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Devin Patrick Kelley: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 20:13, 9 June 2022
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|---|---|
| Devin Patrick Kelley | |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | 26 killed, 20 injured |
| Top 50? | 20th |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
| Motives |
|
In November 2017, a atheist neckbeard known as Devin Patrick Kelley
from New Braunfels, Texas drove a long 35 miles to Sutherland Springs to shoot up a church, killing 26 people (4% of the town's population) and injuring 20 others. Because he was playing on hard mode on the Texas map and everyone is armed to the teeth, he was shot by a passerby in the torso and the leg. After getting into a high speed chase with some random guy and crying to his daddy on the phone, he became an hero near the scene at the age of 26.
This makes Devin the deadliest and second youngest mass shooter on a church beside Dylann Roof, who was 21 at the time of his spree. The difference between Kelley and Roof is that the former managed to have a better kill to injury ratio. Unlike Dylann, Devin also did not sport a super sick bowl cut and instead opted for the greasy, Discord mod look. Like every Discord mod in existence, Devin Kelley was also a pedophile who groomed a 13 year old at 18.
Devin Kelley served four years in the Chair Force before being court marshaled and dishonorably discharged as an E-1 for physically assaulting both his wife and child. Apparently he had a colorful history of violent stupidity aside from breaking his infant stepson's skull in 2012. He also tried to get weapons on to his air base to pwn his superior officers. Kelley was brought back to court in 2014 for animal abuse charges.
Nobody Could Have Seen This Coming
Oh, wait a minute. Here's a fun thought that'll get your mind thinking hard: if you have someone as a friend on social media that you've known for a long time and they unexpectedly start posting pictures of guns just completely out of the blue... most likely not a good sign and you should report them so they get V&. Especially if they happen to be somebody with a political view that is anti-cop or anti-government in general, somebody diagnosed with a mental illness, socially awkward, a virgin, child or wife beater, heavy casino gambler, or Muslim.
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 26/20 One kill shy of Adam Lanza |
| Accuracy: | 11/20 Only 26 killshots in a room of about 50 people |
| Style: | 15/20 Edgelord tactical gear. |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Deadliest shooting in Texas and dead kids. |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Subjected the world to Texas on a Sunday. |
| Total score: 92/100 (A) | |
Wanted Level:
S.W.A.T. Team
Twitter reaction
As with the Mandalay Bay shooting, a butthurt Hillary voter had this to say of the mass shooting:
The leftists on Twitter took a break from licking Hillary's asshole long enough to let out a joyous cheer for their comrade's epic takedown of 26 dead Christians, while the butthurt patriots cheered themselves up by doxing him and ensuring that his employer saw his touching sentiments about the victims.
Gallery
Related Articles
External Links
- Sutherland Springs church killer identified as Devin Patrick Kelley
- Devin Patrick Kelley: What we know about the Texas church shooting suspect
- Devin Kelley: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know
- Sutherland Springs church killer identified as Devin Patrick Kelley
