Gamers

Your average gamer, over 17 and morbidly obese.

Gamers are bound to be fooled by professional critics bribed by large gaming corporations.

A Gamer is someone who plays tedious, Darwin amplifying, circus downfall and unnewsworthy digital games. When their peers talk about relationships gamers will wonder "What is a "relation ship"? and start looking for it in their fantasy world. Most gamers shop at GameStop (GAME if they're British) despite the fact that they complain about their butthurt from getting ripped off from trading in their used games.

Population

Baffled by their pale unfit bodies, girls shun gamers. Those who don't are either worshipped as gods or constantly have to prove themselves "real".

Like Pokémon, once gamers have reached a certain level of competence or knowledge of video games they evolve into the next stage determined by their situation. There are casual gamers. This is a euphemism for people with ADHD who never bother playing through a game. Fanboys spends a very long time drooling over blockbuster games no one will care about in three years. They will also engage in Internet debates defending "their" console like a person who does not get laid arguieng over condoms (Then again, this analogy can describe 99% of all forum discussions). The next state of a gamer is to become a Video Game Critic, where said gamers have refused to leave their basement of dwelling, nor have they developed a decent enough skill for competition. So instead they post videos of themselves swearing at 20 year old games in a desperate attempt to be accepted by their other equally socially-retarded peers. Should the gamer be a reasonably good player they will amalgamate into whats known as a TourneyFag, a basement-dweller who has somehow managed to lose enough weight to leave their parents house and turn up at professional video game tournaments. They are commonly noticeable by their ill concealed lack of conversation skills and aspie-like BAWLing at anything they consider unbalanced or unfair in a video game, and won't stop bitching until they get their own way, or their parents pick them up to go home.

Adult

Pseudo Adult Gamer

If you don't get this comic, you are a casualfag.

The AP reports that—OMG spoiler!!1!11!—most parents hate video games and fear that their video game playing children are losers. This fear is highly irrational as anyone who encounter them know them to be losers. As an exception to that shocking generalization, the AP article offers the story of Marvin Paup, who apparently has a sugar-momma more gullible than even poor, dead Gweet:

	“	Those who game with their children are likelier to be younger, single and part-time workers than those who don't, the poll showed. Among them is stay-at-home dad Marvin Paup, 33, of Golden Valley, Ariz., who says he plays 30 hours a week with his son and dozens more on his own. Their current favorite is "Halo 3," a shooter game played online by thousands of players at a time. His state-of-the-art equipment includes an Xbox 360 console, surround-sound turned up "really, really loud" and a 65-inch wide-screen television, he said. "That game has bonded me with him," he said of his 10-year-old son Allen. "It's like a whole new reality with me and him."	„
	—OMGWTFBBQ

However you may feel about using video games to distract kids from the bad touch, at least he's not asking how to juggle both feeding his child and his busy clan raid schedule.

At birth the adult gamer indulges in gay activities such as:

• Going to conventions.
• Reading comic books
• Watching IGN
• Whining
• Picking Doritos out of thier bellybuttons
• Getting drunk of Mountain Dew

When the adult gamer hits the age of 18 he immediately goes into a college and state where a lot of fags reside ( New York, California, Canada) and tries to start his life over. Not before long He/She starts to get back into video games. When they do get to college, they are immediately faced with people hostile to their lifestyle. In order to cope, they will recede back into the safer world of video games.

Across the World

In China, stealing one's cybersword will get you killed. The majority of world's gaming population resides in Korea. Koreans regularly neglect their children over games. This is one of the reasons that North Korea is still kicking their ass when it comes to obesity.

In America, you cannot like other games other than Halo and any other bland-as-fuck First Person Shooter, other wise you will be known as a weeaboo fag. You must also like listening to boring heavy metal, graphics that emulate all of reality and wearing things with chains and bats on them. This is due to the common fact amongst American gamers, they all want to join the military and become heroes, but there's no aliens and lazer guns, and despite how much shit they can spew from their whiny mouths, they are all in fact, gigantic limpdick scared babies. Furthermore, the Military does not accept obese mentally challenged people with alternative lifestyles. One Illinois couple was so into WoW that they decided to have a fifth-trimester abortion rather than walk to the front door where he had been dropped off in his carseat. While eight days worth of gold farming might be seen as great success and win among gamers, the two didn't get to enjoy it once they were carted off in the Party Van. Other gamers in their party were heard to complain about having to start the quest all over again.

Popular Games

• League of Legends An online game which rewards the player with anthropomorphic animals for showing up as scheduled and not being a leaver. This proves what everyone suspected: Gamers are as trustworthy as a goblin masturbating in a D&D dungeon.
• Minecraft The Twitter of games. Everyone seem to be into it but no one can explain what it's good for.

Gallery

Notice the lack of women About missing Pics

• 
• 
  An accurate list of different species of gamers
• 
• 
• 

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
• 
• 
• 
  Your teammates
• 
• 
  A typical gamer.
• 
  Lack of exercise = Death
• 
  OBJECTION!
• 
  HXC gamer at the point of no return
• 
  Women can lead to character death and should be avoided
• 
  Gamers also look at porn in their mom's basement
• 
  What every gamer wishes he were
• 
• 
  Typical gamer activity
• 
  Gamers, fanboys, and haters will do anything to prove and defend their opinions to compensate for their small genitals
• 
  A typical gamer want-ad in Gumtree
• 
  Broom: The video game
• 
• 
  Life: No life

Videos

Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

• Video games
• Video Game Reviewers
• Girl Gamers
• Basement dweller
• Angry Nintendo Nerd
• Online sex games
• Otaku
• Tourneyfag

External Links

• A video about gamers in their natural environment.

Gamers is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Gamers is part of a series on Dying Alone [DeadCry yourself to sleep] Those Who Have Died Alone Aaron Alexis ☠ Aaron Bushnell ☠ Aaron Swartz ☠ Adam Lanza ☠ Alexis Arquette ☠ Amanda Todd ☠ Amy Winehouse ☠ Anal Cunt ☠ Andy Kaufman ☠ Angry Grandpa ☠ Anna Nicole Smith ☠ Anthony Warner ☠ Asa Coon ☠ Brian Adams ☠ Brandon Crisp ☠ Byuu ☠ Charmaine Dragun ☠ Cho Seung-Hui ☠ Chris Benoit ☠ Chris Harper-Mercer ☠ Chyna ☠ Codey Porter ☠ David Bowie ☠ David Carradine ☠ Dragoneer ☠ Eazy-E ☠ Edarem ☠ Elliot Rodger ☠ Elvis Presley ☠ George Sodini ☠ Gizgiz ☠ Gleb Korablev ☠ HappyCabbie ☠ Harambe ☠ H.P. Lovecraft ☠ Heath Ledger ☠ Jake Davison ☠ Jeff Weise ☠ JewWario ☠ Jim Morrison ☠ Kate Spade ☠ Kitty0706 ☠ Kurt Cobain ☠ Lemonade Coyote ☠ Leelah Alcorn ☠ Lil Peep ☠ Lilo ☠ Loki Blackfang ☠ Lowtax ☠ Mia Janin ☠ Megan Meier ☠ Michael Jackson ☠ Mitchell Henderson ☠ MySpace ☠ Nathan Gale ☠ Nikita Lytkin ☠ Otoya Yamaguchi ☠ Pekka-Eric Auvinen ☠ Prince ☠ Randy Stair ☠ Rehtaeh Parsons ☠ Ricardo Lopez ☠ Rina Palenkova ☠ Ripper ☠ Robin Williams ☠ Ronnie McNutt ☠ Rudolph Zurick ☠ Ryan Palmeter ☠ Shawn Woolley ☠ Shay ☠ Shuaiby ☠ Sol Pais ☠ Stephen Paddock ☠ Steve Stephens ☠ Thomas Matthew Crooks ☠ Tony48219 ☠ TooDamnFilthy ☠ Tyler Dumstorf ☠ Vester Flanagan ☠ William Atchison ☠ XXXTentacion ☠ Zhao Zewei Those Dying Alone 03bgood ☠ 2cash ☠ 2 gryphon ☠ 7jackass77 ☠ Adam Sandler ☠ Ahuviya Harel ☠ AIDS Skrillex ☠ AkewsticRockR ☠ Alex Ford ☠ Alison Rapp ☠ America's Third Party ☠ Amy Schumer ☠ Andrew Allanson ☠ Angry Joe ☠ AnimatedJames ☠ Anita Sarkeesian ☠ Anonymous Borg ☠ Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto ☠ Antony Aguilar ☠ April Davis ☠ Aquagirlwhitefox ☠ Argent009 ☠ Arguecat3 ☠ Arin Hanson ☠ Armake21 ☠ Asalieri ☠ Asher2500 ☠ Austin Alexander ☠ AvantGardePony ☠ Bambifan101 ☠ Barneyfag ☠ Basement Dwellers ☠ Ben Ford ☠ Ben Moynihan ☠ Benny_the_Snake ☠ Benthelooney ☠ Big Red ☠ Bikerfox ☠ Bill9929 ☠ Bill Gaede ☠ Bill Gates ☠ BLACKbusterCritic ☠ Bob Rehahn ☠ BrandontheMovieGuy ☠ Brandon Smith ☠ Brian Mueller ☠ Brian Richard Zaiger ☠ Brianna Wu ☠ Bronies ☠ ButLova ☠ ByAppointmentTo ☠ Carl the Cuck ☠ Cartoonjunkie ☠ Caseydecker ☠ CatboyKami ☠ Cheeyev ☠ Chloe Sagal ☠ Chris-chan ☠ Chris Crocker ☠ Chuck M. ☠ Clint of Rise and Fall ☠ CopperCab ☠ Corey Margera ☠ Coughlan666 ☠ Crazyvideosandrants ☠ Crinklemon ☠ Cyraxx ☠ Daniel Brandt ☠ Dan Cilley ☠ Dane Cook ☠ Dani Filth ☠ Darius McCollum ☠ Darknessthecurse ☠ DarksydePhil ☠ Dave Chapelle ☠ Dave Mustaine ☠ David Hockey ☠ Daxflame ☠ DBoyWheeler ☠ Deeker ☠ DeterminedToDrawUT ☠ Dev-catscratch ☠ DGTrixie ☠ Diaper Boy ☠ Dillon Cossey ☠ Diogo Mendes ☠ DisneyFan01 ☠ DisneyMaster ☠ DJ KEEMSTAR ☠ Dnepropetrovsk maniacs ☠ DodgerofZion ☠ Dogpatch Press ☠ Don Roberts ☠ Doodletones ☠ Doomer3868 ☠ Dorian_Gay ☠ Doug Walker ☠ Drakon ☠ DrossRotzank ☠ Doomentio ☠ Dustin ☠ EDP445 ☠ Emer Prevost ☠ Emos ☠ Epic Fat Guy ☠ EpicKitty54 ☠ Eric Abramov ☠ Eric Ridenour ☠ Erik Ribsskog ☠ ErtasVideos ☠ Filthy Frank ☠ Fagolescents ☠ FanFic Critic ☠ Fast Eddie ☠ Fat Man ☠ Faust & Pory ☠ Five Nights at Freddy's fans ☠ Flardox ☠ Fluffy teh wolf ☠ ForeverKailyn ☠ Friends of A-Log ☠ Furries ☠ G-Zay ☠ Gather Against Fate ☠ George Lopez ☠ Geoshea ☠ Ghost ☠ Girlvinyl ☠ Globelamp ☠ GoddessMillenia ☠ Graykat ☠ Greg Mazujian ☠ Gwen Gale ☠ Gwen Stefani ☠ Harmful Opinions ☠ Hellkiller777 ☠ I Dislike Cis People ☠ I Hate Everything ☠ Ian Miles Cheong ☠ Ichverbot ☠ icze⁴r ☠ Imma-The-Deer ☠ InkBunny ☠ Isabella Loretta Janke ☠ Jamil The King ☠ Jessi Slaughter ☠ Jessica Leeds ☠ Jim Profit ☠ JINXDROWNED ☠ Joe Crusher Pickles ☠ Joeker ☠ John Bulla ☠ John Field ☠ John Kricfalusi ☠ John Patrick Rogers ☠ Jonathan McIntosh ☠ Jonmon ☠ JonTron ☠ Joseph Camp ☠ Joseph8276 ☠ Joshua "Null" Moon ☠ Juggalos ☠ JustinRPG ☠ Kat Dennings ☠ Kendall Jenner ☠ Keegan Salisbury ☠ Kathleen Todd ☠ Kenny Glenn ☠ Kevin Havens ☠ Keffals ☠ Kimmo Johan Alm ☠ KingEmpoleon ☠ KingMasterReview ☠ Krashed ☠ Laci Green ☠ Larry the Cable Guy ☠ Lauren Faust ☠ LeafyIsHere ☠ Lecarick ☠ Leigh Alexander ☠ LeisureSuitGaming ☠ Lena Dunham ☠ Leonard F. Shaner Jr. ☠ Leslie Jones ☠ LifeInATent ☠ Likeicare ☠ Linkara ☠ LittleCloud ☠ LittleKuriboh ☠ Logo Kids ☠ Lordelthibar ☠ Low Tier God ☠ Lucian Hodoboc ☠ M. Chaos ☠ A Man in Black ☠ Manchildren ☠ Mar9122 ☠ Marbles ☠ MarioMario456 ☠ Mariotehplumber ☠ Marjan Siklic ☠ masteroogwgay ☠ Matthew Davis ☠ Matthew Nicholson ☠ McJuggerNuggets ☠ MDetector5‎ ☠ Meowbark ☠ MeganSpeaks ☠ Michael Batton ☠ Michael Fitzhywel ☠ Michael Gimson ☠ Mike Sandy ☠ Moleman9000 ☠ Monica Punk ☠ MonkeyGameGuides ☠ Moviebob ☠ Mumkey Jones ☠ MuZemike ☠ MylarBalloonFan ☠ MysteriousMrEnter ☠ MysticArk ☠ NaokoElric2250 ☠ NawlinWiki ☠ Neckbeards ☠ NeoGAF ☠ Nick Bate ☠ Nick Bravo ☠ Nikkineko333 ☠ Noah Antwiler ☠ Nostalgia Chick ☠ Notch ☠ Nullcherri ☠ Objectfags ☠ OFWGKTA ☠ Onideus Mad Hatter ☠ Onyx Forepaw ☠ Pacificoceanasia ☠ PaigeGirl ☠ Paul Feig ☠ Paulie Calafiore ☠ Parkourdude91 ☠ Peter Bright ☠ Peter Coffin ☠ PhantomStrider8 ☠ Phil Fish ☠ PhunWithLogic ☠ Pinkiepony ☠ Pit Viper ☠ Pixyteri ☠ Peluchin Entertainment ☠ PMRants ☠ Preachingthegospel ☠ Quentin Tarantino ☠ Rachael MacFarlane ☠ Randi Harper ☠ Richard Reid ☠ Ricki Raven ☠ RMG Productions ☠ Robert Stainton ☠ Robert Wayne Stiles ☠ Rockosocko ☠ Romeo Rose ☠ Rootbrian ☠ Rose3212 ☠ Ryan Routh ☠ Sad Frog ☠ SammyClassicSonicFan ☠ Sam Pepper ☠ Sarah Butts ☠ Sarahisnifty ☠ SaturnDOS ☠ Sceptre ☠ Schnookums ☠ Segacamp ☠ Sega Kid ☠ Seth MacFarlane ☠ Sethisto ☠ Shadman ☠ Simply Okami ☠ Slowbeef & Diabetus ☠ Snapesnogger ☠ Sonic Savior ☠ Sonmanic ☠ Sony-Mae ☠ Sophie Labelle ☠ Spax3 ☠ Stormy ☠ Superlisamcb ☠ Susan Boyle ☠ Tara Strong ☠ TheAmazingAtheist ☠ TheDOSFag ☠ TheSockDetective ☠ Tim Buckley ☠ TJ Lane ☠ Todd in the Shadows ☠ Tom Preston ☠ ToonEGuy ☠ Tourneyfags ☠ Trey Eric Sesler ☠ Trigglypuff ☠ Tyciol ☠ Tyler Garmany ☠ Ulillillia ☠ The Unknown Autobot ☠ Vade ☠ VinceintheBay ☠ Wade Fulp ☠ WeatherManKevin ☠ Wesley!!! ☠ WoWfan4life ☠ Wwwarea ☠ Weegeeisgoingtokillm ☠ Xenuria ☠ YandereDev ☠ Yoshiwii1 ☠ You ☠ youngbloodfantasy91 ☠ Zoe Quinn ☠ Zone Their Methods 9gag ☠ Adventure Time ☠ An Hero ☠ AIDS ☠ Animu ☠ Alt-right ☠ Art School ☠ A-Log's Fanfiction ☠ ask.fm ☠ Asperger's Syndrome ☠ Assigned Male ☠ Bath Salts ☠ The Big Bang Theory ☠ Battle For Dream Island ☠ BlackLivesMatter ☠ Black metal ☠ Body Pillows ☠ BonziWORLD ☠ BitView ☠ Booze ☠ Bullying ☠ BuzzFeed ☠ Children's Cartoons ☠ Clown World ☠ Computer Science III ☠ Cosplay ☠ CumOnPrintedPics.Com ☠ Cuphead ☠ Dead Friend ☠ Death metal ☠ Death penalty ☠ Dating Sims ☠ DeviantART ☠ Discord ☠ Drugs ☠ Edginess ☠ Family Guy ☠ FanFiction ☠ Feminism ☠ Fedora ☠ Fidget spinner ☠ The Filthy Frank Show ☠ Five Nights at Freddy's ☠ Fleshlight ☠ Friend Zone ☠ FurAffinity ☠ Furry Art ☠ Fun Shitposting Wiki ☠ Garry's Mod ☠ Genshin Impact ☠ GoAnimate! ☠ Googlewhacking ☠ Gorillaz ☠ Goths ☠ Gravity Falls ☠ Green Day ☠ Greeny Phatom ☠ Grindcore ☠ Hacking ☠ Happy Madison Productions ☠ Homestuck‎ ☠ Hover hand‎ ☠ Hufflepuff ☠ High Score ☠ Incelcore ☠ Indie music ☠ Infantilism ☠ Insane Clown Posse ☠ Introvert ☠ Invisible Girlfriend ☠ IRC ☠ Jenkem ☠ Kiwi Farms ☠ Kotaku ☠ League of Legends ☠ Lego ☠ Libertarianism ☠ LiveJournal ☠ Lonely ☠ LoveShy ☠ Mai Waifu ☠ Mass Shootings ☠ Men's rights activism ☠ Minecraft ☠ MLP Forums ☠ MMORPGs ☠ MGTOW ☠ MUDs ☠ My Little Pony ☠ My Tiny Dick ☠ Nice Guyism ☠ Nu metal ☠ Oculus Rift ☠ Oh Shiternet ☠ Online dating ☠ Online sex games ☠ Overwatch ☠ Plastic Crap ☠ Plenty of Fish ☠ /r9k/ ☠ Rick and Morty ☠ Roblox ☠ Rule 34 ☠ RuneScape ☠ School Shootings ☠ Second Life ☠ Self-Victimization ☠ Shy Boys IRL ☠ Silk Screen Goku Shirt ☠ Slayer ☠ Slipknot ☠ Sluthate ☠ Smogon University ☠ Social Justice ☠ Source Filmmaker ☠ South Park ☠ Sparkalloon ☠ Speakonia ☠ Star vs. the Forces of Evil ☠ Steven Universe ☠ Taking the Internet Too Seriously ☠ Team Fortress 2 ☠ That Guy With The Glasses ☠ The Anytown Show ☠ The Entersphere ☠ The Sims ☠ They Might Be Giants ☠ Tomb Raider ☠ Tool ☠ Transformers ☠ Tulpas ☠ Tumblr ☠ TV Tropes ☠ twenty one pilots ☠ Uncharted ☠ Uncle Grandpa ☠ Uncyclopedia ☠ Undertale ☠ Unikitty ☠ UTTP ☠ VidLii ☠ Virginity ☠ Virtual Youtubers ☠ Vloggerheads ☠ WatchMojo.com ☠ Weezer ☠ Wikimania ☠ Wizardchan ☠ World of Warcraft ☠ YIIK: A Post-Modern RPG ☠ YouTube

Featured article November 15 & 16, 2014
Preceded by GamerGate Faggot Brigade	Gamers	Succeeded by IGN