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Melody Hensley
Melody "Smellody" Hensley is a boring and generic Twatter feminist, professional victim and fashion blogger who rose to E-famy when she went public with the tragic story of how she developed severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of the constant cyberviolence that she receives for being a woman on the internet – And by "constant cyberviolence" we of course mean that several people disagreed with her shitty opinions and one of those people went so far as to call her "Smellody".
The Story
The beautiful Princess Smellody of the Snowflake Kingdom was a relatively unknown fematheist until she first gained the internets' attention in August 2013 as a result of a disgusting feminist propaganda article (archive) that was published by the online shit tabloid The Daily Dot. The article made the claim that Smellody had developed severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of some guy named "ElevatorGate" using Storify to document and mock Smellody's hypocritical and harassing Tweets (i.e. All of them).
In April 2014, the Britfagginese tabloid The Daily Mail revisited Smellody's story and offered a far less biased look into her shitty claims. The most memorable part of the article, however, was a particularly lulzy picture of Melody that they stole directly from The Washington Post's website – The image depicts Smellody dressed in black and staring off into space while the lighting makes her chin look even more like an arse than it usually does.
The Few, The Proud, The Triggered.
Being the special snowflake that she is, Smellody decided to make it clear that any military or ex-military personnel who decided to "harass" her would regret it.
Unfortunately for poor little Smellody, the internet didn't take kindly to her attempts to compare her "condition" to the brave war veterans.
The veteran who, in 'Nam and other assholes of the world, had his arms and legs blown off, only to wake up to his best friend dead, Major Francis "Franky" McKinnon, next to them with a piece of shrapnel through his skull, splitting it in two. Unable to even use his sidearm to end the pain with a bullet to the head because his fucking arms are 20 yards away and in opposite directions, he is certain he will bleed to death soon, although the fire has cauterized the wounds quite a bit so the bleeding has slowed. In the time he lays there, staring at recently married Franky's split open dome, he accepts he is going to die and makes peace with that.
Then, off in the distance he hears the distinct sound of helicopter blades. Could it be? Minutes later, but it feels like hours of staring into Franky's dead eyes, a medicopter lands. Medics and troops pile out and put him on a stretcher to bring back to the medicopter. The soldier sees new father Franky Mckinnon for the last time, being placed into a black plastic body bag, as he is moved away from the blast site and onto the chopper. They ignore the veteran's repeated screams of "NO, NO, NO, NO!", "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE LET ME DIE", and "JUST KILL ME" and bring the brave warrior to the closest base for emergency surgery. On the helicopter is where he passes out.
Everything is going to be ok! He is going to live! He slowly opens his eyes. What happened? I can't move my arms or legs, he thinks, unable to speak with the ventilator tube down his throat. A man dressed like a doctor and covered in blood walks up to him. "I have something I need to tell you soldier..."
Weeks and months pass, the physical wounds heal as much as they can, but he is now a limbless potato, a burned, stationary half man who is reliant on the nurses and staff from the Veteran's home for everything. A man who cannot feed himself and who can't even wipe his own ass. Every day and every night he relives the sight of his best friend Franky, who was scheduled to go home in a month after almost 4 long years in that shithole country, back to his new wife and newborn son, with shrapnel split through his head, 10 inches away and for long enough to remember every line in Franky's dead face. Over and over again. It is all he sees. He wakes up screaming every night, sweating, remembering.
This is what it is like to be Melody Hensley. Can you imagine?
Melody violently defended the idea that she can totally relate to this because someone said mean things to her on the Internet. Quite a few people called bullshit. Melody quickly retaliated by evolving into the literal poster-child for being triggered.
The Hypocrisy
—S.E. Mayhew |
Quotes
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Videos
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See Also
External Links
Accounts
- Smellody on Facebook
- Smellody on Twitter
- Smellody's "fashion blogging" account on Twitter
- Simon Davis (Smellody's husband) on Facebook - He's a columnist at VICE
Articles
- Smellody's employers write an entire article defending her instead of just firing the lying cow.
- Feminists defend Smellody's bullshit and threaten to censor reasonable opinions.
- A comprehensive article explaining why Melody isn't a lying cunt.
- We pray that this is complete satire.
Other Shit
Melody Hensley is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |
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