Pat Condell
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Pat Condell
is a Youtube video blogger and unfunny comedian who holds the world record for how far a man can stick his head up his own anus.
When not making bigoted and racist internet videos Patrick enjoys adjusting the tint on other peoples' televisions, lying about trivial things such as the time of day, chewing on pens that don't belong to him, wearing cologne that stinks of piss and replying to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
It is said that he has a fascination with the song "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson and will listen to it over and over on his iPod, and select it on a jukebox fifty times consecutively when he is in a public place. This is because Paddy wants to prove that he is a tough guy New Atheist and would murder his own grandmother for going to church if he thought it would give him credit with the other retards who are part of the fad cult.
Grandpa Goebbels Hates him Sum Muslims
Old folks can sometimes be grumpy, especially about them there foreign brown people with their foreign brown ways. Especially when they wear silly clothes and speak crazy moon language. Super-especially if some of them are nihilistic batshit loonbats who like to blow themselves up in places where other people get blown up with them.
One such grumpy old person is Patrick Condell, a "comedian" (note the sarcastic air quotes) who specializes in glib, sarcastic diatribes against the Encroaching Muslim Menace, spoken in a calm, authoritative, eminently British voice. It was a winning formula, and Pat began to build up a following. Originally amongst the Atheists on YouTube, who thought him being oh so clever and posh made him sound smart and erudite. It's easy to fall for it. He pulled it off so well.
To see what I mean, watch a Condell video. Pick one at random, it doesn't matter which one.
Go ahead...I'll wait.
Oh. You're Back?
Guess what. You never have to watch another Condell video ever again. He essentially makes one exactly like that one every few weeks. They are pretty much all the same: Muslims are hiding under your bed and they want to rape your housepets. Over time, the YouTube Atheists got bored with Pat, and his fanbase would change for the worse over time
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UKIP
Pat Tonguebathes the Party
Okay, He actually did do one video that stood out from the tapioca sameness of his carefully groomed back catalogue of scaremongering. He posted an impassioned endorsement of a local political party called UKIP (or the UK Independence Party) which, if Pat was to be believed, was some sort of freedom-loving, rights-affirming revolutionary party that would overthrow the right wing and give everyone who votes for them a tender but vigorous Aloe vera lotion handjob.
A Challenger Appears
All this pro-UKIP flag-waving didn't go over well with one of Pats fellow Brits. Out from under the rubbish tip, came a scruffy, unshaven yob who looked like a crack-addict version of Gaius Baltar with full-blown AIDS. Richard "The Dick" Coughlan, the spastic scruffbucket, railed against UKIP, insisting it was a far right, crypto-Fascist organization.
Now, at first, everyone was willing to give Pat the benefit of the doubt. I mean, he was clean and well spoken, while his accuser, quite frankly, looked like he needed a thorough delousing.
Then people actually starting looking into UKIP....and found it was even more of a flaming shitpit of retarded ass-lava than Coughlan said it was.
Not only was it full of leftover BNP (British Nationalist Nazi Party) rejects...it also had way too many crackpot, upper crust twits full of really dumb, rather hippie-ish ideas, such as replacing the National Health Service with Homeopathy. UKIP's party platform was a morass of stupid and crazy....but especially the Fascistic kind of stupid and crazy.
Ban The Burqa, and other Trivial Horseshit
Then it became abundantly clear why Pat supported UKIP. They were adamant about deporting all the wogs middle easterners and banning the burqa. So...here we are...our beloved Pat Condell, supposed defender of Free Thought...bigging up a party that wanted to give power back to the Monarchy and the Church of England...just so he could spitefully wave his dick at the Muslims.
The British Wing of the YouTube Atheists were suddenly not cool with Pat anymore. "I say, Old Chap. This UKIP is a cluster of Wankers and Huns! My dear dad didn't have his left bollock shot off by the jerries at the Battle of Dunkirk just to have this Nazi Twaddle trundled into our rowhouse through the back garden!" They seemed to be saying.
Pats response was a butthurt video where he badmouthed progress and then scurried away to hide in his ivory tower.
Pat Faps to Tom Tancredo
Sanity Prevention Act
While this debacle angered and alienated the British wing of the YouTube Atheists, the Americunt wing just kinda shrugged and said "Well, he's a Grumpy Old Man. Whattaya Expect?"
Then Pat came out in support of the "Jihad Prevention Act" proposed by American Congressman Tom Tancredo. The Jihad Prevention Act was a diseased, unconstitutional muddle of teabagger wetdreams. Even other Republicans thought it was the ramblings of a psychotic fossil....so Britians own psychotic fossil, Pat Condell, thought it would fine and dandy. As long as it somehow inconveniences some smelly sandnegro, who cares if it destroys the entire edifice of Constitutional Freedom.
The Americunt Wing of the YouTube Atheists were suddenly not cool with Pat anymore. "Keep your crazy UKIP shit in your own country. We're doing fine turning America into an Orwellian Police State without your fucking help, you old coot!" They seemed to be saying.
Here's yet another Brit kicking Pat in the schwantze.
Previous Video | Next Video |
Pat Tells These Colonists Where to Get Off
Soon alot of the American Atheist were bitching at Pat (with the notable exception of Brett Keane), and how did the soft-spoken, highbrow defender of modern atheism react?
Pats response was a butthurt video where he badmouthed progress and then scurried away to hide in his ivory tower.
(as soon as I find the video, I'll put it here)
That's okay. He may have lost all the Atheists on YouTube, but he now had a vast rampaging horde of EDL (English Defense League) dorks who will happily post incomprehensible gibberish (like "anti rasist iss anti Wite") in the comment section of anyone who disagrees with Saint Pat.
Pat vs. Brett Keane
Eventually, the only non-racist American sticking up for Pat was whining pisspott Brett Keane. In late October, 2011, Brett was finally getting his shit kicked in by his haters for his years of abuse, and he ran to Pat Condell looking for moral support. Pat responded by giving Brett the advice he needed rather than the blowjob he wanted. Brett was very unamused by that.
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But Enough of that. It still all about the Muslamic Ray Guns.
Parody
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Pat Condell's 20 Greatest BullsHits
All of Pat Condell's content summarized. Now you can spout ignorant hateful bullshit every minute just like Pat.
1) Moderate Muslims are silent... the ones that aren't are practicing Taqiyyia
2) Says UK government is soft on Islam. Ignores that they've banned every Islamist group formed in the UK since 1986 as well as detaining Hamza for 8 years & changing the law to extradite him
3) Sharia Law is a real threat to UK political system... as soon as they add 64 million Muslims to the population.
4) Anjem Choudary represents real Islam.
5) Pat loves the US constitution. Wishes the UK had something similar. Then votes UKIP who want to abolish the Human Rights Act.
- 5a) Promotes petition & demands people start asking US government to stop a private property owner from using his property how he wishes (against constitution).
- 5b) Criticizes FFRF for demanding a Nativity scene be removed from display in a Government building (which violates the separation of church/state).
- 5c) Says he wants nothing to do with atheists like the FFRF even though he links to their site on his page.
6) Claims he's not racist or right wing while favoring videos of Tommy Robinson claiming the police are picking on him and links to white supremacist Danish websites like "rightsidenews" to support the idea that the EDL is not violent or racist.
7) GZM opens on Sept 11 2011... partly opens Sept 22 2011... still hasn't officially opened 25 November 2012.
8) Claims Imam Raulf supports Hamas & blames US for 9/11... sort of... and who cares that he's gone on tours of middle eastern countries to give very pro-west messages & encourage them to be more like America. Nobody needs to know about his book in which he states that to him the US constitution is what Sharia Law is to him & should become to everyone.
9) Claims Liberals only respond to critics of Islam by calling them racist. Labels his critics as Islamosympathisers/Islamonazis/Islamolovers/Politically Correct/Anti-Semites/Jew Haters/Middle Class Left Wing Pricks and then forgets to make an actual argument. :9a) After stating he is not racist says "I used to think Arabs could handle democracy but it appears they can't".
10) Mocks people who claim that the Jews control the world. Reminds everyone that the Muslims are all trying to control the world
11) Says he love secularism. Supports UKIP who'll increase UK control over to the Church and the Queen.
12) Mocks anti-scientific theists. Supports UKIP one of the countries biggest anti-science parties (Anti-Climate Change, pro-homeopathy, pro-placebo, asbestos denial, tax breaks to home school kids).
13) Whines even more about being called a racist. Then tells his subs that anyone who reads the Guardian is a Nazi who hates the Jews.
14) Spend 5 weeks researching, writing, and preparing a video script only to make a video stating all rapes in Oslo are committed by Muslims. Many people respond and prove this is a lie. Then he makes follow up video claiming this was an honest mistake... that he read word for word from an obviously well rehearsed script that he researched and carefully wrote over a 5 weeks and mysteriously failed to notice. Honestly, it had nothing to do with the fact he might have gone a bit too far with this made up Muslim raping story after the dozens of video replies he received exposing him for the small time propagandist he is.
15) Claim Geert Wilders is not a far right lunatic. 15a) Never brings up Geert's proposed idea to set up a fenced off prison camp called the "Village of Scum" that forces the innocent relatives of young criminals to live in and work for no money the full length of the child's sentence. 15b) Makes a video stating that the Left is now the new Far-Right (but this is totally not slanderous).
16) Spends hours of his miserable life on videos ranting and attacking the "Left". Then tweets out results of his political compass test that shows he is quite left wing.
17) Makes videos expressing a rather fair and balanced view of Israel/Palestine. Then for no obvious reason 3 years later make a series of one sided, uninformed, and quite insincere videos using the already refuted arguments of right wing American hard core ultra zionists like Horowitz, Geerschwitz and Geller.
18) Constantly talks about America and how he feel about their president, their laws, their history, their culture, their terrorist attack victims etc. Bitchs and complains whenever any type of foreigner tries to even dare tell the UK how to live.
19) Holds all innocent Muslims accountable for Islamic terror attacks and demands they all speak out against this at once. If not then they obviously support terrorism.
20) Makes a video saying "Europe Needs a Revolution". Does nothing after that... nothing happens... too old to get up and care anymore.
- 20a) Shits his old man pants when he wakes up to find out a guy in Oslo who shares the exact same cultural beliefs, social opinions, and right wing politics as he does just gone out and murdered 77 people, most of them children. Then makes a video saying violence is not the answer and condemns the actions of our Norwegian Fanboi, and ends video admitting he agrees with everything Breivik said. Oh, and he still supports the "non-violent" EDL.
Just fart, rollover, and die of irrelevance.
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