- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
America's Third Party: Difference between revisions
imported>Schnookums |
imported>DUMFUK A little cleanup, mostly clearer language |
||
| Line 52: | Line 52: | ||
Also, nobody has ever seen Dave kiss her on the lips, indicating he is one of those [http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/10403/women/narcissists_and_women.html asexual narcissists]. | Also, nobody has ever seen Dave kiss her on the lips, indicating he is one of those [http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/10403/women/narcissists_and_women.html asexual narcissists]. | ||
==The | ==The Campaign Trail== | ||
[[File:KissingbabiespoliticsATP.png|thumb|200px|right|The time tested strategy of perpetually campaigning online is proven to be the most effective.]] | [[File:KissingbabiespoliticsATP.png|thumb|200px|right|The time tested strategy of perpetually campaigning online is proven to be the most effective.]] | ||
| Line 61: | Line 61: | ||
David Jon Sponheim spends his time living in the house that he inherited from his parents, [[HA HA|who are now dead]]. | David Jon Sponheim spends his time living in the house that he inherited from his parents, [[HA HA|who are now dead]]. | ||
He extracts rent from Sarah, a substitute [[teacher]] and the home's breadwinner. | |||
Instead of getting a job or doing any actual campaign work, | Instead of getting a job or doing any actual campaign work, Dave spends all day watching Alex Jones, blindly believing in every stupid [[conspiracy theory]] that finds him to blame society for his lack of self-confidence. | ||
His online show...er "campaign," consists of him patronizing retarded faggots that think he's awesome, performing shitty impressions of presidents and other famous people, raging and banning anybody who dares disagree with him, and replaying the same seven conspiracy videos again and again. | His online show...er "campaign," consists of him patronizing retarded faggots that think he's awesome, performing shitty impressions of presidents and other famous people, raging and banning anybody who dares disagree with him, and replaying the same seven conspiracy videos again and again. | ||
In truth, David should have been the leader of some suicide cult, and would have | In truth, David should have been the leader of some suicide cult, and would have ultimately done the world a huge favor. | ||
The [[Shit nobody cares about|party platform]] involves a [[old|new]] economic model called [[socialism|hybrid capitalism]], where the [[government]] would compete in the private sector as a business. | The [[Shit nobody cares about|party platform]] involves a [[old|new]] economic model called [[socialism|hybrid capitalism]], where the [[government]] would compete in the private sector as a business. | ||
David's careful research has proven | David's careful research has proven this would have no adverse effects on the [[capitalism|free market]], as if public [[school]]s don't compete with private ones making private schools more expensive. | ||
While David is busy labeling his adversaries as [[NSA]] puppets, he remains willfully ignorant that his own [http://www.americasthirdparty.com/CivilDefense/CyberSurveillance platform] [[facepalm|supports the NSA]]. | While David is busy labeling his adversaries as [[NSA]] puppets, he remains willfully ignorant that his own [http://www.americasthirdparty.com/CivilDefense/CyberSurveillance platform] [[facepalm|supports the NSA]]. | ||
His favorite plan is to build a seawater pipeline, because [http://www.oceanpipeline.com/ "much of our country is uninhabitable due to a lack of water."] | His favorite plan is to build a seawater pipeline, because [http://www.oceanpipeline.com/ "much of our country is uninhabitable due to a lack of water."] | ||
His show provides online entertainment six days a week, consisting of "Conspiracy Monday," "Truth Tuesday," "Wasteful Wednesday," "Technology Thursday," "Fun Friday," and "Anti-War Saturday." | His show provides online entertainment six days a week, consisting of "Conspiracy Monday," "Truth Tuesday," "Wasteful Wednesday," "Technology Thursday," "Fun Friday," and "Anti-War Saturday." | ||
But let's be honest, | But let's be honest, every day is Conspiracy Monday! | ||
Such unoriginal greatness includes that oft repeated Alex Jones lie that duh natzis used fluoride on da jews, and that fluoride also caused [[Columbine]]; because the best way for a tyrannical regime to pacify its people into submission is to [[Seems legit|send them on murderous rampages]]. | Such unoriginal greatness includes that oft repeated Alex Jones lie that duh natzis used fluoride on da jews, and that fluoride also caused [[Columbine]]; because the best way for a tyrannical regime to pacify its people into submission is to [[Seems legit|send them on murderous rampages]]. | ||
Like any other conspiratard, his worldview centers around an awareness of the Jewish question, but because of the [[Holocaust|six trillion]] and a need to be PC to gather social proof, they have convinced themselves of the truth of euphemisms such that "globalist" "banker" "elite" "media"—with Jewish names—funded EVIL NAZI [[Hitler|HITLER]]. | Like any other conspiratard, his worldview centers around an awareness of the Jewish question, but because of the [[Holocaust|six trillion]] and a need to be PC to gather social proof, they have convinced themselves of the truth of euphemisms such that "globalist" "banker" "elite" "media"—with Jewish names—funded EVIL NAZI [[Hitler|HITLER]]. | ||
[[File:Joker dark low angle.jpg|thumb|right|Look familiar at all? No?]] | |||
== YouTube == | == YouTube == | ||
Revision as of 04:47, 5 March 2014
|
Nobody has heard of this person, but whoever they are, vandalizing this article only makes us want to learn more... |
 |
This article is paid for by taxpayers like you. Thanks, America. |
America's Third Party is the manifestation of the midlife crisis of the racist, closeted-homosexual, chronically-unemployed, narcissistic David Jon Sponheim.
After David realized how pointless his life has been, living in his parent's van, eating out of the trash — he was born addicted to nicotine as his mother smoked ten a day while pregnant, he now desires to redeem himself by running for President of the United States, with his unshaven lover Sarah L. Hart as his running mate. Despite a vigorous attempt at running a presidential campaign on internet cam sites with a poor copy of Alex Jones, their party still consists of only two members and the occasional moral support of a few literal retards.
A True Founding Father
During a certain period in America, parents were encouraged to teach their worthless children they could grow up to become anything they wanted to be, regardless of actual skill and aptitude.
Children during this time were raised as though they were a special snowflake, and carried the mentality into adulthood that whether win or lose, they'd still be someone important.
What could possibly go wrong?
After spending his entire life knowing nothing about politics, David Jon Sponheim founded a political party that speaks to the people — all 54 of them on Facebook. Originally the party was a joint effort between David and Sarah, with Sarah being the only one to actually run for the Washington State Senate; but Sarah had to step aside to Dave's greatness. In a lame attempt to appeal to America's kiddies, the party started with the awful name "cool rock party." You can find David rocking the vote with black face-paint, reminding everyone that all of America's problems are to blame on the president being a nigger. As your standard yuppie generation faggot, David is acutely aware that niggers are inferior, but as a fellow inferior with a lust for popularity to sooth his fragile ego, he has a constant need to hide this fact when you aren't stealing all his narcissistic supply like evil Obama. But remember, he's not a racist, he's an American!!
Die Partei ist David
What you have to understand about Dave is, he's something of a big deal. He was a chess master and valedictorian of his class, and he would have been accepted into the top schools if it was not for affirmative action, which allowed Obama to take his place. He had to go to his last choice, UCLA, and dropped out after two years when the communist professors laughed him out of the building on a daily basis.
He once interrupted Milton Friedman with his whining then later claiming that he totally pwned the speaker in a debate. David has an IQ of 185 and the best ideas you never heard of because the man is keeping him down, such as tying a Boeing plane to a blimp. He remains mysteriously unemployed while knowing more about every subject than the experts do. Being originally from California, he has a made-up story about meeting every celebrity under the sun. David loves to gaslight and use big words incorrectly. Fitting with his Alex Jones style, he knows the least about Nazis despite always talking about them, and will randomly invoke something along the lines of, "you think in black and white, there is grey area." Contradicting him always leads to epic amounts of tard rage, accusations that you've been paid by the government and naturally you just threatened his life. Oh, David has a multimillion dollar security system (i.g., two BB guns) ready for anybody shows up at his door.
Demonstrating that he's a trustworthy individual, it takes Dave years to acknowledge that he told a lie when caught doing so, like the time he pretended to be a doctor. David maintains contact with a "Doctor" Mount, who received doctorate from some diploma mill on the Bible belt, he is also an expert in foreign relations. Getting into Dave's inner circle is easy, pretend to be a secret gubment special ops with insider information, and you'll be able to get on his show and ramble utter nonsense on the air.
Being too much of an introvert to get outside and meet someone, he met his lover in some chat room for desperate singles. The two met sometime around 1999, Dave was 38 and she was 20. At the time she was a welfare recipient and more than happy to put up with Dave's bullshit to keep a roof over her head. Also, nobody has ever seen Dave kiss her on the lips, indicating he is one of those asexual narcissists.
The Campaign Trail
David Jon Sponheim spends his time living in the house that he inherited from his parents, who are now dead. He extracts rent from Sarah, a substitute teacher and the home's breadwinner. Instead of getting a job or doing any actual campaign work, Dave spends all day watching Alex Jones, blindly believing in every stupid conspiracy theory that finds him to blame society for his lack of self-confidence. His online show...er "campaign," consists of him patronizing retarded faggots that think he's awesome, performing shitty impressions of presidents and other famous people, raging and banning anybody who dares disagree with him, and replaying the same seven conspiracy videos again and again. In truth, David should have been the leader of some suicide cult, and would have ultimately done the world a huge favor.
The party platform involves a new economic model called hybrid capitalism, where the government would compete in the private sector as a business. David's careful research has proven this would have no adverse effects on the free market, as if public schools don't compete with private ones making private schools more expensive. While David is busy labeling his adversaries as NSA puppets, he remains willfully ignorant that his own platform supports the NSA. His favorite plan is to build a seawater pipeline, because "much of our country is uninhabitable due to a lack of water."
His show provides online entertainment six days a week, consisting of "Conspiracy Monday," "Truth Tuesday," "Wasteful Wednesday," "Technology Thursday," "Fun Friday," and "Anti-War Saturday." But let's be honest, every day is Conspiracy Monday! Such unoriginal greatness includes that oft repeated Alex Jones lie that duh natzis used fluoride on da jews, and that fluoride also caused Columbine; because the best way for a tyrannical regime to pacify its people into submission is to send them on murderous rampages. Like any other conspiratard, his worldview centers around an awareness of the Jewish question, but because of the six trillion and a need to be PC to gather social proof, they have convinced themselves of the truth of euphemisms such that "globalist" "banker" "elite" "media"—with Jewish names—funded EVIL NAZI HITLER.
YouTube
Previous Video | Next Video
BROKE OBOMBUS
Gallery
-
-
David taking special caution around people of color -
Bwahhh -
More glam shots! -
-
Party donations help him make trips to lecture a retard in a mickey mouse shirt. -
Where the magic happens -
-
David's design of an airship that travels up to 400 MPH is one example of his vast knowledge of aerophysics. -
Obama fears MS Paint -
How to Troll ATP
- Acknowledge reality
- Correct David
- Offer Constructive Criticism
- Disagree
- Be a White Nationalist
- Support Obama
- Let Dave know Sarah is the breadwinner, so he is technically a woman
- Ask Dave when the show starts
- Ask how many state ballots they are on
- Call Dave a socialist
- Ask Dave what "hybrid capitalism" is hybridized with
- Say Dave's impressions suck
- Demand more blackface
- Tell Dave he is being condescending to whatever downs patient he is chatting up
- Let Dave know his SAT score contradicts his pretend, impossible IQ
- Get Dave a job
See Also
- Buttmad
- Trying too hard
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Victim Complex
- Unwarranted Self Importance
External Links
- ATP on Vaughnlive
- ATP on Tinychat
- http://www.americasthirdparty.com/
- http://www.davidsponheim.com/
- http://www.coolrock.com
davidjonsponheim
ThirdParty- Their shitty book
 |
||
|
|
||
|
America's Third Party is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
| America's Third Party is part of a series on Dying Alone
[]
| |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Featured article March 2nd & 3rd, 2014 | ||
| Preceded by The Fine Bros |
America's Third Party | Succeeded by George Zimmerman's Big Game Hunter |
