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Prince Philip
|
Not to be confused with Bernie Sanders, Benedict XVI or the Japanese Emperor |
| British Royal Family | |
|---|---|
| Prince Philip | |
| Original name | Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark. |
| Nationality | Greek |
| Role | Consort |
| Predecessor; | The Queen Mother |
| Successor; | Princess Diana Camilla Parker Bowles |
| Personal Details | |
| Born | 1921 (aged 97 in 2019) |
| Predicted Death (01-2019) | 2020 |
| Political affiliation | 
|
| Religion | Islam |
Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark, Duke of Edinburgh is a 97 year old former mafia boss who's life's work is to walk two paces behind his wife and make politically incorrect comments. He has been the husband of Queen Elizabeth II for over 70 years and since his wedding night has not gone a single day without saying "nigger". Although his wife is the nominal head of household (and the UK for that matter), it is no secret that two X-chromosomes can't run a scheme as big as the Royal Family. In practice, Philip has been in charge of the family ever since the death of his father in law, George VI, in 1952. He is responsible for a number of the Royal Family's activities including the murders of James Bulger, Madeleine McCann and Princess Diana.
History
It is possible Prince Philip is the illegitimate son of Adolf Hitler. Regardless, Philip was born in 1921 and is therefore old enough to remember the good times when Germany was a free, prosperous and nigger free nation. He was brought up by his aunt in Germany, and she proceeded to marry a Nazi general. Philip attended the Nazi wedding and several rallies.
Fathering Prince William
It is well known that Prince Harry is in fact the son of James Hewitt, a former British Army officer, and thus has no royal blood whatsoever. What is less well known is that Prince William (the heir to the throne) is in fact the biological son of Prince Philip by Princess Diana, and is thus also unrelated to the Queen.
This means that neither of the heirs of future King Charles III are legitimate, meaning that upon his death, the crown will fall on the head of Andrew, Duke of York, and will then land with Beatrice:
This is, of course, assuming Prince Charles himself is legitimate, as it is theorised that the Queen is in fact a disembodied husk inhabited by Joseph Stalin.
Mohamed al Fayed
After separating from Prince Charles, the famous Princess Diana decided to start banging a sandnigger from Egypt called Dodi Fayed, the son of prolific billionaire toy shop owner (and paedophile) Mohamed al Fayed. In reaction to this insult to the Royal Family, Prince Philip decided to kill both Dodi and Princess Diana via a car "accident".
Dodi's father Mohamed, however, knew better than to believe this crap, and promptly called Philip out on his mob activities. The British being British, however, ignored the evidence that was glaring in their faces.
2019 Car Crash
In January 2019, Prince Philip swung his 2-ton Land Rover out into the road and smashed the sh#t out of an approaching peasant vehicle. Although the driver and her child stayed quiet, the fat hambeast in the passenger seat saw this as a good opportunity to "geh fayymuhs" and so promptly reached out live TV to complain and hopefully be able to extort money from the Royal Family to spend on cake, butter and McDonalds.
However, Prince Philip does not take kindly to such threats, and it is very likely that this individual will suffer an unfortunate accident involving a harpoon.
Future Death
Prince Philip is currently suffering from an extreme case of chronic old, and is predicted to very soon be dead. In fact, it is possible he is dead already. It is predicted that if he survives 2019 he will be immobile by 2020, and likely dead by the end of that year. His death will be a lulzy warmup the death of the Queen Elizabeth II, which will be the biggest piece of drama since 9/11.
