2009

2009 has been yet another banner year that has blessed us with some of the more notable internet happenings that you have come to expect from this wonderful medium that we choose to exploit and use. The usual gang of internet nerds, retards, and angry mobsters have outdone themselves once again and have made 2009 an unexpectedly grand year in lulz. Folks like crusader cat have offered us a chance to brighten our days with laughter, while memes such as Zalgo have given us a pause where we might reflect upon the fact that this internet thing is quite silly, and finally, the Dan Lirette story taught us that babies only die when you kick them in the head.

But that's not all—2009 showed us the softer side of the internet as well. Heartwarming tales such as Kenny Glenn, Cheyenne Cherry, Camille Marino, DracoGuard, and Esachasa displayed mankind's ever-open heart, sympathy, and his ability to show compassion for his fellow animals.

And that's not all! Encyclopedia Dramatica also showcased several misfortunes that senselessly deprived us of our beloved entertainers. Massive buttgrief and sorrow was expended upon the deaths of Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, Patrick Swayze, and Ted Kennedy.

There have been some good irl trolls as well, the biggest being Tony48219, but let's not forget the most spectacular troll of all: the fact that Encyclopedia Dramatica turned 5 this year despite all of its detractors, skeptics, haters, and doubters. During the festivities P-p-p-powerbook! won the contest for best article ever, upsetting Chris-chan. And on top of all of this internet hoopla, ED got its own forum, which would make it a tradition to destroy itself once a week.

Once again, the most important thing to know before reading this article is that Fred Bauder cannot practice law in the state of Colorado due to soliciting a client's wife for prostitution.

Drama and events from 2009

Video

January

The face that launched 1,000,000 shit brix.

Agent Pubeit happens.

Man covers himself in pubes of others. TAKE THAT, SCIENTOLOGY!

Boxxy takes over the internets.

All it took was a 16-year old girl to pull apart the fine fabric of insanity that is /b/.

EXTREME ANIMALS front paged.

I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO GOD DAMN FUNNY

Faggot Bruce pops up on youtube

And ur butt.

Jett Travolta dies.

Psychiatrists immediately blamed

Mark Gormley teaches us all about the powerstance.

A very extreme video

Nancy Pelosi does a rickroll

Good night, sweet meme.

Rod Blagojevich gets impeached and removed from being governor of Illinois

Lol 114-1 vote

The Dangerous Pictures Act comes into force on the 26th of this month, bricks are shat by many Britfags

Especially those with Goatse as their Windows backdrop.

February

Dan144x

Cross-dressing, animal torturing, mentally unbalanced, rageaholic faggot who will never forget your slander and will have his/her revenge.

ED:Upgrade 2009

Encyclopedia Dramatica was read only for 24ish hours as we went from web 1.0 to 2.5. ED is slow is now old meme.

God Hates Fags banned from the U.K.

Brits rejoice with plentiful amounts of sodomy.

Kenny Glenn /b/ actually has a heart.

When it came to 4chan's attention that some loser dipshit was abusing a cat, it took the internet superheroes less than 24 hours for to identify, locate and dispatch the Party Van.

Octomom makes a website begging for moeny.

Oh, and we found out that she was unemployed, uneducated, and wanted to look like Angelina Jolie.

Superbowl XXX

February started with a bang of lulz when a Comcast employee in the Phoenix area decided the game needed to be livened up a bit, with cock.

Tabula Rasa shuts down

Gamerfags given the chance to go outside; too bad they all just played some other mmo.

Travis the Killer Chimp

What have we learned here? Chimps are not people too. They are psychopathic killing machines that will eat your face if you change your hairstyle.

Vince Offer beats up a hooker.

You'll be saying lol every time.

Xzibit gets sick of being a meme

Throws a fit on twitter.

March

Brittany Holechko cries on skype over some bullshit

PRETTY TOUGH FOR SOMEONE NAMED INTERNET HATE MACHINE

Egg Girl

/b/'s newest camwhore. Instead of posting tits, this one posts eggs.

Get On IRC Fgt

Encyclopedia Dramatica, in a moment of insanity, re-opened the "kiddie pool" on the IRC server...lulz ensued.

Girugamesh

A terribly embarrassing commercial for an anime convention turns into annoying internet sensation.

Jade Goody dies.

Her most notable act.

John Katehis

Eat your heart out, Chris Hansen; this guy not only hunts pedophiles, he does something about it.

Josef Fritzl sentenced to life in prison.

Men's prison. Not little girl's prison.

Louise Ogborn

2004: A girl gets tricked into stripping nude and giving an old guy a BJ in a McDonald's back room, caught on security camera. The man is eventually arrested and sued for the event. 2009: Uncensored video footage of said event leaks on to 4chan. The internet collectively orgasms.

PIFTS.EXE

Many Norton product users have been discovering a file called Norton_PIFTS 3-9-2009 19h29m27s.txt sitting in their computer's C:\temp folder.

Space Bat

A bat hitches a ride on the Discovery, quits irl.

Tyler Juett

I'm starting to accept my babby did do some bad things, I am very sorry for his actions, it wasn't the first time he did this.

Watchmen released

300 pt. 2 in internet popularity.

April

Tony48219 becomes the first YouTube an hero

Angry Homo Kid

He is here to preach the word of God, promote the music of My Chemical Romance, and let you know that HE IS NOT GAY!!!11!11!1

Columbine's 10th anniversary

Nevar forget.

Dick Neck does newgrounds

Has a fellatable neck.

Pig Flu

HOLY SHIT EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE!!!1

The Hipster Grifter

Do you like beards? Do you want to throw your hot dog down a hallway? Of course you do. Just make sure you have plenty of cash.

The R Word

Apparently, retards have feelings, and every time you use the word "retard", you make them feel sad inside and... well... retarded.

This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle is expiring

Proving, once again, the absolute power of /b/ when they have their panties in a knot, someone finally decided to wage war against annoying telemarketers.

Tony48219 on YouTube Template:Youtube2 killed fellow YouTuber Template:Youtube2 after an epic, biblical-like, online flame war.

Possible winner of the Golden iPod award.

Tubcat dies.

RIP internet's first namecat.

Zalgo

Z͉̙̊͠A͇͈̳̹̤͊̅̐ͤ̎͋̚͘L͂̀̚G̺͎̮̟̽̒͗ͫ̿̌O̪͔͇̜̩͎̪͗ͥ̓́̀ͥ ̦̲̫̘̊̒̿̃i̦̼̻ͣͥ̕s̤͚̺̻̻̮̭̆ ͤ̂҉͚̭̪̘̣͍̙c̴͙̃̐ͣͨ̈́ô͍͈̜̣̺̎̃͌́ͅͅm͈̭͔̦̮̩͇̓̒̅̒̽͞iͦ̀n̲͈̝̹̺͕ͮğͯ͂ͫ ̫̭ͩ͠t̲̻̳̗͑o͆͑͌̿̔ ͟r͍̦͎̳͇͈̱̆̔ͦ̊ͭ͗̌u̼͒ͫ́̾̐ͨ͠i̥̩͙̖ͣͫ̂̄͛͌͘ṉ̬̀̌ͤͥ̓̍̑͜ ̥̥̠̦͇̹ͨ͛ͨ͗y͕̝̫͓̭͈͒ͨ̅͛̔ͅo̱̝̟̼̺̻ͨͨ͗̌͝u̙̜ͬͪr͙̗̪̟͔̞̭͒ ͇͕̬̝̃̓͒̏̽͘ͅͅt̨̹̟͍̫e̫̲̯̒ẍ̪͖̑́̓̏t̺̹ͪͯ̉ͮ̎s͌ͬ̓̃ ̟ͯͨ̃̀ͬ̚̚̕a̟̞͚̮̻ͮ̿́̋̅̂̚͢n͉̈́d͎͉́̇ͯ̊ͣ͗ ̡̝̘̯͙͚͍̔͊̈̍ͨb̹̱͈̦͓̲͒ͩͤ̆ͭͯ̆l̔a̅ͣ͝cͣ̄ͭk̠̞ę̝̖̫̦̗͛́͂̉ṋ̥̓̀ ̗̱͎͕̉̅̂̀ͩ͒ͫu͙͖̱͚ͥ̉̓̓́́p̠̖̜̺̳͓̄ ̗͈̩̪̲͂̽͌͐͒͜y͚ͫͨ͗ͤo͚̜uͨ҉̻͉̫͉̬͚̯r̭̩̫͉̘ͪ̈́̃̀̋̈́́̚ ͮͤ͌̿ͬ̊̕p͈̥̰̖͒̍̊̉i̷̐̍͊̈̀̾́c̢͉̣͈͎̤s̳̤̱̲̜͍̍ͮͥ̚͡.̴͎̻͎̮͔́

ED is mentioned in a leaked government document "2009 Virginia Terrorism Threat Assessment" (on Slashdot)

May

Creepy Chan likes period blood

And getting second on a top rated reality show

Dreamwidth comes,

goes

FreeRealms hits 1 million

Casualfags win

Mattmurderface is gonna take down ED.

And If you EVER criticize anything on his profile, he will throw a shit fit and threaten to kill and rape you.

Operation YouTube

A mass upload of porn onto YouTube with tags such as MarbleCake, Jonas Brothers, and Hannah Montana. YouTube admins got really pissed off, lulz were had on a scale that surpassed 9,000, and Rules 1 and 2 were broken on several occasions by trolls and newfags, several of which were interviewed by the BBC.

The Dan Lirette Story!

The goons at Something Awful uncover a story rife with deceit, hypocrisy, and illicit affairs: that of Myah Walker, Dan Lirette, and their braindead lovechild.