Richmond

Welcome to RVA

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Official City Symbol

Richmond nicknamed RVA by the local fags is a Ghetto in Central Virginia and the commonwealth's Capital. Home of a lot of confederate shit that serves as a troll to it's primarily Black Residents the city currently has. Today Richmond is divided between Millenials, Black Folks, and Libtard Yuppies.

Etymology

If someone is from Richmond it's best to avoid them at all cost. If however for some reason that is impossible the runner up best method is to refer to them as "Asshats". However they prefer the term "Richmondite" however nobody gives a shit what they prefer so we shall stick with Asshat.

History

Richmond was founded when settlers going up the James River from the Chesapeake Bay found the river to become to impassable due to the rocks. They stopped and set up a City that we today call Richmond. Instantaneously the city showed its true colors as a city of "progress" with its slave market being one of the most profitable in the country.

This Pro-Slavery attitude would carry over well into the future as it became the capital of the Confederacy during the War of Northern Aggression. Unfortunately for our the crackers the Union wasn't a fan of this Freedom Fighting and gave Lincoln gave them the ban hammer by having the city burnt to the ground a la Atlanta 1865 style.

Over the next hundred years, the city embraced its anti-Black Mantra by embracing Jim Crow and even setting up several lulzy statues to their confederate "heroes" right in the heart of the city on Monument Ave. Unfortunately, however, this was not the permanent state of the city as in the past 30 years the city has began the process of deteriorating. Starting in the 1980s when two randoms went on a murder spree before busting out of death row. Immediately thereafter a mass exodus out of the city began and RVA has been losing residents since.

Since the 2010s the city has absolutely gone down the tubes. Following the Death of Jorge Floyd mass chimpouts sparked across the city ruining the property value around the city. The looters even succeeded in removing the historic Confederate Statues on Monument Ave. Virginia Governor Ralph "Black Face" Northram's special friend Levar Stoney (a guy whose name literally means high on drugs) has responded by firing the police chief and appointing four more in the span of two months.

Locations in Richmond

The Rocks

The same thing that prevented the initial retards from going further, today the rocks in the James River are a popular tourist location for all sorts of local Gen Z's. They go there to skip on the rocks, get drunk, and often when the two of them mix, slip and break an ankle. Great place to have a pick nick if you enjoy sitting on something hard for a few hours

Carytown

Filled with Rich white yuppies Carytown is probably best known for A) being a shithole and B) the home of the Byrd Theater, a pretty cool place that shows a few months old films for a few dollars. They even have free parking making the whole thing cheap as fuck. HAHA DISREGARD THAT they now charge you to park there. The place has some "Great Restaurants" that are about 10 square feet big inside.

The Fan

The Fan is best known for being home to VCU, a school Moot used to go to. Because of the total lack of dorms residents just live and party with their Ghetto Neighbors. That's another thing, the school's major is basically just partying and getting shitfaced.

If not for VCU then the Fan would be best known for Monument Ave. A street that has caused a huge lolcow in recent years because of the Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and JEB Stuart, Statues. The city attempted to settle down the "peaceful protestors" mad about it by erecting of Arthur Ash, a black man whose noteworthiness come from having died of AIDS but it didn't work. In 2020 when George Floyd died it was enough for the city to change its mind and remove the statue only to have them blocked by some courts.

Mosby/Jackson Ward

Home of Gilpin Court, the biggest collection of crime and drugs in the Commonwealth. Never go to Mosby or Jackson Ward if you're white and value you're bicycle and wallet. A good place to buy Drugs though if that's what you are interested in. If you see a white guy here there's a 99% chance he's buying Drugs or a cop.

Downtown RVA

Downtown RVA is home to some generic office buildings. The Federal Reserve office is here along with the biggest collection of white people in the city. Governor Blackface's Mansion is located here. Work in downtown? That's tough shit. Unfortunately since the city is run by retards the streets are a confusing maze of one way streets turning into two ways. Also good luck finding parking within 14 blocks of your building.

The Museum District

Enjoy looking at old worthless museums? Then avoid this place.

Azelea

Yet another hood in Richmond it boarders Hanover and Henrico. A perfect place for the out of state travelers crossing through to get introduced to what Richmond is all about. So shitty it actually had a radio shack until like 2018. If you don't live in Public Housing you'd be like a god to these people. Homeless are on every corner begging for crack money.

U of R

Everything near the University of Richmond is filled with Affluent Whites who will call the police on you if you make less than $240,000 in their neighborhood.

Sports

Back in the day Richmond used to have a decent minor league baseball team, the Richmond Braves. They were good enough to win a minor league title back in '07. Not bad. However, they were playing in a stadium so old it was considered old during Jim Crow so the champions asked for a new stadium. Unfortunately, like the rest of state, the city is run by jews so the money for the stadium didn't come and the team yeeted to Atlanta.

After losing a good minor league team the city got the Richmond Flying Squirrel, a team with a name so shitty it just about tells you everything you need to know about them. They like their counterparts are begging the city for a few stadium which they've yet to receive and since they're perpetually at the bottom of their league probably never will.

And VAfags wonder why they'll never get a major league sports team.

VCU has no football team however they do have a beloved basketball team that never wins jack shit in March Madness. Believe it or not, once VCU made it to the final four, this bronze medal was such an accomplishment riots broke out across the city.

There's a NASCAR track but Richmond's too stingy to possibly maintain one so it's located just steps over the border in Henrico.

Transportation

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one of the fine buses in the fleet

Now renamed the pulse the poor black people tend to take it everywhere. It runs from: The hood, to: The other hood. If you're poor and want to go to a VCU game this is for you. Just kidding shit never runs on time. You will occasionally find drunk VCU Students on these buses at about 4 AM. Like the "other" Bus Riders these people are generally to be avoided.

Police

Until recently Richmond had an O.K. police force, well as okay as any city could. Following the outbreak of Coronavirus riots from the death of Jorge Floyd the mayor removed the chief of police. Then another. Then another. By the end of Summer the riots were still ongoing as the lack of a police chief didn't allow for any end to the rioting or organizing among the police.

This collapse of law enforcement's ability to do jack shit has caused a lot of property damage

Government

Like any city outside of San Diego and Jacksonville Richmond is run by Democrats. As such you can expect some generic black Democrat to get elected mayor. You may also expect to pay 900% more for meals in Richmond than for meals in Chesterfield or Hanover due to all the Demoncraps lovely food taxes.

Education

"Education" (if you can even call it that at this point) in the city of Richmond is a joke. If you live in the city and have kids your only hope is to send them to a private school like St. Confederates Unfortunately these schools cost a fuck ton of cash to send and unless you're some kind of millionaire or some shit (knowing you you're not) these are out of reach for you. Instead you're more likely to send your kid to some poor as shit school where graduation rates are lower than the test scores and where the only thing higher than the dropout rate is the students (and teen pregnancy rates).

RVA Culture

The RVA was a nickname given to the city to make it appealing to the whites looking to gentrify the city and force the local residents out and into homeless camps. It soon became a mantra spouted by 20 something libtard white guys drunk off their asses at house parties at VCU. If you're black you probably don't use RVA and instead refer to the city as the 804.

Around Richmond

Want to escape Richmond? Here are some areas around Richmond to flee too.

Henrico

A mixed bag Henrico is 1/3 White, 1/3 Black, 1/3 Indian. As such wealth varies greatly across the county. On one end near Hanover and Richmond, it has in the middle of one of its hoods is the Racetrack. Placing it in the hood was a perfect way to scare the Rednecks going to the races. However, for the most part like Richmond, you might as well just avoid Henrico. There's a ratio of one Cadillac Escalade for every 4 people.

Henrico's non-black area is best summed up by it's one cancerous area called Short Pump which is inhabited by 16-year-old TikTok White Kids. Go to the Cookout here after 10 P.M. if you want to see what I'm talking about.

In keeping with the local tradition of pricing things so high nobody can afford to live there Henrico adopted a food tax on meals Last Thursday this tax has caused you to pay $10 for the burger when they can go a few feet across the border to Hanover, Goochland, or King William and pay $5.50 for the whole combo. Unsurprisingly despite the goal for the new source of income, Henrico schools are still shit.

On the topic of Henrico schools while in White Schools you're only likely to be shot by the one weird kid nobody talks to, in Henrico schools you can get popped by over 9000 blacks because they thought you were trying to "finesse" them on their homework assignments. However, on the bright side, a large number of light-skinned blacks in the county means the school system produced some fine athletic specimens who make it all the way to the big time of Division III football! Before returning to the hood when they're inevitably kicked out for failing grades or touching too many white women.

Chesterfield

A hot shithole south of Richmond. Notable for being the home of Midlothian (nicknamed Midlo by people to retarded to pronounce the whole thing), which is only noteworthy for having Westchester Commons, a shopping mall which is the last bit of civilization until you get into "Real Virginia", which is miles upon miles of nothing except the occasional bumfuck nowhere small towns of a few dozen white people. Chris Chan went to Manchester High School which is also located in Midlo

Hanover

These guys go to PH

You thought Richmond was racist? Holy shit welcome to Hanover County, Racism reloaded. Hanover has a lot of diversity, Diversity of White People. From the upper-middle-class parts of Mechanicsville to the absolute trailer trash areas of everything else. A good look at this diversity is by looking at its schools. Atlee and Hanover High are two typical upper middle class suburban high schools. However, the other 70% of the county goes to Patrick Henry, or PH for short (like you're dick). A school situated in dumbfuck nowhere and receives white rednecks from all over the rural parts of the county.

There are also schools called Lee Davis and Stonewall Jackson which have been used to tro- oh wait never mind as of August 2020 the NAACP succeeded in getting the schools named changed as of recently

Hanover in short is basically Chesterfield of the north. Like its southern neighbor it is best avoided by anyone black or with a brain.

Petersburg

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Petersburg's Only High School

Giplen Court 2.0. The median income is less than $35,000 meaning that once again you can expect to skip this place in your trip to the commonwealth. The place is filled with coin operated laundry, check cashing places, and gun shops.

The one and only High School serving the area is the aptly named Petersburg High School is ranked 1/10 in every category on Great Schools.com, so you're really sending your kids to a great school if you live there.

Fredricksburg

You've probably never heard of it but it just popped into the news in 2020 when during the George Floyd protest the police refused to step in to stop the riots and instead told a mom who called 9-1-1 over rioters ambushing the car she and her daughter was in to shut the fuck up and cry about it.

Noteable Residents

• Moot briefly lived in Richmond when he went to VCU before flunking out.
• G. Allen worked in the city in the late 1990s.
• Tim Kaine, Hillary Clinton's butt boy and Vice Presidential choice in 2016
• Jefferson Davis, Confederacy's only President. Captured dressed as a lady.
• Dwight Whorley
• Matthew Davis
• Steve Choisser
• Gorgeous George
• Ralph Northram

See Also

• Virginia
• Confederacy
• Washington, D.C.
• Ralph Northram