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Dolphy
Dolphy (Susanne Almanstoetter of Hamburg, Germany) is yet another crazy, cartoon loving, Disney fan based primarily on DeviantART and fanart.lionking.org. Now 30 years old Dolphy is still madly in love with Jim from Treasure Planet (aka That Disney Film That Tanked and No One Cares About). If she draws anything other than Jim and her sucking face you better believe it'll be a furry that she managed to con someone into paying her to do. A challenger has appeared: SelauraNetherfield.
Despite her unrequited love for cartoon boys around the age of fifteen, Dolphy is a loyal friend who will flame you to death if one of her internet buttbuddies is snarked by a group of jealous furfags (Fig.1). Birds of a feather flock together as is the case with Atimon, Dolphy's BFF and a rabid Timon fangirl who was snarked for her own disgusting Timon pr0n. As well as fellow Treasure Planet fan, 
Wolvy - another furfag German girl who used to have a crush on John Silver (for some reason) Warning!: Going to Wolvy's DA page will require a dose of eye bleach afterwards.
In the "artist's" own words:
From her own homepage;
—Dolphy | ||
Self Insert, Say WUT!?
Anyone who has had the misfortune of going through Dolphy's gallery will quickly realize she draws nothing but furries and herself - most of the time with a fifteen year old boy who she claims to have made older. She openly admits that the girl in these pics is her illustrated self insert. Any artist/author worth their salt knows that self-insert are a big no-no. Because if one person says they don't like the character that automatically means they don't like her. Honestly who would? It's already been discovered that she's a world class, stuck up, bitch. And that her love of a fictional character must not be called into question - but we'll get to that later.
Dolphy's self insert would not be nearly so god awful if she was an accurate self insert - what S.I. is? But it should be noted that her illustrated self looks nothing like her, something most of her ass kissing fans don't get. They only love that Dolphy has curves. What she and the fanherd don't get is that there is a difference between curves and fat. Real Dolphy is fat, drawn!Dolphy is "curvy." Compares these to her drawn self. You won't find any similarities.
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She wasn't ashamed to insert herself into the children's book she was supposed to illustrate (anatomically incorrect of course) -
With cliffs notes! Long story short she stopped stuffing her craw with lard and she lost a few pounds but is somehow still a fat lazy german pedo -
Dolphy lives in a fantasy world. Everyone knows fat chicks don't have a date to the prom -
Just a quick observation that anyone not up her ass would notice. Where do tits come from? -
Man the harpoons and start pouring the eye bleach! I bet she can sly with those lunch lady arms but the hair under her arms would make too much wind resistance.
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Pale German girl does not equal cute cartoon. How do I make accurate self insert? -
So does this mean she wants to fuck herself??? -
"Our aim is becoming Snapesnogger nagas" -
Dolphy being herself -
Dolphy and Jimmy ohhhh ILU!!!! <3 -
double Dolphy -
ME WANTZ DA FOOOOD HO HO HO! -
fashion sense -
"sexy".... -
Got enough Disney shit?
Her „professional“ Work
In 2012 Dolphy was hired to illustrate a children's book by a very professional publisher with an unhealthy liking for Comic Sans (his discription of Dolphy reads like it was ment to be sarcastic). Because of this important job she quit commissions for a while. The story is about the Pinguin Pompety-Pooh, who bitches around because nobody remembered his birthday. He then escapes into a dream world where he is king and everybody loves him. There are some biographical similarities to Dolphy, which is probably why she agreed on that job, because she related to that unthankful little pinguin.
The illustrations are typical Dolphy-art: fucked up anatomy, perspective and lighting as well as bright plastic-colours. She took the chance and recycled old art for the backgrounds and inserted stuff that wasn't discribed in the text, like racist sterotypes. Because Dolphy knows nothing about character design and is a germanazi, the only way to make characters look different is to use racist stereotypes by giving them different skin colours and clisheed clothes. For example she portais an US-American girl carrying an US-flag and with a blow-job-face. Appropriate much?
However, this time Dolphy realized for once that she totally failed. Seems like she is ashamed for her artistic inability, because she never blurted out this great achievement to her fanherd and never asked anyone to buy this masterpiece like she usually does. She doesn't even show it as a reference for her skillz on her shitty portfolio. In fact, it's not easy to find that book, but we deliver that service for you: Here you go.
What happened to Nosedive?
It's no secret that Dolphy loves cartoon dick. And before there was Jim there was Nosedive. A natural reaction to that name is "Who?" Well we're here to open the vault and go back in time to 1996. Nosedive was the annoying, kid brother of Wildwing and apparently a main character in the lame ass cartoon version of the Mighty Ducks. The cartoon version of the mighty ducks had nothing to do with the movie trilogy and was twice as unnecessary. Featuring anthropomorphic ducks in a world inhabited by humans on the verge of being destroyed by Dinosaurs for some reason. I shit you not, that's what the show is about.
Anyway, for some reason Dolphy took a liking to Nosedive and started sucking his dick back in 1999 - where she produced assloads of crappy pics of her and her beloved as lions, inserting herself into their world as a fellow anthro duck - even though the possibility of more ducks on Earth is impossible. At any rate, Dolphy claims not to be a furry when that's how she started out. When Treasure Planet came out in 2002, Dolphy dumped Nosedive like a turd and proceeded to hump different teenager....a human teenager.
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How does this make any sense...at all -
Apparently her duck self was named Jessie and had a pet tiger name Targi....also she wasn't fat back then. -
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Behold her ability to watch the same crap over and over
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At least she knows she's delusional...I'm pretty sure that's a good thing -
There are literally hundreds of these. -
The beginning of the end for old Nosedive -
At least they are not fighting over her -
Dolphy asking for a threesome
Patterns of her „Love Life“
Jim is now experiencing the same fate as Nosedive did, after Jack Frost won Dolphy's heart. Maybe Jim got too old for her after 12 years of masturbating over him, maybe Dolphy needed fresh young meat as new fuel for her sick dreams to fap on. And Dolphy actually has the guts to justify her pedophile fantasies with depressions.
Her crush on fictional teenage boys has a certain pattern. She prefers the whiny, stubborn characters, because she sees herself in them (does she want to have sex with herself then?) By putting her own screwed up personality as the highest object of attraction, she also has the perfect excuse to never even think about growing out of her childish, whiny, inflexible, stubborn nature. Since no one is attracted to a moody and unfriendly cow with bad teeth, she's still a single virgin. But since she regards herself as perfect just the way she is, the reason for not having a boyfriend is not that she's an unappealing bitch, but because she wants to be single. Nobody is good enough for her. Also, she hates children.
She IS a furry
Dolphy does not have the will to develop or to have own creative ideas – which is why she never thought to attend conventions to earn some extra money. That was until one of her furry friends told her about the existence of places, where people would come to see her amazing art and give her their money. Dollar signs popped up in Dolphy's eyes and the attended EuroFurence – a european furry convention, where she draws pin-up-anthros and jerk-off-files for sexually confused adults, who feel aroused by animals of various kinds. She always denied to be a furry but now she can no longer hide the truth.
Fantasies of a 28 year old woman
Note: These were made in 2007 - 2008 when she was 23 (and should've known better than to put them anywhere on the internet)
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There's no physical way he's in her cunt -
Ditto -
What's wrong with her boobs???Nothing, Jim enjoys wall-eyed titties. -
X'U
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BUTTSECKS!? -
XU -
All that's missing is the bag over her head. -
Jim's dick would have to be twenty feet long in order for them to be having sex at all. -
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XU -
I think this is how lions reproduce. -
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Jim loves grinding his axe in her bush -
XU -
Cock goes where? -
He's suffocating under all that blubber. -
Anatomy is just...perfect -
Where's a paper bag when you need it, eh? -
Jim loves fatties, saggy tits and girls without pubes, apparently. -
HERS. -
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JIM'S PENIS IS SACRED ONLY DOLPHY CAN SEE IT -
Pedo's dream -
She can't draw male genitalia cuz she's never seen it IRL -
DO NOT WANT -
Breasticles -
Porkin' it. -
Still do not want -
Jim says: "If you love me, get lypo." -
Actually their sex life is more like this because out of all the porn pics you never see her giving Jim a blowjob. Selfish bitch...this is very exploitable.
The talented "artist"
Dolphy is so much more than just a grown woman, Mary Sue and a furfag attending animation school with no job. What more could she possibly be, you ask? Well, read on.
NICKNAME : Dolphy
REAL NAME : Susanne Almanstoetter
AGE/BIRTHDAY : 24 / October 4th , 1984 (she's 30 now)
HEIGHT : 1,67 m
WEIGHT : You really think she'll tell ya that? Then you're crazier than she thought! : D
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Isn't this the same thing that happened to poor nosedive: She claims nothing is happening... -
Well getting it right would require her to see a REAL man in REAL life and let's face it that's never going to happen. Still shitty after 10 plus years of drawing this character. -
These pictures are at least 4 years apart and yet they look like they were drawn on the same day -
When it comes to her and Jim she goes all out but on something she get paid to do she really phones it in. -
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This is supposed to represent her relationship with a fictional character -
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voices in my heaaaaaad. Why must I be so popular!!1! It's such a curse being a talented as Dolphy. -
Inspired by guess who! -
Note the differences. And if you don't see them then you need your eyes checked biotch! -
And the variety. -
Fuck you hat0rz.
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The Truth finally comes out -
There are at least a hundred of these in her gallery. Literally. -
Behold Dolphy's sophisticated sense of humor. -
Now THAT'S comedy. -
Her latest shit pile. -
Some other asshole who can't draw basically telling Dolphy she's doing it wrong -
You'll never guess what this is. Ever. -
How could this happen to her?! EMO MOMENTS. -
still NO SUE -
At least Marina doesn't weigh over nine thousand pounds -
Where the heck is she looking? -
Someone paid $60 for this. They should get their money back. -
The snake part is lumpy. -
Penis tower -
One Jim, Two Jim, Short Jim, Tall Jim -
Who needs reference anyway? Amirite!? -
Dolphy haet crit. These comments vanished shortly after they were screencapped. -
Of course anyone who is jealous of anyone is clearly jealous. -
Seriously. Fuck you. -
NOT A SUE GAIZ -
Turns out Dolphy is an anarchist. Or genocidal. -
Dolphy brings the concept of the Divine Right of Kings into the 21st century! -
Oh, and don't forget emo. -
And she fails at sarcasm. -
Moar. -
And moar. -
The beginnings of a bitch fit. -
She continues to take the lulz out of it -
Helpful advice? How dare you give Dolphy advice!? Don't you know she likes being shitty -
bawwwwwwww! -
See what they did there? -
Guess whooooooo -
But there are some things she doesn't lie about. Entirely. -
A sheep strays from the flock...it's for the best. -
A simple yet complex question. -
Someone told her the truth before they were banhammered and hidden.
Even her tracing skills are awesome!
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The good one -
Yeah awesome... Dolphy's original ideas are superb!
Disabling comments
Some time ago Dolphy disabled comments on her deviations, because: it's to much to read and the comments are getting redundant (like she had nothing better to do with her life but to sit infront of her computer all day long and reaply to all her comments).
Whatever she claimes the reason to be, the real reason is that she was sick of getting her pictures critiqued instead of kissing her fat ass worshiping her amazing talent. If somebody advised her what to do different or *gasp* told what was wrong with the picture, she politely yet sternly replied, that she didn't ask for critique and ultimately deleted the comments.
Dolphy has more than once demonstrated that she doesn't need to improve, since she's perfect, or as she put it “it matters what makes the artist happy“. Obviously she is happy with fucking up perspective, lighting and anatomy and to get paid to do so, so stop giving her advice.
However, oh-so-smart Dolphy realized that by disabling comments her fantards could no longer tell her how amazing and groundbreaking her art is. Obviously she couldn't live without perma-ass-patting and enabled comments again after a few weeks - but only on images without obvious perspective issues and flawd human anatomy, to make sure nobody says something meeeen.
Death of a Loved One, trivial compared to a loss of 30 dollars
Only Dolphy, with her legion of retarded fans, can get away with making herself seem like quite the poor starving artist for losing out on a little bit of money (a mere $30 or so?) while on the flip side, someone lost her mother.
Dolphy whined that one of her commissioners was able to get a free sketch from her oh-so-talented hands. This fan commissioned from Dolphy a picture dedicated to her recently dead mother. Dolphy usually shows her commissioners a sketch before the commissioner has to pay, and this episode was no exception. The commissioner was probably busy burying her dead mother, so paying an internet artist for something as trivial as this probably wouldn't be her top priority, and so she never answered Dolphy's emails.
Most other artists would let it be. Not finish the picture and be done with it--or perhaps even make it a gift for this poor girl. But Dolphy threw a bitch fit. She finished the picture, posted it on her DA site and bitched about how she got ripped off in true attention whore fashion.
Her fans whined with her in chorus. What cruel person could take advantage of poor Dolphy like that, after all. Screw your dead mother, Dolphy needs that $30 to buy more Jim memorabilia she can masturbate to!
And of course, Dolphy was eventually paid that money by fellow basement-dweller Dagerom [1]. That’s right, some idiot thought, “Oh, the injustice!”, paid Dolphy the money, and will see nothing from it.
Dolphy needs some moar asspats and money, plz.
The Concept Art Incident
—some troll wannabe | ||
On August 26, 2008, an unfunny newfag did it wrong and took a couple pieces of Dolphy's art to parade in front of the drawfags over at ConceptArt. It drew expected criticism on anatomy and perspective to which the obvious fail troll responded with standard boring and painfully fake butthurt, succeeding in generating a total of zero lulz. The thread was quickly locked as the Conceptart forumers realized obvious troll is obvious.
The real Dolphy was promptly alerted by her legion of fantards, posting a call to arms in her DA journal. Naturally her fanfucks flooded Conceptart to swamp the mods with hundreds of reports of the offender, and spamming the Conceptart Lounge with Dolphy Support threads. Insults and accusations flew as over 100 comments were posted in her journal, her fans foaming at the mouth, and lashing out at the troll, Conceptart's obvious jealousy at Dolphy's mad skillz, and accusing ED for their sins against Dolphy. The incident ended with with fans offering Dolphy asspats and e-penis sucking to ease the unjust cruelty of having her work unwillingly critiqued.
For the Love of Love (Troll Artwork and Exploitables)
Sparklekitty x Jim has quite the fan-following ever since Dolphy popularized it.
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It's so true. Just look at her fantasy gallery XU -
Though she'll never admit her syle is just ripped from TLK -
Give her money and she'll give you a picture she spent ten minutes drawing and five minutes slapping photoshop filters on -
While dolphy dreams of fucking a bird Jim is thinking of something more important -
Any woman the comes between Dolphy and fictional precious will get the evil eye. Kind of predictable that Jim likes asian chicks -
Jim is tired of being Dolphy's play thing and wishes for sweet death after being forced to play out her fantasy -
Put the poor boy out of his misery -
THIS is how lions mate. Dolphy masturbates to the thought of screwing paper and ink
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Jim's dick finally appears after he pops a few viagra. No way in hell he's naturally attracted to FAT -
Fun fact kids, you let furries fuck you up the ass you'll get worms! -
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Oh the possibilities -
Jizz for Milady? -
He's so big! He's so black! -
Such high society social commentary -
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FIXED!!
Dolphy failing IRL
Dolphy's biggest dream was to one day become an animation artist for Disney. She managed to get a rare and expensive place at in animation school workshop, where she produced exactly one shitty animated short and recieved professional criticicm. Dolphy, addicted to ass pats and worship, couldn't handle the constructive feedback. She immediately abandoned her big dream and wanted to become a freelance artist instead, hoping that nobody would ever say "meen stuff" about her art.
But because she can't earn enough money with her art to "pay her bills" (which stands for food, since her parents pay her rent end everything else), she needed a real job. But instead of working in an art- or design-related branche, where she could use her talents and grow as an artist and a person, she chose the most easy, stupid job she could find: She works 2 days a week in a supermarket for 400 bucks a month in order to have enough time for her amazing artz. Turned out she hates that job, but she does it for the money (She tried to be a hooker, but nobody wanted to fuck that stinky blob her vagina is). Not much to go wrong here, right? Well, it wouldn't be Dolphy if she didn't fuck that up. Her boss made her sign a contract, that Dolphy didn't read. Turned out she had to work more for less money. After she realized what that contract actually meant for her, she posted a desperate rant on her life journal account, describing how she contacted a online-lawyer, annoying him with questions, how she could possibly get out of this dilemma. The laywer showed her the middle-finger, because you can't sue somebody for your own stupidity (not in germany at least).
Lately she posted on her Furaffinity-Account, that she wants moar money for her commissions, which again shows that Dolphy completely lost contact to reality. Nobody would pay that much to an artist, who isn't willing to take the time to learn anatomy and perspective properly or at least how to use references. Her poll about wether people want to support her on patreon also failed miserably.
So instead of conquering the world, getting an art-related job and maybe even developing as a personality by mastering the ups and downs of life, she hides in her tiny apartment between her the masses of disney merchandise, drawing ugly stuff for ugly people. In 10 years, when we all remember the good times we hung out at ED when we were bored, Dolphy will still do the same dull bullshit without any change at all. Dolphy fails at living a proper life. Also, she doesn't want a real boyfriend, because it's enough for her to long and lust over cartoon dick. She has the guts to say that she wants it that way and that she's all so happy (where do her depressions come from then?).
Dolphy the Skilled Author
Dolphy's also into the fanfiction business! Doesn't that surprise you? But being a very skilled author she would NEVAR write Mary Sue fics. Here's an example from her "me did writy writy, wanna see?" page:
—Dolphy |
Dolphy's latest obsession
Sometime last Thursday, Dolphy and her retarded friends decided to make a cartoon. This triggered Dolphy's lastest obsession, kiwis. That's right, those fucktarded birds that resemble hairy testicles. You can enjoy her Kiwi artwork, or, watch her shitty movie here. Please troll at your own convience.
What basically happens in the movie is a stupid bird is emo because all the other animals have fuck buddies but he/she/it doesn't. In a fit of emo raeg, it somehow knocks a fruit out of a tree, and decides to fuck it (sex scene tastefully cut out, but plenty of foreplay, post coital and morning after scenes included). The fruit, pissed off at being raped, decides to make a break for it. Some fatass retard sporting a pedo beard grabs the stupid bird and tries to kill it. The retarded chicken ends up tapping some other trap bird who is offended, but then gives in and gets fucked. The end.
Fun fact: Dolphy does the voice of the bird in this film. Imagine our Dolphy, fat and fugly as ever, in a studio, sighing, purring, and gasping into a microphone. Feel disgusted yet?
Another fun fact: The film is impossible to fap to. Go on. Try it.
Yet another fun fact: The film was so bad, that it never had a chance to win the Hamburg animation award. Yet, Dolphy was offended that the jury did not cherish her masterpiece. She then planned to earn some extra-money with commissions until she found a real job. Well, it's 8 years later and nothing has changed.
Dolphy's obsession with RotG
In 2012, 10 years after the release of Treasure Planet, Dolphy cheated on Jim with yet another teenage-cartoon-character, namely Jack Frost from the lame movie Rise of the Guardians.
She claimes not to lust over frozen dick, however, her own words proof her wrong: She doesn't get tired to throw tantrums of jealousy when somebody ships Jack with Elsa (from Disney's Frozen).
She is so obsessed with that movie, that not only did she write about 700 pages of fanfiction but also got it printed as a book in 2014, so she could also fap to her fantasies during a power blackout.
That massive amount of work also explains, why Dolphy doesn't have time to learn how not to fuck up a picture and constantly bawwws about how stressful her life is.
Horseshittastic
Horsetastic is a shitty webcomic Dolphy conned some bitch into paying her to do. It's an amazing, original, hilarious cartoon about horses doing horse things. Her creative, totally original characters are as follows:
There's also a little girl but Dolphy doesn't care about her because she's into little boys. For some reason the horses put up with the girl instead of stomping her to death.
Ways to Troll her
It's always fun messing with someone as stuck up as Dolphy. She gets aggravated at the littlest things. One very common one is when people don't read her TL;DR artist comments on her pictures. Tread lightly, this bitch isn't afraid to block anyone she feels will cause her drama and ruin her perfect stream of ass kissing comments.
1. Ask who the girl in her pictures is
2. Ask who the guy in her pictures is
3. Ask if she does requests/trades/anything without having to pay her
4. Tell her beta fish are stupid
5. Tell her that Jack and Elsa make a much better couple
6. Tell her Jim would never date a fat girl like her and link to a skinny Treasure Planet OC
7. Tell her Jim isn't real
8. Ask her why she draws Jim with white hair
9. Ask her about her porn art of her and Jim
10. Ask why she dumped Nosedive
11. Tell her she's not perfect and needs improvement i.e. THE TRUTH!
12. Ask why Jim is making out with his sister/mom
13. ????
14. PROFIT!!
See Also
External Links
- Dolphy
Dolphiana- Her Facebook-Page
- Her portfolio website. It's empty except for a few crappy sketches because all she draws is fanart and furry shit
now-famous porn- baleeted!- Her Youtube account
- Her Lion King sue art
- Dolphy shits on 9/11 victims with her furfaggotry
- Her Furaffinity-Account
- Dolphy Banned from SA
- Dolphy seeks like minded BBW
- Dolphy's official site - closed
- furry-to-furry account?
- second f2f account? wtf?
- buy Dolphy toys on patched together!
- About-Page of her publisher with a short introduction about Dolphy
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Dolphy is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Dolphy is part of a series on Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage. |
