Bosnia and Herzegovina

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Bosnia and Herzegovina, also known as "little Turkey", that one country that caused the balkan wars or east Serbia is a country in the Balkans. It is mostly known for muslims, being almost turned into Greater Serbia and Greater Croatia (for another country which actually suffered this kind of fate see Poland), having its population massacred and starved on purpose by the serbs and not much else, since nobody cares about small, non-influential countries.

The flag of Bosnia and Herzegovina

Bosnia's anthem

History

Antiquity and TL;DR

Bosnia and Herzegovina or BIH for short, was, after the Romans decided to go rage quit in a loud and epic orgy, settled by the common Slav during the 7th century, seeing only little note worthy action until 1463 when the Ottoman empire decided to expand to the north, to gain more storage space, and access to less smelly pussy. Because Muslims tend to make things extremely complicated, the addition of another blood cult to the already messed up spiritual landscape of the balcans, led to ensuing religious lulz for ages to come, including wars, massacres, and ethnic cleansings. Since the Ottomans would tax the shit out of you if you didn't believe in the one and only true god (Allah), some of the christian Slavs decided to give up Christ, their foreskin, and booze to avoid the Jizya, only to be seen as honor less pussies, and traitors by the remaining Christians. In 1912 Greece, Serbia, Monte Negro, and Bulgaria kicked out the Ottomans, but didn't go all the way because Bulgaria was not satisfied with the amount of booty they got, which led to a team up with the Ottomans to give them an unhappy ending. The balcans were (almost) free from Kebab-Rule once more, and could prosper in peace... until 1914 when WWI got jump started in Sarajevo.

World War #1

While in Sarajevo, the austrian Archduke Franz Ferdinand offended the serbian nationalist Gavrilo Princip, by wearing his moustache in a completely outdated fashion, so Princip shot him, and his wife, for being an accomplice. Austria got mad, Wilhelm II. came to their support and WW I happened, so Sarajevo got a prominent spot in the history books, but is still lacking a Burger King, not to mention a decent McDonald's. After general mayhem and War shenanigans BIH ended up in the Kingdom of the Serbs, Croats and Slovenes.

Yugoslavia V1.0 "For King and Country"

The Kingdom of the Serbs, Croats and Slovenes (Bosnians are not mentioned, as not to frighten away investors) was around for 23 years before it was ass raped by the Nazis. Mentionable events were the Assassination of King Alexander I. and the invention of the Diet-Baklava

World War #2

Hitler conquered Yugoslavia within 11 days, not even breaking a sweat, he left serbia as puppet state and gave Bosnia and shit to his Fascist Buddies in the croatian NDH, who then startet their own local holocaust which even made the Nazis throw up. The war went south for the Reich and the south of the Reich went belly up, when the Partisans, led by the charming communist leader Josip Broz „Tito“ started to gain territory. The Partisans managed to take Yugoslavia before their red brothers from the USSR could „come and aid them“ (club them to death and take their shit), and so the 2nd Yugoslavia was established.

Yugoslavia V2.0 "Rising of the Red Star"

After Tito smashed the Fash, and leveled up to Marshal, BIH became a republic of the glorious SFR YU. People got along, because otherwise they would be hammered down and sickled by the party. In 1984 the Olympic winter games were held in Sarajevo, and the Mascot Vucko caused the first wave of Furries and Wolfaboos, and only six years later the entire country went down the drain.

Civil War 1991-1995

After Slovenia and Croatia left, shit got real in BIH. The three ethnic and religious groups got into a fight over land and power inside the former yugoslavian republic, which saw the involvement of the croatian army, the JNA, the newly formed bosnian army, the army of the Republic of Srpska and an unholy amount of irregular fighters, Looters, and Mercenaries, among them some of the most interesting Mad Men of our age. In the end 100K People were dead, everything that was not on fire looked like swiss chees, and nobody was to blame.

1995 - Present day

Everyone distrusts everyone else, the economy is on life support, wages are low, mines are still an issue, and the politicians are almost as corrupt as in Italy.

Statehood or so

Today BIH consists of the „Bosnian Federation“ and the „Republic of Srpska“, which share a single capital. To make things even more complicated the Federation has 10 Cantons with independent administration, legislation and shit, and there is also the self governing district of Brcko. The border between the two federal entities looks like someone spilled yogurt over a map.

Culture

Mainly strange folk music, turbo folk, and far too much Alcohol.

Language

Usually Serbo-croatian, or, depending on your location, just serbian OR croation. Since some educated People believe that adding a handful of interjections to an existing language counts as a new language, Bosnian may become an independent language pretty soon. It is noteworthy to mention that the muslim Bosnians use the turkish/arab word „Insan“ for Human, instead the serbo-croatian „Covek/Covjek“, which shows their deep understanding of human nature (Insane).

Georgraphy/Sightseeing

• Unknown to many BIH is not landlocked, but has some 25Km of coastline near the small town of Neum, which is a fact to bring up to impress your non-existing friends.
• Near Bihac lies the former Zeljava Airbase, which was built during the 60s and cost some $6 Billion in 60s Money. It was one of the largest underground airbases in Europe, and could take a 30Kt hit by a nuke(just like your mom), it was blown up by the JNA during retreat. It can be explored illegally, while giving you cancer at the same time.
• The old bridge in Mostar was built in the 16th century, and blasted to Hell in the 90s. They built a new one though. The location is used for bunge jumping and suicide.

Absurd Insanities

Summer Residency of Khufu

• Semir Osmanagić, a Bosnian Indiana Jones wannabe claims that he has discovered three massive pyramides near Visoko, which were disguising themselves as mountains.
• Bosnia and Herzegovina is Home to the manliest Man to ever walk the earth the Dragon of Sipovo, Ilija Grahovac.
• The Saudis are paying bosnian Muslims to wear Hijabs and grow beards, to please Allah.
• Back in 1981 the Mother of God showed up in the town of Medjugorje.

Trolling

Since the bosnian Muslims pride themselves with having ottoman blood, and the othodox serbs shudder in fear and disgust by the mere thought of it, this topic can be used to troll both of them. Tell the Muslims that they are just regular Slavs, and the Serbs that they are Muzzy-Mutts. In case you want to troll bosnian croats tell them they got pwnd by the commies, and would suck up to them still if the country didn‘t fall appart.

Facts

Since the Ottomans took home what they fucked, and since in Islam the paternal line is more important than the maternal line the Turks imported more genetic material from the balcans than they left, while the black legend about the „ius prima noctis“ enforced by the Ottomans is also not true. Remember to use this knowledge to troll the Turks by telling them that they are Slavs.

See also

• Shit nobody cares about
• Balkans

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