth your while. Furthermore, you wouldn't have to worry about those ASPCA and PETA Nazis hunting your ass down because they're usually Jew-operating organizations who honestly don't give a shit about animals, let alone a fucking cow:
- Kick a cow in the genitals and run
- Cut off one of their utters with a pair of pliers
- Drive one of those big-assed, monstrous farming tractors and tip the cow over on its backside (this technique was actually taped on camera by one of those animal-rights' activists and shown on YouTube; while it caused major fury from butthurt treehuggers everywhere, it did ensure much lulz)
Me: Do you understand why dairy cattle are often angry and sexually frustrated? [You]: Um.... no, why? Me: Well, just imagine yourself being chained up to a goddamned pole all day long while somebody is squeezing your titties without fucking you. How would YOU feel? You: LMAO! HAHAHAHA. Erm, whatever... troll.
