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Tim Kretschmer: Difference between revisions

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| style="vertical-align: top; text-align: left;" | Headshot, 11 March 2009
| style="vertical-align: top; text-align: left;" | Headshot, 11 March 2009
|- style="vertical-align: top; text-align: right;"
|- style="vertical-align: top; text-align: right;"
|'''[[High_score|Rank]]'''
|'''Top 50?'''
| style="vertical-align: top; text-align: left;" | 14th Place <br/> 1st: [[Anders_Behring_Breivik|Sir Anders Behring Breivik]] <br/> 2nd: Woo Bum-kon <br/> 4th: [[Cho_Seung-Hui|Cho Seung-Hui]] 14th: [[Tim Kretschmer]] <br/> 17th: [[Fort_Hood|Nidal Malik Hasan]]
| style="vertical-align: top; text-align: left;" | {{highscorelist}}
|}
|}
<br>
<br>
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'''Tim Kretschmer''' (November 6, 1991 – March 11, 2009) was a 17-year-old graduate of the Albertville-Realschule in [[Irony|Winnenden]], [[Germany]] who committed a mass murder of fifteen people ([[Asking for it|eleven were women]]) and wounded nine others, including two policemen, all for the good old [[lulz]]. His shooting rampage has been dubbed as the '''Winnenden [[School Shooting]]'''. Kretschmer committed [[suicide]] after being cornered and wounded by police officers.  
'''Tim Kretschmer''' (November 6, 1991 – March 11, 2009) was a 17-year-old graduate of the Albertville-Realschule in [[Irony|Winnenden]], [[Germany]] who committed a mass murder of fifteen people ([[Asking for it|eleven were women]]) and wounded nine others, including two policemen, all for the good old [[lulz]]. His shooting rampage has been dubbed as the '''Winnenden [[School Shooting]]'''. Kretschmer committed [[suicide]] after being cornered and wounded by police officers.  


The press helpfully pointed out that Kretschmer was playing a lot of [[Counter-Strike]], and we all know [[Jack Thompson|what that does to people]]. He also was an avid [[Bulletball]] player and had [[unrealistic expectations|planned on becoming a professional player.]]
The press helpfully pointed out that Kretschmer was playing a lot of [[Counter-Strike]], and we all know [[Jack Thompson|what that does to people]]. He also was an avid [[Bulletball]] player and had [[unrealistic expectations|planned on becoming a professional player.]] Kretschmer was a [[Geek|loner]] and had no friends, he lived in his basement wanking over [[Anime]]. Pretty much like [[you]], except he [[Fact|really was an exceptional shooter]]. However at least we expect that you'd have the courtesy to write an article on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] before you did it so we'd have the exclusive. BTW, little Tim [[fail|was rejected]] by the actual [[Nazi]] army, because he was [[So cash|too wacky]] for the '''Wehrmacht'''.


Kretschmer was a [[Geek|loner]] and had no friends, he lived in his basement wanking over [[Anime]]. Pretty much like [[you]], except he [[Fact|really was an exceptional shooter]]. However at least we expect that you'd have the courtesy to write an article on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] before you did it so we'd have the exclusive.
==Premonition==
 
{{Quote|I would probably think about screwing things up. Killing everyone I hate, I bet a lot of people would do this. I just mean, you become famous and stay in the memory of other people. See murderers like Ted Bundy.
BTW, little Tim [[fail|was rejected]] by the actual [[Nazi]] army, because he was [[So cash|too wacky]] for the '''Wehrmacht'''.  
I bet this would be a lot of fun. For the relatives of the victims it woulnd’t be much fun.|JawsPredator1 in a forum's thread which asked what the users would do with 1 week left of time to live.}}
 
 
==Graded Score==
{| style="{{roundy|18px}}{{gradlinear|red|orange}}box-shadow:0 3px 6px gray;padding:1em;margin:0 auto 1em auto;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" border="0"
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:red;box-shadow:0 3px 6px orange;" | <big>Graded score</big>
|-
| colspan="2" style="height:9px;overflow:hidden;" |
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
|'''15'''/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|20/20<br />
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
|13/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|18/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
|17/20<br />''Provided the world with much-needed lulz''
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:orange;box-shadow:0 3px 6px yellow;" | <big>Total score: 83/100 ('''B''')</big>
|}
 
<center>'''Rest in Peace'''</center>
 
==Tim getting a footbullet==
<youtube>UQuK0lNcSjo</youtube>


==Krautchan trolling win==
==Krautchan trolling win==
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== JawsPredator1 ==
== JawsPredator1 ==
 
[[File:Steamtimkretschmer.png|thumb|right|His [[Steam]] profile]]
[[File:Timkretschmer.jpg|thumb|right|He played [[Counter-Strike]]. BAN IT!]]
He allegedly traveled the internets as ''JawsPredator1'' and had an account at the German video portal ''video.gmx.net'', on which he was flamed posthumously until the host decided to delete his account - [http://74.125.77.132/search?q=cache:2TPCXqjvH8oJ:video.gmx.net/news.php%3Frubrik%3Dgodgh%26searchMember%3D4625534+JawsPredator1&cd=5&hl=en&ct=clnk see the hate in google cache]
He allegedly traveled the internets as ''JawsPredator1'' and had an account at the German video portal ''video.gmx.net'', on which he was flamed posthumously until the host decided to delete his account - [http://74.125.77.132/search?q=cache:2TPCXqjvH8oJ:video.gmx.net/news.php%3Frubrik%3Dgodgh%26searchMember%3D4625534+JawsPredator1&cd=5&hl=en&ct=clnk see the hate in google cache]


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*Was a crack shot, regardless of Germany's far more restrictive gun laws
*Was a crack shot, regardless of Germany's far more restrictive gun laws
*Shot two cops after taking a bullet in each leg
*Shot two cops after taking a bullet in each leg
*Functioned as a fully serviceable killing machine despite numerous handicaps ([[13-year-old_boy|teenager]], [[Faggot|whiner]], [[German]])
*Functioned as a fully serviceable killing machine despite numerous handicaps ([[13-year-old_boy|teenager ra]], [[Faggot|whiner]], [[German]])


'''McLendon:'''
'''McLendon:'''
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*Killed his fucking [[Your_Mom|mom]], grandmother, uncle, [[Incest|niece and cousin]], thus truncating his family tree quite severely
*Killed his fucking [[Your_Mom|mom]], grandmother, uncle, [[Incest|niece and cousin]], thus truncating his family tree quite severely
*Burned down his mom's house
*Burned down his mom's house
*[[Pwn|Pwnt]] an 18-month-old girl
*[[Pwn|Pwnt]] an 18-month-old girl  
*Opened fire on [[Wal-Mart]] and [[The_War_of_Northern_Aggression|Piggly Wiggly]] retailers
*Opened fire on [[Wal-Mart]] and [[The_War_of_Northern_Aggression|Piggly Wiggly]] retailers


Whichever of these two garnered more points depends entirely on criteria implemented in calculating scores, but this much is certain: [[Butthurt|neither did it for the lulz]] or topped [[Cho]]'s high score.
Whichever of these two garnered more points depends entirely on criteria implemented in calculating scores, but this much is certain: [[Butthurt|neither did it for the lulz]] or topped [[Cho]]'s high score.
==Amok In Der Schule==
When our An Heroic [[Kraut]] woke up on [[Last Thursday|Wednesday, March 11th 2009]], he went to his [[Daddy]]'s room and took his 9mm Beretta handgun that he [[Fail|Kept unlocked in his bedroom]], and arrived at Albertville-Realschule at 9:30. Our Germanic Crusader then entered the school and went into the first classroom he saw. He fatally [[Headshot|Headshotted]] [[Win|5]] kiddies and then went to the next classroom, where he got lazy and only killed 4 and injured 7. He ran out of ammo and stepped out so he could reload, but little did he realize that the teacher was going to the door, so she managed to close and lock it. After failing to shoot the lock off of it, he wiped his tears off his face and headed towards the Chemistry lab. He 1 tapped the teacher and before he could unleash his rage, [[Fail|all of the students managed to jump out of the window]]. The loudspeaker broadcasted "Mrs. Koma is coming" which was implemented after the [[Robert Steinhauser|Erfurt shooting]]. Walking around aimlessly, he saw some [[Police|Poleizi]] entering and tried to shoot them. He quickly ran away and encountered two [[dumbass]] teachers walking around the hallway during his [[Hatred|Genocide Crusade]]. After killing them, he ran out of the school. While running, he encountered a gardener at a Mental institution who was too fucktarded to recognize the gunshots coming from the school and was killed. Timmy continued before finding some loser in a car and taking him hostage, making him drive to Wendlingen. The driver asked Tim why he was going AMOG and he responded with "for fun because it is fun" which translates to "[[I did it for the lulz]]". The driver later spotted a police car and jumped out of his vehicle, which made Tim run away. He entered a [[Shit|Volkswagen]] sales room and tried to get keys from a sales person. He then spotted another salesperson and a customer and shot them [[Columbine|13]] times. When he had to reload, more people escaped. Krautschmer then decided to shoot at cars, but little did he realize that [[Duh|it's hard to hit people inside fast moving vehicles]]. After exposing his position to the police like a dumbass, an officer shot him in both kneecaps, causing him to retreat and fire from the building. He then left the building and went to a Business complex where he injured 2 [[Pigs]] who were sitting in their police cruiser, presumably eating donuts. After that, he tried shooting many people, but failed and decided to [[Suicide|end it all]] by putting the pistol to his head. Some loser recorded him committing suicide so we could all laugh at it. Blessings go out to him for providing us with much needed [[lulz]] in such a [[2009|shitty year]].
==Graded Score==
{| style="{{roundy|18px}}{{gradlinear|red|orange}}box-shadow:0 3px 6px gray;padding:1em;margin:0 auto 1em auto;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" border="0"
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:red;box-shadow:0 3px 6px orange;" | <big>Graded score</big>
|-
| colspan="2" style="height:9px;overflow:hidden;" |
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
|'''15'''/20 (Injured 9)
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|13/20<br /> ''Those video games paid off!''
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
|18/20 ''Grand Theft Auto IRL''
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|18/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
|17/20<br />''Provided the world with much-needed lulz''
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:orange;box-shadow:0 3px 6px yellow;" | <big>Total score: 81/100 ('''B-''')</big>
|}
<center>'''[[I did it for the lulz]].'''</center>
<center>'''[[High Score| See full ranking]]'''</center>
<center>
<div style="{{roundy|10px}}border:2px solid #000;width:30%;background:linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);background:-moz-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-webkit-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-o-linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);padding:10px;font-weight:bold;font-size:larger">
<span style="font-size:16pt;font-weight:bold">Wanted Level:</span>
<br>
<span> ___________________ </span>
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|}
<span> ___________________ </span>
<br>
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wanted2police.png|128px]]
|}
<br>
<span style="font-size:12pt;">'''Police Force'''</span>
</div><br>
</center>
==Tim getting a footbullet==
<center><youtube>UQuK0lNcSjo</youtube></center>
<center>WASTED</center>


==Trolling from beyond the grave==
==Trolling from beyond the grave==
Line 125: Line 151:


Kretschmer has verified his position as an true hero by causing a huge [[Orgasm|debate]] over a possible [[ban]] of violent [[Tetris|video games]]. On the 5th of June, the [[Nazis|Secretaries For State Security of all 16 Länder]] proposed a ban on all "... games in which [[pwned|murder]], [[BDSM|torture]] or other [[B|inhumane]] acts of [[rape|violence]] against [[White People|humans]] or [[Furries|human-like beings]] are an important gameplay element..." - i.e. any game ever made except for [[Furcadia]]. [[Gamers]] all around Germany were [[RAGE|outraged]], proving that Kretschmer was not only an hero but is also an undead [[troll]], continuing his work even after his [[necrophilia|death]]. Resistance is not expected, as it is unlikely that the [[Basement Dweller|German gaming community]] will stop [[Masturbation|masturbating]], get up off their chairs and [[ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH|fight the good fight]].
Kretschmer has verified his position as an true hero by causing a huge [[Orgasm|debate]] over a possible [[ban]] of violent [[Tetris|video games]]. On the 5th of June, the [[Nazis|Secretaries For State Security of all 16 Länder]] proposed a ban on all "... games in which [[pwned|murder]], [[BDSM|torture]] or other [[B|inhumane]] acts of [[rape|violence]] against [[White People|humans]] or [[Furries|human-like beings]] are an important gameplay element..." - i.e. any game ever made except for [[Furcadia]]. [[Gamers]] all around Germany were [[RAGE|outraged]], proving that Kretschmer was not only an hero but is also an undead [[troll]], continuing his work even after his [[necrophilia|death]]. Resistance is not expected, as it is unlikely that the [[Basement Dweller|German gaming community]] will stop [[Masturbation|masturbating]], get up off their chairs and [[ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH|fight the good fight]].
==Vidyas==
{| style="margin: 0 auto"
|{{frame|{{videoframe|RYTP|background-color: #DBD8CD;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>SS595SuXit0</youtube> <br> <center>'''Sk00l Raider'''</center>
|<youtube>hwI0Ebrbm5o</youtube> <br> <center>'''The Game'''</center>
|<youtube>SB9YBn80heE</youtube> <br> <center>'''Marc Lepine's Son'''</center>
|<youtube>x7Dmtr95c40</youtube> <br> <center>'''Ban assault video games!'''</center>
|<youtube>oN4P16jpPIM</youtube> <br> <center>'''Old Media chimps out'''</center>
|<youtube>rkV-5Ghx7s8</youtube> <br> <center>'''moar'''</center>
|<youtube>sRAH5PD0lSE</youtube> <br> <center>'''moar'''</center>
|<youtube>TVhqE2tuEjQ</youtube> <br> <center>'''Oh shit sorry dad!'''</center>
}}|border=#000000|background=#FFFFFF}}
|}


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
<center>
{{cg|'''Gallery'''|fcgallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
<gallery>
File:winnenden018.jpg|At first I was like
Image:Timmy combat dress.JPG|Tim K. in full rig
File:winnenden019.jpg|But then I was liek
Image:Killer_spiel_spieler.jpg|A t-shirt worn by [[butthurt|outraged‎]] gamers after the Winnenden incident and game-banning debate. Translation: ''[[IRL troll|"Killer-games gamer" - [run as fast as you can]]]''
File:winnendenweapon.jpg|The horrible perpetrator of this tragedy.
</gallery>
File:FedoraKretschmer.png
</center>
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
File:winnendenweapon2.jpg|A closer look at his gun
File:kretschmer001.jpg|as a babby
File:kretschmer002.jpg|a bit older
File:kretschmer004.jpg|now of sk0l age
File:kretschmer005.jpg|now [[12 years old and what is this]]
File:kretschmer006.jpg|winning a trophy, first place, for autism
File:kretschmer007.jpg|continued
File:kretschmer008.jpg|Tim, now a [[13 year old boy]].
File:kretschmer009.jpg|now practically an adult
File:kretschmer010.jpg|He will fuck you up. Bitch.
File:TimkretschmerLOL.jpg
File:kretschmer011.jpg
File:kretschmer012.jpg
File:kretschmer013.jpg|Possessed by teh dem0nz
File:kretschmer014.jpg|Timmy's lil [[Trollface]]
File:kretschmer015.jpg|continued
File:kretschmer016.jpg|In teh news
File:kretschmer017.jpg
File:winnenden001.jpg|The pigs, outside of his sk00l.
File:winnenden002.jpg|To the left: [[Partyvan]]
File:winnenden003.jpg|moar pigs arrive to the scene.
File:winnenden004.jpg|You see that fuckin' line? Don't cross it.
File:winnenden005.jpg|we can cuz we coo
File:winnenden006.jpg|Pig poses with his MP5
File:winnenden007.jpg|Women cops? Maybe that's why they didnt zerg rush.
File:winnenden008.jpg|More posing. Get a load of this guy.
File:winnenden009.jpg|Counter Terrorists Win!
File:winnenden010.jpg|free candy lies past this tape :3
File:winnenden012.jpg|Dog rescued
File:winnenden013.jpg|March of the Pigs
File:winnenden014.jpg|Miniboss arrives to the game
File:winnenden015.jpg|Der ewige jude.
File:winnenden016.jpg|6 star wanted level
File:winnenden021.jpg|fag in the bodybag
File:winnenden022.jpg|another bodeh
File:winnendenhouse.jpg|His house.
File:winnenden023.jpg
File:winnenden024.jpg|Amok in der schule >:3
File:winnenden025.jpg|RIP :(
File:winnenden026.jpg
File:TimKretsch287.png
File:Tim Kretschmer Pimp.png
File:winnenden027.jpg
File:winnenden028.jpg
File:winnenden029.jpg|I guess [[Counter-Strike|Violent Videogames]] don't train you how to use guns properly..
File:winnenden030.jpg|n00b needed to learn how to manage recoil
File:winnenden031.jpg
File:winnenden032.jpg
File:TimKBlood.jpg|bloodstain
File:Timmy combat dress.JPG|Tim K. in full rig
File:Killer_spiel_spieler.jpg|A t-shirt worn by [[butthurt|outraged‎]] gamers after the Winnenden incident and game-banning debate. Translation: ''[[IRL troll|"Killer-games gamer" - [run as fast as you can]]]''
</gallery>|}}
 
==See Also==
* [[Germany]]
* [[Munich Massacre]] - The sequel, committed by his #1 fan.
* [[School Shooting]]
* [[Robert Steinhauser]]
* [[Mass Murder]]
* [[Mass Shooting]]
* [[Final Solution]]


== Moar ==
== Moar ==


* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Kretschmer Tim Crotchmer's wikipedo]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Kretschmer Tim Crotchmer's wikipedo]
* [http://murderpedia.org/male.K/k/kretschmer-tim.htm Murderpedia's informative page]
* [http://www.action-team.us/krautchan-winningen-hoax/ Uncovering the krautchan Tim K. hoax] (made by an [[Fail|Expert]])
* [http://www.action-team.us/krautchan-winningen-hoax/ Uncovering the krautchan Tim K. hoax] (made by an [[Fail|Expert]])
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQAB1OxeD0E Tagesschau news broadcast] about Tim Kretschmer (incl. [[Krautchan]] hoax message)
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQAB1OxeD0E Tagesschau news broadcast] about Tim Kretschmer (incl. [[Krautchan]] hoax message)
Line 144: Line 248:
{{High Scores}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Psychopaths}}
{{Psychopaths}}
{{Columbine}}
[[Category:People|Kretschmer, Tim]]
[[Category:People|Kretschmer, Tim]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
{{stub}}
[[Category:Germany]]
[[Category:2009]]

Revision as of 19:08, 5 February 2019

Lose an iPod?

This page contains an hero.
Tim Kretschmer
Born July, 26, 1991
Nationality Germany Germany
Highscore Killed 15 (+ suicide), Injured 9
Style FPS, Single Player, Pistol-Only-Server
An Hero Headshot, 11 March 2009
Top 50? 48th


He was an hero
Not his hot Mutter

Tim Kretschmer (November 6, 1991 – March 11, 2009) was a 17-year-old graduate of the Albertville-Realschule in Winnenden, Germany who committed a mass murder of fifteen people (eleven were women) and wounded nine others, including two policemen, all for the good old lulz. His shooting rampage has been dubbed as the Winnenden School Shooting. Kretschmer committed suicide after being cornered and wounded by police officers.

The press helpfully pointed out that Kretschmer was playing a lot of Counter-Strike, and we all know what that does to people. He also was an avid Bulletball player and had planned on becoming a professional player. Kretschmer was a loner and had no friends, he lived in his basement wanking over Anime. Pretty much like you, except he really was an exceptional shooter. However at least we expect that you'd have the courtesy to write an article on ED before you did it so we'd have the exclusive. BTW, little Tim was rejected by the actual Nazi army, because he was too wacky for the Wehrmacht.

Premonition

   
“ 		 
I would probably think about screwing things up. Killing everyone I hate, I bet a lot of people would do this. I just mean, you become famous and stay in the memory of other people. See murderers like Ted Bundy.

I bet this would be a lot of fun. For the relatives of the victims it woulnd’t be much fun.
 

„
  		 

—JawsPredator1 in a forum's thread which asked what the users would do with 1 week left of time to live.

Krautchan trolling win

The German police and world media were successfully trolled by someone on Krautchan pretending to be Kretschmer who apparently posted hours before the shooting.

Successful troll is successful

Translation: Damn it Anonymous, this is getting to me. I'm fed up with this shitty life. Always the same - Everybody laughs at me, nobody recognizes my potential. I'm serious Anonymous. I have weapons here and tomorrow morning I'll go to my former school and have a great time barbecuing. Maybe I will even get away. Keep your ears open Anons. You will hear from me tomorrow. Just remember the name of the location: Winnenden. And now, don't report this to the police, don't be scared, I'm just trolling XD


German Innenminister (Secretary For State Security) Rech spreading the krautchan hoax at a press conference

Rech later admitted that the post was a hoax, saying "Some crazy person apparently decided to pass around this awful fake message."

Somebody else crafted this masterpiece and put it on 4chan:

4chans lame attempts

But was less successful.

JawsPredator1

His Steam profile
He played Counter-Strike. BAN IT!

He allegedly traveled the internets as JawsPredator1 and had an account at the German video portal video.gmx.net, on which he was flamed posthumously until the host decided to delete his account - see the hate in google cache

Some tough guys however decided to use his profile page to announce their evil plans:

AndreasMarcus1992 14.03.2009, 11:43 Uhr
Du hast das richtige getan Tim!! Aber cih werde dich überbieten und alle verfickten Menschen von meiner Schule abknallen -.- Und da im moment eh 100 von solchen drohungen kommen wird die polizei kaum ernst nehmen wenn noch eine drohung kommt... ich danke dir für die aktion.. aber mein lauf wird mit abstand der beste den die welt gesehen hat!

Translation:

AndreasMarcus1992 14.03.2009, 11:43 Uhr
You did the right thing, Tim!! But I will outperform you and kill all fucking people at my school -.- And since hundreds of these threats are coming anyways, the police will hardly take another one seriously... I thank you for your action.. but my run will be the best the world has ever seen!

the drama continues...

An Heroes Comparison: Kretschmer vs. McLendon

The day before Kretschmer enacted IRL Counter-Strike, Alabaman Michael McLendon went on a slightly less impressive spree in which he murdered eleven people (including himself) in a fit of Darwinian justice. While these two incidents are similar, their respective merits necessitate comparison for the sake of determining who obtained more points.

Kretschmer:

  • Killed five more individuals; wounded nine others (whether or not any of his victims were Turks - who aren't really people and are therefore worth fewer points - is not widely known)
  • Got Bonus for shooting eleven girls.
  • Was a crack shot, regardless of Germany's far more restrictive gun laws
  • Shot two cops after taking a bullet in each leg
  • Functioned as a fully serviceable killing machine despite numerous handicaps (teenager ra, whiner, German)

McLendon:

Whichever of these two garnered more points depends entirely on criteria implemented in calculating scores, but this much is certain: neither did it for the lulz or topped Cho's high score.

Amok In Der Schule

When our An Heroic Kraut woke up on Wednesday, March 11th 2009, he went to his Daddy's room and took his 9mm Beretta handgun that he Kept unlocked in his bedroom, and arrived at Albertville-Realschule at 9:30. Our Germanic Crusader then entered the school and went into the first classroom he saw. He fatally Headshotted 5 kiddies and then went to the next classroom, where he got lazy and only killed 4 and injured 7. He ran out of ammo and stepped out so he could reload, but little did he realize that the teacher was going to the door, so she managed to close and lock it. After failing to shoot the lock off of it, he wiped his tears off his face and headed towards the Chemistry lab. He 1 tapped the teacher and before he could unleash his rage, all of the students managed to jump out of the window. The loudspeaker broadcasted "Mrs. Koma is coming" which was implemented after the Erfurt shooting. Walking around aimlessly, he saw some Poleizi entering and tried to shoot them. He quickly ran away and encountered two dumbass teachers walking around the hallway during his Genocide Crusade. After killing them, he ran out of the school. While running, he encountered a gardener at a Mental institution who was too fucktarded to recognize the gunshots coming from the school and was killed. Timmy continued before finding some loser in a car and taking him hostage, making him drive to Wendlingen. The driver asked Tim why he was going AMOG and he responded with "for fun because it is fun" which translates to "I did it for the lulz". The driver later spotted a police car and jumped out of his vehicle, which made Tim run away. He entered a Volkswagen sales room and tried to get keys from a sales person. He then spotted another salesperson and a customer and shot them 13 times. When he had to reload, more people escaped. Krautschmer then decided to shoot at cars, but little did he realize that it's hard to hit people inside fast moving vehicles. After exposing his position to the police like a dumbass, an officer shot him in both kneecaps, causing him to retreat and fire from the building. He then left the building and went to a Business complex where he injured 2 Pigs who were sitting in their police cruiser, presumably eating donuts. After that, he tried shooting many people, but failed and decided to end it all by putting the pistol to his head. Some loser recorded him committing suicide so we could all laugh at it. Blessings go out to him for providing us with much needed lulz in such a shitty year.

Graded Score

Graded score
Kill count: 15/20 (Injured 9)
Accuracy: 13/20
Those video games paid off!
Style: 18/20 Grand Theft Auto IRL
Butthurt: 18/20
Bonus: 17/20
Provided the world with much-needed lulz
Total score: 81/100 (B-)
I did it for the lulz.
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________


Police Force


Tim getting a footbullet

WASTED

Trolling from beyond the grave

Kretschmer has verified his position as an true hero by causing a huge debate over a possible ban of violent video games. On the 5th of June, the Secretaries For State Security of all 16 Länder proposed a ban on all "... games in which murder, torture or other inhumane acts of violence against humans or human-like beings are an important gameplay element..." - i.e. any game ever made except for Furcadia. Gamers all around Germany were outraged, proving that Kretschmer was not only an hero but is also an undead troll, continuing his work even after his death. Resistance is not expected, as it is unlikely that the German gaming community will stop masturbating, get up off their chairs and fight the good fight.

Vidyas


Sk00l Raider


The Game


Marc Lepine's Son


Ban assault video games!


Old Media chimps out


moar


moar


Oh shit sorry dad!

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Gallery

  • At first I was like
    At first I was like
  • But then I was liek
    But then I was liek
  • The horrible perpetrator of this tragedy.
    The horrible perpetrator of this tragedy.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

Moar

Tim Kretschmer
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Related Pages

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Tim Kretschmer is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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Tim Kretschmer is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]
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Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck

Tim Kretschmer is part of a series on Columbine
[All jocks stand up!NBK]
Columbine:

Columbine • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold • Super Columbine Massacre RPG • Do you believe in god • Columbine Copycats • Columbine Gallery • Columbiners

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Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • Bob8466 • Brooke Higgins & Sienna Johnson • Cho Seung-Hui • Dillon Cossey • Ichverbot • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Kimveer Gill • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Lynn Ann • Neocities • Nghtmrchld26 • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Robert Butler Jr. • Robert Hawkins • Robert Steinhäuser • Ryan Schallenberger • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • TheAmazingAtheist • Tim Kretschmer • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Atchison • You

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Colorado • United States • School • Suburbs

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