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[[File:KeshaChrist.png|thumb|Ke$ha, the Saviour of all [[gay]] [[Portuguese]] [[teenagers]].]]
'''Ke$ha''' (pronounced: ''[[Shaneequa|keh-shuh]]'') is a [[Fat|pleasantly plump]] {{Age|1987|3|1}}-year-old [[Americunt]] singer, songwriter and [[white]] [[rapper]] who is known for her numerous [[Never Gonna Give You Up|chart-topping hits]], frequent abuse of Auto-Tune, getting her own short-lived reality television show on [[MTV]] and for being a [[batshit insane|leading]] [[Homosexual|human]] and [[animal rights]] activist who claims to possess a [[Ghosts|haunted]] [[vagina]] and is obsessed with glitter, beards, [[serial killer]]s and [[Ed Gein|collecting human body parts]]. Oh, and did we mention that she's recently accused her producer of pulling a [[Cosby]] on her a decade ago?
'''Ke$ha''' (pronounced: ''[[Shaneequa|kesh-it]]'') is a [[Fat|pleasantly plump]] {{Age|1987|3|1}}-year-old [[Americunt]] singer, songwriter and [[white]] [[rapper]] who is known for her numerous [[Never Gonna Give You Up|chart-topping hits]], frequent abuse of Auto-Tune, getting her own short-lived reality television show on [[MTV]] and for being a [[batshit insane|leading]] [[Homosexual|human]] and [[animal rights]] activist who claims to possess a [[Ghosts|haunted]] [[vagina]] and is obsessed with glitter, beards, [[serial killer]]s and [[Ed Gein|collecting human body parts]]. Oh, and did we mention that she's recently accused her producer of pulling a [[Cosby]] on her a decade ago?
Meet '''Kesha Rose Sebert''', a [[I have a 140 IQ|highly intelligent]] and [[Liar|completely respectable]] [[Cunt|young woman]] who dropped out of school at the age of 18 to pursue her dream of singing songs that glorify [[sex]] and [[alcohol]]ism and become a role model for [[Faggots|today's youth]]. Unfortunately, this rise to fame came at the heavy, heavy price of signing a record contract that she later regretted signing. Instead of taking a hint from [[Prince]] (whose house she just happened to break into once) and writing the word "[[slave]]" on her face during her concerts, Ke$ha decided to play the [[Hillary Clinton|woman card]] and falsely accuse her producer of committing the [[Lulzy|heinous]] crime of [[rape]] – She then proceeded to [[Lolsuit|SUE FUCKING EVERYONE]] in a twisted attempt to get out of a multi-million dollar contract that just [[Jew|didn't have enough millions in it for her]].
Meet '''Kesha Rose Sebert''', a [[I have a 140 IQ|highly intelligent]] and [[Liar|completely respectable]] [[Cunt|young woman]] who dropped out of school at the age of 18 to pursue her dream of singing songs that glorify [[sex]] and [[alcohol]]ism and become a role model for [[Faggots|today's youth]]. Unfortunately, this rise to fame came at the heavy, heavy price of signing a record contract that she later regretted signing. Instead of taking a hint from [[Prince]] (whose house she just happened to break into once) and writing the word "[[slave]]" on her face during her concerts, Ke$ha decided to play the [[Zoe Quinn|woman card]] and falsely accuse her producer of committing the [[Lulzy|heinous]] crime of [[rape]] – She then proceeded to [[Lolsuit|SUE FUCKING EVERYONE]] in a futile attempt to get out of a multi-million dollar contract that just [[Jew|didn't have enough millions in it for her]].
While the parties involved in the legal drama were always well aware of the fact that Ke$ha is full of shit – Ke$ha's [[Retards|mentally deficient]] teenage fans, who refer to themselves as "[[Furry|animals]]", [[naive]]ly chose to believe that she is a [[victim]] of America's non-existent "[[rape culture]]" and that due process and the entire American justice system are merely tools that are used by the big, bad [[patriarchy]] for the sole purpose of oppressing teh [[wimminz]].
While the parties involved in the legal drama were always well aware of the fact that Ke$ha is full of shit – Ke$hit's [[Fucktard|mentally deficient]] teenage fans, who refer to themselves as "[[Furry|animals]]", [[naive]]ly chose to believe that she is a [[victim]] of America's non-existent "[[rape culture]]" and that due process and the entire American justice system are merely tools that are used by the big, bad [[patriarchy]] for the sole purpose of oppressing teh [[wimminz]].
It was this sheer idiocy that led to the creation of one of the most insane [[social justice]] shitstorms since the rise of [[GamerGate]] and [[Feminism|Anti-GamerGate]] – A so-called "[[BlackLivesMatter|movement]]" known as '''#FreeKesha''' or '''#SaveKesha''' or '''#FreeKeshaLuke''' or some stupid shit like that. We honestly don't know what the movement is called at this point because the idiots behind it use up [[hashtags]] faster than [[Adam Lanza]] can clear out a classroom.
It was this sheer idiocy that led to the creation of one of the most inane [[social justice]] shitstorms since the rise of [[GamerGate]] and [[Feminism|Anti-GamerGate]] – A so-called "[[Turd|movement]]" known as '''#FreeKesha''' or '''#SaveKesha''' or '''#FreeKeshaLuke''' or some stupid shit like that. We honestly don't know what the movement is called at this point because the cunts behind it use up [[hashtags]] faster than [[Adam Lanza]] can clear out a classroom.
Despite their claims that they stand for women's rights and equality, members of the #FreeKesha movement often exhibit [[School Shooting|violent behaviour]] and have a tenancy to spout [[misogynist]]ic and [[homophobic]] slurs at people they [[disagree]] with. Some of the finer examples of the movement's [[Trolling|humanitarian work]] include [[Cyberviolence|bullying a 16-year-old sexual abuse victim and her father to the point of crying]], [[Feminism|constantly harassing and threatening the innocent man that Ke$ha falsely accused of rape]], [[Shut up judge|making death and rape threats against a female judge]] and [[Ocean of piss|vandalizing]] [[Wikipedia]].
Despite their claims that they stand for women's rights and equality, members of the #FreeKesha movement often exhibit [[School Shooting|violent behaviour]] and have a tendency to spout [[misogynist]]ic and [[homophobic]] slurs at people they [[disagree]] with. Some of the finer examples of the movement's [[Trolling|humanitarian work]] include [[Cyberviolence|bullying a 16-year-old sexual abuse victim and her father to the point of crying]], [[Feminism|constantly harassing and threatening the rather hawt man that Ke$ha falsely accused of rape]], [[Shut up judge|making death and rape threats against a female judge]] and [[Ocean of piss|vandalizing]] [[Wikipedia]].
|Because some sperm banks had reportedly been infected with HIV, my mom decided to ask some of her friends to try to get her pregnant.|Kesha, on how her mum got pregna- HAHAHA
|Because some sperm banks had reportedly been infected with HIV, my mom decided to ask some of her friends to try to get her pregnant.|Kesha, on how her mum got pregna- HAHAHAAAAA
|There are two guys that might be her birth father… She’s never had good feelings about men|Pebe Sebert, explaining that she is a whore
|There are two guys that might be her birth father… She’s never had good feelings about men|Pebe Sebert, confirming that she is a whore.
|Mick Jagger might be my dad. fo realz. ....I play the cowbell.|Ke$ha [[needs more cowbell]], also [[No|Mick Jagger might be her father]]
|Mick Jagger might be my dad. fo realz. ....I play the cowbell.|Ke$ha [[needs more cowbell]], also [[No|Mick Jagger might be her father]]
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|I have enormous respect for Kesha. I admire her music, her talent, her work ethic, and the fact that she has clearly established herself as a voice of her generation. I would be proud to be her father, but I do not have that honor.|Hugh Moffatt dodged a bullet by divorcing Pebe
|I have enormous respect for Kesha. I admire her music, her talent, her work ethic, and the fact that she has clearly established herself as a voice of her generation. I would be proud to be her father, but I do not have that honor.|Hugh Moffatt dodged a bullet by divorcing Pebe
|Who is Kesha Rose Sebert's father? Is it [[Injun|Chief Running Water]]? [[Nigger|Chef]]? [[Batshit insane|Mephesto]]? That little [[Bestiality|monkey guy]] that follows him around? [[Tranny|Mr. Garrison]]? [[Redneck|Jimbo]]? [[Cop|Officer Barbrady]]? [[Cripple|Ned]]? [[Jew|Mr. Broflovski]]?? Or is it the [[Handegg|1991 Denver Broncos]]?|What we're all thinking
|Who is Kesha Rose Sebert's father? Is it [[Injun|Chief Running Water]]? [[Nigger|Chef]]? [[Batshit insane|Mephesto]]? That little [[Bestiality|monkey guy]] that follows him around? [[Tranny|Mr. Garrison]]? [[Redneck|Jimbo]]? [[Cop|Officer Barbrady]]? [[Cripple|Ned]]? [[Jew|Mr. Broflovski]]?? Or is it the [[Handegg|1991 Denver Broncos]]?|What we're all thinking.
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On March 1, 1987, '''Kesha Rose Sebert''' (whose name is derived from the Hebrew term "[[Jewgold|Kash Kow]]") suddenly fell out of Pebe's diseased [[centipede filled vagina|centipede hole]] while she was attending a [[Orgy|party]]. From an early age, Kesha was forced by her mum to [[Child Modeling|dress like a cheap hooker]], sing [[Friday|terrible music]] and to be able to act – All because Pebe wanted to turn her [[You|failed-abortion]] into a money-making opportunity that could give her the extravagant life that she had always [[Unrealistic Expectations|dreamed of having]].
On March 1, 1987, '''Kesha Rose Sebert''' (whose name is derived from the [[Hebrew]] term "[[Jewgold|Kash Kow]]") suddenly fell out of Pebe's diseased [[centipede filled vagina|centipede nest]] while she was attending a [[Orgy|party]]. From an early age, Kesha was forced by her mum to [[Child Modeling|dress like a cheap hooker]], sing [[Friday|terrible music]] and to be able to act – All because Pebe wanted to turn her [[You|failed abortion]] into a money-making opportunity that could give her the extravagant life that she had always [[Unrealistic Expectations|dreamed of having]].
On May 1, 1991, Kesha had her debut film appearance in ''F.A.R.T. the Movie'', a [[shitty]] B movie that's basically just 91 minutes of boring, [[unfunny]] fart jokes. In the film, a blindfolded [[Stag Party|old woman]] is asked to identify a person based on the scent of their flatulence and ends up erroneously identifying [[Loli|4-year-old Kesha]] as being a "very virile man". [[Srsly]].
On May 1, 1991, Kesha had her debut film appearance in ''F.A.R.T. the Movie'', a [[shitty]] B movie that's basically just 91 minutes of boring, [[unfunny]] fart jokes. In the film, a blindfolded [[Stag Party|old woman]] is asked to identify a person based on the scent of their flatulence and ends up erroneously identifying [[Loli|4-year-old Kesha]] as being a "very virile man". [[Srsly]].
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By the [[Web 1.0|early 2000s]], Kesha was, by all accounts, a perfectly normal [[16-year-old girl|American teenager]] – [[Overweight]], [[bisexual]] and a [[vegan]]. Unfortunately, Pebe's intentions to use her daughter as a human sacrifice to the [[entertainment]] industry had never changed and, in 2004, Pebe chose to answer an [[advertisement]] seeking an "[[Gay|eccentric]]" family to appear in season 3 of [[Fox]]'s ''The Simple Life'' – A made-for-TV documentary series that starred [[Paris Hilton]] and [[Nicole Richie]] as a pair of down-on-their-luck prostitutes (i.e. themselves if they didn't have any money).
By the [[Web 1.0|early 2000s]], Kesha was, by all accounts, a perfectly normal [[16-year-old girl|American teenager]] – [[Overweight]], [[bisexual]] and a [[vegan]]. Unfortunately, Pebe's intentions to use her daughter as a human sacrifice to the [[entertainment]] industry steadfastly remained, and in 2004, Pebe chose to answer an [[advertisement]] seeking an "[[Batshit|eccentric]]" family to appear in season 3 of [[Fox]]'s ''The Simple Life'' – A made-for-TV documentary series that starred [[Paris Hilton]] and [[Nicole Richie]] as a pair of down-on-their-luck prostitutes (i.e. themselves if they didn't have any money).
The episode featured [[Whore|Paris]] and [[Slut|Nicole]] staying at the Seberts' [[Ghetto|her already shitty home]] while they planned a wedding. Notable events from the episode include 6-year-old Louie Sebert calling Paris and Nicole "bitches" and Paris, Nicole and Kesha attempting to find Pebe a man with low enough standards to be willing to date her.
The episode featured [[Whore|Paris]] and [[Slut|Nicole]] staying at the Seberts' [[Ghetto|already shitty home]] while they planned a wedding. Notable events from the episode include 6-year-old Louie Sebert calling Paris and Nicole "bitches" and Paris, Nicole and Kesha attempting to find Pebe a man with low enough standards to be willing to date her.
In the end, the terrible trio decide on a man named Randy and bring him to Pebe – Which hilariously results in what appears to be Louie's first time seeing a nigger.
In the end, the terrible trio decide on a man named Randy and bring him to Pebe – Which hilariously results in what appears to be Louie's first time seeing a [[nigger]].
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File:CreepyLouie.jpg
File:CreepyLouie.jpg
File:LouiePsychicPowers.jpg|Louie shows off his telekinetic powers.
File:LouiePsychicPowers.jpg|Louie shows off his telekinetic powers.
[[File:KeshaBeforeAndAfter.jpg|thumb|Ke$ha transformed into a truly outrageous whore!]]
[[File:DirtyLove.jpg|thumb|What actually happens at a Ke$ha concert.]]
[[File:DirtyLove.jpg|thumb|What actually happens at a Ke$ha concert.]]
[[File:TikTokISuckCock.png|thumb|TiK ToK, I SuK CoK.]]
[[File:TikTokISuckCock.png|thumb|TiK ToK, I SuK CoK.]]
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Dr. Luke and Max Martin had heard Kesha's demo (which Pebe had been [[Spam|sending to pretty much everyone in the music industry]] for years) and they believed that, with some help, she could make a [[No|potentially decent pop-star]]. While the Seberts were [[Netflix and chill]]in' with Paris and Nicole, Dr. Luke decided to [[Who was phone|phone]] the Sebert residence and talk to young Kesha in an attempt to spread her cancerous voice across the world – Fortunately, [[Lulz|Nicole Richie ended up answering the phone and then promptly hung up on him like a total bitch]].
Dr. Luke and Max Martin had heard Kesha's demo (which Pebe had been [[Spam|sending to pretty much everyone in the music industry]] for years) and they believed that, with some help, she could make a [[No|potentially decent pop-star]]. While the Seberts were [[Netflix and chill]]in' with Paris and Nicole, Dr. Luke decided to [[Who was phone|phone]] the Sebert residence and talk to young Kesha in an attempt to spread her cancerous voice across the world – Fortunately, [[Lulz|Nicole Richie ended up answering the phone and then promptly hung up on him like a total bitch]].
Unfortunately, Luke was persistent and decided to call back later. Kesha was eventually convinced by Luke (and probably by Pebe [[Torture|hooking her nipples up to a car battery]]) that it would be a good idea to [[Retarded|drop out of school]] and pursue a [[Homeless|career as a singer]]. It was at this time that Kesha signed her soul over to Dr. Luke and his production company, ''[[Chemo|Kemosabe Records]]'', and began living [[Amy Winehouse|the glamourous life of a pop-star]] by [[Failure|singing back-up]] on [[Crap|Paris Hilton's debut album]]. She then attended Nicky Hilton's 22nd birthday party at Paris Hilton's house where she had a wonderful time and definitely wasn't drugged or raped.
Unfortunately, Luke was persistent and decided to call back later. Kesha was eventually convinced by Luke (and probably by Pebe [[Torture|hooking her nipples up to a car battery]]) that it would be a good idea to [[Fail|drop out of school]] and pursue a [[Homeless|career as a singer]]. It was at this time that Kesha signed a [[Soul|six album contract]] Dr. Luke and his production company, ''[[Chemo|Kemosabe Records]]'', and began living [[Amy Winehouse|the glamourous life of a pop-star]] by attending Nicky Hilton's 22nd birthday party where she had a wonderful time and definitely wasn't drugged or raped.
At this point in time, Dr. Luke became preoccupied with furthering the careers of far more talented pop-stars such as [[Britney Spears]], [[Katy Perry]], [[Pink]], [[Moonman]], [[Avril Lavigne]], [[Miley Cyrus]] and [[Kelly Clarkson]] – This led to him ignoring young Kesha and putting her career on the [[Oven|back burner]], something that she was clearly [[ಠ_ಠ|not pleased about]].
At this point in time, Dr. Luke was preoccupied with furthering the careers of far more talented pop-stars such as [[Britney Spears]], [[Katy Perry]], [[Pink]], [[Moonman]], [[Avril Lavigne]], [[Miley Cyrus]] and [[Kelly Clarkson]] – This led to him ignoring young Kesha and putting her career on the [[Oven|back burner]], something that she was clearly [[ಠ_ಠ|not pleased about]].
Realizing that she needed to quickly make moar money to help support her mum's meth addiction, Kesha then began [[Alcohol|working at a bar]] – Unfortunately, they promptly fired her arse when they discovered that she wasn't 21 and '''''had been stealing IDs from young, blonde customers to add to her evergrowing "collection" of fake IDs'''''.
Eventually, one of Dr. Luke's acquaintances made the terrible mistake of introducing Kesha to '''David Alan Sonenberg'''{{jew}}, founder of the music management company ''[[Unwarranted Self Importance|DAS Communications]]'' (DAS being his initials, if you weren't paying attention) and producer of the Academy Award winning film ''[[WE WUZ KINGZ AN SHEIT|When We Were Kings]]''. Sonenberg had long been involved in a [[Pussybitch|Jewfight]] with Dr. Luke and, wanting to meddle in the good doctor's affairs, offered to take a look at Kesha's contract for her.
{{quote|I was a barback until they realized I wasn’t twenty-one and was snagging IDs that other blond girls left at the bar to add to my collection of fake IDs.|Ke$ha, on being fired from her job}}
{{quote|This contract is worse than the one [[Fat|Lou]] [[Paedophile|Pearlman]]{{jew}} made with the Backstreet Boys.|David Alan Sonenberg, being a Jew}}
After being fired from her job as a bartender and [[Identity theft|identity thief]], Kesha then took a part-time job as a waitress at a [[Hooters|shitty local restaurant]], eventually earning and flaunting the title of [[Fact|Worst Waitress in L.A.]]. Now that she was finally rolling in the massive amount of [[So cash|bitches and dough]] that come with holding a minimum wage job, Kesha decided to change her name to '''Ke$ha''' (pronounced: ''gimme-moar-money'').
After being convinced by Sonenberg that her contract with Luke was void and feeling neglected by Dr. Luke, young Kesha decided that she would attempt to find a better-paying career in the music industry by hiring ''DAS Communications'' to get her a contract with a major record-label within a year – Something that was complicated by the fact that ''Luke's contract with her wasn't actually void''.
Eventually, one of Dr. Luke's acquaintances made the terrible mistake of introducing Ke$ha to '''David Alan Sonenberg'''{{jew}}, founder of the music management company ''[[Unwarranted Self Importance|DAS Communications]]'' (DAS being his initials, if you weren't paying attention) and producer of the Academy Award winning film ''[[WE WUZ KINGZ AN SHEIT|When We Were Kings]]''. Sonenberg had long been involved in a [[Pussybitch|Jewfight]] with Dr. Luke and, wanting to meddle in the good doctor's affairs, offered to take a look at Ke$ha's contract for her.
Needing to find a way out of her contract with Dr. Luke, someone (probably Pebe or Sonenberg) eventually came up with the [[Evil|brilliant]] of making up a story about Luke drugging and raping Kesha at Nicky Hilton's 22nd birthday party. Realizing that she still needed a way to support her mum's meth addiction in the meantime, Kesha then began [[Alcohol|working at a bar]] – Unfortunately, they promptly fired her arse when they discovered that she wasn't 21 and '''''had been stealing IDs from young, blonde customers to add to her ever-growing "collection" of fake IDs'''''.
{{quote|This contract is worse than the one [[Fat|Lou]] [[Paedophile|Pearlman]] made with the Backstreet Boys.|David Alan Sonenberg, being a Jew}}
{{quote|I was a [[Bareback|barback]] until they realized I wasn’t twenty-one and was snagging IDs that other blond girls left at the bar to add to my collection of fake IDs.|Ke$ha, on being fired from her job}}
Feeling neglected by Dr. Luke and disenfranchised by David Sonenberg's comments, Ke$ha decided to find a better-paying career in the music industry by hiring ''DAS Communications'' to get her a contract with a major record-label within a year.
After being fired from her job as a bartender and [[Identity theft|identity thief]], Kesha then took a part-time job as a waitress at a [[Hooters|shitty local restaurant]], eventually earning and flaunting the title of [[Fact|Worst Waitress in L.A.]]. Fueled by alcohol and finally rolling in the massive amount of [[Hookers and Blow|bitches and dough]] that come with holding a minimum wage job, Kesha decided to change her name to '''Ke$ha''' and began dressing and acting like a spoiled, histrionic, [[Nigger|16-year-old ghetto slut]].
It was at this point that Ke$ha began attempting to nullify her contract with Dr. Luke's record label by doing what any self-respecting 18-year-old woman would do – Making up a story about being drugged and raped by Dr. Luke and then attempting to extort her way out of her contractual obligations. Embarrassingly, ''DAS Communications'' was unable to find Ke$ha a contract within the time they were supposed to, so Ke$ha then did what any self-respecting 18-year-old woman would do and '''''decided to go back to working with Dr. Luke after having accused him of rape'''''.
Despite the fact that she was accusing Luke of rape during this time, that still didn't stop Ke$ha from working with him by [[Failure|singing back-up]] for a song entitled ''Nothing in This World'' on [[Crap|Paris Hilton's debut album]]. Even more embarrassingly, the only work that ''DAS Communications'' was able to find for Ke$ha was singing a shitty song for ''[[Barbie|The Barbie Diaries]]'', a [[Hentai|CG-animated abortion]] featuring everyone's [[Jissouseki|favourite doll]]. Ke$ha then did what any self-respecting 18-year-old woman would do and '''''decided to go back to working with the man that she had accused of raping her'''''.
By 2008, Ke$ha was finally ready to get back to living [[Amy Winehouse|the glamourous life of a pop-star]] by singing uncredited guest vocals on rapper [[Florida|Flo Rida's]] [[Abortion|cover]] of ''Right Round'', the wildly popular [[Meatspin]] theme song.
After reaching an agreement with Luke, her six album contract was now reduced to five albums and Luke had to buy her a fucking [[Redneck|Gold Trans Am]]. By 2008, Ke$ha was finally ready to get back to living [[Amy Winehouse|the glamourous life of a pop-star]] by singing uncredited guest vocals on rapper [[Florida|Flo Rida's]] [[Abortion|cover]] of ''Right Round'', the wildly popular [[Meatspin]] theme song.
|I got a call from Dr. Luke. He needed someone to sing on a Flo Rida song. The song, “Right Round,” went to the top of the charts across the world and broke the record for most digital sales in a week. When I first heard it on the radio, I pulled my car over, turned up the radio, and started crying. It was finally happening. I didn’t make a dime off the song, but it didn’t matter.|Ke$ha liked being poor
|I got a call from Dr. Luke. He needed someone to sing on a Flo Rida song. The song, “Right Round,” went to the top of the charts across the world and broke the record for most digital sales in a week. When I first heard it on the radio, I pulled my car over, turned up the radio, and started crying. It was finally happening. I didn’t make a dime off the song, but it didn’t matter.|Ke$ha liked being poor
|I was so happy being broke. And I'm happy not being broke. It doesn't really affect me either way. I care about taking care of people that have taken care of me – that's important to me. But to be honest, I'm kind of repulsed by the gluttony and excesses of a lot of people in the limelight.|Ke$ha, being full of shit
|I was so happy being broke. And I'm happy not being broke. It doesn't really affect me either way. I care about [[Fellatio|taking care of people]] that have taken care of me – that's important to me. But to be honest, I'm kind of repulsed by the gluttony and excesses of a lot of people in the limelight.|Ke$ha, being full of shit.
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
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Ke$ha had finally gotten her big break and found fame by singing the lyrics to a song that was made famous by a notorious [[shock site]] – The future began to look bright for young Ke$ha as she joined [[MySpace]] and began acting like the fact that she sang backup in a shitty rap song (that blatantly ripped off a song from the 1980s) made her [[Kiki Kannibal|hot shit]].
Ke$ha had finally gotten her big break and found fame by singing the lyrics to a song that was made famous by a notorious [[shock site]] – The future began to look bright for young Ke$ha as she joined [[MySpace]] and began acting like the fact that she sang backup in a shitty rap song (that blatantly ripped off a song from the 1980s) made her [[Kiki Kannibal|hot shit]].
Now that [[Niggers|people]] were beginning to hear her voice, it was only natural that the next step would be producing her very first album (something that she [[Slowpoke|was contractually obligated to have done by February 26, 2006]]). Finally, in August of 2009, Ke$ha's very first single was released – An ear-rapingly bad techno rap that tells the story of Ke$ha being a drunken whore and bringing shame to her family. Behold the cancer that is '''TiK ToK'''.
Now that [[Niggers|people]] were beginning to hear her voice, it was only natural that the next step would be producing her very first album (something that she [[Slowpoke|was contractually obligated to have done by February 26, 2006]]). Finally, in August of 2009, Ke$ha's very first single was released – An ear-rapingly bad techno rap that tells the story of Ke$ha being a drunken cooze and bringing shame to her family. Behold the cancer that is '''TiK ToK'''.
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On January 1, 2010, Ke$ha finally released ''[[Bestiality|Animal]]'' – Her debut studio album. Unfortunately, ''Animal'' was a resounding success and led to Ke$ha attaining a [[Earthbound|cult-following]] of edgy teenagers who began referring to themselves as "[[Yiff in Hell|Animals]]".
On January 1, 2010, Ke$ha finally released ''[[Bestiality|Animal]]'' – Her debut studio album. Unfortunately, ''Animal'' was a resounding success and led to Ke$ha attaining a [[Earthbound|cult-following]] of edgy teenagers who began referring to themselves as "[[Yiff in Hell|Animals]]".
After Ke$ha's success, a severely butthurt David Sonenberg and ''DAS Communications'' decided to file a [[Bill Gates|$14,000,000]] lawsuit against Ke$ha and Dr. Luke for breach of contract and tortuous interference – Ironic, considering the fact that it was David Sonenberg himself who [[literally]] '''''started this whole mess by interfering with Ke$ha's original contract'''''.
After Ke$ha's success, a severely butthurt David Sonenberg and ''DAS Communications'' decided to file a [[Bill Gates|$14,000,000]] lawsuit against Ke$ha and Dr. Luke for breach of contract and tortious interference – Ironic, considering the fact that it was David Sonenberg himself who [[literally]] '''''started this whole mess by interfering with Ke$ha's original contract'''''.
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In early 2011, a musician and professional Bruce Vilanch lookalike named '''Bob Chamberlain''' contacted the [[Old Media|highly reliable news source]] known as ''Star Magazine'' and informed them that he was Ke$ha's father and had been in contact with her for years until she mysteriously broke off all contact with him at the age of 19 after he had helped her and her family move to Los Angeles.
In early 2011, a musician and professional Bruce Vilanch lookalike named '''Bob Chamberlain''' contacted the [[Old Media|highly reliable news source]] known as ''Star Magazine'' and informed them that he was Ke$ha's father and had been in contact with her for years until she mysteriously broke off all contact with him at the age of 19 after he had helped her and her family move to Los Angeles.
Normally, we'd take anything written in one of [[Rupert Murdoch]]'s shitty trash [[tabloid]]s with a grain of salt – But in this case, they actually published evidence that included photos of Bob with Ke$ha and Pebe and pictures of a Father's Day card that Ke$ha had given him. It's clear that, at the very least, [[Slut|Pebe]] convinced Bob that he is Ke$ha's biological father – Whether he really is, however, is best left as the subject of a [[Jeremy Kyle|Maury]] episode.
Normally, we'd take anything written in one of [[Rupert Murdoch]]'s shitty trash [[tabloid]]s with a tablespoon of salt – But in this case, they actually published evidence that included photos of Bob with Ke$ha and Pebe and pictures of a Father's Day card that Ke$ha had given him. It's clear that, at the very least, [[Slut|Pebe]] convinced Bob that he is Ke$ha's biological father – Whether he really is, however, is best left as the subject of a [[Jeremy Kyle|Maury]] episode.
|I was in her life from the time she was born until she was 19 years old.|Bob Chamberlain, Ke$ha's daddy
|I was in her life from the time she was born until she was 19 years old.|Bob Chamberlain, Ke$ha's daddy
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[[File:ChristianMShame.jpg|thumb|The [[Fugly|fedorable]] Christian M.]]
[[File:ChristianMShame.jpg|thumb|The [[Fugly|fedorable]] Christian M.]]
Around 2009, music industry executives were beginning to take to notice of a significant increase in the amount of songs being [[ejaculation|prematurely]] leaked onto the internets. The reason for this increase in leaked music was a [[The Young Turks|17-year-old]], [[Turkish]], [[Uber|über]] [[Skiddie|133t h4xx0r]] living in Duisburg, Germany, by the name of '''DJ Stolen''' (a.k.a. '''Deniz A.''') who had originally been attempting to hack into [[Lady Gaga]]'s computer by sending out a [[phishing]] email with an attached [[Condom|trojan]] [[Pony|horse]] but, when he was unsuccessful in this endeavor, settled on hacking nobodies like Ke$ha and Kelly Clarkson instead. Once he gained access to singers' computers, DJ Stolen would DOWNLOAD FUCKING EVERYTHING and then post the stolen songs on the internets.
Around 2009, music industry executives were beginning to take to notice of a significant increase in the amount of songs being [[ejaculation|prematurely]] leaked onto the internets. The reason for this increase in leaked music was a [[The Young Turks|17-year-old]], [[Turkish]], [[Uber|über]] [[Skiddie|133t h4xx0r]] living in Duisburg, Germany, by the name of '''DJ Stolen''' (a.k.a. '''Deniz A.''') who had originally been attempting to hack into [[Lady Gaga]]'s computer by sending out a [[phishing]] email with an attached [[Condom|trojan]] [[Brony|horse]] but, when he was unsuccessful in this endeavor, settled on hacking D-list poptarts like Ke$ha and Kelly Clarkson instead. Once he gained access to the singers' computers, DJ Stolen would DOWNLOAD FUCKING EVERYTHING and then post the stolen songs on the internets.
Eventually, DJ Stolen's activity on a [[forum]] called ''rmx4u'' led to him being [[Boychat|contacted by a 22-year-old]] hacker named '''Cee''' (a.k.a. '''Christian M.'''), a [[Neckbeard|fedora-wearing]] faggot from [[Schnookums|Wesel]], [[Germany]], who had actually managed to hack Lady Gaga's computer after taking [[Computer Science III|Informatik III]]. Together, the two hackers then decided to start a [[website]] called '''[[iPhone|iLeaks]]''' where they would leak [[Circumcision|snippets]] of unreleased tracks and then ask [[Idiots|people]] to pay to download the full tracks – Which was made even more hilarious by the fact that '''''some of the songs were priced at $2000 and there were actually some people who were stupid enough to pay that much for them'''''.
Eventually, DJ Stolen's activity on a [[forum]] called ''rmx4u'' led to him being [[Boychat|contacted by a 22-year-old]] hacker named '''Cee''' (a.k.a. '''Christian M.'''), a [[Neckbeard|fedora-wearing]] faggot from [[Schnookums|Wesel]], [[Germany]], who had actually managed to hack Lady Gaga's computer after taking [[Computer Science III|Informatik III]]. Together, the two hackers then decided to start a [[website]] called '''[[iPhone|iLeaks]]''' where they would leak [[Circumcision|snippets]] of unreleased tracks and then ask [[Idiots|people]] to pay to download the full tracks – Which was made even more hilarious by the fact that '''''some of the songs were priced at $2000 and there were actually some people who were stupid enough to pay that much for them'''''.
|Have you smoked something bad? 750$ for a demo, it's totally ILLEGAL! The Fame kills, your stupidity is an evidence.|mynameis_GL's stupidity is evident
|Have you smoked something bad? 750$ for a demo, it's totally ILLEGAL! The Fame kills, your stupidity is an evidence.|mynameis_GL's stupidity is evident.
|Britney's version of 'Telephone' is being held ransom for $750 by @ileaks!!!|oneofthosefaces, refusing to negotiate with terrorists
|Britney's version of 'Telephone' is being held ransom for $750 by @ileaks!!!|oneofthosefaces, refusing to negotiate with terrorists.
|I could meet Britney Spears and have her sing Telephone to me for $750. You're ridiculous.|GeminiGotham believing that Britney Spears would want to be in the same room as him
|I could meet Britney Spears and have her sing Telephone to me for $750. You're ridiculous.|GeminiGotham believing that Britney Spears would want to be in the same room as him.
|why $750 for Britney and only $250 for Gaga songs, not fair for us fans :(|sloansterspears, failing to understand that Gaga sucks
|why $750 for Britney and only $250 for Gaga songs, not fair for us fans :(|sloansterspears, failing to understand that Gaga sucks.
|why charge $750 no one will have that much monet spare!! please just leak the full untagged version at least for @britneyspears fans|Liam Lewis, [[Socialism|plz give me free stuff]]
|why charge $750 no one will have that much monet spare!! please just leak the full untagged version at least for @britneyspears fans|Liam Lewis, [[Socialism|plz give me free shit]]
|You want me to give you 750 dollars? leak it for free right now you bitch haha|Hey_Hayley, LEAK IT BITCH!
|You want me to give you 750 dollars? leak it for free right now you bitch haha|Hey_Hayley, LEAK IT BITCH!
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Ke$ha ultimately did give DJ Stolen the shoutout that he asked for, but a week later some more of Ke$ha's n00dz were leaked on a blog called Shirt Talkers. Oops! In an attempt to [[white knight|avenge Ke$ha's honour]], '''''yet another hacker''''' then decided to join the party by '''''hacking DJ Stolen's computer and then leaking his [[dox]]'''''.
Ke$ha ultimately did give DJ Stolen the shoutout that he asked for, but a week later some more of Ke$ha's n00dz were leaked on a blog called Shirt Talkers. Oops! In an attempt to [[white knight|avenge Ke$ha's honour]], '''''yet another hacker''''' then decided to join the party by '''''hacking DJ Stolen's computer and then leaking his [[dox]]'''''.
It was at this point that the German authorities ''finally'' made their move and stepped in to arrest Deniz and Christian. Because the young men [[troll's remorse|apologized to Lady Gaga]] and were suffering from [[Assburgers|internet addiction]], the court decided to be lenient and only sentenced them to 18 months in a German [[Prison|arserape dungeon]] followed by [[Abortion|proper treatment]] for their autism.
It was at this point that the German authorities ''finally'' made their move and stepped in to arrest Deniz and Christian. Because the young men [[troll's remorse|apologized to Lady Gaga]] and were suffering from [[Assburgers|internet addiction]], the court decided to be lenient and only sentenced them to 18 months in a German [[Prison|arserape dungeon]] followed by [[Human Centipede|proper treatment]] for their autism.
|Dear Lady Gaga, I am ashamed of what I have done. I did not think about the consequences.|DJ Stolen experiences [[troll's remorse]]
|Dear Lady Gaga, I am ashamed of what I have done. I did not think about the consequences.|DJ Stolen experiences [[troll's remorse]]
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[[File:WinstonsBar.jpeg|thumb|Winston's, where Harold Karsenty worked.]]
[[File:WinstonsBar.jpeg|thumb|Winston's, where Harold Karsenty worked.]]
[[File:KeshaAndBeardman.jpg|thumb|Harold Karsenty and Ke$ha.]]
[[File:KeshaAndBeardman.jpg|thumb|Harold Karsenty and Ke$ha.]]
[[File:DanishSexEd.jpg|thumb|Harold and Ke$ha inspired this [[Danish]] sex education book from the 1970s.]]
[[File:HaroldsLunch.jpg|thumb|Harold enjoys a delicious bowl of [[STD|Ke$ha Flakes]].]]
[[File:HaroldsLunch.jpg|thumb|Harold enjoys a delicious bowl of [[STD|Ke$ha Flakes]].]]
[[File:KeshaAtBamboozle.jpg|thumb|Busted at Bamboozle by sunglasses tan.]]
[[File:KeshaAtBamboozle.jpg|thumb|Busted at Bamboozle by her sunglasses tan.]]
[[File:KeshaOpenWide.jpg|thumb|Perez Hilton's incredibly gay sense of humour.]]
[[File:KeshaOpenWide.jpg|thumb|Perez Hilton's incredibly gay sense of humour.]]
Since the her debut and the release of ''Animal'', Ke$ha had been a preferred target of celebrity blogger and professional [[gay]] faggot '''[[Perez Hilton]]'''. In March, 2010, Hilton was responsible for trending the hashtag {{hashtag|KeshaWho}} afterit was learned that Ke$ha had insulted the far more talented [[Britney Spears]] in her leaked song ''Styrofoam''.
Since her debut and the release of ''Animal'', Ke$ha was a preferred target of celebrity blogger and professional [[gay|homosexualist]] spic '''[[Perez Hilton]]'''. In March, 2010, Hilton was responsible for trending the hashtag {{hashtag|KeshaWho}} after it was learned that Ke$ha had insulted the far more talented [[Britney Spears]] in her leaked song ''Styrofoam''.
Perez Hilton's attention to Ke$ha had since dwindled, but it was reignited when DJ Stolen leaked the first of Ke$ha's n00dz (possibly even sending it directly to Hilton himself).
Perez Hilton's attention to Ke$ha had since dwindled, but it was reignited when DJ Stolen leaked the first of Ke$ha's n00dz ([[Conspiracy|possibly even sending it directly to Hilton himself]]).
Eventually, in December of 2010, Perez stumbled upon the Shirt Talkers blog where the second batch of Ke$ha's n00dz had been leaked – He then did what any classy, self-respecting celebrity blogger would do and posted them on his blog for everyone to see.
Eventually, in December of 2010, Perez stumbled upon the Shirt Lifters blog where the second batch of Ke$ha's n00dz had been leaked. He then did what any classy, [[Oxymoron|self-respecting celebrity blogger]] would do and posted them on his blog for everyone to see.
Meet '''Harold Karsenty''', the general manager at a Hollywood nightclub called Winston's and Ke$ha's ex boyfriend (they had already broken up sometime between July and September of 2010). Harold and Ke$ha had met sometime in 2007, most likely around the time that she was '''''stealing IDs from the patrons of the bar that she worked at'''''. As a strapping, young, bearded [[French]]man, Harold had long been a hit with [[You|the ladies]] – Including [[Britney Spears]], who was hilariously [[b&]] from Winston's for her repeated antics and sexual harassment of the barmaids.
Enter '''Harold Karsenty''', the general manager at a Hollywood nightclub called Winston's and Ke$ha's ex boyfriend (they had already broken up sometime between July and September of 2010). Harold and Ke$ha had met sometime in 2007, most likely around the time that she was '''''stealing IDs from the patrons of the bar that she worked at'''''. As a strapping, young, bearded [[French]] man, Harold had long been a hit with [[You|the ladies]] – Including [[Britney Spears]], who was hilariously [[b&]] from Winston's for her repeated antics and sexual harassment of the barmaids.
{{quote|Harold loved the attention at first, but after a while he got sick of it. … Britney caused nothing but drama.|An insider tells us about Britney Spears' drama}}
{{quote|Harold loved the attention at first, but after a while he got sick of it. … Britney caused nothing but drama.|An insider tells us about Britney Spears' drama.}}
The leaked photos from Shirt Talkers featured Ke$ha and Harold kissing each other on both the mouth and [[Cunnilingus|the vagina]]. Strangely, Ke$ha decided to lay blame on Perez for her breakup with Harold – Despite the fact that they broke up '''''before Perez released the second batch of n00dz'''''.
The leaked photos from Shirt Talkers featured Ke$ha and Harold kissing each other on both the mouth and [[Cunnilingus|the twat]]. Strangely, Ke$ha decided to lay blame on Perez for her breakup with Harold – Despite the fact that they broke up '''''before Perez released the second batch of n00dz'''''.
|She upsets me. I love Ke$ha’s music, but I don’t like her. I hate the stupid dollar sign in her name. I hate the stupid nose ring. I hate the stupid makeup. I hate the fact that she looks like she smells and never showers.|Perez Hilton
|She upsets me. I love Ke$ha’s music, but I don’t like her. I hate the stupid dollar sign in her name. I hate the stupid nose ring. I hate the stupid makeup. I hate the fact that she looks like she smells and never showers.|Perez Hilton, saying what we all think.
|How sweet! She found someone who looks just as nasty as she is!
|How sweet! She found someone who looks just as nasty as she is!
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Ke$ha did not react well to being dumped by Harold and quickly began a downward spiral of [[desperation]] and batshit insanity that included [[stalking]] Harold and his new girlfriend and writing several songs about him in a last ditch attempt to mend the only meaningful relationship that she had ever had in her sad, [[pathetic]] life.
Ke$ha did not react well to being dumped by Harold and quickly began a downward spiral of [[desperation]] and batshit insanity that included [[stalking]] Harold and his new girlfriend and writing several songs about him in a last ditch attempt to mend the only meaningful relationship that she had ever had in her sad, [[pathetic]] life.
On November 19, 2010, Ke$ha released ''Cannibal'', her first extended play. Among the songs on it was ''The Harold Song'', a song that [[Captain Obvious|was most likely written about Harold]], where Ke$ha laments over having destroyed their relationship. The song was a not-so-surreptitious attempt to [[Whine|beg]] Harold into taking her back, but in the end it didn't work – Harold never took Ke$ha back and he eventually went on to marry a lawyer named Madison Paige Hamile in 2014.
On November 19, 2010, Ke$ha released ''[[Armin Meiwes|Cannibal]]'', her first extended play. Among the songs on it was ''The Harold Song'', a song that [[Captain Obvious|was most likely written about Harold]], where Ke$ha laments over having destroyed their relationship. The song was a not-so-surreptitious attempt to [[Whine|beg]] Harold into taking her back, but in the end it didn't work – Harold never took Ke$ha back and he eventually went on to marry a lawyer named Madison Paige Hamile in 2014.
After realizing that Harold wouldn't take her slutty arse back, Ke$ha's already bizarre and disturbing behaviour became even more insane than usual. In late 2011, she started a blog entitled '''[http://putyourbeardinmymouth.tumblr.com/ Put Your Beard In My Mouth]''' (subtitled "[[Rape|That's An Order.]]"), a [[Tumblr]] that's devoted to the worship of [[Epic Beard Man|bearded men]] and contains many, many images of Ke$ha herself [[WTF|sucking on men's beards]] for some ungodly reason. Ke$ha was clearly unable to handle losing the love of her life and his facial hair.
After realizing that Harold wouldn't take her slutty arse back, Ke$ha's already bizarre and disturbing behaviour escalated. In late 2011, she started a blog titled '''[http://putyourbeardinmymouth.tumblr.com/ Put Your Beard In My Mouth]''' (subtitled "[[Rape|That's An Order.]]"), a [[Tumblr]] that's devoted to the worship of [[Epic Beard Man|bearded men]] and contains many, many images of Ke$ha herself [[WTF|sucking on men's beards]] for some ungodly reason. Ke$ha was clearly unable to handle losing the love of her life and his facial hair.
|I've received 1 tooth from a fan. I made it into a neclace. But now I really wanna make a fan tooth necklace to wear to an awards show. So. What I'm getting at is please send me your teeth. I'm dead serious. I need your teeth.|Ke$ha needs your teeth
|I've received 1 tooth from a fan. I made it into a neclace. But now I really wanna make a fan tooth necklace to wear to an awards show. So. What I'm getting at is please send me your teeth. I'm dead serious. I need your teeth.|Ke$ha needs your teeth
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<center>{{bigred|SEALS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN}}</center>
<center><span style="font-size:2em; color:red; font-weight:bold;">SEALS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN</span></center>
|I think it's cool to wear roadkill. If I died and somebody wanted to wear my teeth around their neck to VMAs, I'd feel honored.|Ke$ha thinks fur is fine if you [[Leelah Alcorn|kill it with a truck]]
|I think it's cool to wear roadkill. If I died and somebody wanted to wear my teeth around their neck to VMAs, I'd feel honored.|Ke$ha thinks fur is fine if you [[Leelah Alcorn|kill it with a truck]]
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[[File:IWasForcedToSingTheseLyrics.png|thumb|She was "forced" to sing the lyrics that she wrote.]]
[[File:IWasForcedToSingTheseLyrics.png|thumb|She was "forced" to sing the lyrics that she wrote.]]
At some point during her career, Ke$ha was inducted into the ranks of an all-powerful [[Jewish]] cabal that [[Conspiracy|controls everything]] and has an unhealthy obsession with [[Triforce|triangles]] and eyes and triangles with eyes. Founded in Bavaria on May 1, 1776, by a [[gentleman]] named Adam Weishaupt, the Illuminati have proudly provided conspiracy theorists with [[original content]] for [[at least 100 years]]. Ke$ha quickly rose through the ranks and, after multiple [[Promotions|PRRROMOTIONS]] eventually achieved the title of ''Prima Illuminatus'' ([[Latin]] for "[[pretty cool guy]]").
At some point during her career, Ke$ha was inducted into the ranks of an all-powerful [[Jewish]] cabal that [[Conspiracy|controls fucking everything]] and has an unhealthy obsession with [[Triforce|triangles]] and eyes and triangles with eyes. Founded in Bavaria on May 1, 1776, by a [[Fag|gentleman]] named Adam Weishaupt, the Illuminati have proudly provided conspiracy theorists with [[original content]] for [[at least 100 years]]. Ke$ha quickly rose through the ranks and, after multiple [[Promotions|PRRROMOTIONS]] eventually achieved the title of ''Prima Illuminata'' ([[Latin]] for "[[pretty cool guy]]").
{{quote|I'm really the leader of the Illuminati. That's true.|Ke$ha admits to being the [[God|Prima Illuminatus]]}}
{{quote|I'm really the leader of the Illuminati. That's true.|Ke$ha admits to being the [[God|Prima Illuminata]]}}
On September 25, 2012, Ke$ha released a single entitled '''Die Young''' – A song that glamourizes the [[Madeleine McCann]] lifestyle of [[Party hard|partying hard]] one day and [[Fact|being brutally murdered by your abusive mummy and paedophile daddy]] the next. The music video for ''Die Young'' contained large amounts of Illuminati and Satanic symbolism.
On September 25, 2012, Ke$ha released a single entitled '''[[High Score|Die Young]]''' – A song that glamourizes the [[Madeleine McCann]] lifestyle of [[Party hard|partying hard]] one day and [[Fact|being brutally murdered by your abusive mummy and paedophile daddy]] the next. The music video for ''Die Young'' contained a myriad of Illuminati and Satanic symbolism.
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Within several months a young man by the name of Adam Lanza, widely believed to have been Ke$ha's #1 fan, would go on to develop an obsession with ''Die Young'' and its disturbingly [[nihilism|nihilistic]] message that life is short and should be used as an opportunity to go for the [[high score]]. A few months later Adam Lanza would equip his trusty [[Gun|Bushmaster]], shoot his mum in the face and embark on a [[Jihad|spiritual journey]] to cleanse [[Sandy Hook|Sandy Hook Elementary]] of [[Loli|prepubescent scum]].
Soon after that, a young man by the name of [[Adam Lanza]], widely believed to have been Ke$ha's #1 fan, would go on to develop an obsession with ''Die Young'' and its disturbingly [[nihilism|nihilistic]] message that life is short and should be used as an opportunity to go for the [[high score]]. A few months later Adam Lanza would equip his trusty [[Gun|Bushmaster]], shoot his mum in the face and embark on a [[Jihad|spiritual journey]] to cleanse [[Sandy Hook|Sandy Hook Elementary]] of [[Loli|prepubescent scum]].
It wasn't long after Adam embarked on his holy and righteous [[genocide crusade]] and became a martyr that various [[Batshit Insane|respectable]] [[conspiracy theorists|news outlets]] began to realize that, when ''Die Young'' is [[Dumbfuck|played backwards]], Ke$ha [[No|actually]] says "Sandy Hook" a total of 6 times! OMG!!!11 Did Ke$ha know about Sandy Hook before it even happened!?!11 Did Ke$ha's music drive an innocent young man to murder 26 people!?!11
It wasn't long after Adam embarked on his holy and righteous [[genocide crusade]] and became a martyr that various [[Batshit Insane|respectable]] [[conspiracy theorists|news outlets]] began to realize that, when ''Die Young'' is [[Dumbfuck|played backwards]], Ke$ha [[No|actually]] says "Sandy Hook" a total of 6 times! OMG!!!11 Did Ke$ha know about Sandy Hook before it even happened!?!11 Did Ke$ha's music drive an innocent young man to murder 26 people!?!11
|my heart goes out deeply to the people of Newtown, Connecticut.|Ke$ha
|my heart goes out deeply to the people of Newtown, Connecticut.|Ke$ha
|I'm so so so sorry for anyone who has been effected by this tragedy.and I understand why my song is now inappropriate. words cannot express.|Ke$ha apologizes for murdering 20 kids
|I'm so so so sorry for anyone who has been effected by this tragedy.and I understand why my song is now inappropriate. words cannot express.|Ke$ha apologizes for murdering 20 kids.
|I did NOT want to sing those lyrics and I was FORCED TO.|Ke$ha, lying
|I did NOT want to sing those lyrics and I was FORCED TO.|Ke$ha, lying
|Toward the end of the recording for Warrior we started to really figure out how to meld the sounds of rock and roll and dance music. That's when “Die Young” was born. I was trying to channel the Rolling Stones and Neil Young, but also make it sound electronic and danceable at the same time. I worked on the song with Nate Ruess, the lead singer from the band Fun., as well as Benny and Luke.|Ke$ha's autobiography, ''My Crazy Beautiful Life''
|Toward the end of the recording for Warrior we started to really figure out how to [[Ear rape|meld the sounds of rock and roll and dance music]]. That's when “Die Young” was born. I was [[Trying too hard|trying to channel the Rolling Stones and Neil Young]], but also make it sound [[Shit|electronic and danceable]] at the same time. I worked on the song with Nate Ruess, the lead singer from the band Fun., as well as Benny and Luke.|Ke$ha's autobiography, ''My Crazy Beautiful Life''
|The song has a really organic sound, and I love the way it explodes into a party track. We recorded the song at Luke's house and did group vocals for the sing-along bridge together in Luke's garage.|Ke$ha's autobiography, ''My Crazy Beautiful Life''
|The song has a really [[Cock|organ]]ic sound, and I love the way it [[Ejaculation|explodes]] into a party track. We recorded the song at Luke's house and did group vocals for the sing-along bridge together in Luke's garage.|Ke$ha's autobiography, ''My Crazy Beautiful Life''
|I rewrote the words a thousand times until I found something simple that felt right. The song captured the underlying message of the whole album: believe in yourself and celebrate life to its fullest. When I sing “Like we're gonna die young,” I'm promising that no matter how old I get, I'm never going to lose my youthful spirit.|Ke$ha's autobiography, ''My Crazy Beautiful Life''
|I rewrote the words a thousand times until I found something simple that felt right. The song captured the underlying message of the whole album: believe in yourself and celebrate life to its fullest. When I sing “Like we're gonna die young,” I'm promising that no matter how old I get, I'm never going to lose my youthful spirit.|Ke$ha's autobiography, ''My Crazy Beautiful Life''
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<center>{{bigred|KE$HA DID SANDY HOOK}}</center>
<center><span style="font-size:2em; color:red; font-weight:bold;">KE$HA DID SANDY HOOK</span></center>
== Breaking Beard ==
== Breaking Beard ==
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[[File:CrashAndDi.jpg|thumb|A visual representation of Ke$ha's downward spiral.]]
[[File:CrashAndDi.jpg|thumb|A visual representation of Ke$ha's downward spiral.]]
At some point, Ke$ha began secretly dating Darren Craig, the director of several of her music videos. Darren, a middle aged divorced father was supposedly the last person you'd expect to see Ke$ha dating – But he had a fucking beard and the mere thought of that got Ke$ha [[DO NOT WANT|wet and horny]]. Their secret relationship continued for over a year but, like all of Ke$ha's relationships, it eventually fell apart.
At some point, Ke$ha began secretly dating Darren Craig, the unwashed director of several of her music videos including the video for ''Die Young''. Darren, a fat, middle aged, divorced father was supposedly the last person you'd expect to see Ke$ha dating – but he had a cunting beard and the mere thought of that got Ke$ha [[DO NOT WANT|wet and horny]]. Their secret relationship continued for over a year but, like all of Ke$ha's relationships, it eventually fell apart.
Ke$ha took the breakup surprisingly well (i.e. she didn't accuse him of rape) and began a downward spiral of [[alcoholism]] and [[Trying too hard|writing mean songs]] about Darren and his [[My Tiny Dick|his tiny penis]].
Ke$ha took the breakup surprisingly well (i.e. she didn't accuse him of rape) and began a downward spiral of [[alcoholism]] and [[Taylor Swift|writing mean songs]] about Darren and his [[My Tiny Dick|his tiny penis]].
|Right now my new songs are more dude-oriented, because I recently had this boy just be a total piece of shit, douchebag piece of garbage to me. He’s just a lying sack of shit, balls, shit-filled ballsack, he’s just a giant pair. And he has a tiny penis, and he sucks real bad, so I’m writing about that.|Ke$ha reveals that Darren Craig has a tinycock
|Right now my new songs are more dude-oriented, because I recently had this boy just be a total piece of shit, douchebag piece of garbage to me. He’s just a lying sack of shit, balls, shit-filled ballsack, he’s just a giant pair. And he has a tiny penis, and he sucks real bad, so I’m writing about that.|Ke$ha reveals that Darren Craig has a tinycock
|She might be crazy and she might get shit-faced drunk, but everyone does. She might have a few drinks here and there. But she doesn’t have a drinking problem.|Pebe Sebert, going through [[Denial|the first stage of grief]]
|She might be crazy and she might get shit-faced drunk, but everyone does. She might have a few drinks here and there. But she doesn’t have a drinking problem.|Pebe Sebert, going through [[Denial|the first stage of grief]]
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{{clear}}
{{clear}}
== The Ultimate Whorior-ior-ior-ior ==
== I Am Whorier ==
[[File:ToothHeaddress.jpg|thumb|True warriors wear the teeth of their fallen foes.]]
[[File:BadCoverArtKesha.jpg|thumb|This shit makes bad box art Megaman look good.]]
[[File:BadCoverArtKesha.jpg|thumb|This shit makes bad box art Megaman look good.]]
[[File:KeshaPainting.jpg|thumb|''Warrior'' by [[Artfag|Pablo Picasso]]]]
[[File:KeshaPainting.jpg|thumb|''Warrior'' by [[Artfag|Pablo Picasso]]]]
|Warrior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior|The lyrics to ''Warrior''
|Warrior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior-ior|The lyrics to ''Warrior''
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|wailing on an EPIC track with @thedoctorluke & @itsbennyblanco THIS is the dawn of a new genre of music: COCK POP!!!|Ke$ha
|wailing on an EPIC track with @thedoctorluke & @itsbennyblanco THIS is the dawn of a new genre of music: COCK POP!!!|Ke$ha
|On one song we worked on for Warrior, my mom suggested a line about sexual exploits with the Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie.|Ke$ha, explaining why ''Warrior'' sucked arse
|On one song we worked on for Warrior, my mom suggested a line about sexual exploits with the Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie.|Ke$ha, explaining why ''Warrior'' blew arse.
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
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On April 23, 2013, [[MTV]] began airing '''Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life''', a reality television series that revolved around the [[Mai-Chan's Daily Life|Seberts' daily life]]. The show had the [[420chan|astoundingly high]] production quality that one would expect from the network that brought us such beloved classics as ''[[Jackass]]'', ''[[Beavis and Butt-head]]'' and ''[[Epic Win|The Brothers Grunt]]'' – Not surprising when you realize that the show consisted entirely of Lagan Sebert's crappy home video footage of his sister's assorted antics and criminal behaviour over the previous two years.
On April 23, 2013, [[MTV]] began airing '''Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life''', a reality television series that revolved around the [[Mai-Chan's Daily Life|Seberts' daily life]]. The show had the [[420chan|astoundingly high]] production quality that one would expect from the network that brought us such beloved classics as ''[[Jackass]]'', ''[[Beavis and Butt-head]]'' and ''[[Epic Win|The Brothers Grunt]]'' – Not surprising when you realize that the show consisted entirely of Lagan Sebert's crappy home video footage of his sister's assorted antics and criminal behaviour over the previous two years.
Some of the show's numerous memorable and heartwarming moments include Ke$ha drinking her own urine, having her concert protested by the fine members of [[Westboro Baptist Church]] and traveling to the faraway land of [[Sarah Palin|Alaska]] to track down a potential mate – A man who is known as "[[Bear|Bear Man]]" (Powerword: [[Casey Anthony|Casey Anderson]]) and his pet bear (Powerword: [[Tom Preston|Brutus the Bear]]).
Some of the show's numerous memorable and heartwarming moments include Ke$ha [[Watersports|drinking her own urine]], having her concert protested by the fine members of [[Westboro Baptist Church]] and traveling to the faraway land of [[Sarah Palin|Alaska]] to track down a potential mate – A man who is known as "[[Bear|Bear Man]]" (Powerword: [[Casey Anthony|Casey Anderson]]) and his pet bear (Powerword: [[Tom Preston|Brutus the Bear]]).
As expected of a hypocritical animal rights activist such as Ke$ha, this results in Brutus getting a can of cheap [[Budweiser|Buttgeyser]] [[beer]] poured down his throat.
As expected of a hypocritical animal rights activist such as Ke$ha, this results in Brutus getting a can of cheap [[Budweiser|Buttgeyser]] [[beer]] poured down his throat.
|Because I exude energy, dead entities cling to me. I had a spirit follow me into my house. You see it in the show. Things were flying off the shelf. That's not bullshit, that really happened. So my healer, she had to literally give me an exorcism. I know that sounds crazy, but it worked.|Ke$ha, on her haunted [[vagoo]]
|Because I exude energy, dead entities cling to me. I had a spirit follow me into my house. You see it in the show. Things were flying off the shelf. That's not bullshit, that really happened. So my healer, she had to literally give me an exorcism. I know that sounds crazy, but it worked.|Ke$ha, on her haunted [[vagoo]]
|Either my vagina is haunted, or I'm pregnant with a ghost baby.|Ke$ha
|Either my vagina is haunted, or I'm pregnant with a ghost baby.|Ke$ha, failing sex ed and confusing a uterus with a vagina.
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
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[[File:DickheadKesha2.jpg|thumb|What could it possibly be?]]
[[File:DickheadKesha2.jpg|thumb|What could it possibly be?]]
[[File:KeshaPenisJewellery.jpg|thumb|''Kesha Rose by Charles Albert'']]
[[File:KeshaPenisJewellery.jpg|thumb|''Kesha Rose by Charles Albert'']]
[[File:ChinkJewellery.jpg|thumb|What her jewellery line should have been.]]
[[File:ChinkJewellery.jpg|thumb|What her jewellery line could have been.]]
Having found fame, Ke$ha began working with designer Charles Albert to create the ''Kesha Rose by Charles Albert'' collection – A line of hilariously overpriced "[[Plastic Crap|designer jewellery]]" that was designed to embody [[Drugs|everything]] that makes Ke$ha [[Batshit insane|She R Who She R]].
Having found fame, Ke$ha began working with designer Charles Albert to create the ''Kesha Rose by Charles Albert'' collection – A line of hilariously overpriced "[[Plastic Crap|designer jewellery]]" that was designed to embody [[Drugs|everything]] that makes Ke$ha [[Batshit insane|She R Who She R]].
The big question that was floating over everyone's heads now – What exactly would one include in a jewellery line that's designed to embody a cock-hungry Illuminatus who believes her vagina to be haunted and has an unhealthy obsession with glitter? That question would be answered in the week leading up to the line's release date as Ke$ha began posting a series of countdown images.
The big question that was floating over everyone's heads now – What exactly would one include in a jewellery line that's designed to embody a fugly, cock-hungry Illuminata who believes her vagina to be haunted and has an unhealthy obsession with glitter? That question would be answered in the week leading up to the line's release date as Ke$ha began posting a series of countdown images.
|I love boys and I love penises. It’s natural that I’d want to adorn my body with them.|Ke$ha
|I love boys and I love penises. It’s natural that I’d want to adorn my body with them.|Ke$ha
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<center>{{bigred|Look like the dick that you are.™}}</center>
<center><span style="font-size:2em; color:red; font-weight:bold;">Look like the dick that you are.™</span></center>
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[[File:KeshaKash.jpg|thumb|She had money and fame, but she didn't have [[greedy|moar money]].]]
[[File:KeshaKash.jpg|thumb|She had money and fame, but she didn't have [[greedy|moar money]].]]
[[File:PoopBus.jpg|thumb|The shitbus is a prime example of Care2's brand of "activiism".]]
[[File:PoopBus.jpg|thumb|The shitbus is a prime example of Care2's brand of "activism".]]
Having finally tasted [[Jump the Shark|the fame that comes with appearing on MTV and having your own phallic jewellery line]], Ke$ha began to realize that she could be making a lot more money than she was getting out of the shitty record contract that she signed with Dr. Luke before she was famous. Ke$ha then began using her reality show as a soapbox to [[Whining|voice her complaints]] about how Dr. Luke was stifling [[Original Content|her creativity]] and how she felt like a [[Tim Schafer|puppet]].
Having finally tasted [[Jump the Shark|the fame that comes with appearing on MTV and having your own phallic jewellery line]], Ke$ha began to realize that she could be making a lot more money than she was getting out of the shitty record contract that she signed with Dr. Luke before she was famous. Ke$ha then began using her reality show as a soapbox to [[Whining|voice her complaints]] about how Dr. Luke was stifling [[Original Content|her creativity]] and how she felt like a [[Tim Schafer|puppet]] with Dr. Luke's greedy Jewish hands stuffed up her fat fucking arse.
Shortly after Ke$ha began her whining, a [[petition]] entitled "''[http://www.thepetitionsite.com/815/027/678/let-keha-have-creative-freedom/ Let Ke$ha have creative freedom]''" was started on Care2 – A liberal [[Hugbox|slacktivist hellhole]] that has a notorious reputation for taking credit for things that aren't actually the result of the shitty petitions on their shitty site.
Shortly after Ke$ha began her whining, a [[petition]] entitled '''[http://www.thepetitionsite.com/815/027/678/let-keha-have-creative-freedom/ Let Ke$ha have creative freedom]''' was started on Care2 – A [[liberal]] [[slacktivist]] [[Hugbox|hellhole]] that has a notorious reputation for taking credit for things that aren't actually the result of the shitty petitions on their shitty site.
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The creator of the petition, one "Rebecca Pimmel", provided the following [[tl;dr]] explanation for her petition.
The creator of the petition, one '''Rebecca Pimmel''', provided the following [[tl;dr]] explanation for her petition.
{{clear}}
{{clear}}
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So who exactly is "Rebecca Pimmel" and why does she sound like she possesses insider knowledge about the contract dispute and about Ke$ha's career?
So who exactly is Rebecca Pimmel and why does she sound like she possesses insider knowledge about the contract dispute and about Ke$ha's career? Not surprisingly, it turned out that none of the [[Fags|supposed "journalists"]] who had covered Ke$ha's story had ever actually attempted to verify the identity of this "Rebecca Pimmel" – So we were forced to do some serious [[original research]] to get to the [[Anus|bottom]] of this mystery.
Let's begin by reviewing {{twitter|RebeccaPimmel|Rebecca Pimmel's Twitter account}}.
[[File:RebeccaPimmel.png|center]]
[[File:RebeccaPimmel.png|center]]
{{quote|46 and two kids. lover of life. bitch google me.|Rebecca Pimmel's "About Me" on Twitter}}
{{quote|46 and two kids. lover of life. bitch google me.|Rebecca Pimmel's Twitter bio}}
[[File:RebeccaPimmelPoliceSketch.jpg|thumb|A police sketch of what "Rebecca" may look like [[IRL]].]]
[[File:RebeccaPimmelPoliceSketch.jpg|thumb|A police sketch of what Rebecca Pimmel may look like [[IRL]].]]
[[File:DoItForPimmel.jpg|thumb|DO IT FOR HER!]]
[[File:DoItForPimmel.jpg|thumb|DO IT FOR HER!]]
Wait, why is a 46-year-old [[MILF]] who [[DGTrixie|looks closer to 70]] and has two kids starting such a detailed petition about a pop-star whose prime demographic is [[gay]] [[Hispanic]] [[teenagers]]? Unfortunately for Rebecca, we decided to use [[The Google]] ''just as she herself had suggested'', and what we found out was shocking – '''''REBECCA PIMMEL DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST [[OMGWTFBBQ]]!!111'''''
Wait, why is a 46-year-old [[MILF|Mum I'd Never Fuck]] who [[DGTrixie|looks closer to 70]] starting such a detailed petition about a pop-star whose prime demographic is [[gay]] [[Hispanic]] [[teenagers]]? Unfortunately for Rebecca, we decided to use [[The Google]] ''just as she herself had suggested'', and what we found out was shocking – '''''REBECCA PIMMEL DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST [[OMGWTFBBQ]]!!111'''''
Not only does Rebecca's website not exist, but {{archive|sUmqd|the domain has never even been registered}}! The photo on her Twitter account is actually {{archive|RbE8s|stolen from an article}} featured on ''The Observer'' and depicts a woman named Susan Broom! And perhaps most [[Lulzy|shocking]] of all is the fact that "Pimmel" actually means "[[penis]]" in [[German]]!
Not only does Rebecca's website not exist, but {{archive|sUmqd|the domain has never even been registered}}! The photo on her Twitter account is actually {{archive|RbE8s|stolen from an article}} featured on ''The Observer'' and depicts a woman named Susan Broom! And perhaps most [[Lulzy|shocking]] of all is the fact that "Pimmel" actually means "[[penis]]" in [[German]]!
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The song, ''Dancing With the Devil'', would go on to become one of the Animals' biggest pieces of "evidence" against Dr. Luke – Solely because they [[Personal truth|personally interpret]] the lyrics of the song as being about Luke abusing Ke$ha.
The song, ''Dancing With the Devil'', would go on to become one of the Animals' biggest pieces of "evidence" against Dr. Luke – Solely because they [[Personal truth|personally interpret]] the lyrics of the song as being about Luke abusing Ke$ha.
A few days after the Care2 petition was posted, a user named '''FreeKeshaLuke''' (Powerword: '''Michael Anthony''' a.k.a. '''Mike Eisele''') joined Twitter and began offering to leak Ke$ha's unreleased songs for each milestone that the petition hit. It was at this point that fans began spamming the petition with signatures because [[Napster|OMG FREE MUSIC]]!!111
A few days after the Care2 petition was posted, an account named '''FreeKeshaLuke''', owned by a faggot named '''Mike Eisele''' (a.k.a. '''Michael Anthony''' and [[No|mikeisstraight]]) joined Twitter and began offering to leak more of Ke$ha's unreleased songs for each milestone that the petition hit. It was at this point that fans began spamming the petition with signatures because [[Napster|OMG FREE MUSIC]]!!111
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The daily routine of the average #FreeKesha supporter includes whining about [[rape culture]] and [[patriarchy]], [[harass]]ing and [[Death threats|threatening]] anyone who [[disagree]]s with them,
The daily routine of the average #FreeKesha supporter includes whining about [[rape culture]] and [[patriarchy]], [[harass]]ing and [[Death threats|threatening]] anyone who [[disagree]]s with them,
{{quote|Not really. What's been put out as singles have just perpetuated a particular image that may or may not be entirely accurate. I'd like to show the world other sides of my personality. I don't want to just continue putting out the same song and becoming a parody myself. I have so much more to offer than that and I can't wait till the world really gets to hear that on the radio.|Ke$ha, telling [[Rolling Stone]] that she lacks creative control}}
|Brittany so Im here at treatment coloring like a 5 year old :) - your letter made me cry... Im so lucky to have you, and my animals, as support - I sometimes feel like there is just so much pressure to look and be perfect - but I cant be. I can only be who I am thank you for the letter - It means alot to me. Im very lonely here - but I hopefully will come out of here kicking serious ass - that's the goal at least|Letter to {{twitter|KeshaDelSlay|Brittany Kiefer}}, part 1
|Brittany so Im here at treatment coloring like a 5 year old :) - your letter made me cry... Im so lucky to have you, and my animals, as support - I sometimes feel like there is just so much pressure to look and be perfect - but I cant be. I can only be who I am thank you for the letter - It means alot to me. Im very lonely here - but I hopefully will come out of here kicking serious ass - that's the goal at least|Letter to {{twitter|KeshaDelSlay|Brittany Kiefer}}, part 1
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{{clear}}
{{clear}}
== LOL & Order: Self-Victimization Unit ==
== BUT WAIT, THERE'S MOAR! ==
[[File:KeshaDateRape.jpg|thumb|An artistic rendering of the alleged drugging.]]
[[File:ButWaitTheresMoar.jpg|thumb|[[BILLY MAYS]] would be proud.]]
[[File:LukeDoubleTap.jpg|thumb|An artistic rendering of the alleged raping.]]
[[File:KeshaMunchkin.gif|thumb|The suit stopped just short of accusing Dr. Luke of forcing Ke$ha to make out with a [[midget]].]]
[[File:HA_HA_HA,_OH_WOW.jpg|thumb|The proper reaction to the allegations in Ke$ha's suit.]]
[[File:ImaSurvivwhore.jpg|thumb|I WAS RAPED LOL!!111 U CAN BELIEVE ME [[Check Your Privilege|CUZ I HAVE A VAGINA]]!!111]]
[[File:DirtyLiar.png|thumb|Ke$ha is a dirty liar.]]
On October 14, 2014, Ke$ha finally made her big [[Cum|comeback]] after a year-long hiatus – By filing a lawsuit against Dr. Luke in Los Angeles that contained numerous accusations against him that included [[GHB|drugs]], [[rape]], [[GHB|moar drugs]], [[Rape|moar rape]], "[[LOL WUT|violent arm flailing]]" and other assorted bullshit.
Much like how [[Harry Potter]] refused to die after ''seven fucking books'' and [[My Immortal|a shitload of horrible fan fiction]] – The story of Ke$ha refused to end with just one page worth of [[lulz]] on [[Encyclopædia Dramatica]]. You can read the next chapter of the Ke$ha $aga at '''[[Kesha/Lawsuit]]''' or by clicking on the [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|overused meme]] below.
If you weren't already convinced that Ke$ha is a lying [[cow]], then chances are that you will be after reading the actual accusations that she ended up making against Dr. Luke – Several of which are such blatant lies that they'd make even an experienced liar such as [[Hillary Clinton]] cringe.
|A far cry from a mentor, Dr. Luke displayed despicable conduct in front of MS. Sebert. Specifically, Dr. Luke would boast and brag to Ms. Sebert about how he liked to take girls out on a first date, get them as drunk as possible, and "fuck them in the ass."|Dr. Jew did [[Emma Sulkowicz]]
File:KeshasMinion.jpg
File:AverageKeshaFan.jpg
|When Dr. Luke's wife became pregnant, he demanded that she get an abortion, and tried to blackmail her into an abortion by not speaking to her for six months and threatening to leave her if she refused an abortion.|Dr. Luke is a fucking Disney villain
File:AlmostAsFatAsKesha.jpg
</gallery>
|Soon after moving to Los Angeles, Dr. Luke began to violently abuse the young Ms. Sebert, who was now uprooted from her hometown, isolated from her family and friends, and alone in Los Angeles. Dr. Luke continuously made sexual advances towards Ms. Sebert. He forced Ms. Sebert to take drugs and alcohol in order to take advantage of her sexually while she was intoxicated.|He "[[Doom|violently]]" abused her by calling her fat
|Ms. Sebert later found out that the "Dr." in the pseudonym "Dr. Luke" stemmed from Dr. Luke dealing drugs to entertainers during his ten-year tenure as a guitarist in the Saturday Night Live band.|Another proven lie
|On one occasion, Dr. Luke forced Ms. Sebert to snort an illicit drug before they were scheduled to take a flight. Once on the plane, Dr. Luke continuously forced himself on Ms. Sebert while she was intoxicated and drugged. Ms. Sebert was in such an intoxicated state on the plane that she vomited on herself during the flight.|Ke$ha also vomited in Paris Hilton's closet
|On another occasion, after forcing Ms. Sebert to drink with him, Dr. Luke instructed Ms. Sebert to take what he described as "sober pills' in order for her to sober up. Ms. Sebert took the pills and woke up the following afternoon, naked in Dr. Luke's bed, sore and sick, with no memory of how she got there.|The [[Cosby]] special
|Despite Ms. Sebert's hard work and success, Dr. Luke continued to drill into her how worthless she was and how inferior she was compared to the other recording artists he works with. He constantly insulted her songwriting, vocals, clothing, body, and appearance, as being far below his standards, as well as "Hollywood standards."|Trust us, she is ''far'' below Hollywood standards
|Dr. Luke cruelly and incessantly criticized Ms. Sebert's weight, including blatantly doing so in front of other people purely to humiliate Ms. Sebert. He repeatedly instructed her to stop eating and lose weight. Dr. Luke would call Ms. Sebert a "fat fucking refrigerator."|In Luke's defense, Ke$ha is fucking fat
|At one point, during a meeting at his Malibu house, Dr. Luke attacked Ms. Sebert with these threats, screaming and violently thrashing his arms at her. He physically backed Ms. Sebert into a corner, where she curled up into a ball, crying and fearing for her life.|Dr. Luke used Thrash... it's super effective!
|In a frightened and frantic attempt to escape, Ms. Sebert fled Dr. Luke's house barefoot, ran down Pacific Coast Highway over rocks and broken glass on the ground, climbed up the nearby mountains, and hid there so that Dr. Luke would not be able to find her.|Ke$ha then lived with a [[yeti]] for several months
|Beyond the physical and emotional wounds, Dr. Luke's abuse had caused Ms. Sebert to suffer from bulimia nervosa, an eating disorder which causes a person to binge eat a large amount of food, only to later vomit the food or perform excessive exercise in an attempt to avoid gaining weight.|Ke$ha even blames her own lack of self-control on Dr. Luke
|Dr. Luke fully controlled the content of Ms. Sebert's albums. Dr. Luke refused to include any lyrics, songs, or content he disapproved of, irrespective of Ms. Sebert's feelings on the matter. In the same token, he forced Ms. Sebert to sing lyrics and songs that she did not wish to include in her albums.|Arson, murder, and jaywalking
|Dr. Luke even threatened to put down Ms. Sebert's dog if the dog came near him during a recording session.|[[Buy a dog|Buy another dog]]
|Sign this petition or I'll follow you home and kill your dog.|[[Postal 2|Postal Dude's]] impression of Dr. Luke
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
</center>
The following are some examples of the supposed "verbal abuse" that Ke$ha accused Dr. Luke of.
|You are not that pretty, you are not that talented, you are just lucky to have me.|Well, to be fair...
|I don't give a shit if you don't want to sing, get in there and do it.|DO IT FAGGETTE
|Go finish the song so I can buy a yacht.|Luke wants a yacht, bitch
|Did you party last night? Because you sound like shit.|Ke$ha always sounds like shit
|There are a million other girls out there like you.|No girls suck as much as Ke$ha
|You are nothing without me.|She's nothing with you either
|You look like a fat fucking refrigerator.|An accurate description of Ke$ha
|Thank God you finally got rid of the weight! We’ve all been talking about it!|We've all been talking about how fat you were
|Katy Perry is so much better than you. You're not a good writer.|Warrior-ior-ior-ior-ior!
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
[[HA HA HA, OH WOW]], we're not sure where to even begin with this shit – Well, actually we are.
Ke$ha just accused Dr. Luke of attempting to "blackmail" his own wife into getting an abortion by [[LOL WUT|ignoring her for 6 FUCKING MONTHS]] – This sounds horrible until you realize that '''''Dr. Luke isn't married''''' and his ''girlfriend'', who we'll cover later in this article, was clearly never "blackmailed" as Ke$ha claims.
Next up is the assertion that Dr. Luke got his nickname from distributing drugs to the cast of [[Saturday Night Live]] – Also a blatant lie that's based on a completely untrue rumour.
{{quote|She lost her virginity in a date rape.{{cite}} How awful is that?|An [[anonymous]] source (probably Pebe)}}
[[File:KeshasGreasyFace.jpg|thumb|We don't know why her face looks like [[BBQ|uncooked poultry]]...]]
[[File:ChickenFace.jpg|thumb|We just know that it does.]]
Naturally, Dr. Luke was not happy with being publically slandered and immediately filed a defamation suit against Ke$ha, Pebe, Jack Rovner and Vector Management in the states of [[New York]] and [[Tennessee]].
{{quote|Kesha’s lawsuit is a spectacular and outrageous fiction that will go down in flames. As the truth emerges, this sad and misguided smear campaign will only hurt Kesha|Christine Lepera, Luke's lawyer}}
The next day the court sent out a man named [[Mexican|Alberto Gutiérrez]] to serve Ke$ha with a summons, but noone answered the door. The next day, Alberto tried again but still noone answered. This continued for '''''6 FUCKING DAYS''''' until Alberto had finally had enough of Ke$ha's bullshit and decided to [[Lulz|attach the summons to her door using a sticker from a Rainbow Acres oven roasted chicken]], he then mailed her another copy of the summons to make sure that she'd fucking get it.
[[File:KeshaGotServed.jpg|center|500px]]
Ke$ha's fans immediately reacted to the the summons by incorrectly assuming that [[LOL WUT|Dr. Luke had personally flown out to Ke$ha's home/meth lab in Los Angeles and attached the summons to her door using oven roasted chicken stickers just to make fun of Ke$ha's weight]] – Yes, Ke$ha's fans automatically linked an oven roasted chicken and their favourite singer together.
Despite Alberto's clear dedication to his shitty, low-paying job as the court's errand boy, Ke$ha still decided to give him a huge "fuck you" by later lying to the court about never having received the summons.
{{quote|To the best of my knowledge, I have not received a copy of the summons and/or complaint by mail at my residence in Venice, California. |Ke$ha, lying after Alberto Gutierrez '''''knocked on her door every day for a fucking week'''''}}
{{clear}}
== Mark J. Geragos, Attorney at LOL ==
[[File:MarkGeragos.jpg|thumb|Mark Geragos, repugnant slanderer and attention whore.]]
[[File:ReasonableDoubt.jpg|thumb|You aren't a success until you're hosting a [[podcast]] with a former co-host of [[Unfunny|The Man Show]].]]
[[File:LawAndOrderRipoff.jpg|thumb|Mark Geragos is going to be raped by [[Dickwolves|Dick Wolfs]].]]
[[File:Geragos.jpg|thumb|He actually includes this shitty [[Google]]-ripoff image in his [[email]]s.]]
[[File:ToRapeAMockingBird.jpg|thumb|The sheer irony of this being his favourite movie.]]
[[File:GeragosIrony.png|thumb|Harper Lee is calling this faggot a [[hypocrite]] from her grave.]]
[[File:GeragosH8r.png|thumb|The man who tried to blackmail a woman into lying about her rape asks why people hate him.]]
At some point during this long and twisted saga, Ke$ha hired famed [[Lawyer|criminal defense attorney]] and [[Armenian]] cunt '''Mark Geragos'''. Geragos is known for being almost as [[Sociopath|morally-devoid]] as [[Feminazi|Gloria Allred]] and for taking on the clients who will [[Jewgold|give him the most money]] – Regardless of whether they're actually innocent or not. Geragos' clientele has included [[Transnigger|trans-racial]] paedophile [[Michael Jackson]], domestic abuser and nigger [[Chris Brown]], admitted priest-beater [[Lynch|Will Lynch]], unfunny faggot [[Andy Dick]], Chinaman [[Dongs|Hung Bao Zhong]] and rapist paedophile [[Wimminz|Michelle Holden]].
Geragos' most infamous client, however, was arguably Scott Peterson – A California man whose pregnant wife, Laci, was abducted and murdered by [[Satanists]] on [[Satan Claus|Christmas Eve]] in 2002. The [[Joke|botched police investigation]] quickly centered on Scott because he was [[Ashley Madison|cheating]] and because he was a [[AIDS Skrillex and Carl the Cuck|fucking white male]]. Before being hired by Scott, Geragos was appearing on ''[[Larry King|Larry King Live]]'' and telling the world that all the evidence was stacked against him – But Geragos still had [[Jewgold|a million reasons]] to take the case when Scott decided to contact him.
{{quote|It has been estimated the legal fees were a million dollars.|Jeralyn Merritt, on how much money Geragos made off Scott Peterson}}
In the end, Geragos completely screwed Scott Peterson out of all of his money, but Scott won't be needing it now that he's '''''awaiting execution on California's death row''''' – And to top it all off, Geragos didn't even show up in court as the verdict was announced. Ke$ha had truly chosen the perfect lawyer to represent her in her frivolous lawsuit against Dr. Luke!
Despite being a lawyer, Mark Geragos is notorious for his unethical behaviour and constant showboating. He's also an unoriginal fuck who stole the logo designs from [[Law & Order]] and [[Google]].
On December 2, 2014, singer and human incarnation of a Tim Burton film [[Lady Gaga]] revealed on ''[[Howard Stern|The Howard Stern Show]]'' that she had been raped by a record producer early in her career when she was 19. Mark Geragos then did what any [[Chris-Chan|self-respecting]], [[Zoe Quinn|ethics-abiding]] lawyer would do – He went on [[Twitter]] and '''''used another woman's rape as a tool to score some cheap points for his client'''''.
[[File:GeragosBingo.jpg|center]]
Not only was it in [[Sociopath|extremely poor taste]] for a supposedly respectable [[Cunt|lawyer]] to be playing a game of ''Guess the Rapist'' on Twitter, it was also a blatant lie – [[Fact|Dr. Luke never worked with Lady Gaga and never raped her]], a fact that Lady Gaga's own lawyers quickly pointed out as they called bullshit on Geragos' pathetic attempt to stir-up more outrage towards Dr. Luke. It also led to Dr. Luke filing a lawsuit against Mark Geragos for slander.
|This ridiculous, manufactured link between Lady Gaga and the Kesha-Dr. Luke lawsuit is utterly incomprehensible. This simply isn't true and how dare someone take advantage of such a sensitive matter.|Lady Gaga's publicist exposes Mark Geragos' lies
|Mark Geragos' statement is completely false and defamatory. Luke met Lady Gaga twice for less than half an hour total in those two meetings combined. He has never been alone with her and never touched her. Neither meeting was in that time frame reported.|Dr. Luke's lawyer provides the facts
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
In an even more pathetic attempt to save face after this incident, Geragos again implied that Dr. Luke raped Lady Gaga and then threatened to depose Lady Gaga and force her to testify against Luke – That's right. This pathetic, Armenian piece of shit actually '''''tried to get a rape survivor to lie about who raped her and then threatened to drag her to court when she wouldn't lie for him'''''.
Are you still not convinced that you should hire Mark J. Geragos as your attorney? Well you're in luck, because here are some glowing reviews from satisfied clients that are sure to change your mind!
|I have gone through many lawyers for my case because of Geragos. I have never seen such a human being. He MAY only help you if you are famous, and like many of us who are "ordinary" people the most he will do is tell you that he is done with your case. It has been over 7 years and what he did to me will never get repaid. I don't understand how any human being can hold your hand for a second. I thought that lawyers were supposed to defend you and be on your side, but I guess that I was wrong. My case still isn't resolved, because I don't have anymore money for another lawyer. If I could turn back time, the one thing I would do is not trust this man. I thought he was my friend, and because of him I have trouble trusting anyone nowadays.|A satisfied client
|I was 15 when my family hired Geragos. but what he did is taking the money from my ,mother and siblings and he threw my dad in prison. I am 18 now and my dad still in prison. although he promised to get out in a few months when we first hired him , but now he is saying let him finish his time. He did nothing in my dad's case and he took 50000 from us and he knows our situation|Chris S., a super satisfied client!
|This guy is arrogant and will only take your money and do nothing for you. I paid him and all he did was send one of his inexperienced jr on a criminal case, I ended up using a public defender, after running out of money, the public defender did more on my case for free, and better outcome, than geragagos office just asking for continuances while they try to stick me for more money, he never showed up to any of my court dates, why, because I'm not famous, once they knew I wasn't able and wouldn't pay anymore money, they dropped me, don't be fooled by his celebrity status he doesn't give care about anyone but himself. Sad but true,|A satisfied client
|I had the worst experience with Mark Geragos. If you are not famous do not hire him he wouldn't do any good to your case. He will postpone for ever and in the end he will tell let the guy do his time, and if you ask then why did we hire or why you took this case? he will kick you out of his office. I wish some one can do any thing to stop him from practicing law.|A satisfied client
|Don't hire Mark Geragos. I paid him $25,000 in cash and he never showed up to court, he sent his partner Pat Harris. I paid YOU to be my lawyer. I will be filing a state bar complaint and advise others to so so as well. Highly unethical lawyer.|A satisfied client
|I would leave a one star, but an employee named Frida was the only bit of professionalism I experienced after contacting this office so that deserves some credit.
After being blown off by the attorney who deals with the type of case I had, I had to make multiple calls to finally get an answer.
I was denied, with the only reason given that they are "too busy".
This is not the service I expected after being referred to them for their " professionalism ".|M K.
|Don't take him u will regret it he on take cases for famous people he won't take ur case seriously he will send someone to take his place. He won't show up or take ur calls and call u back. His selfish greedy selfish person.|Suzi S.
|I served Garagos at a restaurant in Woodside, Ca during the Scott Peterson Trial. Guy is a top level douche. He wanted the whole patio cleared out so he and his team could eat and drink in peace. Stayed an hour past closing and tipped 10%. The way he would drink his scotch made you want to punch him. Idk who Marty Singer is but there is a good chance Garagos is below him.|CaptainButters, on serving Mark Geragos
|Sadly, That's the age we live in. This story was ludicrous to begin with|[[Hypocrite|Mark Geragos]] responds to a story about [[Chris Brown]] punching a woman's face
|I couldn’t be prouder of a client than I am of [[Chris Brown|Chris]].|Mark Geragos, admitting that he's proud of a domestic abuser
|Guess who the rapists was?|Mark Geragos, playing a game of [[Sociopath|Guess Gaga's Rapist]] on Twitter
|He's pathetic vermin. This guy is nothing more than his generation's Bill Cosby. Interestingly, they both impersonate doctors.|Mark Geragos, comparing Dr. Luke to [[Bill Cosby|another innocent man]]
|If you negotiate a contract with an 18 year old does that mean after she signs it that you can rape her and get immunity? Apparently in USA|Mark Geragos, implying that [[No|Ke$ha was raped]]
|He used her, abused her, and that’s how he operates.|Mark Geragos, attempting to become a [[rapper]]
|It’s slavery. You can’t do that.|Mark Geragos, comparing Ke$ha to [[slaves]]
|Don't be a [[Hashfag|#haterhoe]]|Mark Geragos, a champion of women's rights
|The only people who come out and support him are his paid henchmen.|Mark Geragos, being Ke$ha's paid henchman
|There is something completely wrong with what they did. It looked like it was out of National Enquirer.|Geragos, not understanding [[irony]]
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}</center>
<center>
{{frame|<gallery perrow="4">
File:WouldYouFuckAndyDick.jpg|One of Geragos' fine clients
File:GaryCondit.jpg|Another of Geragos' fine clients.
File:ChrisBrownsWilly.jpg|He even accepts [[gay niggers]] as clients!
File:RihannaArsekicking.jpg|One of Geragos' clients did this to a woman's face.
[[File:FreeOJ.jpg|thumb|A #FreeKesha supporter in [[Ghetto|its natural habitat]].]]
[[File:SkipSchool4Kesha.jpg|thumb|Mum, I'm skipping school because [[social justice]] is calling!]]
With Ke$ha's January 26th court date fast approaching, Mike Eisele decided to organize a [[Violent|peaceful]] [[Terrorism|protest]] outside of the [[New York]] courthouse. As expected, the people who showed up were all a bunch of dumb faggots and 16-year-old girls who [[txt msg|couldn't even string together a coherent sentence]] to explain why they were playing truant to attend such an absolute joke of a "protest".
|Sony should be... figuring out a way to... explain to Dr. Luke that... it's wrong and... ask him to release her or... cut his funding.|Some faggot at a #FreeKesha protest
|I have to be here and support this. Umm, I also think that it's important to remember that... this is bigger than the white pop-star that we're supporting right now and I'm sure that Ke$ha understands that.|Some #FreeKesha bitch
|This is about women everywhere of... every nationality and every background that... has a story to share and has a voice that's been silenced and has... a body that's been... treated as... circumstancial-evidence-only. Umm... and so this is for all of those people.|Same bitch
|I think my biggest problem is that... as an artist... you know... uh... this is supposed to be your [[Safe space|safe haven]].|Same bitch
|I could not have named a Ke$ha song until a couple days ago, but I think that... I think that this goes beyond... uh... music... to a... a wider issue.|Some old cunt
|Dr. Luke is really wack! Ke$ha needs her freedom back!|#FreeKesha protest chant
|WE WILL NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP! BECAUSE LUKE FUCKED HER IN THE BUTT!|#FreeKesha protest chant
|FREE KE$HA NOW! DON'T ENSLAVE THE COW!|#FreeKowsha protest chant
|LET KE$HA GO! AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A BLOW!|#FreeBlowjobs protest chant
|FREE KE$HA ROSE! AND THAT STUPID RING IN HER NOSE!|#FreeTheNoseRing protest chant
|DROP DR. LUKE! HE SMELLS LIKE PUKE!|#DropDrPuke protest chant
|WE DON'T MEAN TO NAG! BUT DR. LUKE'S A FAG!|#Homophobes4Kesha protest chant
|WHEN WE SEE KE$HA LOSE! WE WILL GAS THE JEWS!|#GasTheKikes protest chant
|WE HATE NIGGERS! WE HATE JEWS! WE HAVE GLITTER IN OUR SHOES!|#FreeKKKesha protest chant
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
Unfortunately for these idiots, Ke$ha's court date ended up being postponed and they accomplished absolutely nothing other than recording video evidence of their stupidity.
{{quote|I have nothing left to hide. I did this because the truth was eating away my soul and killing me from the inside. this is not just for me. this is for every woman, every human who has ever been abused. sexually. emotionally. mentally. I had to tell the truth. so the outcome will be what it will be. there's nothing left I can do. it's just so scary to have zero control in your fate. but this is my path this life for whatever reason.... #Friday 🙏🏻|Ke$ha's attempt to rile these tards up before the court date}}
{{quote|Free Kesha is no joke pls do not joke about this matter|[[Unfunny|Adrian Tay]], not yet [[molested|touched by]] the lulz}}
{{clear}}
== Pebe Sebert: Serial Liar ==
[[File:PebeCrysEveryTiem.jpg|thumb|Pebe cries every tiem.]]
[[File:JudgeShirley.jpg|thumb|Justice Shirley Werner Kornreich]]
[[File:LukeAndKeshaRapeMaxMartin.jpg|thumb|Max Martin was actually a [[victim]] of Luke and Ke$ha's abuse.]]
[[File:PebeIsACock.jpg|thumb|Pebe is a dick.]]
[[File:TraitsOfPsychopaths.jpg|thumb|Pebe tweets images like this so you know about her psychopathy.]]
Since the #FreeKesha movement began, Pebe Sebert had been rallying the troops on Twitter by telling them lies about Ke$ha's "situation" in an attempt to provoke them into harassing Luke. Among these lies was the assertion that Ke$ha has to record 8 more albums – In reality, Ke$ha's contract only requires her to record 3 more albums.
|KESHA CANNOT LEGALLY RELEASE ANOTHER SONG FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, if she is unwilling to record 8 more albums with Dr. Luke first.|Pebe Sebert, lying about the number of albums Ke$ha has left on her contract
|Her rights as an American, Life, Liberty , and the Pursuit of Happiness, have been taken from her by Dr. Luke.|Pebe
|Every allegation against Dr. Luke is true, my animals|Pebe, lying to Ke$ha's retarded fans
|Where are all the people who saw what was happening? They were sure there when they might make $$ off her! Sheep|Pebe Sebert, [[Irony|calling the enlightened "sheep"]]
|Where are all the other artists who know the truth? From their own experience?|Maybe they don't fucking exist?
|Cowards|Pebe Sebert, Queen of Cowardice
|Kesha's passion has been taken away from her. You could help. You know who you are. But what's in it for you to do" THE RIGHT THING"?|Pebe
|Me and Kesha love all of you"ANIMALS" so much! You are the ones she wants to make new music for.|Pebe
|You guys could go picket for Kesha's freedom outside the Sony buildings in NYC, Japan, Germany,etc!|Pebe
|you got to organize guys! Pick days, make signs, call local news|Pebe
|Animals, We all know about bully's! Let's stand together against the rapist and the corporate giant Sony for Kesha🌹|Pebe
|And without Sony stepping in Kesha will never be able to release a song, for the rest of her life! LEGAL SLAVERY!|Pebe, calling her daughter a nigger
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}</center>
With Ke$ha's big day postponed until February 19th, it was time for Pebe to [[Unfunny|face the music]] for helping in her daughter's plot to slander and extort Dr. Luke. Unfortunately, Pebe isn't the type to go down without a fight and, a day before her court date, she decided to go on The Twitter and accuse Luke of attempting to "blackmail" her into giving up her writing credit on the song ''Timber'' by threatening to not pay the other 16 writers – An accusation that seems extremely [[Oddguy|odd]] when you realize that ''Timber'' '''''was released two fucking years earlier and had her credited as a writer for all that time'''''.
Pebe also went ahead and attempted to drag Max Martin into the drama by accusing him of witnessing Luke's "abuse" of Ke$ha.
|Dr Luke is trying to BLACKMAIL ME, into taking my name off "Timber" as a songwriter, by blocking all 16 writers from being paid.|Pebe, implying that she cares about other people
|NOW, 2 years since TIMBER was a hit , my punishment for "TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM", is to be responsible for everyone not being paid!|Pebe, on "[[Lying|TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT LUKE]]" in quotes
|Or, I can just agree to have my name removed as a songwriter, so he will pay the other 15 writers!|Pebe, pretending to care about others
|The day in 2005, when Luke told Kesha, that she was "Nothing without him", I was there and so was Max Martin.|Pebe
|Max Martin heard Luke say "If you don't do exactly what I say, I will keep you tied up in litigation until you are too old to make a record"|Pebe
|So there is a witness, If he would be willing to tell the truth!|Pebe is a lying cunt
|Funny how I can't easily pull up any of the sites that posted my tweets about Timber?? Sony probably did a little "Sweeping under the rug!"|Pebe, accusing Sony of sucking Google's cock
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}</center>
The next day, Pebe was overjoyed when Justice Shirley Werner Kornreich dismissed Dr. Luke's New York defamation suit against her based on the fact that Pebe doesn't live in New York – Yes, it was dismissed due to a technicality and not because Pebe isn't a slanderous cunt rag.
|Dr Luke's lawsuit AGAINST ME, was dismissed by a judge today!! Truth is powerful stuff!!|Pebe, neglecting to mention that it was dismissed based on technicalities
|Hey guys. THE ONLY THING THAT WAS DISMISSED was Dr. Luke's lawsuit against me, in New York. Kesha's court date is still Feb. 19!!|Pebe, announcing the date of the next stop on Ke$ha's Drama Tour
|Animals, Dr. Luke sued me in 2 states. New York was dismissed. Tennessee has not been to court yet.|Pebe, about to go the way of [[Gawker]]
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}</center>
{{clear}}
== Shut up, judge! ==
[[File:ShirleyThirdreich.jpg|thumb|[[Germany|Shirley Thirdreich]], honourable defender of [[Great Justice|græt justice]].]]
[[File:ToKeshaAMockingbird.jpg|thumb|Dr. Luke and Christine Lepera, anxiously awaiting the verdict.]]
[[File:SadKeshaIsSad.jpg|thumb|A courtroom sketch of Ke$ha's fake tears.]]
[[File:TearsOfAKesha.jpg|thumb|THIS. IS. NOT. THE. FACE. OF. A. LYING. CUNT.]]
[[File:SickSadWorld.jpg|thumb|I'm mad at a ruling I [[disagree]] with! This world is so sick and sad!]]
[[File:FattyKesha.jpg|thumb|Ke$ha reacted to the ruling by eating pudding.]]
On February 19, 2016, Ke$ha finally had her chance to prove to the world that she wasn't a big, fat liar by presenting her case in the courtroom of New York Supreme Court Justice [[Woman|Shirley Werner Kornreich]]. Ke$ha's argument was that Dr. Luke had commited '''''Human Rights Violations''''' and '''''Hate Crimes''''' against her – Yes, she actually tried to claim that her contract was [[slavery]] and the [[Fake|alleged]] rape was a hate crime.
Ke$ha and her attorneys managed to present an extremely compelling case that [[literally]] consisted of [[LOL|no evidence]] but, unfortunately for Ke$ha, this complete absence of evidence just wasn't enough to convince Justice Kornreich – Who soon ruled against Ke$ha's [[desperate]] attempt to get out of her contract and cited the fact that Ke$ha and her shitty lawyers should have presented some actual evidence instead of wasting her time and forcing her to read through [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|10 inches]] of [[sci-fi]] [[fantasy]] bullshit that been cleverly disguised as a stack of important legal documents.
|You're asking for the Court to decimate a contract which was heavily negotiated and signed by two parties in an industry where these kinds of contracts are typical. It's no different from all other contracts which require certain number of recordings and require exclusivity and have copyrights. You're asking me to decimate all of that law. Now the other side has come forward and said, "We will allow her to record without Dr. Luke." I don't understand what your problem is.|The honourable [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Shirley Korndog]]
|These are just allegations you are making. You're not you're not saying this is going to happen. And this is a commercial venue; my -- my instinct is to do the commercially reasonable thing and to assume that business people and certainly a business like Sony will do what is in its best interest. It's not in its best interest not to make money and not to promote a recording artist in whom they -- they've invested a lot of money when they're willing to record her recordings.|Shirley Kornreich
|If you're alleging violations of human rights laws and hate crimes and discrimination, you have to be specific as to what constituted that discrimination, that -- that hate crime, that gender bias, when it occurred, particularly when you're alleging it against all of these different entities, and some of them were -- were involved, some weren't involved at the times. I mean, it really is very fact specific and you need those facts in your complaint.|Shirley Kornreich, telling Ke$ha that she's full of shit
|First of all, Sony did not bring any case against -- against Miss Sebert. Miss Sebert brought a case against Sony. That's the only reason Sony is here. And they're asking to get out of this. They don't want to be here. Nor did Kemosabe Records bring a case against Miss Sebert. Miss Sebert brought a case against them. So you have already misstated the facts.|Shirley Kornreich, calling out Geragos on his lies
|They are willing to allow her to record, they spent millions, and I just don't understand why you now say that they won't promote it. They spent $11 million at one point on Kesha. You're talking about 60 million. And then millions of dollars more internationally and for other for other issues. Why would they ignore those millions of dollars and not promote her recordings when she can make them money?|Shirley
|There is not one piece of paper from a doctor saying this. But that's besides the point. Even though you claim she has all kinds of physical problems, trauma, nothing, nothing, under seal otherwise. There are no hospital records. There is nothing here. But that isn't the issue here.|Shirley, on the fact that no evidence was presented
|This is a court of law; we have to make decisions based upon facts, not on fantasy and speculation, which is what you're doing.|Shirley Kornreich
|But the real issue here, and throughout the case, this has been a thread, is that she says she cannot work with Gottwald. Now she's being given the opportunity to work without him. I don't understand why I have to take the [[Last Measure|extraordinary measure]] of issuing an injunction.|The honourable [[Corn|Shirley Korncob]]
|Okay. At this point I am denying the preliminary injunction. There has been no showing of the likelihood of success, because basically that has to be -- that's the burden of the moving party. But I'm not even going to base it on that. I don't believe there was a showing of either irreparable harm that favors Miss Sebert or the equities which favor her.|The honourable [[Beavis and Butthead|Shirley Kornhole]]
|She is being given the opportunity to record, she can record, she has -- does not have to have any interface at all with Dr. Gottwald in recording and producing, and there is no irreparable harm to her if she does record without Gottwald's involvement.|The honourable [[Halloween|Shirley Kandykorn]]
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
How could Ke$ha and her team of highly successful [[Jews|lawyers]] have presented such a flimsy case? Surely a seasoned lawyer such as the legendary Mark Geragos would have known that a case based purely on allegations would never stand up in court! Surely they couldn't have spend over a year preparing this case only to end up failing this badly! Or perhaps, just perhaps... [[When you see it|losing had actually been their intention all along]].
Regardless of what actually led to Ke$ha presenting a shitty case, what is for certain is the fact that after hearing the judge's ruling Ke$ha began leaking [[fake tears]] all over the courtroom in a display of acting prowess that she really should have made use of ''before'' the Judge ruled against her.
|THIS. IS. NOT. THE. FACE. OF. A. LIAR.|samxra, ON. KE$HA'S. FACE.
|This is not the face of a liar. She mustn’t get back to work with her [[Unrapeable|rapist]]|Rodz Williams, on Ke$ha's face
|This is not the face of a liar this is a face of an emotional broken woman who is begging for [[Rape|justice]]|biebzxespinosa, on Ke$ha's face
|like honestly this is not the face of a liar, this is the face of a woman who is [[Lying|scared]].|hollaforgod, on Ke$ha's face
|This is NOT the face of a liar. We live In a sick world. This poor [[Liar|woman]]..|GlitzyButera, on Ke$ha's face
|You see her face? This is not the face of a liar. This is a heartbroken girl who just lost [[The Game|everything]].|[[Seizure|Sheikh Ebad]], on Ke$ha's face
|This is not the face of a liar. This is the face of injustice. Screw @Sony and @TheDoctorLuke as well as that [[Pretty cool guy|judge]]|Gabriel J. Halcyon, on Ke$ha's face
|This is not the face of a liar, this is the face of a girl who wants justice. End of [[LOL|discussion]].|GagaNewsShade, on Ke$ha's face
|this is not the face of a liar. this is [[Funny|heartbreaking]]|stylesbaran, on Ke$ha's face
|This is not the face of a lIAR. This is a heartbroken girl who just lost everything. NO EXCUSE FOR [[Islam|RAPE]]|[[Terrorist|Raja Faheem]], on Ke$ha's face
|This is disgusting. This is not the face of a liar, it's the face of someone who has lost [[Virginity|everything]].|CHiggins91, on Ke$ha's face
|this is not the face of a liar, she was literally crying in the courtroom and i want to cry as well|taobby literally wants to literally cry
|This is totally not a face of someone who would lie to get out of their contract.|GlitterSebert is [[Lie|totally not retarded]]
|This IS NOT the face of next President. This is the face of a liar & traitor who turned away from US in Benghazi|Lucy Jones, informing us that Ke$ha will not be president
|the tears she cried can't be fake|ificouldfly_hes, being an idiot
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}</center>
Immediately after the judge's ruling, the [[Twitter]]verse began to [[rage]] at the sight of their [[Anita Sarkeesian|damsel in distress]] sitting in tears at the back of a [[Rape Dungeon|cold, dark courtroom]]. Ke$ha's brave [[White Knight|fans]] then did what any [[Insane|reasonable]] person would do in such a situation and '''''started making death and rape threats against a judge'''''. No, you didn't read that wrong – These fucks actually believed that making death and rape threats against a judge was a good idea.
|kill dr luke and kill the judge who ruled in his favor [[Retard|#FreeKesha]]|{{archive|0K2gN|punkbandsharry}}, requesting the murder of a [[judge]]
|Justice Shirley Kornreich of the NYS.Crt needs 2 have HER daughter raped & taken advantage of by male execs! @KeshaRose deserves BETTER!|RedRoseQueen1, being [[cunt|classy]]
|I hope Shirley Kornreich gets raped, too far? I hope she gets mouth cancer and dies.|Laura Vavoules, a woman who was [[Dumb|kind]] enough to provide us with her {{linkedin|lauravavoules|LinkedIn}}
|who was the judge? He needs a good sodomising ass fist before he next taps his lil hammer|Alexandra Plummer, child molestation victim turned pro-rape activist
|I frown upon calling women cunts but this rape apologist Shirley Kornreich cunt deserves every ounce of hate she gets.|Ben "I'M NOT RACIST BUT YOU'RE A NIGGER" Smith
|Okay seriously WTF is up with that judge?! Fucking #FreeKesha you misogynistic cunt.|Zahra_McQueen, calling a woman a misogynistic cunt
|Shirley Kornreich Is a fucking cunt that will burn in hell! Right next to Dr.luke|Max Vlix, being a misogynist
|WHICH CUNT OF A JURY DECIDED KESHA'S FATE? WELL DONE YOURE A RETARD #FreeKesha|causekha0s, proving that these muppets have no idea what they're talking about
|Fuck the judge who denied Kesha justice, she can rot in the underworld along with that fucker.|{{facebook|AmalliaSnowKenshi|Emily Malyn Faulk}}, telling Shirley to go to [[Hell]]
|i don't understand how a judge can say theres no proof of a rape.. what kind of evidence do you need?!|hollyjkirby, not grasping the concept of evidence
|this is so fucking sad.The judge should be shot and her abuser should have his dick cut off.|{{archive|35X5S|ragingblonde85}}, threatening a judge
|Who is this judge that refused to let Kesha be released from her contract? Cause I'm big and tough and will kick his/her ass!!!!|kaitoconnell, being an [[internet tough guy]]
|the judge who ruled is a fucking numbnut dumbass.|Steffani Shae, being a fucking numbnut dumbass
|does that judge have a Twitter? What's his/her name? I'm up for going to jail for murder because that judge is ignorant as hell.|{{archive|5ntGS|IdfcStyless}}, on wanting to be raped in prison
|You're a reprehensible piece of trash Shirley Kornreich - to rape a woman all over again with your gavel. May you rot in hell.|Klayoven, on gavel rape
|#blindbat Justice Shirley Werner Kornreich #LESBIANSHAVE #NO! #PLACE N #LAW!!|Jayy_LaVey, proving that #FreeKesha is homophobic
|PSA the judge is Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Shirley Kornreich go attack her|{{archive|pCPoz|tyler fitz}}, encouraging people to assault a judge
|I'm disgusted with the judges words. Maybe they need to be raped in order to understand the feeling. Disgusting.|Michael Vincent, [[Irony|who worked for Wendy Williams]]
|Considering the evidence, and witness testimony, you are a Black Robed Whore and nightmare of Justice.|Rodney Caupp, thinking [[Wrong|there was evidence]]
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
{{clear}}
== Celebretard Deathmatch ==
[[File:StarvingAfricanChildren.jpg|thumb|[[There are starving children in china|These children]] starved to death because [[Murderer|Taylor Swift]] gave $250,000 to a woman who lied about being raped rather than donating it to a [[Nigger Kike Jew Jar|legitimate charity]].]]
[[File:PaedosSupportKesha.jpg|thumb|A rape-liar and child molester jumps to Ke$ha's defense.]]
:For full details on all of the celebrity has-beens who got involved, please see: [[Kesha/Celebrities]]
It was at this point in the saga that numerous [[celebrities]] began clamouring for attention in an attempt to prove themselves as the [[Alpha male|alpha feminist]] of the pack.
|When I saw the outcome of Kesha's court case last Friday, I felt sick. Actually sick — I wanted to ask my Uber to pull over so I could throw up in a New York City trash can.|[[Lena Dunham]], preparing to vomit after eating an entire ham
|it disgusts me and breaks my heart that any court or person would continuously question a woman who claims she has been assaulted|Bea Miller, failing to understand the purpose of courts
|I don't want to live in a country where the government decides if you were raped or not.|Lady Gaga, proving that she's retarded
|I don’t think a male artist would be in this position right now.|Ariana Grande, failing to understand that a male would have never lied about rape
|Next time you're about to get sexually assaulted, make sure you have your GoPro strapped to your forehead for proof.|Lilly Singh, supporter of rape culture
|[[No|#FreeKesha]] from [[Jihad|#shariaCourt]] of [[Playstation|#Sony]]|Roseanne Barr, being the militant [[zionist]] that she is
|You shouldn’t be allowed to sign a human being, regardless of what the allegations are or what anyone said or did. It’s basically like slavery.|Grimes, comparing business contracts to slavery
File:JeffreeStar.jpg|Jeffree "It's a man, baby!" Star
File:ZeddHugsAFaggot.jpg|Zedd hugs a homosexual Mexican.
File:SexualHarassmentGuy.jpg|[[Some argue]] that [[Superman|Sexual Harassment Guy's]] secret identity is Dr. Luke.
File:LukeRuinsLives.jpg|<nowiki>;-)</nowiki>
</Gallery>|border=#d58400|color=#7c2a00}}
</center>
{{clear}}
== Sony Supports Ræp ==
[[File:SonySupportsRaep.jpg|thumb|Sony eats babies because I made an image that says so.]]
[[File:SonyKillsMusicAndEatsBabies.jpg|thumb|#SonySupportsRape's mascot has been dead since 2009.]]
[[File:FreeKeshaSign.jpg|thumb|Attach signs to everything to help the cause!]]
[[File:FreeKeshaProjector.jpg|thumb|They actually went out and bought a projector for this.]]
[[File:FreeKeshaVandalism.png|thumb|This is a clear sign that [[Worthless|your life]] will never amount to anything.]]
After watching their idol cry after having her fragile little arse handed to her by a female judge, Ke$ha's retarded fans began yet another onslaught of mindless bitching on Twitter in the form of a new hashtag called {{hashtag|SonySupportsRape}} – Because if you can't convince a judge to side with you then you should obviously do the next-best thing and [[Irony|attempt to harass a major record label into meeting your demands]] by accusing them of [[Rape culture|supporting rape]].
{{quote|Well, my friend Jeffrey started the hashtag. We were talking about the entire #FreeKesha movement and how we felt we were getting so much attention from so many outlets and people who weren’t even fans, and while all this was happening, Sony was sitting back silent. It was annoying knowing they could end this entire situation in seconds, yet they were sitting back silent. I have always believed if you stayed silent, you were supporting whatever was happening.|Austin Dean, attempting to justify this fucking stupid hashtag}}
It wasn't long before Sony's customers began to make inquiries about how to turn off the rape support feature on their Sony devices.
{{quote|how do I get my playstation to stop supporting rape?|StaticJungle, asking a good question!}}
<center>{{bigred|BURN THAT MOTHERFUCKER AND SMASH IT TO PIECES!}}</center>
Never mind the fact that '''''Sony's own internal investigation into Ke$ha's accusations confirmed that she's a lying sack of shit''''', but apparently all of Ke$ha's fans were just too fucking stupid to realize that Sony doesn't even have the ability to nullify Ke$ha's contract – As she's signed with Dr. Luke's Kemosabe Records, not directly signed to Sony.
Well, this certainly looks like it will be the end of Sony! Surely no company on Earth could survive being boycotted by a horde of angry, [[basement dwelling]], tweenage [[sperg]]lings!
[[File:KeshaDeposition.png|thumb|THIS. IS. NOT. THE. FACE. OF. A. LIAR.]]
[[File:KeshaSoAbused.jpg|thumb|Please, someone save her!]]
[[File:ClassyKesha.jpg|thumb|WHY DO PEOPLE THINK SHE'S A DRUNK!?!]]
On February 22, 2016, Dr. Luke finally decided to break his long silence and went on Twitter in an attempt to defend himself against the false accusations that Ke$ha was making against him – Unfortunately for him, this was a horrible mistake. The majority of the responses to his tweets consisted solely of the word "rapist" and merely proved that Dr. Luke really was the victim of a mindless lynch mob.
|Until now [[Smart|I haven’t commented on the lawsuits]], which should be resolved in court not here on Twitter.|Dr. Luke, making a [[hueg]] mistake
|It’s a shame that there’s so much speculation out there basing itself on so little information.|Dr. Luke, playing with fire
|The only truly [[Objectivism|objective]] person who knows the facts is the judge. The judge did not rule in Kesha's favor [[Last Thursday|on Friday]]|Dr. Luke, still playing with fire
|I understand [[Batshit insane|why people without all the information are speaking out]]. I can appreciate their compassion.|Dr. Luke understands why you're an insane faggot
|But lives can get ruined when there’s a rush to judgment before all the facts come out. Look what happened at UVA, Duke etc.|Dr. Luke, ruining his life even more
|of course any sane person is against rape and sexual assault but [[Faggots|everybody who is commenting]] is doing so without knowledge or facts.|Dr. Luke, thinking that he's dealing with [[sane]] people
|They are getting behind an allegation only - motivated by money.|Dr. Luke, about to experience regret
|[[Fact|I didn’t rape Kesha]] and I have never had sex with her. Kesha and I were friends for many years and she was like my [[BioShock|little sister]].|Dr. Luke, telling the truth
|Kesha has denied under oath the horrible allegations now being made against me.|Dr. Luke, pointing out the facts
|Kesha's lawyer [[Douchebag|Mark Geragos]] made another false rape claim against me that was denied by {{sic|publiscly|publically}} Lady Gaga|Dr. Luke, still defending himself
|[[Douchebag|Mark Geragos]] (kesha's attorney) represented Scott Peterson and [[Chris Brown]]. How can he pretend he cares about women's rights?|Dr. Luke, on women's rights
|Imagine if you or somebody you loved was publicly accused of a rape you knew they didn't do. Imagine that.|Dr. Luke, still not realizing that this is a mistake
|I have 3 sisters, a daughter, and a son with my girlfriend, and a [[feminist]] mom who raised me right.|Dr. Luke, digging his own grave by identifying as a half-feminist
|Kesha and I made a lot of [[Shit|songs]] together and it was often good but there were creative differences at times.|Dr. Luke, on creating ear cancer
|It’s sad that she would turn a contract negotiation into something so horrendous and untrue.|Dr. Luke will be sad when he realizes that he should have [[STFU]]
|But I feel confident when this is over the lies will be exposed and the truth will prevail..|Dr. Luke, having [[unrealistic expectations]]
|I want to thank [[Encyclopædia Dramatica|all my friends]] and family who have supported me throughout this.|Dr. Luke, thanking Encyclopædia Dramatica for supporting him
|This is an ongoing legal case so I won't be responding / talking much about this. This should be tried in a court of law.|Dr. Luke, finally doing something smart
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
On February 23, 2016, [[TMZ]] released a video of a deposition during the ''DAS Communications'' lawsuit in which Ke$ha and Pebe made it clear that '''''Dr. Luke never abused or even had sex with Ke$ha'''''.
|Dr. Luke never made sexual advances at me.|Kesha Rose Sebert
|I know you are going to be a great dad.|Pebe thinks Dr. Luke will be a great dad!
|Thank you 4 helping me make my WILDEST dreams come true.|Thanks, Dr. Luke! Now I'm going to falsely accuse you of rape.
|Luke is like a good coach. He is always pushing me and challenging me to get better.|Ke$ha, before becoming a total cunt
|Dr. Luke has been tyrannical and abusive since our relationship began, I was too young and naive to even understand what he was doing to me.|Ke$ha, claiming that she [[No|didn't know what "abuse" was in 2005]]
|Mom, I just want to sing. I don't want to be a rape-case victim. I just want to get my music out.|Ke$ha wants to sing-a, about the moon-a and the June-a and the rape-a!
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
The deposition also helped confirm that the rape accusations were originally concocted by [[Jew|David Alan Sonenberg]], the founder of DAS Communications, in an attempt to get Ke$ha and her career under '''his''' control – While Sonenberg failed in his plan, the accusations where so juicy than Ke$ha and Pebe decided to save them for a rainy day.
{{quote|Dr. Luke’s plan was to develop Kesha, write some songs for her, and shop her to the labels, hoping to get a deal. But the plan was derailed when a friend introduced Kesha to a prominent manager, David Sonenberg, who had bad blood with Gottwald going back years to his Kasz days, when Sonenberg’s offer to manage him and was turned down. Sonenberg examined Kesha’s contracts with Kasz Money, and reportedly told her and her mother, “This contract is worse than the one Lou Pearlman made with the Backstreet Boys.” Sonenberg managed to get Kesha out of her contract with Kasz Money, and worked on getting her a major-label deal himself; she gave Sonenberg a year to get one. When he failed, Kesha signed again with Dr. Luke (Sonenberg subsequently sued both of them), and later, when Gottwald got his label deal with Sony, Kesha became Kemosabe’s first artist.|John Seabrook's book ''The Song Machine''}}
After a shocking admission like that, one would have expected this tale to be at its end – Unfortunately, Ke$ha wasn't done yet and her lawyer soon attempted to explain the video by claiming that Dr. Luke threatened Ke$ha. Not surprisingly, Ke$ha's spastic fans bought this lie and immediately went back to their daily routine of whining and making death threats on Twitter.
{{quote|Tomorrow I am going to start making public how Dr. Luke blackmailed me into giving him and {{sic|Circuit|Cirkut}} publishing credit, on all songs I wrote on warrior, with Kesha and other writers and producers…We, me and kesha and her friends…are going to make all of this Really PUBLIC, in the next few days.
Luke date raped Kesha when she was 18. Nicky Hilton's birthday? Paris Hiltons house? Luke gave Kesha pills?
She ended up naked in his hotel room 2 days later, no longer a virgin?
Do we want all this to come out?
either this Luke releases Kesha from all legal contracts, and gives me back all my publishing, or we, Kesha and I. tell the truth.
And if I wind up dead, TRUST ME, IT'S IN WRITING TO CALL YOU AND LUKE.|Pebe Sebert, accusing Dr. Luke of blackmail [[Lulz|then attempting to blackmail him]]}}
{{quote|ps I am sending all of this to the blogger who has started the whole ‘Free Kesha’ thing, sorry about the trail of truth you fucking criminals!|Pebe Sebert, still blackmailing Luke}}
{{quote|Dr. Luke has been tyrannical and abusive since our relationship began. I was too young and naive to even understand what he was doing to me. The first glaring inexcusable assault was sexual and drug related. I had recently turned 18, and being far too trusting, he had told me to come to a party. I really did feel like he was going to watch out for me, I was his new artist. We went to a party and I had a few drinks. Upon leaving the club he gave to me, and told me to take, what he referred to as a "sober pill." I remember only a little after this, just moments, but what I do very much remember was waking up naked in his bed, feeling like I was going to die. I couldn't keep down water and I didn't know where I was or where my cloth. were. I remember calling my mom and telling her I needed to go to the hospital. At some point over the following few days I called my best friend and poured over the details. It didn't add up. I had only had a few drinks but after I had taken this "sober pill" I blacked out. I told her how I believed Dr. Luke had raped me.|Ke$ha's version of the story doesn't match her mum's}}
{{quote|Why don't you try running?|Dr. Luke supposedly abused Ke$ha by telling her to excercise.}}
{{quote|You need to lose weight! I don't care what you do ... take drugs, not eat, stick your finger down your throat!|David Alan Sonenberg was a [[nice guy]] and [[Ghost|A MELTING POT OF FRIENDSHIP]]}}
{{quote|Wouldn’t a young girl’s mother, on hearing her daughter had been drugged and raped by her boss, immediately call the police? Why would she wait eight years to file charges, a period during which she and her daughter signed a publishing deal with Dr. Luke’s company, and re-signed with Luke as an artist? And, he points out, why would the only remedy they seek be in a civil lawsuit for termination of Kesha’s contract—surely they should be pressing for a criminal prosecution if the charges were true.|Someone intelligent}}
== Don't Ever Harass Me Or My Son Again, Bitch ==
[[File:LukesMum.jpg|thumb|]]
[[File:LauraGottwald.jpg|thumb|Laura Gottwald, auditioning for a role in ''Beetlejuice''.]]
|A few years ago he gave a single mom, who he doesn't even know, money for her child to go to college.|Vezna points out that her brother is a monster
|He does a lot and gives a lot of money to Great Community, which is a charity for children that have cancer.|Vezna points out that her brother is literally Hitler
|He has had to hire a crisis manager and he has not been able to go out of his own home.|Vezna
|Taylor Swift gave all this money, but it is such a shame that real women that have suffered and gone through that, don't get to see that money. She should have given it to a rape charity.|Vezna suggests charitable rape
|Not one person is speaking out for him and that's terrible.|Vezna Gottwald doesn't believe in ED
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
{{quote|It must be sad when only your Mom and sister will come to your defense|Mark Geragos, being an arsehole}}
{{quote|NOW I KNOW HE'S GUILTY AS SIN. FOR A GROWN MAN TO USE HIS MOM TO FIGHT HIS DIRTY BATTLES IS PATHETIC.
THE MOM IS A SENIOR CITIZEN AND SHOULD WORRY ABOUT NAP TIME........NOT DEFENDING HER ABUSIVE SON.|PureAllure, being a fucking cunt}}
{{quote|Why is Kesha's mom involved on her side? She is a grown ass woman. Fight your own battles. If someone accuses your son of rape you are going to support him.|Powerman211}}
{{clear}}
== Doctor Luke: Portrait of a Monster ==
[[File:DrLukeSNL.jpg|thumb|Dr. Luke on Saturday Night Live.]]
[[File:KeshaPettingLuke.jpg|thumb|Who looks like the dominant partner in this relationship?]]
[[File:DrLukeAndFriends.jpg|thumb|Dr. Luke hanging with his homies, Joe Dirt and Kool Kojak.]]
[[File:GodInHisKingdom.jpg|thumb|This is a highly successful record producer and devoted [[Family Guy|family man]].]]
So just who is Dr. Luke? Surely this man must be the absolute scum of the Earth with how people talk about him!
{{quote|ANIMALS ARE NOT A BAD FANDOM, WE DON'T WANT YOUR DEATH OR SOMETHING, WE JUST WANT JUSTICE FOR KESHA.|Antonio Sebert, telling Luke that the Animals don't want to kill him}}
|i want to feed dr luke through a wood chipper|{{archive|kATOO|Hayden Atlas}}, being an oh-so-edgy tranny
|where does Dr Luke stay at? I'm about to [[Rape|free]] Kesha myself|{{archive|F7JCW|Samer Alhato}}, threatening Dr. Luke
|Sony is a Fucking disgrace and Dr Luke should be stabbed.|{{archive|7YiYb|Scotty}}, threatening Dr. Luke
|I want Dr. Luke dead .|{{archive|nASbw|LuxxSOCIAL}}, threatening Dr. Luke
|PSA: fuck a contract n kill Dr Luke|{{archive|MdGkX|Shayla Hannigan}}, threatening Dr. Luke
|I hope Dr. Luke gets eaten by dogs|waterfallvoyeur, wanting Luke to be eaten by dogs
|@TheDoctorLuke I hope you get raped when you're in jail|Madonna Facts, supporting rape
|@TheDoctorLuke dick in ur face put kesha's dick in ur face , slut.|TamerTakrouri, [[futanari]] connoisseur
|Make us a favor and [[An hero|deactivate your life]] @TheDoctorLuke|Lady Gaga Crew!, telling a man to commit suicide
|@TheDoctorLuke shut up and drive yourself into a wall|[[Faggot|LouisIsABottom]], telling a man to commit suicide
|I say we let [[Bill Cosby|Pill Cosby]] rape Dr.Luke for [[Last Measure|good measure]]|[[1337|Lagswitch]] [[Rage quit|RageQuit]][[Trying too hard|TryHard]]
|@TheDoctorLuke commit [[LOL WUT|sew of side]]|krsxcx, being a retard
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
Even [[Hitler]] isn't this reviled! How horrible can a person be? How can this man be so hated?
|Is it normal that sometimes I'm attracted to boys? Is it okay to be curious? What do you guys think?|Dr. Luke is deeply confused about his love of [[Bridget]]
|You wanna just spray it in my face? I think I can take it.|Dr. Lukkake
|learn to keep secrets.. i mean, we're best buddies! we gotta keep our secrets to our selves :)|Luke wants Ke$ha to keep his [[bisexual]]ity secret
|Katy I'm so sorry to hear that about ur vagina.... u should really see somebody about that.. ew.. don't show it to me.. a real dr|Dr. Luke doesn't want to see Katy Perry's vagina, and we don't blame him
|I told you I make number ones biatch!!! Now "Katy Perry's Vagina" is the #1 trending topic!! how far you've cum.. i'm proud of u|Dr. Luke is proud of Katy Perry
|japanese toilets are sick! they wipe ur ass for you and flush.... !!!|Dr. Luke, on [[Japanese]] toilets
|I just realized i speak 16 year old girl....|Luke is a [[Stefonknee|16-year-old girl in the body of a 40-year-old man]]
|I just heard this guy call a girl "Tits on a stick"....... it was an accurate description....|Dr. Luke, on [[Your mom|your sister]]
|i'm a studio prisoner....|#FreeDrLuke
|i'm a jew but i will accept presents today nonetheless ...|Dr. Luke is a greedy Christmas Jew
|It’s actually not as bad as you’d think. Getting tased is a little different.|Dr. Luke, on being pepper sprayed by [[Avril Lavigne]]
|I am Avril's bitch.|Dr. Luke, on being Avril's bitch
|don't ever be mean to producers cuz we'll put stuff about you in songs subliminally... and then you'll wonder why you hate yourself..|Dr. Luke doesn't like mean people
|Time to put my pants on...|Dr. Luke, preparing to put his pants on
|Somebody STOLE my pants!!!!!!! help!!!!!!|Dr. Luke, realizing that he has no pants
|@AndyMilonakis where the f*ck is my breakfast in bed???|Dr. Luke, telling Andy Milonakis to make him a sandwich
|@ItsBennyBlanco ur spanking with my penis|Dr. Luke, spanking Benny Blanco with his penis
|@ItsBennyBlanco it's only been 2 days baby!!!! luv u too sexypants|Dr. Luke isn't even into women
|la la la la la la.... nobody is following this so i can say whatever i want!!!! poo poo kaka doo doo pie!!!!|Luke doesn't have the intelligence required to commit rape
|I may have lost an ASCAP award somewhere / somehow....|Dr. Luke, on inserting his ASCAP award into his anus
|Beards suck!!! I can't make fart noises by blowing into my hands anymore!!!!|Dr. Luke insults beards and Ke$ha decides that he must pay
[[File:NooneCares2.jpg|thumb|Care2 believed one of their petitions [[No|finally made a difference]].]]
[[File:FreeKeshaJoanCornellaShoop.jpg|thumb|An artistic rendering of how it went down.]]
After Sony informed the [[Rage|raging spergs]] of #FreeKesha that they lacked the ability to "Free Kesha", Ke$ha's fans began attempting to pressure Sony into '''''firing Dr. Luke based solely on the flimsy allegations of a rainbow-haired sociopath and her fugly mum'''''. Time for [[Cancer|yet another hashtag]]!
{{hashtag|DropDrLuke}} was a despicable attempt by the #FreeKesha movement to scare Sony into dropping Dr. Luke and, in turn, [[Magick|somehow]] nullify Ke$ha's contract with Dr. Luke's own record label (in other words, it was another fucking stupid idea that would never fucking work in the first place).
On March 9, 2016, shitty Hollywood tabloid ''The Wrap'' published an article that claimed that, according to several [[Anonymous|unnamed]] "[[Lying|knowledgeable]] [[Faggots|individuals]]", Sony Music was planning to drop Dr. Luke a year before his contract with them was set to expire. They also stated that this was being done not because Sony believed Ke$ha's lies, but because the #FreeKesha movement was generating too much bad publicity for Sony.
As one would expect, the [[Down Syndrome|mentally deficient]] denizens of the #FreeKesha movement immediately [[Naive|took this shitty tabloid rumour at face value]] and created the classiest hashtag ever to celebrate the most joyous occasion of managing to get a man fired from his job through waging a campaign of online and [[IRL]] harassment – {{hashtag|SonyIsDroppingDrLukeParty}}
On March 22, 2016, Ke$ha filed an appeal against Shirley Werner Kornreich's ruling. The appeal compared Ke$ha's contract with Dr. Luke to [[slavery]] and suggested that the privileged young white bitch was being treated the same way that [[niggers]] were treated in the [[Last Thursday|1800s]]. Unfortunately for Ke$ha, this comparison was [[problematic]] and outraged some [[progressive]] cunts - As expected, the members of the [[SJW]] horde then began fighting amongst themselves over whether racism or rape was a more serious progressive issue.
|was she drugged and forced to sign the contract with sony? Btw. Her net worth is $40m plus....|Christoph Jaeckle
|Really, white lady. Tell us minorities more about slavery.|[[Terrorist|Azif Wekare]], a typical lazy nigger who was born after slavery was abolished
|When did slaves sign contracts and get paid millions for their work?|Rose Lawson Steinmeier{{jew}}
|I watched [[Comedy|12 Years a Slave]] this week, when I see Kesha tied to a tree & whipped to within an inch of her life..I'll agree with her!|_Matrix13
|Kesha should be charged with fraud. She insults [[Dead|millions of people]] who did and continue to suffer in slavery.|Applecorped
|Her lawyers are stretching big time, no one forcing her to work for, she willingly signed a contract to produce a set amount of Albums for the company. Produce those Albums and she free to move on. It her refusal to fulfill own contract that is ruin her career, not anyone else. Luke would be crazy to interfere with her in anyway, **** he be crazy not to have his security go ahead of him to make sure she not in the same building as he is at any given moment.|David Knowles
|She's not in any position hundreds of artists haven't been in before her; locked into a contract that promises "X" number of albums. And she's far from the first person to call it slavery. Prince certainly was there first. In fact, during his dispute with Warner Bros he performed with "slave" etched on his face. So no Kesha, you're hardly in new territory.|John Petrowski
|Only slavery is like slavery. And only the holocaust is like the holocaust.|MayorChapStick76, believing in the holocaust
|Being required to live up to a legal contract is not slavery and it's ridiculous to make this comparison. She can go back to work tomorrow and make millions - if she chooses not to that's on her.|Jim Wojno
|This is ridiculous. You can't just break a legal contract (costing the other party millions of dollars) because of a completely unsubstantiated allegation.
It's certainly not slavery. No one is forcing Ke$ha to work for this guy, but if she wants to make money off her music, she has to abide by the terms of the contract that she willingly signed.
To allow her to break her contract would open the door to thousands of false allegations made for monetary gain.|Ian Fisch
[[File:KeshaIsSad.jpg|thumb|Ke$ha may have done it [[second]]...]]
[[File:TraceAWhore.jpg|thumb|Ke$ha may have all the [[fan art]]...]]
[[File:GagaFuglySelfie.jpg|thumb|Gaga may have done it [[first]]...]]
On April 3, 2016, Ke$ha went on [[Instagram]] and made {{archive|whbVV|a post}} where she claimed that she had been offered her "freedom" in exchange for publically apologizing for making false rape accusations against Dr. Luke. Naturally, Ke$ha was unwilling to [[Suicide|do the right thing]] and admit her mistake if it meant that she'd be forever remembered as a talentless bitch who cried rape to get out of her stupid recording contract.
{{quote|so. I got offered my freedom IF i were to lie. I would have to APOLOGIZE publicly and say that [[Truth|I never got raped]]. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS behind closed doors. I will not take back the TRUTH. I would rather let the truth ruin my career than lie for a monster ever again.|Ke$ha, attempting to inspire more domestic terrorism}}
Not surprisingly, both Dr. Luke and Sony deny ever having made this ridiculous offer to Ke$ha, but hat didn't stop Ke$ha's lobotomized fans from believing her lies '''''yet again'''''. In response to this latest [[Lie|revelation]], he #FreeKesha hashtag quickly began [[Pokemon|evolving]] into {{hashtag|SaveKesha}} – Once again showing off the fact that these idiots go through hashtags faster than [[House]] goes through Vicodin.
<center>
{{frame|
{{morphquote|Save the Whale|background-color: #f9f9f9; width: 600px; height: 200px;|font-weight: bold;
|Kesha has ZERO to gain from lying about being raped.|BlackoutBaby, [[Owned|admitting that Ke$ha wouldn't gain "freedom" by lying]]
|It's so horrifying that she'd have to lie about her rape in order to gain freedom. No one deserves this. #SaveKesha|GIRLINAWIG, on... [[LMFAO]]
|absolutely disgusted with the fact that kesha has been allowed freedom if she lies about being raped, justice system is fucked #SaveKesha|candyflossally is disgusted that Kesha has been allowed freedom
|THIS IS INSANE, PEOPLE ARE SO BLIND TO SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER. THIS WORLD NEEDS MORE EMPATHY!|HangedCookie, being [[blind]]
|Speechless once again. They know the truth yet they still won't give Kesha [[Prison|justice]]. #SaveKesha|KRScult believes that Ke$ha belongs in prison
|Sony is Evil, They Want Kesha to Lie and Say that he didn't rape her so [[LOL|everyone will hate her]]? Like WTF i'm crying #saveKesha|selenaxkesha, pointing out why Ke$ha won't tell the truth
|They could free her if they wanted. She got blackmailed. They were going to free her ONLY if she lied!|XJoJoSpearsX, on [[Trolls trolling trolls|blackmailers blackmailing blackmailers]]
|It has to be really hard to tell the truth about all the situation. That's why I'm so proud of her. #SaveKesha|DaveSebert, pointing out that Ke$ha is a pathological liar
|I'm so proud of Kesha for refusing to [[STFU|keep silent]]. She's so strong and inspiring. She deserves [[Rape|justice]]. #SaveKesha|[[cunt]]stipated, being proud of a liar
|If your fave is releasing music from Sony, download it from [[Censorship|[REDACTED]]] or [[Censorship|[REDACTED]]] don't support rape #SaveKesha|itsauzza, explaining that [[piracy]] helps artists and smashes the patriarchy
|No one will believe her even if she does retract her statement. It's already out there that Sony is trying to pay her off|Michelle Rodriguez, explaining Ke$ha's evil plot
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
[[File:JessJames.png|thumb|But Jessica James did it [[for the lulz|right]].]]
[[File:JessicaJamesPreggers.jpg|thumb|This is what #FreeKesha considers to be a "monster".]]
[[File:FaggotCaesar.jpg|thumb|Austin Dean, [[Burger King|Caesar]] of the faggots.]]
[[File:8U.jpg|thumb|Not to be confused with [[Pokemon|Jessie and James]].]]
Strangely absent from the story up until this point was '''Jessica "Moe" James''', Dr. Luke's girlfriend and the mother of his two children. Jessica is presumably the same girlfriend/wife that, [[Fiction|according to Ke$ha]], Luke attempted to blackmail into having an abortion by not talking to her for half a year. Several days after Ke$ha posted her [[sob story]] on Instagram, Jessica finally entered the [[battlefield]] by making a parody of Ke$ha's Instagram post.
{{quote|so. the problem with weaving distorted WEBS, is sometimes you get tangled in them. #TRUTH #SMH #wegood #$HADE|Jessica James, calling out the morally-devoid whore who falsely accused her [[Bitch|man]] of rape}}
Naturally, the [[Dumb|#FreeKesha]] / [[Faggot|#SaveKesha]] / [[Kill yourself|#WeRapeHashtags]] retards were not happy that a mere ''[[Woman|kitchen-dwelling]] [[MILF|baby-factory]]'' had the [[Bollocks|audacity]] to accuse a ''[[Liar|brave and courageous WOMAN]]'' of lying! After all, [[SJW|#BelieveWomen]] only applies to women who are [[lying|claiming to be victims]] and not to brave women who stand up and defend innocent men against Twitter lynch mobs.
|SHES DISGUSTING SOMEONE KILL THIS BITCH|{{archive|ODIA1|onikasXbiebers}}
|Dr. Luke's girlfriend just through mad shade at Kesha. woman are supposed to stick together. what a hateful woman.|sail0r_adrian, calling Jessica "hateful"
|Dr. Luke's girlfriend has thrown shade and mock Kesha regarding the latest Instagram post. Disgusted!|PopCultureTea
|Dr. Luke's girlfriend is a disgrace to every woman on this planet for accusing Kesha of lying.|Gagamintcat22
|Dr Luke's girlfriend mocking Kesha down to the pose in her picture. FUCK IT!|danimelco
|Dr Luke's girlfriend mocking Kesha's Instagram post down to the pose. She's disgusting.|cristian diaz
|I want Dr. Luke and his pet rodent (girlfriend) dead|halcyonsgoddess, threatening Luke and Jess
|dr luke's girlfriend blocked me. she wants to run her mouth and talk shit but can't handle the heat about her rapist boyfriend|samsbrooke, complaining about being blocked after harassing a woman
|dr. luke's girlfriend just shaded kesha. go troll her.|luvintothelight, telling people to [[troll]] Jessica
|Go Fuck Yourself Jessica (Luke's girlfriend..), you're the third LIAR!!! LIARS!!!|David Karacsony, failing to point out the first and second liars
|Dr. Luke's ugly girlfriend tried shading Kesha. Animals you ready to fight?|KeshaOverdose, being a jealous ugly person
|Jessica (Dr.Luke's gf) sells fucking yoga pants for a living yet she wanna come @ Kesha ok|Lambert_Lecter, believing that yoga pants are a product of Lucifer
|Dr. Luke's girlfriend could NEVER compare to Kesha. She's such a fucking cunt, omg.|KeshaDelSlay, calling Jess a cunt
|Dr. Luke and his girlfriend are both rats ewww don't insult Kesha u irrelevant untalented twats|Lambert_Lecter, failing to understand that Ke$ha is an irrelevant untalented twat
|Disgusting, hasn't poor kesha been through enough?! How fucking nasty, like how dare she post that?!|partyhardbroco, on how dare she call out a liar on her lies
|Dr Luke's girlfriend posted an Instagram photo mimicking Kesha. This is a serious problem, not a joke. #SaveKesha|crazykeshafans, being a joke
|Dr. Luke's girlfriend is mocking Kesha. Wow.|hughdansy, thinking that Ke$ha didn't deserve it
|Dr. Luke's ugly girlfriend tried shading Kesha. Animals you ready to fight?|KeshaOverdose is ready for an [[Disagree|internet fight]]
|Dr. Luke's girlfriend went on social media to accuse Kesha of lying. Shameless & disgusting.|OscarCOfficial, believing that lying about rape isn't shameless and disgusting
|I am not even surprised by dr Luke's girlfriend.. I mean she is with a rapist.. #SaveKesha|KeshasPartyDJ, suggesting that Jess is cheating on Luke with a rapist
|I honestly hope someone kicks Dr Luke's head in along with his girlfriend 😊 #$hade|SYDERZZ_TW_, threatening Luke and Jess
|dr luke's gurlfriend is a bitch !! her last pic on insta bout kesha is disgustin|beyerry
|Dr Luke's girlfriend looks like trash and has the type of face id love to punch lol|{{twitter|BaileysaPumpkin|ROCKY WHORER}}, mistaking a picture of [[Ted Cruz]] for Jess
|Dr Luke's Girlfriend is about disgusting as him , mocking someone's trauma by mimicking the same photo , how classy.|xsheodelreyx
|What do expect from someone who had children with a rapist? Scum flock to even bigger scum|michytrap
|Dr. Rapist's GIRLFRIEND is now accusing Kesha of lying. How disgusting to deny the pain of another human simply to protect your lover's job.|KayJBryant96
|Dr. Luke's gf is one of those ladies that would help their bf/husband kidnap children. On some Emily Smart shit.|OloriBlvck, getting Elizabeth Smart's name wrong
|Just because she likes Dr. Puke's nasty dick cheese sliding downE ha throat, doesn't mean unwilling victims do.|Pretentious, failing to understand that Luke is [[Circumcision|Jewish]]
|Dr. Luke's girlfriend could NEVER compare to Kesha. She's such a fucking cunt, omg.|KeshaDelSlay
|Of COURSE her handle is weheartyoga. She says "namaste, bitches" to the baristas at Intelligentsia every morning|Ben Mautner
|Going to send Dr. Luke's girlfriend some hate on IG. Brb!|KeshaSource
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
King faggot Austin Dean also had some words of [[Retardation|wisdom]] for Jess.
|Since you're an attention seeker, here's your attention. You know NOTHING. Mocking Kesha's rape is disgusting.|Austin Dean, telling Jess that she doesn't know her boyfriend
|You weren't even on Dr. Luke's radar when all of this happened. So who the FUCK are you to comment on what you dont know?|Austin Dean, pretending that he knows what's going on
|You're being brain washed to believe what a sociopath is telling you. That, or you're thirsty for his $$$.|Austin Dean, after being brainwashed by a sociopath
|Blocking me won't stop me from speaking out against your rapist boyfriend|Austin Dean, continuing to harass Jess after she blocked him
|If anything, I love that Dr. Luke and his girlfriend are mocking and making fun of her claims. Shows how childish and guilty they are.|Austin Dean is a rapist and likes touching little boys
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
[[File:DrDavidJames.jpg|thumb|Dr. David James is not the type of man who would let his daughter date a rapist.]]
[[File:DavidJamesCop.jpg|thumb|People actually believe that a former cop would let his daughter and grandchildren stay with a rapist.]]
Jessica's father, David James, a hypnotist and '''''former cop''''' also chimed in and offered his support to Dr. Luke.
{{quote|Thanks to all who have stood with our family. We were confident that when a court examined the allegations apart from the pressure of the media circus that the case would be dismissed. Congratulations to Luke who handled these vicious and baseless allegations with all the grace he could muster. Of course, people will continue to spin the story for their own political agenda...but the record is clear...no evidence, unreasonable allegations, case dismissed.|Dr. David James}}
<center>
{{collapsegallery|This MILF is far hotter than Ke$ha|JessicaJames|center|<gallery perrow="4">
File:JessicaJamesTitties.jpg|Ke$ha wishes she looked this good.
File:LilJess.jpg|What Jess looked like when she was [[12-year-old girl|Ke$ha's age]].
File:ImTheGoddamnCatwoman.jpg|[[Batman|I'm the goddamn Catwoman!]]
[[File:FuckJustice.jpg|thumb|FUCK JUSTICE! WE'RE AN ANGRY MOB! WE DO [[Rape|WHAT WE WANT]]!]]
On April 6, 2016, judge Shirley Kornreich threw out Ke$ha's frivolous lawsuit against Sony and rejected Ke$ha's claims that she was a slave and the victim of a hate crime.
|Although Gottwald's alleged actions were directed to Kesha, who is female, the CCs do not allege that Gottwald harbored animus toward women or was motivated by gender animus when he allegedly behaved violently toward Kesha. Every rape is not a gender-motivated hate crime.|Shirley Kornreich, telling it like it is
|The only other specific "attack" allegedly occurred in Gottwald's Malibu house, when Gottwald screamed, threatened, thrashed his arms violently and backed her into a corner, which frightened her. Kesha supplies no date for when this happened.|
|Kesha alleges that unnamed SME executives "witnessed or were made aware of" Gottwald's abuse of Kesha, which was "open and obvious" but failed to take investigate or corrective action "both before the existence of Kemosabe Records and to this day." She does not specify the abuse, say who knew of such "abuse", or state where or when it occurred.|
|Kesha failed to plead that any of the alleged discrimination occurred in New York.|Shirley
|Her claims of insults about her value as an artist, her looks, and her weight are insufficient to constitute extreme, outrageous conduct intolerable in civilized society.|Shirley, being [[Awesome|an untalented, ugly, fat cunt of a judge]]
|The final alleged actionable event occurred in 2008, more than 6 years before the action was filed, which renders the claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress time-barred.|
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
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{{greentext|>DISMISSING THE LAWSUIT WHILE IMPLYING THAT LUKE IS GUILTY BECAUSE I'M A CUNT}}
Sorry, feminists, but there's actually a reason for that.
{{quote|For purposes of a motion to dismiss, Kesha's allegations are accepted as true.|Why Shirley's comments actually [[implying|implied]] Luke's guilt}}
Internet feminists promptly responded by saying "''OMG!!111 YOU ARE SO IGNORANT RAPE IS SEXIST YOU ARE SEXIST EVERYTHING IS SEXIST!!111 VAGINA POWER!!111''" and so began yet another tsunami of shitty [[opinions]] that blatantly disregarded all of the actual facts and instead relied solely on emotion-fueled bitching.
{{quote|[[You're a fucking white male|A fucking white man]] backed by a huge corporation just got away with rape and abuse. I'm fucking [[Butthurt|outraged]].|Austin Dean believes that A FUCKING WHITE MALE got away with rape}}
Unable to just let it go and stop making himself look like an arse, Austin Dean decided that the only option left to free his beloved [[waifu]] from the evil [[Robotnik|Dr. Luke]] was to [https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/do-not-allow-government-determine-if-person-was-raped petition the Obama administration].
{{squote|If you have paid any attention to the media recently, you know that several cases of rape have been dismissed for 'lack of evidence'. One of the most well known being Kesha Sebert vs. her Producer/Abuser Dr. Luke.
On Wednesday, April 6th, 2016, a judge denied Ms. Sebert claim and DISGUSTINGLY stated "Every rape is not a gender-motivated hate crime."
A Spain rape victim was asked by judge if she tried 'closing her legs'
Is this how 'honorable' judges handle rape today? With disgusting immature comebacks?
We the people, are asking something to finally be done. It's time to stop victim shaming due to 'lack of evidence'.
Let's change this case, so we can then change the nation, and then, hopefully, the world. Let's not just save Kesha, let's save rape victims everywhere.|Do Not Allow The Government To Determine If A Person Was Raped}}
Yes, these [[Monkeys|people]] are so deluded and out of touch with reality that they're actually petitioning the [[Obama]] administration to stop allowing "[[Judge|the goverment]]" to "[[The Burden of Proof|determine if a person was raped]]" because they're buttmad over the fact that Ke$ha's case didn't go like ''they'' wanted it to. Apparently they're too retarded to understand that their shitty petition is essentially advocating the dismantling of the entire justice system, destroying people's right to due process and '''''legalizing the lynching of anyone who is accused of rape'''''.
<center>{{bigred|WELCOME TO YOUR GLORIOUS FEMINIST UTOPIA, CUNTS!}}</center>
[[File:TrueColoursFanArt.jpg|thumb|True Colours: The Animated Series]]
In mid April, 2016, Ke$ha made a "surprise" appearance at the 2016 ''Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival'' – Although it wasn't really much of a surprise since everyone already knew that she'd be there with music producer Zedd (Powerword: Anton Zaslavski; [[Skyrim|Слова силы]]: [[Russian|Анто́н Засла́вский]]). The real surprise was that an artist who was supposedly struggling as a result of a lawsuit showed up sporting lip-injections that put Angelina Jolie to shame.
[[File:KeshaLips.jpg|center|500px]]
So how exactly are Ke$ha's fans going to spin this to keep making her look like an innocent victim? Will they say that Luke forced her to get lip-injections? Will They call her "brave"? Or will they just ignore the fact that their supposedly "broke" idol is wasting all of her money on plastic surgery and [[Botox]]?
|Luke is gaining money and Kesha is losing everything. This isn't fair.|angelsuxx, failing to understand that money is earned by doing your fucking job
|The last Ke$ha single came out in 2013, the last single Dr. Luke produced came out last week #Injustice #FreeKesha|commentocomment's definition of "injustice"
|You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool.|Ke$ha [[Hypocrite|will do it anyways]]
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
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<center>{{bigred|Yep, they ignored it!}}</center>
Apparently these 16-year-old idiots don't understand that people in [[Ghost|true]] [[capitalist]] societies [[Prostitution|earn money]] by doing their job and Ke$ha '''''hasn't been doing her fucking job since 2013'''''.
{{quote|If you don't buy it you're not supporting Kesha releasing music without Dr. Luke therefore you're supporting rape|Iikeamack, explaining that not buying True Colours is raep}}
|this just shows luke is planning to use the release of true colors against kesha. we need to do something.|machinegxnlove
|please stop. be happy for them and that zedd has given Kesha this amazing opportunity. even if it's something you couldn't do|amandaleah11
|stop shading him. he's doing what you should: supporting and respecting an artist art|spraul
|He seems so bitter, probably got a lawsuit organized ready for when the song got released!|marcosarcher
|what a dick comment|TheMorningByte
|Shouldn't you have your own producing career to look at instead of disparaging Zedd?|MrAHSJuNkIe
|Reeking of sarcasm: Kesha's former musical collaborator - whose real name is Lukasz Gottwald - was not impressed, and he responded to Zedd, tweeting, 'Thanks for the clarification @Zedd ...'|Some faggots from the Daily Mail
|The sarcastic tweet is something that could have just as well been left unsaid, yet Dr. Luke’s insistence on replying could spell a deeper misgiving of his client’s artistic motivations.|Matthew Meadow, being retarded
|This may seem like nothing at first but when you really look at the whole context of the situation, this is definitely a jab! And it's a passive aggressive jab at that.|Alex Riccardi, being a dumbfuck
|Yes, that is major sarcasm there from Dr. Luke. Maybe because Kesha is finally able to do what she really loves to do and an artist actually believes in her?|Lizzy Buczak
|DR LUKE IS PISSED THE SONG IS BEING RELEASED. GOOD, SCREW LUKE! #FreeKesha|crazykeshafans
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Wait... were these people even reading the same tweet as us? Let's put on our problematic [[feminist]] glasses and take a second look at Dr. Luke's supposedly offensive tweet.
[[File:ProblemGlasses.png|center|150px]]
<center>
{{co|LaVieEnFeminazi|Remove eyeballs|Wear problem glasses|0|
{{quote|卐 Fuck you, Zedd, gimme back my bitch! Gas the kikes. Kill the niggers. I LOEV RAEP! 卐|Dr. Luke's tweet, as read through [[SJW|problem glasses]]}}
{{bigred|Thanks for the clarification Social Justice ...}}
|}}
</center>
In the weeks after ''True Colours''' release, Ke$ha's fans began accusing Dr. Luke and Sony of attempting to sabotage Ke$ha. Why? [[Retarded|Because the song ended up at #74 on the Billboard charts.]]
|Unfortunately, #TrueColors debuted at #74. On top of that, Kemosabe refused to send it to radio stations. How evil!|KESHA FACTS, believing that debuting at #74 is the result of "evil"
|Funny to see how Sony promotes other new songs even on Twitter but won't promote #TrueColors. So unfair. #FreeKesha|KESHA FACTS, believing that Sony should promote a song that they didn't produce
|Sony said they wouldn't sabotage any new music Kesha made. They haven't promoted this song at all. Pls support Kesha and buy it #truecolors|Darth Gayder, failing to understand the concept of "sabotage"
|Kesha argued that Sony / Dr. Luke will sabotage anything she releases. She was right. They aren't even promoting this song.|Austin Dean, believing that Sony is obligated to promote a shitty cover
|thanks for showing your True Colors by sabotaging Kesha @SonyMusicGlobal @TheDoctorLuke|[[Mexican|Anthony Correia]], also failing to understand the concept of "sabotage"
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
Aside from the fact that Kemosabe and Sony technically weren't even involved in the song's actual production, they also seem to be ignoring the fact that '''''True Colours was originally released in 2015 with a different vocalist''''' – The song isn't even new, the only thing new about it is the fact that Ke$ha's obnoxious voice is now in it.
{{quote|this is more than a song. it's a declaration of my truth #truecolors
✌❤️✌|Ke$ha, declaring her [[personal truth]]}}
{{clear}}
== YOU'RE FIRED! ==
[[File:YouAreFired.png|thumb|]]
[[File:GeragosReactsToGettingFired.jpg|thumb|A photo of [[Dinosaur|Mark Geragos]] after being fired by Ke$ha.]]
[[File:OJLooksLikeShit.jpg|thumb|Daniel Petrocelli convinced a civil jury that this man is probably a murderer. Wow!]]
On May 2, 2016, Ke$ha finally said to Mark Geragos "[[The Donald|YOU'RE FIRED!]]" and replaced the smelly Armenian wankstain with Daniel M. Petrocelli – A lawyer who represents [[The Donald]] himself and once achieved the [[Sarcasm|impossible]] task of winning a wrongful death suit against [[Double Nigger|double-murderer and nigger]] [[OJ Simpson|O.J. Simpson]].
After this shocking announcement, Ke$ha's fans who had long stood behind "Uncle Mark" and considered his mere presence a Godsend suddenly began to criticize him and point out the fact that he was actually a shitty lawyer all along.
Believing that her [[personal army]] still wasn't big enough, Ke$ha decided to up the ante and begin a string of performances dedicated to the righteous cause of further slandering Dr. Luke and pretending to be a rape victim. The first of these performances took place on May 7, 2016, at the Humane Society of the United States' ''To The Rescue Gala'' in [[Los Angeles]].
As one would expect from an event dedicated to saving animals, Ke$ha performed a moving rendition of Lady Gaga's ''Til It Happens to You'' – A song about '''''rape''''' from a horribly inaccurate "documentary" about America's [[Raped Statistics|campus rape epidemic]] entitled ''The Hunting Ground''. Yes, Ke$ha sang a song about '''''rape''''' at an event dedicated to '''''saving animals''''' because she now wants to save all of the innocent animals from being raped by [[Dracoguard]] and [[Sarah Nyberg]].
Understandably, there were some objections to Ke$ha's performance from folks who believed that [[Fact|it was fucking stupid to sing a song about rape while showing pictures of abused livestock in the background]].
|I want to dedicate this song to every man, woman, child, animal, that has ever been abused…|Ke$ha, dedicating her performance to [[Mr. Hands]]' horse
|The objections weren’t over Kesha so much as they were over using a song written about sexual assault from the CNN documentary, {{sic|The Hurting Ground|The Hunting Ground}}, and playing it over images of farm animals being abused.|Billboard's interview with Diane Warren
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So what exactly is ''The Hunting Ground'' and why is it the shittiest excuse for a "documentary" to ever be unleashed upon the [[Feminists|ignorant masses]]? See for yourself.
[[File:TheColonel.jpg|thumb|[[Stop right there, criminal scum!|Eat mor chikin, vegan scum!]]]]
[[File:KeshaStorySuit.jpg|thumb|🌈👁❤️🐱]]
On May 11, 2016, it was revealed that Ke$ha was intending to give a "[[Slander|statement]]" performance at the 2016 ''Billboard Music Awards'' in [[Las Vegas]]. Her plan was to include pictures of Dr. Luke (most likely as [[Satan]]) and she was going to sing a new song entitled ''Buried Alive'' – But when word reached Luke that Ke$ha was planning to publically slander him on national television, he rescinded her permission to perform at the [[BBW|BBMAs]].
Sadly, this was what Ke$ha intended all along – After having her permission to give an [[Emma Sulkowicz|Emma Sulkybitch-esque]] performance revoked, Ke$ha immediately went on [[Facebook]] and [[Instagram]] and made a post where she once again lied her fucking arse off and attempted to play the role of the innocent damsel in distress.
{{quote|I was very excited to perform a tribute to Bob Dylan by singing a cover of "It ain't me, babe" at the Billboard awards this year. I'm very sad and sorry to say I won't be allowed to do this. I just wanted to make very clear that this performance was about me honoring one of my favorite songwriters of all time and has never had anything at all to do with Dr. Luke. I was never going to use a picture of him, speak of him or allude to my legal situation in any way. I simply wanted to sing a song I love to honor an artist I have always looked up to. thank u all for the continued support.|Ke$ha lies about her intentions for the BBMAs}}
Yes, she attempted to claim that she was going to cover a Bob Dylan song and make no references to Luke – Not very believable from someone who was singing about rape at an animal rights gala the previous week. Also notable is the fact that known child molester and false rape accuser [[Lena Dunham]] was supposed to introduce Ke$ha at the BBMAs.
{{quote|How is Dr Luke's "fear" of being talked about even constitute a legal claim to bar a performance that may or may not have his name mentioned?/ Seems a bit over-reaching to me. Male artists would be treated totally differently!!!! SEXISM MUST END!!!!!!!!!!!!!|An anonymous Care2 faggot, being utterly retarded}}
The next day, Pebe made yet another series of obnoxious tweets where she whined about her daughter being a slave or some shit.
|So are Keshas constitutional rights being violated now, judge Lady?Does every adult woman need a mans permission to do what she loves?|Pebe, not understanding constitutional rights
|Does Kesha have the right to pursue her happiness? Or did they only mean that for rich men?|Pebe, on Dr. Luke being a FUCKING WHITE MALE
|Do you think that there is one male singer who could ever be "not allowed to sing " on the Billboard Awards by another man???|Yes. Oh, was that not the answer you wanted?
|How much more public abuse does my daughter have to take before someone says " Enough is enough"!|Pebe, belittling ''real'' abuse survivors
|In an office, all the boss has to do is touch a woman's butt or breast and that's sexual harassment!! So what is this and where's the police|Pebe, implying that cancelling a performance is worse than arse-grabbing
|Just goes to show you that money can buy anything including legal rulings|Pebe, accusing Shirley Kornreich of accepting bribes
|And how can one person OWN another persons right to sing? Song is prayer. So can Kesha pray without permission? Where's the line judge lady?|Because she signed a business contract, dumbfuck.
|Wouldn't it be nice if other artists stood with Kesha and refused to preform if she is not allowed to sing!|Pebe, suggesting boycotting an awards show with no involvement in the dispute
|Are KEMOSABE's actions today the actions of a record label that is trying to promote the success of their artist ?|Maybe if your daughter hadn't planned to slander Luke on national television...
|Wouldn't any record company fight to have their artist have the exposure to millions? Only if they wanted their artist to succeed !|ON NATIONAL TELEVISION
|My daughters record company wants her to fail and be broke from them dragging her through court for as long as they can|Did Luke "force" her to get the boob job and lip injections?
|Way to go American legal system!|Pebe knows that the system works
|$$$$$$$$$$$$|Pebe Jewbert
|Is the truth still the truth even if your lawyer made mistakes and did it all wrong? Or is justice based on what lawyer you can afford?|Your daughter hired Mark FUCKING Geragos.
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
</center>
Soon after this, [[Lady Gaga]] decided to yet again insert her fat arse into the situation by referring to Dr. Luke as a [[Disney]] villain.
{{quote|Isn't it strange that it's legal to own a woman this way? Listen Ursula, we want her voice back. #freeKesha|Lady Gaga, being a fucking idiot}}
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File:Ursuluke1.jpg
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{{quote|dear Mr. ben folds, thank u for tonight. thanks for letting me share your stage, your band, your audience, your humor, your songs. thanks for believing in me. thanks for being a positive and encouraging human in my life. thanks for ur records that got me through high school. thanks for being a genius composer. thanks for being nice when we work together. thanks for letting me play a Bob Dylan cover with you. thanKs for being a good friend in this scary business. and lastly. thanks for cleaning my wine glass with ur old man panties. ur an A class gentleman. love you fucker|Ke$ha loves Ben "fucker" Folds}}
{{quote|Kesha's performance on the Billboard Music Awards was always approved, in good faith. Approval was only suspended when Kemosabe learned Kesha was to use the performance as a platform to discuss the litigation. Now that Kemosabe has obtained assurances, that it is relying upon, from Kesha, her representatives and Dick Clark Productions that neither Kesha nor her supporters will use the performance as such a platform, the approval has been restored.|Kemosabe}}
{{quote|the story is ...my heart got stabbed. I was betrayed. I thought I was going to die. then I found my rainbow by following my intuition. ( or third eye as I've interpreted it ) and learned to trust myself. find my real voice. and learned to love unconditionally through my relationship with that little shit Mr. peeps. that's my nudie story❤️|Ke$ha, being insane}}
{{quote|Kesha's performance isn't the only thing that's been torpedoed by her rapist Dr. Luke.|Common Gay Boy thinks that Luke also [[Fucked|torpedoed]] Ke$ha's arse}}
{{clear}}
== STOP FAT SLUT SHAMING ME! ==
[[File:KeshasFatArse.jpg|thumb|Fuck you and fuck my arse!]]
[[File:MoarOfKeshasFatArse.jpg|thumb|]]
[[File:TwoLiars.jpg|thumb|Birds of a feather bullshit together.]]
Meanwhile, Ke$ha was busy dealing with [[Sane|haters]] on Instagram who believed her to just be a fat, ugly, untalented, lying whore. In an attempt to prove them wrong, Ke$ha then decided to post numerous images of her fake titties and fat arse – Something that a whore would clearly never do!
|I have been battling depression and an eating disorder for a while now. my career is in a strange place and it feels like I'm fighting an uphill fight some days. but I have decided to take my life back. my freedom. my happiness. my voice. my worth. I will not just fucking be quiet and hide. today I will say fuck it and live. So FUUUUUUUUCK it. today I'm making that choice. AND IM HAPPY AS A DAMN CLAM. and also a big ol fuck u if u wanna hate on my body. just remember that makes u look like a dickhead. ✌🏼️|Ke$ha thinks we're dickheads
|dear @jackknife76 , I see that you would very much like me to know that you think I'm ugly, and also a "whore". well, I understand that that is your opinion, but I disagree. I'm not perfect but I'm pretty fucking magical. and also, I am not, in fact, a whore. also bullying someone who has struggled publicly with body issues is pretty mean. thank god I'm in a place in my life where I feel empowered to address your nasty comments instead of letting them destroy me. so. on behalf of anyone anywhere who struggles with body image, STOP IT. my body is not your business. ✨in conclusion, kiss my magical imperfect ass 💋❤️✌🏼️💅|Fat$ha
As soon as the calendar turned another page and June [[The Current Year|2016]] arrived, a smelly [[Romanian]] [[Skiddie|hacker]] named '''sw4ylol''' blessed the Animals with an early [[Christmas]] present – Dr. Luke's mobile phone number!
{{quote|Feel free to text/call him, and tell him he's a rapist!|sw4ylol, an hour before being [[B&]] from Twitter}}
As expected, the [[Retards|Animals]] quickly began another round of harassment against Luke.
but nurse puke isn't a person, let alone a human being so pls call it and moan like a german porn star
spam the shit out of this number pls
and the e-mail|concloms
|I'm going to call the number and playing some hardcore gay porn|Pop Talker, an admin on Church of Pop
|I tried FaceTime and he didnt accept i left him a text claiming to be bow wow though.|Day Dreamer
|Everyone call [[Censorship|[REDACTED]]] or [[Censorship|[REDACTED]]] and tell Dr. Luke he's an ugly rapist|angelxdv
|I hope u die|LordedoRock, txting Dr. Luke
|tbh i don't think calling up dr luke to tell him he's a rapist will set kesha free from her contract with sony smh|HONEYMOONPRISM, failing to realize that #FreeKesha is actually #HarassLuke
|Katy's hacker leaks Dr. Luke's info, supports Kesha|Okan, reporting that [[doxing]] Luke is a [[Bastard|legitimate]] way of supporting Ke$ha
|Today was amazing. Lukes info got hacked and I'm gettin dick 10/10|Kole P. Cluxton, being a faggot
|who wants dr Luke's number because he deserves to be attacked|HolyDemiPerry
}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
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In an unexpected development, [[Twitter]] decided to '''''actually enforce its rules for once''''' and began locking accounts that leaked Dr. Luke's phone number – A turn of events that angered [[Hypocrites|Ke$ha's fans]].
{{quote|I've been blocked for 5 hours because I shared Dr. Luke's phone number. I'm so disgusted.|DaveSebert, disgusted that he can't tweet peoples' dox}}
'''Update''': {{twitter|sw4ylols|The h4xx0r is back on Twatter.}}
Meet Kesha Rose Sebert, a highly intelligent and completely respectableyoung woman who dropped out of school at the age of 18 to pursue her dream of singing songs that glorify sex and alcoholism and become a role model for today's youth. Unfortunately, this rise to fame came at the heavy, heavy price of signing a record contract that she later regretted signing. Instead of taking a hint from Prince (whose house she just happened to break into once) and writing the word "slave" on her face during her concerts, Ke$ha decided to play the woman card and falsely accuse her producer of committing the heinous crime of rape – She then proceeded to SUE FUCKING EVERYONE in a futile attempt to get out of a multi-million dollar contract that just didn't have enough millions in it for her.
While the parties involved in the legal drama were always well aware of the fact that Ke$ha is full of shit – Ke$hit's mentally deficient teenage fans, who refer to themselves as "animals", naively chose to believe that she is a victim of America's non-existent "rape culture" and that due process and the entire American justice system are merely tools that are used by the big, bad patriarchy for the sole purpose of oppressing teh wimminz.
It was this sheer idiocy that led to the creation of one of the most inane social justice shitstorms since the rise of GamerGate and Anti-GamerGate – A so-called "movement" known as #FreeKesha or #SaveKesha or #FreeKeshaLuke or some stupid shit like that. We honestly don't know what the movement is called at this point because the cunts behind it use up hashtags faster than Adam Lanza can clear out a classroom.
Rosemary Patricia Sebert, nicknamed Pebe (pronounced: pee-bee), was just your typical drug-addicted, alcoholic, single mum – She had had a brief stint writing shitty songs for moderately-famous singers back in the early 80s, but other than that she was a complete failure at life who was constantly drifting in and out of homelessness along with her young son, Lagan Blue Sebert.
In 1986, desperate to take away more of the taxpayers' hard earned money, Pebe decided that she would produce yet another horrid offspring that she could use to collect moar money from the big, bad Government. Unfortunately, Pebe was scared of the prospect of going to a sperm bank because she knew that would cost money and she was scared that she may contract even more AIDS – Pebe then did the reasonable thing and started fucking all of her male acquaintances at a discount until she finally managed to get knocked up again.
“
Because some sperm banks had reportedly been infected with HIV, my mom decided to ask some of her friends to try to get her pregnant.
„
—Kesha, on how her mum got pregna- HAHAHAAAAA
“
There are two guys that might be her birth father… She’s never had good feelings about men
„
—Pebe Sebert, confirming that she is a whore.
“
Mick Jagger might be my dad. fo realz. ....I play the cowbell.
I’ve never known for sure who my father is, and I don’t want to know.
„
—Wait, didn't you just say that your father might be Mick Jagger?
“
I have enormous respect for Kesha. I admire her music, her talent, her work ethic, and the fact that she has clearly established herself as a voice of her generation. I would be proud to be her father, but I do not have that honor.
On March 1, 1987, Kesha Rose Sebert (whose name is derived from the Hebrew term "Kash Kow") suddenly fell out of Pebe's diseased centipede nest while she was attending a party. From an early age, Kesha was forced by her mum to dress like a cheap hooker, sing terrible music and to be able to act – All because Pebe wanted to turn her failed abortion into a money-making opportunity that could give her the extravagant life that she had always dreamed of having.
On May 1, 1991, Kesha had her debut film appearance in F.A.R.T. the Movie, a shitty B movie that's basically just 91 minutes of boring, unfunny fart jokes. In the film, a blindfolded old woman is asked to identify a person based on the scent of their flatulence and ends up erroneously identifying 4-year-old Kesha as being a "very virile man". Srsly.
4-year-old Ke$ha farting, because you're a sick fuck.
Young Ke$ha.
Coming in last place in her middle school talent show.
The Seberts on The Simple Life.
Previous Video | Next Video
By the early 2000s, Kesha was, by all accounts, a perfectly normal American teenager – Overweight, bisexual and a vegan. Unfortunately, Pebe's intentions to use her daughter as a human sacrifice to the entertainment industry steadfastly remained, and in 2004, Pebe chose to answer an advertisement seeking an "eccentric" family to appear in season 3 of Fox's The Simple Life – A made-for-TV documentary series that starred Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as a pair of down-on-their-luck prostitutes (i.e. themselves if they didn't have any money).
The episode featured Paris and Nicole staying at the Seberts' already shitty home while they planned a wedding. Notable events from the episode include 6-year-old Louie Sebert calling Paris and Nicole "bitches" and Paris, Nicole and Kesha attempting to find Pebe a man with low enough standards to be willing to date her.
In the end, the terrible trio decide on a man named Randy and bring him to Pebe – Which hilariously results in what appears to be Louie's first time seeing a nigger.
“
The bitches are almost here.
„
—6-year-old Louie Sebert, on Paris and Nicole's impending arrival
Dr. Luke, amateur proctologist.David Alan Sonenberg, professional egotistical douche.She certainly wasn't using those IDs to purchase alcohol!Kesha sang a song for this animated abortion in 2006.Alcohol is a hell of a drug.Ke$ha transformed into a truly outrageous whore!What actually happens at a Ke$ha concert.TiK ToK, I SuK CoK.Science had finally created a female manchild. A womanchild.
Eventually, one of Dr. Luke's acquaintances made the terrible mistake of introducing Kesha to David Alan Sonenberg✡, founder of the music management company DAS Communications (DAS being his initials, if you weren't paying attention) and producer of the Academy Award winning film When We Were Kings. Sonenberg had long been involved in a Jewfight with Dr. Luke and, wanting to meddle in the good doctor's affairs, offered to take a look at Kesha's contract for her.
“
This contract is worse than the one LouPearlman✡ made with the Backstreet Boys.
„
—David Alan Sonenberg, being a Jew
After being convinced by Sonenberg that her contract with Luke was void and feeling neglected by Dr. Luke, young Kesha decided that she would attempt to find a better-paying career in the music industry by hiring DAS Communications to get her a contract with a major record-label within a year – Something that was complicated by the fact that Luke's contract with her wasn't actually void.
Needing to find a way out of her contract with Dr. Luke, someone (probably Pebe or Sonenberg) eventually came up with the brilliant of making up a story about Luke drugging and raping Kesha at Nicky Hilton's 22nd birthday party. Realizing that she still needed a way to support her mum's meth addiction in the meantime, Kesha then began working at a bar – Unfortunately, they promptly fired her arse when they discovered that she wasn't 21 and had been stealing IDs from young, blonde customers to add to her ever-growing "collection" of fake IDs.
“
I was a barback until they realized I wasn’t twenty-one and was snagging IDs that other blond girls left at the bar to add to my collection of fake IDs.
„
—Ke$ha, on being fired from her job
After being fired from her job as a bartender and identity thief, Kesha then took a part-time job as a waitress at a shitty local restaurant, eventually earning and flaunting the title of Worst Waitress in L.A.. Fueled by alcohol and finally rolling in the massive amount of bitches and dough that come with holding a minimum wage job, Kesha decided to change her name to Ke$ha and began dressing and acting like a spoiled, histrionic, 16-year-old ghetto slut.
Despite the fact that she was accusing Luke of rape during this time, that still didn't stop Ke$ha from working with him by singing back-up for a song entitled Nothing in This World on Paris Hilton's debut album. Even more embarrassingly, the only work that DAS Communications was able to find for Ke$ha was singing a shitty song for The Barbie Diaries, a CG-animated abortion featuring everyone's favourite doll. Ke$ha then did what any self-respecting 18-year-old woman would do and decided to go back to working with the man that she had accused of raping her.
After reaching an agreement with Luke, her six album contract was now reduced to five albums and Luke had to buy her a fucking Gold Trans Am. By 2008, Ke$ha was finally ready to get back to living the glamourous life of a pop-star by singing uncredited guest vocals on rapper Flo Rida'scover of Right Round, the wildly popular Meatspin theme song.
“
I got a call from Dr. Luke. He needed someone to sing on a Flo Rida song. The song, “Right Round,” went to the top of the charts across the world and broke the record for most digital sales in a week. When I first heard it on the radio, I pulled my car over, turned up the radio, and started crying. It was finally happening. I didn’t make a dime off the song, but it didn’t matter.
„
—Ke$ha liked being poor
“
I was so happy being broke. And I'm happy not being broke. It doesn't really affect me either way. I care about taking care of people that have taken care of me – that's important to me. But to be honest, I'm kind of repulsed by the gluttony and excesses of a lot of people in the limelight.
„
—Ke$ha, being full of shit.
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Ke$ha had finally gotten her big break and found fame by singing the lyrics to a song that was made famous by a notorious shock site – The future began to look bright for young Ke$ha as she joined MySpace and began acting like the fact that she sang backup in a shitty rap song (that blatantly ripped off a song from the 1980s) made her hot shit.
Now that people were beginning to hear her voice, it was only natural that the next step would be producing her very first album (something that she was contractually obligated to have done by February 26, 2006). Finally, in August of 2009, Ke$ha's very first single was released – An ear-rapingly bad techno rap that tells the story of Ke$ha being a drunken cooze and bringing shame to her family. Behold the cancer that is TiK ToK.
On January 1, 2010, Ke$ha finally released Animal – Her debut studio album. Unfortunately, Animal was a resounding success and led to Ke$ha attaining a cult-following of edgy teenagers who began referring to themselves as "Animals".
After Ke$ha's success, a severely butthurt David Sonenberg and DAS Communications decided to file a $14,000,000 lawsuit against Ke$ha and Dr. Luke for breach of contract and tortious interference – Ironic, considering the fact that it was David Sonenberg himself who literallystarted this whole mess by interfering with Ke$ha's original contract.
Ke$ha and her father, Bob Chamberlain.Try denying this, Ke$ha!The real Bruce Vilanch.You are not the father.Star Magazine is not to be confused with The Daily Star.
In early 2011, a musician and professional Bruce Vilanch lookalike named Bob Chamberlain contacted the highly reliable news source known as Star Magazine and informed them that he was Ke$ha's father and had been in contact with her for years until she mysteriously broke off all contact with him at the age of 19 after he had helped her and her family move to Los Angeles.
Normally, we'd take anything written in one of Rupert Murdoch's shitty trash tabloids with a tablespoon of salt – But in this case, they actually published evidence that included photos of Bob with Ke$ha and Pebe and pictures of a Father's Day card that Ke$ha had given him. It's clear that, at the very least, Pebe convinced Bob that he is Ke$ha's biological father – Whether he really is, however, is best left as the subject of a Maury episode.
“
I was in her life from the time she was born until she was 19 years old.
„
—Bob Chamberlain, Ke$ha's daddy
“
The contact ended, and I have no idea why.
„
—Because Pebe
“
Maybe someone around her thought it would be better to perpetuate those myths; I don't know.
„
—Bob Chamberlain
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Pebe clearly believed that it would be better for her daughter's public image if she were the fatherless bastard child of a withered whore and a mysterious stranger – And like a true parasitic bitch, Pebe chose to have Bob help her family move to LA before giving him the finger and convincing her children to deny that he ever existed.
And they would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling Father's Day letters that Ke$ha wrote when she was a kid!
“
Dear Dad, I had a great time with you. I had a great time with your parents too. I've been in school for 1 week of 1/2 days. This year I am going to do Art softball, girl scouts and gitur [sic] I <3 U see you soon Love Kesha
Around 2009, music industry executives were beginning to take to notice of a significant increase in the amount of songs being prematurely leaked onto the internets. The reason for this increase in leaked music was a 17-year-old, Turkish, über133t h4xx0r living in Duisburg, Germany, by the name of DJ Stolen (a.k.a. Deniz A.) who had originally been attempting to hack into Lady Gaga's computer by sending out a phishing email with an attached trojanhorse but, when he was unsuccessful in this endeavor, settled on hacking D-list poptarts like Ke$ha and Kelly Clarkson instead. Once he gained access to the singers' computers, DJ Stolen would DOWNLOAD FUCKING EVERYTHING and then post the stolen songs on the internets.
Eventually, DJ Stolen's activity on a forum called rmx4u led to him being contacted by a 22-year-old hacker named Cee (a.k.a. Christian M.), a fedora-wearing faggot from Wesel, Germany, who had actually managed to hack Lady Gaga's computer after taking Informatik III. Together, the two hackers then decided to start a website called iLeaks where they would leak snippets of unreleased tracks and then ask people to pay to download the full tracks – Which was made even more hilarious by the fact that some of the songs were priced at $2000 and there were actually some people who were stupid enough to pay that much for them.
“
Have you smoked something bad? 750$ for a demo, it's totally ILLEGAL! The Fame kills, your stupidity is an evidence.
„
—mynameis_GL's stupidity is evident.
“
Britney's version of 'Telephone' is being held ransom for $750 by @ileaks!!!
„
—oneofthosefaces, refusing to negotiate with terrorists.
“
I could meet Britney Spears and have her sing Telephone to me for $750. You're ridiculous.
„
—GeminiGotham believing that Britney Spears would want to be in the same room as him.
“
why $750 for Britney and only $250 for Gaga songs, not fair for us fans :(
„
—sloansterspears, failing to understand that Gaga sucks.
“
why charge $750 no one will have that much monet spare!! please just leak the full untagged version at least for @britneyspears fans
OMFG! Greatest and Then You'd Love Me are being sold on iLeaks for $2000 each!! i want them so bad!!!!
„
—MattKillsxx, realizing that he can't afford such luxuries
“
that's fast! now Greatest and Then You'd Love Me are each $1000 on iLeaks! Someone buy them please!
„
—MattKillsxx, someone buy them because I'm poor and they're on sale!!111
“
ileaks has decreased the songs price to 1000. jajaja funny
„
—cristobalcb_, jajajajajajajajaja
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When the fuzz finally caught up with Deniz they found nearly $17,000 in his PayPal account from idiots who payed him big bucks for shitty 3-minute-long MP3s. The real treasure that Deniz had obtained during his escapades, however, wasn't music at all – It was the images that were stored on Ke$ha's computer, images that included numerous n00dz and photos of her boob job.
Wanting even moar attention, DJ Stolen then sent an email to her private email address in which he politely asked her to give him a shoutout if she wanted to keep her n00dz off the internets. After Ke$ha ignored him, DJ Stoled decided to prove that he was serious by leaking a picture of Ke$ha covered in cum. Now realizing that DJ Stolen was serious, Ke$ha sent him the following response in an attempt to keep the internet safe from more unsavoury images.
“
hey i would love to do a shout out for you…
how bout this… you keep my private pictures private, and ill give you a shout out/ drop… whatever you need for your dj set
Ke$ha ultimately did give DJ Stolen the shoutout that he asked for, but a week later some more of Ke$ha's n00dz were leaked on a blog called Shirt Talkers. Oops! In an attempt to avenge Ke$ha's honour, yet another hacker then decided to join the party by hacking DJ Stolen's computer and then leaking his dox.
It was at this point that the German authorities finally made their move and stepped in to arrest Deniz and Christian. Because the young men apologized to Lady Gaga and were suffering from internet addiction, the court decided to be lenient and only sentenced them to 18 months in a German arserape dungeon followed by proper treatment for their autism.
“
Dear Lady Gaga, I am ashamed of what I have done. I did not think about the consequences.
My client felt like he was in a movie. It is almost unbelievable that such a boy could hack into the accounts of superstars. He knows he made a mistake.
I'm FAB-U-LOUS!!111Perez Hilton, Ke$ha's greatest enemy until she finds this article.Winston's, where Harold Karsenty worked.Harold Karsenty and Ke$ha.Harold and Ke$ha inspired this Danish sex education book from the 1970s.Harold enjoys a delicious bowl of Ke$ha Flakes.Busted at Bamboozle by her sunglasses tan.Perez Hilton's incredibly gay sense of humour.
Since her debut and the release of Animal, Ke$ha was a preferred target of celebrity blogger and professional homosexualist spic Perez Hilton. In March, 2010, Hilton was responsible for trending the hashtag #KeshaWho after it was learned that Ke$ha had insulted the far more talented Britney Spears in her leaked song Styrofoam.
P.S. The person who leaked it also leaked one of her songs!!!!
„
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Eventually, in December of 2010, Perez stumbled upon the Shirt Lifters blog where the second batch of Ke$ha's n00dz had been leaked. He then did what any classy, self-respecting celebrity blogger would do and posted them on his blog for everyone to see.
Enter Harold Karsenty, the general manager at a Hollywood nightclub called Winston's and Ke$ha's ex boyfriend (they had already broken up sometime between July and September of 2010). Harold and Ke$ha had met sometime in 2007, most likely around the time that she was stealing IDs from the patrons of the bar that she worked at. As a strapping, young, bearded French man, Harold had long been a hit with the ladies – Including Britney Spears, who was hilariously b& from Winston's for her repeated antics and sexual harassment of the barmaids.
“
Harold loved the attention at first, but after a while he got sick of it. … Britney caused nothing but drama.
„
—An insider tells us about Britney Spears' drama.
The leaked photos from Shirt Talkers featured Ke$ha and Harold kissing each other on both the mouth and the twat. Strangely, Ke$ha decided to lay blame on Perez for her breakup with Harold – Despite the fact that they broke up before Perez released the second batch of n00dz.
“
He single-handedly ruined the only relationship that’s ever meant anything to me.
„
—Ke$ha, blaming Perez for the existence of her own n00dz
Several years later, Perez managed to get his hands on a picture of Ke$ha munching on some nuts that may explain the real reason for her breakup with Harold – She most likely cheated on him while she was on tour in New Jersey in early 2010.
The time stamp on the image suggests that the photo was taken on May 3, 2010, a day after Ke$ha played at the Bamboozle Rock Festival in New Jersey. Photos from the festival show that Ke$ha's makeup at the time was very similar to the makeup seen on the mystery sacksucker. Other photos from the festival show that Ke$ha was wearing sunglasses most of the time that she was there – Now notice how the sacksucker has a noticeable line across her nose that suggests she was recently wearing glasses.
Others have pointed out that the mystery sacksucker doesn't have a nosering – But we suspect that Ke$ha removed it so she didn't get it caught on the pencil-dick she was preparing to suck. Notice that there does appear to be a possible piercing in the sacksucker's nose, right where Ke$ha's piercing is.
“
She upsets me. I love Ke$ha’s music, but I don’t like her. I hate the stupid dollar sign in her name. I hate the stupid nose ring. I hate the stupid makeup. I hate the fact that she looks like she smells and never showers.
„
—Perez Hilton, saying what we all think.
“
How sweet! She found someone who looks just as nasty as she is!
The swamp thing otherwise known as Ke$ha has apparently found a he-swamp thing to do gross shiz for attention with!
„
—Perez, on Ke$ha's new beardfriend
“
We're totally digging this uncluttered version, but it does emphasize the fact that Kesha doesn't really sing, she just kinda talks and cracks her voice all over the palce [sic], creating a semi-melody… but the effect is still pleasing!
„
—Perez, on Die Young (Deconstructed)
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Ke$ha Gear $olid 3: Beard Eater
Harold Karsenty, the original beard in Ke$ha's life.Brad Ashenfelter, Ke$ha's current Harold replacement.The moment Harold realized that Ke$ha was a fucking loon.Harold marries Madison Hamile, a woman far serperior to Ke$ha.Ke$ha's husbando.
Ke$ha did not react well to being dumped by Harold and quickly began a downward spiral of desperation and batshit insanity that included stalking Harold and his new girlfriend and writing several songs about him in a last ditch attempt to mend the only meaningful relationship that she had ever had in her sad, pathetic life.
On November 19, 2010, Ke$ha released Cannibal, her first extended play. Among the songs on it was The Harold Song, a song that was most likely written about Harold, where Ke$ha laments over having destroyed their relationship. The song was a not-so-surreptitious attempt to beg Harold into taking her back, but in the end it didn't work – Harold never took Ke$ha back and he eventually went on to marry a lawyer named Madison Paige Hamile in 2014.
“
I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets
I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek
And this is so hard 'cause I didn't see
That you were the love of my life and it kills me
„
—Plz take me back plz!
“
I see your face in strangers on the street
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep
And in the limelight I play it off fine
But I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlight
Well, this could almost kill me
Young love murdered, that is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone
„
—DO IT FAGGETTE
“
The life is fading from me
While you watch my heart bleed
Young love murdered, that is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone
„
—Plz die
“
Remember the time we jumped the fence when
The Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in
You held my hand and they made me cry while
I swore to God it was the best night of my life
„
—Ke$ha admits to criminal activity
“
Or when you took me across the world we
Promised that this would last forever but now I see
It was my past life, a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise
„
—Also drunk off alcohol
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After realizing that Harold wouldn't take her slutty arse back, Ke$ha's already bizarre and disturbing behaviour escalated. In late 2011, she started a blog titled Put Your Beard In My Mouth (subtitled "That's An Order."), a Tumblr that's devoted to the worship of bearded men and contains many, many images of Ke$ha herself sucking on men's beards for some ungodly reason. Ke$ha was clearly unable to handle losing the love of her life and his facial hair.
Yes, that coat is clearly made from sweet murder.Ke$ha is a PETA whore.Perez Hilton attempts to troll Ke$ha some more.Ke$ha's very first toy was My First Action Gein.Ke$ha urinates in the street so sewer rats won't catch herpes.An ivory bottle similar to the one Ke$ha was caught smuggling.The Republican party was murdered to make that bottle.Department of Homeland Security! Drop the snuff bottle!
From a young age, Ke$ha was taught by her bleeding heartliberal mum that animals are important and humans are disposable trash who exist solely for the amusement of the mighty. As expected, this indoctrination caused Ke$ha to suffer permanent and irreversible brain damage that led her to become a vegan, join PETA and adopt more animals than Elmyra Duff.
In early 2011, Ke$ha decided that she should take up a new hobby – Collecting her fans' body parts and using them to make earrings, necklaces and brassieres.
“
I've received 1 tooth from a fan. I made it into a neclace. But now I really wanna make a fan tooth necklace to wear to an awards show. So. What I'm getting at is please send me your teeth. I'm dead serious. I need your teeth.
„
—Ke$ha needs your teeth
“
I asked for them to send me their teeth and I got, like, over 1000 human teeth. I made it into a bra top, and a headdress, and earrings, and necklaces. I’ve worn it out! I love them! I call them my family, my animals. This whole record is for them. The book is for them.
„
—Ke$ha, not being creepy at all
“
I love it when people send me body parts.
„
—Uhh...
“
She helped me write a song about dismembering and eating men.
„
—Ke$ha, on her mum
“
I'm obsessed with serial killers. I read about them, I study them, I can't get enough.
The fact that Ke$ha is an animal rights activist is made even funnier when you realize that she's been polluting the world with glitter for years. The following expert advice from a Yahoo Answers contributor explains the proper course of action if your cat eats glitter.
“
put her down humanely with a hammer.
„
—Brandon, on what to do if your cat eats glitter
On April 14, 2011, Ke$ha appeared in a PETA ad campaign against Canadian seal clubbing.
SEALS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
In 2012, Ke$ha was stopped by the Department of Homeland Security at LAX after she returned from a performance in Japan when it was discovered that she was attempting to smuggle a $500 ivory snuff bottle into the U.S.
“
I think it's cool to wear roadkill. If I died and somebody wanted to wear my teeth around their neck to VMAs, I'd feel honored.
Bad things happen to those who don't drink Wilkins.
Die Young at Sandy Hook Elementary
Ke$ha, leader of the Illuminati.Will kill kids 4 Ke$haOh shit, my song got 26 people murdered! Should I pray to Satan every day or should I just attempt to lie my way out of this?Hello there.You have seen too much.The 20 children sacrificed to give Ke$ha immortality.She was "forced" to sing the lyrics that she wrote.
At some point during her career, Ke$ha was inducted into the ranks of an all-powerful Jewish cabal that controls fucking everything and has an unhealthy obsession with triangles and eyes and triangles with eyes. Founded in Bavaria on May 1, 1776, by a gentleman named Adam Weishaupt, the Illuminati have proudly provided conspiracy theorists with original content for at least 100 years. Ke$ha quickly rose through the ranks and, after multiple PRRROMOTIONS eventually achieved the title of Prima Illuminata (Latin for "pretty cool guy").
“
I'm really the leader of the Illuminati. That's true.
Some argued that Die Young was actually an Illuminati mind control technique – A suspicion that was confirmed several months after its release when Ke$ha tweeted in an attempt to distance herself from the Illuminati and voiced her desire to sacrifice children to Satan.
“
I didnt join illuminati.i just wanted to prove that they dont exist.now lets kill some children for satan!! weeeeeeeee animalzzz
„
—Ke$ha allegedly made this tweet in November 2012, a month before the lulz
Soon after that, a young man by the name of Adam Lanza, widely believed to have been Ke$ha's #1 fan, would go on to develop an obsession with Die Young and its disturbingly nihilistic message that life is short and should be used as an opportunity to go for the high score. A few months later Adam Lanza would equip his trusty Bushmaster, shoot his mum in the face and embark on a spiritual journey to cleanse Sandy Hook Elementary of prepubescent scum.
It wasn't long after Adam embarked on his holy and righteous genocide crusade and became a martyr that various respectablenews outlets began to realize that, when Die Young is played backwards, Ke$ha actually says "Sandy Hook" a total of 6 times! OMG!!!11 Did Ke$ha know about Sandy Hook before it even happened!?!11 Did Ke$ha's music drive an innocent young man to murder 26 people!?!11
A drugged-out hippie explains the conspiracy.
The truth about Sandy Hook.
Proof that Ke$ha planned to sacrifice children.
Mark Dice reveals Ke$ha's Illuminati connection.
Mark Dice is butthurt by Ke$ha's Satanism
Die Young
The disturbingly popular furfag version.
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Needing to distance herself from the Illuminati's child-sacrifice ritual, Ke$ha then decided that she would accuse Dr. Luke of writing Die Young and then "forcing" her to sing it – Problem solved!
“
my heart goes out deeply to the people of Newtown, Connecticut.
„
—Ke$ha
“
I'm so so so sorry for anyone who has been effected by this tragedy.and I understand why my song is now inappropriate. words cannot express.
„
—Ke$ha apologizes for murdering 20 kids.
“
I did NOT want to sing those lyrics and I was FORCED TO.
„
—Ke$ha, lying
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However, Ke$ha soon began to feel troll's remorse and admitted that "forced" was a slight exaggeration.
“
After such a tragic event I was feeling a lot of emotion and sadness when I said I was forced to sing some of the lyrics to Die Young. Forced is not the right word. I did have some concerns about the phrase “die young” in the chorus when we were writing the lyrics especially because so many of my fans are young and that’s one reason why I wrote so many versions of this song. But the point of the song is the importance of living every day to the fullest and staying young at heart, and these are things I truly believe.
„
—Ke$ha
Hahaha, just kidding! She actually backtracked because she remembered that her own autobiography contained proof that she had actually written the lyrics herself.
The song has a really organic sound, and I love the way it explodes into a party track. We recorded the song at Luke's house and did group vocals for the sing-along bridge together in Luke's garage.
„
—Ke$ha's autobiography, My Crazy Beautiful Life
“
I rewrote the words a thousand times until I found something simple that felt right. The song captured the underlying message of the whole album: believe in yourself and celebrate life to its fullest. When I sing “Like we're gonna die young,” I'm promising that no matter how old I get, I'm never going to lose my youthful spirit.
„
—Ke$ha's autobiography, My Crazy Beautiful Life
“
I definitely make sure that every word rings true to me because I would never want to misrepresent myself to millions of people around the world. I wrote and rewrote and rewrote that song ten times.
„
—Ke$ha, in an interview on 95.5 WPLJ several weeks before Sandy Hook
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KE$HA DID SANDY HOOK
Breaking Beard
Darren CraigDarren Craig and his pet Bix Nood.Why would you ever think that she was an addict?A visual representation of Ke$ha's downward spiral.
At some point, Ke$ha began secretly dating Darren Craig, the unwashed director of several of her music videos including the video for Die Young. Darren, a fat, middle aged, divorced father was supposedly the last person you'd expect to see Ke$ha dating – but he had a cunting beard and the mere thought of that got Ke$ha wet and horny. Their secret relationship continued for over a year but, like all of Ke$ha's relationships, it eventually fell apart.
Ke$ha took the breakup surprisingly well (i.e. she didn't accuse him of rape) and began a downward spiral of alcoholism and writing mean songs about Darren and his his tiny penis.
“
Right now my new songs are more dude-oriented, because I recently had this boy just be a total piece of shit, douchebag piece of garbage to me. He’s just a lying sack of shit, balls, shit-filled ballsack, he’s just a giant pair. And he has a tiny penis, and he sucks real bad, so I’m writing about that.
„
—Ke$ha reveals that Darren Craig has a tinycock
“
I blocked him, because he was being such a fucking psychopathic piece of garbage dogshit. So I wrote a song called ‘Fuck You,’ but then that title was already taken, so ‘U Suck Ass’ is another title. It’s talking about fake orgasms every time I had sex with him, and how I pawned all the diamonds he bought me in Vegas and bought some Chanel earrings.
„
—Ke$ha also lies about orgasms
“
Don't fuck with me. Out of all the bitches to fuck with. I'll write a whole album and tell somebody in an interview all about you, all the fake orgasms, tiny wieners. Don't fuck with me.
„
—DON'T. FUCK. WITH. KE$HA. ROSE. SEBERT.
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“
She might be crazy and she might get shit-faced drunk, but everyone does. She might have a few drinks here and there. But she doesn’t have a drinking problem.
True warriors wear the teeth of their fallen foes.This shit makes bad box art Megaman look good.Warrior by Pablo PicassoCrazy Kids is a song about homosexual space negroes.James Van Der Twat
wailing on an EPIC track with @thedoctorluke & @itsbennyblanco THIS is the dawn of a new genre of music: COCK POP!!!
„
—Ke$ha
“
On one song we worked on for Warrior, my mom suggested a line about sexual exploits with the Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie.
„
—Ke$ha, explaining why Warrior blew arse.
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The making of Whorior.
It sucked because Pebe wrote it.
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My Crazy Beautiful Reality Show
OMG I'M GETTING MY OWN SHOW ON MTV!!111Quality family television.Ke$ha travels to Alaska to date Grizzly Adams.They then give his bear a beer.Another scene from this quality show.Ke$ha realizes that her piss tastes like piss.I'm back and I'm FAB-U-LOUS!
On April 23, 2013, MTV began airing Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life, a reality television series that revolved around the Seberts' daily life. The show had the astoundingly high production quality that one would expect from the network that brought us such beloved classics as Jackass, Beavis and Butt-head and The Brothers Grunt – Not surprising when you realize that the show consisted entirely of Lagan Sebert's crappy home video footage of his sister's assorted antics and criminal behaviour over the previous two years.
Some of the show's numerous memorable and heartwarming moments include Ke$ha drinking her own urine, having her concert protested by the fine members of Westboro Baptist Church and traveling to the faraway land of Alaska to track down a potential mate – A man who is known as "Bear Man" (Powerword: Casey Anderson) and his pet bear (Powerword: Brutus the Bear).
As expected of a hypocritical animal rights activist such as Ke$ha, this results in Brutus getting a can of cheap Buttgeyserbeer poured down his throat.
First season trailer.
SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Ke$ha drinks her own urine.
GOD HATES FAGS
Perez Hilton makes Ke$ha cry like a little bitch... again.
Even bears think Ke$ha's "music" sucks arse.
BUUUUURP.
Ke$ha talks to Jimmy Kimmel about vaginal ghosts.
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“
Because I exude energy, dead entities cling to me. I had a spirit follow me into my house. You see it in the show. Things were flying off the shelf. That's not bullshit, that really happened. So my healer, she had to literally give me an exorcism. I know that sounds crazy, but it worked.
Either my vagina is haunted, or I'm pregnant with a ghost baby.
„
—Ke$ha, failing sex ed and confusing a uterus with a vagina.
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Kesha Blows by Charles Albert
Jewellery designer and likely paedophile Charles Albert.What could be the inspiration for her jewellery line?What could it possibly be?Kesha Rose by Charles AlbertWhat her jewellery line could have been.
Having found fame, Ke$ha began working with designer Charles Albert to create the Kesha Rose by Charles Albert collection – A line of hilariously overpriced "designer jewellery" that was designed to embody everything that makes Ke$ha She R Who She R.
The big question that was floating over everyone's heads now – What exactly would one include in a jewellery line that's designed to embody a fugly, cock-hungry Illuminata who believes her vagina to be haunted and has an unhealthy obsession with glitter? That question would be answered in the week leading up to the line's release date as Ke$ha began posting a series of countdown images.
7 days until Kesha Rose by Charles Albert.
6 days until Kesha Rose by Charles Albert.
5 days until Kesha Rose by Charles Albert.
4 days until Kesha Rose by Charles Albert.
3 days until Kesha Rose by Charles Albert.
2 days until Kesha Rose by Charles Albert.
Tomorrow is the day. Kesha Rose by Charles Albert.
I love boys and I love penises. It’s natural that I’d want to adorn my body with them.
„
—Ke$ha
“
Who isn't amused by a giant, dancing penis? Sometimes when I'm sad, I make my assistant put on the penis outfit and bounce around my house.
„
—Ke$ha, on penisraping her assistant
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That's right – Part of her jewellery line was based on cocks and many of the items sold out almost immediately. Other pieces from the collection included skulls, Illuminati symbolism, fossils, roses and recreations of one of her fans' teeth that had been given to her as a gift.
A "limited edition" bag to store this crap in - $5.00
For everything else.
Look like the dick that you are.™
Would You Please Sign My Petition?
She had money and fame, but she didn't have moar money.The shitbus is a prime example of Care2's brand of "activism".
Having finally tasted the fame that comes with appearing on MTV and having your own phallic jewellery line, Ke$ha began to realize that she could be making a lot more money than she was getting out of the shitty record contract that she signed with Dr. Luke before she was famous. Ke$ha then began using her reality show as a soapbox to voice her complaints about how Dr. Luke was stifling her creativity and how she felt like a puppet with Dr. Luke's greedy Jewish hands stuffed up her fat fucking arse.
Shortly after Ke$ha began her whining, a petition entitled Let Ke$ha have creative freedom was started on Care2 – A liberalslacktivisthellhole that has a notorious reputation for taking credit for things that aren't actually the result of the shitty petitions on their shitty site.
The creator of the petition, one Rebecca Pimmel, provided the following tl;dr explanation for her petition.
It's no surprise that Ke$ha's craft of storytelling through music moves fans around the world. It's also nothing new that Ke$ha gets "bullied" as being one dimensional, or a one trick pony. "With Warrior, I want to show people I can write and sing" I think you can't really see Ke$ha's creativity and talent when it's being covered and controlled by higherarchy [sic]. It's no surprise that Ke$ha is "forced" to work with the same collective group of people, through each record. Dr. Luke is controlling ke$ha like a puppet, feeding her what she doesn't want, and her creativity is dwindling and affected negativity. In the first season of My Crazy Beautiful life, while showing the creative process behind Warrior, Ke$ha is shown recording the track Machine Gun Love, which was later turned down by the albums executive producers for it being too different and not being a sound that she's known for.
Ke$ha makes it clear that her producer, Dr. Luke, is stunting her from growing as an artist by making her sing the same generic, predictable, recycled, pop song. Ke$ha also confesses that she has no say whatsoever in what makes the album not to mention what's released as a single which every artist should have a say in. Adding on, with the release of two of the singles Luke hand selected, they received no positive social media promotion or support, during their releases to radio as he did with his other stars he worked with. So many factors can be put together, and you can almost say and assume that Luke is almost trying to dismantle her career. "She struggles with the idea with why can't I make the music that I want to make" Wayne Coyne tells Billboard about Ke$ha's dilemma with her and her producer involving her music. He admits her creation is raw and genuine, and sees a side of her that doesn't care about the hit pop songs and marketing. Overall, Ke$ha just wants to be able to freely express her opinions through her music, and show sides of her she's been waiting to reveal since record one.
The numerous cries for help have been indicitave [sic] that all she wants is to make music that makes her and her fans happy, and nothing that's forced and blunt. When Ke$ha, young and naive at the age of 18, was signed to Luke's 8 album contract, it's obvious that she was unaware of the severe pop puppeteer act she was soon to play by. What our fear as her fans should be is that she will soon lose interest in playing this industry game and stop releasing music under the tyrannical finger of Dr. Luke. I don't think Ke$ha can make it any clearer that she wants the world to hear her music and not the pop factory's unauthentic, soulless babble she is forced to call hers. Even listening to her unreleased song Dancing with the Devil should be enough evidence of Luke's evil ways.
So who exactly is Rebecca Pimmel and why does she sound like she possesses insider knowledge about the contract dispute and about Ke$ha's career? Not surprisingly, it turned out that none of the supposed "journalists" who had covered Ke$ha's story had ever actually attempted to verify the identity of this "Rebecca Pimmel" – So we were forced to do some serious original research to get to the bottom of this mystery.
A police sketch of what Rebecca Pimmel may look like IRL.DO IT FOR HER!
Wait, why is a 46-year-old Mum I'd Never Fuck who looks closer to 70 starting such a detailed petition about a pop-star whose prime demographic is gayHispanicteenagers? Unfortunately for Rebecca, we decided to use The Googlejust as she herself had suggested, and what we found out was shocking – REBECCA PIMMEL DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST OMGWTFBBQ!!111
Armed with this new information, an Encyclopædia Dramatica investigative reporter decided to confront the Twitterverse with this evidence and the theory that "Rebecca Pimmel" is actually be a sockpuppet belonging to either Ke$ha or Pebe Sebert. It didn't take long before "Rebecca Pimmel" herself took notice and kindly offered us the following response.
“
shut the hell up. i made this account to protect my identity. you can follow me at @imaustinbye
„
—Rebecca Germancock, responding to our inquiry
This, however, makes absolutely no sense since it implies that Austin made up an entire fake identity and then immediately posted the petition on Twitter using his real identity. Rebecca and Austin then proceeded to ignore repeated requests to provide evidence of the assertion that they're the same person – Nice try!
“
"Rebecca Pimmel" has requested we all sign this petition, so lets do this for HER
„
—Austin Dean, putting Rebecca's name in quotes and referring to her as "HER"
On March 29, 2013, a young Ke$hafan named Austin Ryan Dean leaked one of Ke$ha's unreleased songs onto his SoundCloud account – A song that Austin, who is clearly not h4xx0r material, surely received from an individual who was personally involved in the process of making the song.
The song, Dancing With the Devil, would go on to become one of the Animals' biggest pieces of "evidence" against Dr. Luke – Solely because they personally interpret the lyrics of the song as being about Luke abusing Ke$ha.
A few days after the Care2 petition was posted, an account named FreeKeshaLuke, owned by a faggot named Mike Eisele (a.k.a. Michael Anthony and mikeisstraight) joined Twitter and began offering to leak more of Ke$ha's unreleased songs for each milestone that the petition hit. It was at this point that fans began spamming the petition with signatures because OMG FREE MUSIC!!111
“
The "Creative Freedom Movement" is to raise awareness that Ke$ha actually has talent, and to prove that she isn't just a one trick pony.
„
—Mike Eisele, thinking that Ke$ha has talent
Fuck Fake Hippies
I Threw Up in Paris Hilton's Closet
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Oddly, Michael Eisele is actually from Sandy Hook, Connecticut – You know, that place where Adam Lanza sacrificed 20 children.
Such upstanding young citizens.Learn to hold the sign correctly, you fucking idiot.The creepy little toad known as Steven Greenstreet.
On September 29, 2013, it became perfectly clear that the shit was hitting the fan when the director of Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life, a midgetstoner named Steven Greenstreet, tweeted several photos of the crowd at Ke$ha's latest concert – The images showed numerous fans holding signs that said things like "Fuck Dr. Luke".
As Ke$ha's accusations against Dr. Luke kept becoming more and more bizarre, her fans and a ragtag assortment of white knights began the hashtag and so-called "movement" known as #FreeKesha (pronounced: freak-show)
The #FreeKesha hashtag was originally created after the 2013 MTV Movie Awards when rumours started circulating that Ke$ha and Snoop Dogg were arrested after blazin' it on stage but was soon re-purposed to "help" Ke$ha get out of her contract with Kemosabe Records and to act as a Personal Army to the almighty Queen Ke$ha.
Not really. What's been put out as singles have just perpetuated a particular image that may or may not be entirely accurate. I'd like to show the world other sides of my personality. I don't want to just continue putting out the same song and becoming a parody myself. I have so much more to offer than that and I can't wait till the world really gets to hear that on the radio.
„
—Ke$ha, telling Rolling Stone that she lacks creative control
The Making of a Celebrity Fridge-Wreck
Timberline Knolls, rehab facility and vacation destination.No, Ke$ha, you were never cool.Ke$ha goes to the beach.Ke$ha after a long night of drugs and partying.Ke$ha can also be used as an emergency flotation device.My chariot has arrived.A stock image of a refrigerator for comparison.
By early 2014, Ke$ha had become enough of a celebrity train wreck that she was finally accepted into Timberline Knolls – An exclusive, women-only, rehab facility and country club in Lemont, Illinois. She used this opportunity to her advantage and began telling the doctors that Dr. Luke was an emotionally, physically and sexually abusive monster who had been holding her captive for years. She also began writing a series of letters to her fans where she claimed that her bulimia was triggered by Dr. Luke calling her a "Fat Fucking Refrigerator" during the Die Young music video shoot in 2012.
“
She alone is responsible for her weight issues. Whether it's being overweight or creating an eating disorder, she did it all to herself. It's called personal responsibility honey. So someone called you fat...big deal. If you had any strength of character you wouldn't crumble so easily. Besides, it's not her weight she needs to worry about, it's her grotesque face.
„
—Molly, explaining that name-calling doesn't fucking cause bulimia
“
Brittany so Im here at treatment coloring like a 5 year old :) - your letter made me cry... Im so lucky to have you, and my animals, as support - I sometimes feel like there is just so much pressure to look and be perfect - but I cant be. I can only be who I am thank you for the letter - It means alot to me. Im very lonely here - but I hopefully will come out of here kicking serious ass - that's the goal at least
I just have lost Control of healthy perspective when Luke someone I work with called me a fucking refridgedator [sic] (spelling?) and he made fun of my body and weight - it was just so hurtful - so, here I am - trying to undo some of the damage those music business FUCKERS have done to my brain - time to put my $ where my mouth is - & be a WARRIOR. thank u again much love X K
Annie - yes, Dr Luke has tortured me & my family... he did do what people know about + SO much more terrible shit But I have to live by my own words and be a warrior & be PROUD of my perfectly imperfect body & self thank you for the love and letter. I couldnt have done it without you & my animals. MUCH LOVE XX Kesha
first of all you are so sweet and adorable! - I definately [sic] cried when I read your letter and now have ur pictures up on my wall <3<3<3 I love you very much and need this support so much right now. Someone I work with has literally driven me into this disease, tortured me, and fucked with me and my family, So Im here taking time getting my MAGIC BACK DAMNIT
DONT GIVE A FUCK - I CANT LET THEM WIN "THEM" - THE MAN - THE HATERS - ALL THE NEGATIVE FUCK IT. I gotta stay goLD. U too babe - STAY GOLD AND REDICULOUS <3 U [Illegible] Kesha
Paige - your package melts my <3. [Eye] <3 U going into treatment was hard but Im so happy I did it - Dr Luke has TORTURED me (and my family) for 9years now. he called me fat and replaceable he just made me feel like garbage, but my WHOLE being is all about loving ourselves & eachother
and I couldnt sit back and lie to my fans or myself - these music business assholes (well, Dr Luke,) had almost successfully crushed my MAGIC. But that fucker didnt win. :) Im taking some time to love myself again - and having packages like yours come makes it not so hard :) thank you for the love & support <3<3<3 Kesha
Connor - hey love - thank you so much for the letter - I do remember you :) Im here working out some emotional trauma + abuse, there is someone I work with that is SO abusive. BUT I have to be a fucking warrior love myself. so thank u for the support and love. its very needed and appreciated right now. Stay rediculously [sic] MAGICAL XX Kesha
Lex - thats amazing the work you do - and thank you sososo much for the letter of love and support - it means alot. I have just been degraded and emotionally destroyed by someone I work with. It drove me fucking CRAZY I wasnt even being myself. So I had to get help to reconnect to ME. So thank u for the support. STAY GOLDEN LOVE X Kesha
Natalie! thank you for the Sweet package - you and your friend and little sister are so sweet & considerate - I couldnt HANDLE Dr Luke torturing me about my body any longer - it drove me to a Serious eating disorder - So NOWI have to live up to my own words and message, and be a WARRIOR, and its hard, but URTOO, so U inspire ME. keep up your healthy life and
Lauren! thank you for the letter of support - It means alot & Im SO sorry about your struggles too, BUT WE R WARRIORS. dammit :). and I know society & haters SUCK, but Fuck them. Im learning to love myself again, even tho Dr Luke has tortured me.so here I am, But thank GOD I have you &
„
—Letter to Lauren, incomplete
“
my dearest Mckenzie, thank you for the letter and the essay! youre adorable and an absolute Sweetheart - Im here facing the deamons [sic] that have been trying to consume me, and the thing I miss the most - almost unbareably [sic] - is getting to talk to my fans. SO - thank u for taking the time to send me an old school letter. Im lonely in here, but its importent [sic] for me to practice what I preach. to be a fucking WARRIOR, for real.
a lot of people think its always so glamorous, but behind the scenes I have been emotionally traumatized. I have been ridiculed for my body by the very person I make soso much money for. It became too much of a mind fuck. Im here sorting out what is true and what is bullshit. really taking the time to get to know myself and love myself - NOT listen to those music business bastards.
and after reading ur letter, u should be proud of growing up in a one parent home - and proud of ur mom. I bet she's a badass - you definately [sic] are :) much love and thanks again. Stay rediculously [sic] fucking magical. XX Kesha
Dearest Sweet Animal, This is a picture of me, on my home planet. I look like a cross between a TURD and a RAISIN there! We don't talk on my home planet. We communicate with thoughts. I was sent to earth to be a HUMAN Spoke's person for the ANIMALS. Little did I know, at the time, that there were human animals as well.
Thank you for your love. The greatest gift you could give ME, is to LOVEYOURSELVES. LOVE IS ALL that is REAL on both the earth and my native planet. TRUTH IS ALL that we can hear, with our ears or our minds. I am learning new methods for Loving myself and I am finding myOWNtruth now and learning to listen with my Heart, not my mind. <3<3<3 I LOVE YOU
First and foremost I’m a writer: that’s what has gotten me this far, and that’s what I’ll be doing till I die.
„
—Ke$ha, proving that she's delusional
“
I’m a writer
„
—Let that sink in
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Even if Dr. Luke had called her a "Fat Fucking Refrigerator" as she claims, the following image of Ke$ha's appearance in the Die Young music video should leave no doubt that it was said sarcastically.
Pebe while she still looked half decent.
Pebe's award winning Body Mass Index.
You'd be fucked up too if you had to crawl out of this vagina.
Lagan Blue Sebert, about to be swept out to sea and raped by sirens.
Louie Sebert on Victorious.
Don't ever talk to me or my sons again.
A typical Sebert family outing.
Louie Sebert, Kesha's imouto and a Brianna Wu lookalike.
The abyss stares back.
Pebe's 90-year-old Aunt Ellie.
Another picture of Aunt Ellie.
The Seberts are a perfectly normal family.
PERFECTLY NORMAL
Pebe's beaver.
We have many questions.
The Simple Life
Louie shows off his telekinetic powers.
Kalan Marie Sebert, Kesha's cousin.
Kalan gets molested by Kesha.
Ke$ha, Maid of Horror.
Cousin "Quay-Quay" and Louie.
Sonia Sebert, Pebe's older sister.
Hugh Moffatt, Pebe's ex-husband and Lagan's alleged father.
Made in Murika.
Nip slip.
After performing fellatio on Blue Man Group.
Meow!
Ke$ha is a role model to other sociopaths.
#KeshaWho after it was learned that Ke$ha had insulted the far more talented Britney Spears in her leaked song Styrofoam.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
I like your beard.
She even does it on television.
Is that a vibrator?
When one beard just isn't enough.
When two beards just aren't enough.
I like your beard.
Ke$ha meets the Beard Princess.
I like your beards.
I like your beard.
In Soviet Russia, beards love Ke$ha!
Ke$ha and the Beard Overlord.
The man of Ke$ha's dreams.
The Seberts' dogs.
The irony is that this coming from Cruelest Woman of the Year 2016.
Fuck fur!
Slavery.
Petite Penis Ring - $12.00
Skull Ring - $45.00
First Grader's Art Project - $75.00
Brass Knuckles - $90.00
A Big Fucking Tooth - $135.00
Adept Bracelet of Conjuration - $180.00
Another Weapon - $195.00
Edgar Allan Poe Fan Bracelet - $210.00
"Wonderland Cuff" - $285.00
Cultural Appropriation - $600.00
Eye of Providence - E PLURIBUS UNUM
8===D~~~
Schutzstaffel - Priceless
The One Ring - Precious!
A "limited edition" bag to store this crap in - $5.00
For everything else.
the domain has never even been registered! The photo on her Twitter account is actually 
Natalie and Lauren Young's letters.
Moar.
Even moar.
MOAR!
Part 2.
Paige's tattoo.
Penn Shelly (Pebe)
Pebe's "art".
Ke$ha on Instagram
Archived version of her MySpace (Warning: It's MySpace)
