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Urd-chan
—lequiem, barely scratching the surface of the crazy that is Urd-chan [1] | ||
Turd-chan is a very intelligent DeviantARTlet who fights for the rights of pedophiles everywhere. She strongly believes in her constitutional right to post pornography of underage animu characters (or as she calls it, "art") to a privately owned website. Although DevianTART has, oddly enough, always been against hot, underage booty, Urd-chan has somehow only just realized such, and gone completely RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE about it. Old Turd-o's been in a total shitfit, posting journals and writing angry comments about the injustice and oh the humanity of it all. Her userpage is enough to confuse one into thinking they've stumbled into LiveJournal.
We should also mention that she's 49 years old and has three children, aged 21, 19, and 16, and those anime characters she draws and writes porno about are all aged younger than those children. Mmm, one can almost smell the sweet aroma of the partyvan coming her way!
But what's Turd-chan planning to do about this madness? Don't worry, friends, Urd-chan is almost 50 years old, and she is very capable of coming up with perfectly rational solutions to problems of national importance, and all outlined in her grand plan - an extremely tl;dr journal on the DeviantART! Online petitions are nothing next to the greatness of this plan!
...Oh wait, her plan is basically just that. DISREGARD THAT, and read on! Let us investigate the mind that would make Freud cry!
Urd-chan's fanfictions
—Urd-chan, on how she became a creepy pedophile when her oldest kid was the same age as the character she writes and draws smut about [2] | ||
Allegedly Turd-chan is e-famous for her writing. So what sort of thing does a nigh-50-year old woman write? Inuyasha fanfiction. No wait, sexy sexy sexy Inuyasha fanfiction. Either that, or a story that is essentially the plot to Inuyasha if it took place in Ancient Egypt. Creativity like this has never been seen before!
It makes you wonder if the Inuyasha voice actors that she stalks on a regular basis have read her body of work. Or her children. Actually, everything about Turd-chan makes you wonder for her children.
To be fair, Turd-o's stories are better than most Internet fanfiction, but then, look at her competition. Now look at her.... work.
Kagome’s heartbeat had increased. She breathed deeply, her breaths starting to become erratic as her body responded to her touch. She let her head fall back as her chest pressed forward, reacting to the arousal her body felt. A warmth was spreading to her body, centering in her secret place.
Her moans were becoming more intense as her body reacted to the stimulation. Kagome slowly slid her right hand from her breast, allowing it to lightly brush across her ribcage, then her navel, following the gentle contour of her slightly rounded abdomen, pausing only for a fleeting moment before settling on her patch of soft pubic hair. She swallowed hard before allowing her hand to slip between her legs. Her hand lay motionless against the warmth between her legs. She called to Inu-Yasha in her mind, "Yes, " as her started gently moving her hand in and out between her legs. The sensation was like nothing she had ever felt, and each movement of her hand sent a shiver through her body. She continued moaning Inu-Yasha’s name as her secret area swelled with her arousal. She could feel a warm wetness coating her fingers, could even smell the scent of the thick, slippery juice that was starting to flow between her legs. Her body was readying itself for her lover, and her desire was becoming overwhelming.
Kagome gasped when she felt him. She had not heard Inu-Yasha enter the room, so entranced was she by her own desire and fantasy. He had come up behind her, standing only a hair’s breadth away from her, slipping his arms around her and covering her hands with his own.
"Don’t stop, Kagome." His voice was raspy and deep as he whispered in her ear. [3]
What sort of nigh-50-year old woman writes masturbation flicks about a 15-year old girl? A creepy pedo fuckhead, that's what sort! Gosh, and she wonders why the Internet doesn't want her around.
Old people on the internet are the reason we can't have nice things!
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
As mentioned earlier, it turns out dA gets a little baleety when it comes to pedoart. As mentioned earlier, Turd-chan finds this so utterly despicable that she must rant and rave about it. Because DevianTART's deletion of things that are disallowed by their terms of service is PRECISELY like burning witches. Maybe Urd-chan thinks she's a witch and has some sort of Jew, because any rational person wouldn't quite make that connection.
In any case, Urd-chan has outlined her grand plan to take down DevianTART administration (who is bringing us down). She will use the power of online petitions, which have totally worked before okay (actually they did work for the series ReBoot but nobody cares about that so don't give Turd-chan any links that will prove this okay).
—Urd-chan, fighting for the likes of this | ||
Turd-chan will not stand for dA's stripping of the constitutional rights of fanartists! You know, never mind the fact that DevianTART is a privately owned company and can thus dictate precisely what kind of things you can and cannot post there. Never mind that dA's service providers could ban them for having underage porn on their site. Never mind that kiddyporn is illegal in the USA. FREEDOM OF SPEECH, BITCHES!
Also, it turns out Urd-chan is a little sensitive when it comes to people calling out her lame plan to "boycott" and petition dA. One shouldn't expect more from someone who is doing it all because some people got their policy-violating pictures taken down. If you comment badly on her page, or positively on Realitysquared's journal (????), then you will get blocked from her page. FREEDOM OF SPEECH, BITCHES!
Another part of Turd-chan's grand plan is to stick it to the man by making their own art website. Yeah, that'll show dA. They'll be sorry, just like they were when they were shown the error of their ways by SheezyArt, FurAffinity and Storm-Artists! DevianTART will be so broken after Turd-chan's had her way with it!
—Urd-chan, who, going by her previous analogy about the Salem witch-hunts, thinks that the Victorian era was 1692 (PROTIP: it wasn't until over 100 years later) [6] | ||
Surprisingly, it took a long time before anybody with any semblance of intellect came in to tell Turn-chan just how much of a fucking retard she is. But amongst her many supporters were some real winners, including ArcticTiger [7] and DivineAngel [8].
However Urd-chan's plan is a thing of beauty. It is constantly changing and growing ever more wonderful. Turd-chan has been "watching the ads that come across [her]" and is "putting together a list of [dA's] advertisers and [getting] any contact information [she] can" because "[she thinks] if we start sending complaint letters to the companies that advertise on the site and let them know that we won't support their products/services as long as they are advertising on DA, we might be able to get our message through that way" [10]. A fellow deviant has been kind enough to draft her a letter for such use.
—chrisbucks, lending a helping hand [11] | ||
Sadly no word yet on whether Turd-chan will use it, but her crusade valliantly marches on. With media coverage! Urd-chan has let us all know that "it's working. And, it's giving a lot of negative publicity to DA in the process" [12] though of course she can't link us to anything to prove this statement (can't provide proof that doesn't exist, lol). When another deviant muses that they haven't heard any such idiocy on the news, Urd-chan replies "Hmmm... Thanks for mentioning that. Now I know our next course of action. I have friends in the media, after all..." [13]. Uhh... god speed, Urd-chan. God speed.
—SANE-INTOLERANT, qft [14] | ||
Memorable Quotes
—Urd-chan, fucking idiot | ||
—Urd-chan | ||
—Urd-chan | ||
BARE-ly Legal Pin ups
Turd-chan, being profoundly butthurt about the underage rule decides she'll show DA with her BARE-ly legal pin ups. In which she takes all the characters she can find just above legal age and strips them nude. You should troll the hell out of said drawings.
OMG TROLLS
Not suprisingly, Urd gets her fair share of trolls. Like the average Tartlet, her response is to block the person, hide the offending comment, and gloat over her number of pageviews. However, unlike the average tartlet, she's 50 fucking years old.
External Links
urd-chan- Urd-chan on Fanart-central
- Urd-chan on Hentai Foundry
- Urd-chan on FF.net
- Urd-chan's smutty fanfics
- Urd-chan's scanlation website
- Urd-chan's Ecchi Doujinshi scanalation website
- totd - Turd-chan's fanclub for her shitty fanfic
- iyed - Turd-chan's fanclub for "ecchi inuyasha fanfics"
- kougakagura - Turd-chan's fanclub for some shitty pairing
- initialdclub - Turd-chan's fanclub for Inital D (lol one member)
- Two of Urd-chan's kids (both much more talented and sensible than her):
- Die-hard 'mature' fan of Turd-chan
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Urd-chan is part of a series on Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage. |
