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Oliver Keyes: Difference between revisions
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
— Ironholds suffering all the diseases that come from too much Wikipedia | ||
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Oliver Keyes✡ (going by the street handle "Ironholds"), is a notorious TOW vandal, disgraced Wikipedia sysop, and the pimp-daddy of Freenode, scoring every bitch that dares chat in his vicinity of e-masculinity. His lifetime dream of working for Wikimedia Foundation already being accomplished, he now spends his golden years unleashing anger in public IRC channels, and then having his rage elevated once he realizes people may remember his words and/or actions. Ironholds later deleted his userpage because of this article.
Ironholds ran for admin seven times before the community gave up and said yes in May 2011. It all came to an end in July 2013 when Keyes was desysopped after his faggotry was exposed during a humiliating ArbCom case which found that Keyes was guilty of "conduct unbecoming an administrator" and "bringing the project into disrepute". Despite this, he remains employed by the Wikimedia Foundation, the "charity" that runs Wikipedia and the other WMF wikis.
Ironholds x Fluffernutter etc
At one point Ironholds shacked up with fellow TOW admin and known cougar Karen "Fluffernutter" Ingraffea at her home address of 24 Foxhill Lane Ringwood, NJ whilst he was staying in the USA. He was quick to slip her some GHB, and began getting to work on her overweight ass. She being under the influence of multiple dissociatives, could not think her actions through properly and thus shared his exploits in the public #wikipedia-en channel. This was obviously a very good idea.
19:57:22 < tyw7> Ironholds: I think Fluffernutter_ is currently afk 19:57:27 < tyw7> see Fluff|laptop instead 19:57:49 < Ironholds> tyw7: she's sitting next to me and I just slapped her arse 19:57:51 < Fluff|laptop> yeah, he's talking to the wrong me 19:57:51 < Ironholds> trust me, I know 19:57:57 < Fluff|laptop> no he didn't 19:58:00 < Fluff|laptop> he has terrible aim 19:58:03 < Fluff|laptop> he poked me in the hip 19:58:12 < Fluff|laptop> and now he just pinched my ass 19:58:19 < Peter-C> O_O 19:59:11 < Fluff|laptop> you'd think he'd have figured hiow to slap asses by now, but nooo 19:59:51 < tyw7> why is he slapping your ass? 20:00:00 < Ironholds> tyw7: we're fucking 20:00:02 < Fluff|laptop> why not? we DID say we're bored 20:00:06 < tyw7> O_o 20:00:12 < Ironholds> I mean, we're not fucking right now 20:00:15 < tyw7> Ironholds: you are fucking Fluff|laptop 20:00:16 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds, see, no one believes you when you say that 20:00:17 < Ironholds> but as a general principle, we fuck 20:00:24 < Ironholds> tyw7: jeremyb didn't believe me either 20:00:29 < Ironholds> and we kissed in front of him and everythign 20:00:30 < Fluff|laptop> jeremyb practically rolled his eyes 20:00:33 < tyw7> you two are married? 20:00:37 < Fluff|laptop> baahaha 20:00:37 < Ironholds> tyw7: no, we just fuck 20:00:51 < Fluff|laptop> marry me, darling. we can drive each other insane for eternity 20:00:54 < tyw7> what would your wives/husband say? or are you single? 20:01:02 < Fluff|laptop> we're single 20:01:05 < Logan_> omai 20:01:19 < Ironholds> tyw7: dude, I'm TWENTY 20:01:22 < Fluff|laptop> haha 20:01:23 < Ironholds> I'm not married 20:01:27 Resfirestar is now known as res|starcraft 20:01:34 < Fluff|laptop> he's not married, he's just a babydaddy 20:01:39 < tyw7> Ironholds: really? I'm 18! 20:01:46 < tyw7> how old are you Fluff|laptop 20:01:49 < Ironholds> tyw7: well, nobody's perfect 20:01:50 * Fluff|laptop grins 20:01:52 * Courcelles never knows what is erious in this channel. Ever. 20:01:58 < Logan_> erious? 20:02:00 * Fluff|laptop is far too old to be sleeping with Ironholds, let's just say 20:02:39 < Ironholds> Courcelles: we are actually being serious 20:02:47 < Ironholds> oh dear GOD THIS PRESENTATION IS DULL 20:02:53 < Ironholds> fuck this, I'm going for a smoke 20:02:56 < ^3^> You could leave? 20:02:59 < ^3^> Oh, nvm 20:03:06 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds: do you think it will move them along if i make a show of falling asleep on your shoulder? 20:03:10 < Logan_> Ironholds: I thought you quit 20:03:16 < Ironholds> Logan_: quit what? 20:03:19 < Logan_> smoking 20:03:25 < Ironholds> Fluff|laptop: try going BOOOO! GET OFF THE STAGE! 20:03:29 < Peter-C> OMG Ironholds and Fluff|laptop need to get an apartment >:( 20:03:34 * Fluff|laptop looks shifty, suddenly decides she's a smoker if it means i can get out of here for ten minutes 20:03:36 < ^3^> Or a motel. 20:03:36 < Ironholds> Logan_: then I applied for a WMF job and tripled my stress levels 20:03:40 < Logan_> heh. 20:03:41 < Ironholds> Peter-C: we've GOT one. It's hers. 20:03:44 < Fluff|laptop> ^ 20:03:49 < Peter-C> :O 20:03:50 < Fluff|laptop> brb 20:03:59 < Peter-C> Fluff|laptop has the dominant role in this relationship 20:04:09 < Logan_> you could have the marriage at the WMF headquarters 20:04:30 < tyw7> Ironholds: are you typing while in the meeting? 20:04:34 < tyw7> Say hi to Jimbo for me 20:04:35 < Peter-C> Logan_ - Jimbo could be the priest! 20:04:39 < Logan_> haha 20:04:52 < Nascar1996> ... 20:05:00 < Logan_> I declare you WikiHusband and WikiWife. 20:06:40 < tyw7> Ironholds: say hi to all the wikipedians for me ;) 20:10:26 < Ironholds> back 20:10:29 < Fluff|laptop> Peter-C: oh, if only you knew 20:10:37 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds: we should photograph my bruises 20:10:41 < tyw7> Ironholds: who else is there at the meeting? 20:10:49 < tyw7> Fluff|laptop: and make it public domain? 20:10:51 < Fluff|laptop> lol 20:11:02 < Fluff|laptop> i have a rather spectacular one on my forearm 20:11:29 < NA_0> Bruises? What did I miss? 20:11:40 < tyw7> NA_0: Ironholds pinching and slapping Fluff|laptop 20:11:41 < Fluff|laptop> <_< 20:11:49 < Fluff|laptop> there's been very little pinching 20:12:11 < Fluff|laptop> or slapping, for that matter 20:12:29 < tyw7> and romping... :D 20:13:05 < Ironholds> romping, lots of that 20:13:08 < Fluff|laptop> hee 20:13:10 < Ironholds> Fluffernutter looks like she has hypothermia 20:13:16 < Fluff|laptop> ...? 20:13:37 < Ironholds> all blue 20:13:46 < Fluff|laptop> most of them are yellow and purple at this point 20:13:50 < Fluff|laptop> you've fallen behind 20:13:58 < tyw7> how can you romp in a Wikipedian meeting? 20:14:17 < Fluff|laptop> tyw7: you don't want to know what he just suggested to me in pm 20:14:36 * tyw7 fluffs Fluff|laptop 20:14:43 < Fluff|laptop> ew 20:14:46 < Fluff|laptop> hands off 20:15:05 < Ironholds> tyw7: blowjob in the stairwell 20:15:13 < Fluff|laptop> i said he didn't want to know, dude 20:15:24 < tyw7> lol O_o 20:15:27 < p858snake|l_> ironholds has alot of experience in that dept >.> 20:15:43 < Fluff|laptop> the stairwell is very creaky 20:15:56 < Peter-C> p858snake|l_ - giving or reciving? 20:16:08 < Fluff|laptop> also i kissed him on our way up the stairs and he was all "omg why are you touching me ew" 20:16:48 < p858snake|l_> Peter-C: I don't think it matters when you are talking about Ironholds <.< 20:16:53 < Fluff|laptop> lol 20:16:55 < Fluff|laptop> so true
To further the hilarity, while she was in the UK and performing more sex acts at Ironholds' home (46 Love Lane Pinner, Middlesex) Fluffernutter was turned down a much needed ride to the airport by Ironholds because he simply had better things to do with his time than give a ride to the woman that just sucked your genitals.
Don't Be a Dick
—Ironholds, on how to handle loud niggers | ||
—Oliver Keyes, who was desysopped for "bringing the project into disrepute" | ||
—Ironholds, displaying his hypocrisy | ||
—Oliver Keyes, WMF employee admits to piracy in #wikipedia-en |
[17:14] * tommorris wonders if we could tempt the really fucking perverted by offering a premium Jimmy Wales [[RealDoll]]. [17:14] * Panyd ([email protected]) Quit (Changing host) [17:14] * Panyd (~Panyd@wikipedia/Panyd) has joined #wikipedia-en [17:14] <_trollface_> still, a bobble head would be fun [17:14] <_trollface_> :P [17:15] <Ironholds> tommorris: we could have a Peter Damian one! [17:15] <Ironholds> as anatomically vacant as a ken doll [17:15] <tommorris> Ironholds: you have to pay extra for the shemale option [17:15] <Ironholds> "punching him in the face feels like punching the real thing!" [17:15] <tommorris> no, better yet, wire it up to a thread on Wikipedia Review. every time you punch it, it updates the post
08:38:32 <Ironholds> ...you've been talking to my ex, haven't you? ;p 08:39:16 * sonia neither confirms nor denies this. 08:40:00 <Ironholds> well, if you have, tell her she's a bitch and I hope she gets cat AIDS 08:41:16 <Ironholds> and if you have not, avoid her 08:41:24 <Ironholds> she's a despicable human being, and that's ME saying that 08:43:31 * sonia backs away slowly. 08:45:41 <Ironholds> sonia: what? 08:46:37 <Ironholds> sonia: we dated for five years, from the age of 15. High-school sweethearts, as it were. Then I found out she'd spent those five years cheating on me, lying to me, being jealous of my female friends without ever telling me anything, the whole kit and kaboodle. And I was the one left fucked up. I think I'm fairly justified to wish harm upon her. 08:46:47 <sonia> ...wow. 08:47:38 <Ironholds> and when I say "lying to me" 08:47:58 <Ironholds> I mean "when things went bad, she assured me that we'd try our best to fix stuff, then spent 5 months planning how to dump me without saying a word" 08:48:25 <Ironholds> it finally came to a head when we were out on a date one day and I went "things are getting better, right?" and she turned to me and went "yup. You know I'm still dumping you, right?"
Wikipedia vandalism
—IP 80.177.10.254, totally not Ironholds' IP | ||
During his recent Arbcom case, it was revealed that Ironholds has been vandalizing Wikipedia for years. By Ironholds forgetting to sign, Ironholds exposes his IP as 80.177.10.254. This edit at Simple English Wikipedia shows Ironholds abusing a Simple English user he does not like. Here, Ironholds vandalizes Ottava Rima's user talk page at the Meta wiki.
—Fr33kman's talk page at Simple Wikipedia. | ||
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For a complete list of Ironholds' vandalism and sockpuppetry, see this link.
Other sleazy shit Ironholds is known for
- Outed
Law's sockpuppet, undertow The undertow. This was widely seen by Wikipedians as a back stab - His performance as a customer facing apologist (Community Liaison) for VisualEditor aka Visual Editurd, was a disaster, with Keyes lashing out at Wikipedians who complained about the buggy extension.
- Keyes is currently an "analyst" with some very interesting ideas about your privacy.
- His father is Jon Keyes, an "entertainment agent" doing business as "Paramount International Management", who is notorious for not paying his acts. Notice that OliverKeyes.com is registered to his daddy's company.
That "serial killer" Look
That "I suck a lot of cocks" Look
See also
- lol irony
- The Cavalry - Another self-absorbed cunt
- AmericanDad86 - Another self-absorbed cunt
- hipcrime - Who he hates
- The Wikipedia Jews
- The article he wrote about himself
External links
- Wikipediocracy
- IRC shenanigans at The Wikipedia Review
- Ironholds is a backstabber
- Okeyes (WMF), for Wikimedia Foundation shit
- Buy my textbooks for me kthx.
- Ironholds' as Mentifisto at Wikipedia Review. This is Ironholds' idea of "trolling".
- His blog (copy and paste the link if it doesn't work)
His Twitter, @Quominus, is named for an old British law designed to conserve fags- Old media takes notice of Keyes' behavior
- Examiner article on Keyes
- More on Karen Ingraffea Brown, aka Fluffernutter
Seven RFAs
- First failed RfA as O Keyes
- Second failed RfA
- Third failed RfA, this time as Ironholds
- Fourth failed RfA
- Fifth failed RfA
- Sixth failed RfA
- Seventh time, GREAT SUCCESS!
- Ironholds v Kiefer.Wolfowitz ArbCom case, in which Ironholds is stripped of sysop status after threatening to set another editor on fire
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Oliver Keyes is part of a series on Visit the Wikipedia Portal for complete coverage. |
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Oliver Keyes is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
| Featured article June 18 & 19 2012 | ||
| Preceded by Ripper |
Oliver Keyes | Succeeded by Old /b/ Day |
| Featured article July 20 & 21, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by /s4s/ |
Oliver Keyes | Succeeded by Bug Chasers |