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Devin Patrick Kelley: Difference between revisions

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==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-<!-- DONGS NIGGA-->
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': Ruger AR-556
[[File:GTA4IconsM4Rifle.png|70px]]
|
*A trusty AR-15-style rifle, and a bad [[bitch]], as said by Kelley himself. '''50-65 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Glock 19
[[File:GTA4IconsP226.png|70px]]
|
*Pretty good handgun that he DIDN'T FUCKING USE. '''20-35 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Ruger SR22
[[File:GTA4IconsFiveSeven.png|70px]]
|
*Another handgun, this one chambered in [[Shit|.22 Long Rifle]]. Also wasn't used by Kelley. '''5-10 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Perk''': [[Atheism]]
[[File:Fedora icon.png|70px]]
|
*Double damage against [[christfags]].
|}
</div>


==Nobody Could Have Seen This Coming==
==Nobody Could Have Seen This Coming==

Revision as of 20:47, 14 August 2023

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This page contains an hero.
Devin Patrick Kelley
Nationality: Americunt  
Highscore 26 killed, 20 injured
Top 50? 20th
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? Yes
Motives
  • Mommy Issues
  • Atheism
  • Butthurt


In November 2017, a atheist neckbeard known as Devin Patrick Kelley from New Braunfels, Texas drove a long 35 miles to Sutherland Springs to shoot up a church, killing 26 people (4% of the town's population) and injuring 20 others. Because he was playing on hard mode on the Texas map and everyone is armed to the teeth, he was shot by a passerby in the torso and the leg. After getting into a high speed chase with some random guy and crying to his daddy on the phone, he became an hero near the scene at the age of 26.

This makes Devin the deadliest and second youngest mass shooter on a church beside Dylann Roof, who was 21 at the time of his spree. The difference between Kelley and Roof is that the former managed to have a better kill to injury ratio. Unlike Dylann, Devin also did not sport a super sick bowl cut and instead opted for the greasy, Discord mod look. Like every Discord mod in existence, Devin Kelley was also a pedophile who groomed a 13 year old at 18.

Devin Kelley served four years in the Chair Force before being court marshaled and dishonorably discharged as an E-1 for physically assaulting both his wife and child. Apparently he had a colorful history of violent stupidity aside from breaking his infant stepson's skull in 2012. He also tried to get weapons on to his air base to pwn his superior officers. Kelley was brought back to court in 2014 for animal abuse charges.


 
 
In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence.
 

 

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Ruger AR-556

  • A trusty AR-15-style rifle, and a bad bitch, as said by Kelley himself. 50-65 Damage.
  • Secondary: Glock 19

  • Pretty good handgun that he DIDN'T FUCKING USE. 20-35 Damage.
  • Tertiary: Ruger SR22

  • Another handgun, this one chambered in .22 Long Rifle. Also wasn't used by Kelley. 5-10 Damage.

Nobody Could Have Seen This Coming

Oh, wait a minute. Here's a fun thought that'll get your mind thinking hard: if you have someone as a friend on social media that you've known for a long time and they unexpectedly start posting pictures of guns just completely out of the blue... most likely not a good sign and you should report them so they get V&. Especially if they happen to be somebody with a political view that is anti-cop or anti-government in general, somebody diagnosed with a mental illness, socially awkward, a virgin, child or wife beater, heavy casino gambler, or Muslim.

Graded Score

Graded score
Kill count: 26/20 One kill shy of Adam Lanza
Accuracy: 11/20 Only 26 killshots in a room of about 50 people
Style: 15/20 Edgelord tactical gear.
Butthurt: 20/20 Deadliest shooting in Texas and dead kids.
Bonus: 20/20 Subjected the world to Texas on a Sunday.
Total score: 92/100 (A)
Path of the Righteous Man
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

S.W.A.T. Team


Twitter reaction

As with the Mandalay Bay shooting, a butthurt Hillary voter had this to say of the mass shooting:

   
 
Sutherland Springs is in rural Texas, these were all likely 45 voters.

This is karma in action.

Good riddance.
 


 
 

Antonio E. Gonzalez, 2:29 PM - 5 Nov 2017

The leftists on Twitter took a break from licking Hillary's asshole long enough to let out a joyous cheer for their comrade's epic takedown of 26 dead Christians, while the butthurt patriots cheered themselves up by doxing him and ensuring that his employer saw his touching sentiments about the victims.

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Devin Patrick Kelley is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Devin Patrick Kelley is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫

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Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

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Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik

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