Avril Lavigne

She thinks every wannabe punk tween wants to be her.

Avril Lavigne is a 15 year old rebellious punk who is talentless and fuckable just like all good female singers. Her image is of a rebellious teenager, but she doesn’t really cause any problems other than what she does for videos. She can’t really play a guitar or skateboard, and all those songs she “wrote” at sixteen are actually coauthored by others. She doesn’t know who the Sex Pistols are, because whatever happened before her birth was irrelevant, yet she fancies herself as a modern day Sid Vicious.

Her lyrics are thought provoking, and the songs themselves have a very pop sound because…they ARE pop. No matter how much she wants to kick and scream that it’s not, it is. She’s got a fashion line full of things that are already popular in the mainstream (ex. Short shorts, foil graphic tees, skinny jeans, oversized graphic hoodies) but with slight differences (Her clothing started out at the ever glam Kohl's but you can find it at Ross now for dirt cheap).

If you've never been subjected to her music and are thinking of looking some of it up now on YouTube, you do so at your own risk.

2 Girls 1 Cup was never this shitty.

Learning to Play Guitar and Skate

File:Avril boobs8.jpg

I'll bet she got those so you can watch her pretend to play the guitar.

Avril Lavigne has a completely fake manufactured image designed to sell records and mainstream styles (in pink and black of course) to tween whores shopping at Hot Topic.

In an issue of J-14, Avril said "Once I sit down with the guitar, I write about what I'm feeling that day." In Time magazine she said, "I sit down with a guitar player usually.” So does SHE play the guitar or not? Album credits list her as playing guitar for ONE song.

In the same J-14 article, she claims that "I wrote all those songs when I was sixteen." However, credits show her as a cowriter along with a multitude of professional song writers. Her image is of an independent, female guitar playing songwriting skateboarding singing prodigy, when that’s simply NOT the case.

She skateboards in her videos, poses with her skateboard for publicity shots, and told YM magazine that she’s a good skateboarder. In an MTV interview, she talked about how the director of “Complicated” asked her to skate in the video, but didn’t because said “No, dude, I suck!” That sounds a great deal like her guitar shenanigans – posing with it, playing a few chords, claiming to be good at it, but when it all comes down to it she really can’t.

Fake Image: Bitchy Hypocrite & Retarded Lyrics

File:Magcoveravril.jpg

Why Avril still has a career.

	“	What's happened to Britney (Spears) is all down to who she is as a person. If you want a piece of this business you have to be able to deal with it. You can't complain about the pressures, the paparazzi, the madness because that's the job.	„
	—Avril lavigne, moments before spitting on paparazzi, yelling fuck you at them and fans alike, and signing fan’s merchandise with “fuck you”

	“	Today, I rejected some gorgeous publicity shots because they just didn't look like me. I won't wear skanky clothes that show off my booty, my belly or boobs. I have a great body. I could be Britney. I could be better than Britney, but I'm selling my music, not my body.	„
	— Avril Lavigne

File:Avril lavigne.jpg

The multitalented April Lavage about to demonstrate how to play chopsticks on the piano whilst smoking a tab.

It sounds like she rejected them because she thought she was showing off too much…in which case, why did she pose like that in the first place?

“Image is a personal choice. I'd rather be seen as me than for not wearing anything. When I first started out in music I was 17. I didn't want to wear the clothes that everyone wanted me to wear. I wore my tank top and Doc Martens boots and I'm glad I did because I was so different from everyone else.” Now she wears her fashion label “Abbey Dawn” which she mass markets as unique even though it looks exactly like what’s in fashion right now, just in a different pattern, glittery skulls with hearts and bows, zebra print, and lots of pink, purple, and black. She also wears Chanel, which is totally ALT3RNAT1VE!!!111

“Nobody tells me what to wear. Trust me. I'm a girl and I'm growing up. I wrote my first album when I was a 16-year-old skater who wore size 32 pants and hoodies. I was a tomboy. I had an older brother I looked up to, and I hung out with mostly guys. Now I'm into skirts. I'm growing up, I'm changing, I'm becoming a woman. That happens to girls - they become women.” I understand that your style has changed, but are you saying that females that dress more masculine aren’t “women” and haven’t grown up? Also, you were a skater? Really? See above.

	“	"I want people to watch my video and not be staring at my girl parts but to be listening to my lyrics, and hearing what I have to say, and watching me rock out on my guitar."	„
	— Avril Lavigne

First of all, she can't even play guitar. Second, why did she do a show wearing a Hooters outfit? She also subsequently got a noticeable breast augmentation, and wore outfits that showed it off.

Don't look at my body! Listen to my shitty lyrics!

Now about what she has to say in those deep lyrics…

“You’re trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me” (Complicated) The song that made her famous is about a person that changes their looks and personality to impress others. In the video, Avril and co. are trashing a mall and causing all sorts of teenage mayhem. She smashes her guitar in the end of the video, presumably symbolic of what she has done to modern music. She has the image of a “rebellious” skater teenager with an attitude. Yet the song is about someone who’s doing the same thing.

“I never spend less than an hour, washin’ my hair in the shower, it always takes five hours to make it straight. So I’ll braid it a zillion braids though it may take a friggin’ day, there’s nothin’ else better to do anyway” (My World). Oh, what a small shallow world it must be…

Avril’s also said, "I don't write 'Oh-baby-baby' songs. I'm a skater punk who writes guitar driven rock." Allow me to cite her song, “Things I’ll Never Say”:

I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect Cause I know you're worth it You're worth it Yeah La da da da La da da da

Fake Image: Wannabe Punk Poseur

File:Punkrocklifeavril.jpg

Makeup and booze are her only real friends.

File:Avrilpinkpartyhat.jpg

Avril parties dressed like a wannabe stoned scene kid skater with ghetto hoop earrings. PUNK ROCK.

	“	People are like, 'Well, she doesn't know the Sex Pistols.' Why would I know that stuff? Look how young I am. That stuff's old, right?	„
	— Avril Lavigne

Yes, it’s old but it’s part of the origins of punk. Should really learn about history.

	“	I created Punk for this day and age. Do you see Britney walking around wearing ties and singing punk? Hell no. That's what I do. I'm like a Sid Vicious for a new generation.	„
	— Avril Lavigne

If you don’t know about the Sex Pistols, what the hell do you know about Sid Vicious – the bassist of the Sex Pistols? Punk has been around much longer than she has, despite the fact that she’s apparently not willing to acknowledge the existence of anything that occurred before she was born. She’s nowhere near as counter-cultural as punk was when it started, and acts NOTHING like Sid Vicious. Though hopefully she’ll OD on heroin soon (though more likely Oxycontin and Xanax cuz she's a pussy).

	“	I never once said I was punk. I don't want to be punk. I'm just a really strong, opinionated person. Though I do like punk	„
	— Avril Lavigne

I thought you were quoted as saying you CREATED punk for “this day and age”, and also claimed to "sing punk"? Plus you have the word “PUNK” written on several of the items from your own fashion line.

"When it is suggested that even then her tastes were kind of pop-oriented, her head snaps up as though she's been slapped. 'New country,' she says, as though pop music is somehow less cool than new country. Then again, it seems any music is better than pop music in Lavigne's eyes. Later, when it is mentioned that she seems poised for pop stardom, she is quick to correct. 'No, no, no. Rock stardom,' she says forcefully. 'I don't like using the term pop star because that's not my personality. My personality is like a rock star. I'm hardcore.'" (Taken from Nationalpost.com.) She sings pop music (I’d say she writes it, but her coauthors might take offense), but insists on labeling herself as something other than what she is, because obviously, she hates herself and delusions make her feel better.

Being punk is, at it’s core, being yourself and not being ashamed of who you are, regardless if society says it’s acceptable or not. Yet Avril constantly contradicts herself, and is so ashamed of who she is, a pop singer, she has convinced herself otherwise and is intent on trying to convince others as well. Frankly, if you have to say you're tough and hardcore, you're not.

	“	I'm convinced we could solve the world energy needs if we could somehow manage to harness the energy of Joey Ramone and Sid Vicious turning in their graves every time some one used Avril Lavigne and Punk together in a sentence.	„
	—JSP

Fake Image: She's Retarded

Her tits...If you can name those as tits.lol SMALL

Strung out, trying to promote her fashion line by wearing her own shit clothing.

“Fans at Avril Lavigne's Canadian homecoming were left stunned after the singer displayed an embarrassing lack of geographical knowledge. Lavigne, 23, shocked concertgoers at her Montreal show by incorrectly stating what province she was in. "I love you Montreal, I'm so happy to be back home...in Ontario, Canada," Lavigne said to the crowd. Montreal is actually a city in Quebec." (Ninemsn). This seems like a good time to remind everyone that she is FROM Canada.

	“	"People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."	„
	—Avril Lavigne

If she’s so comfortable with herself, then why does she constantly try to convince people she’s a “rock star” when she’s a pop star. If she was actually comfortable with herself, she'd accept that and move on. This reminds me of something a notoriously filthy, self-righteous, self-centered, bitchy slut once said: "I'm smart, and anyone who thinks I'm not is stupid." Great logic.

	“	I'm getting more famouser by the day.	„
	— Avril Lavigne

Did I mention she dropped out of school?

Avril Lavigne has a star tattoo on her wrist, which she got at the same time her friend and associate Ben Moody got an identical one. She also has a heart with the letter "D" in it, in honor of her (then) husband. Her tiny badly placed tattoos are VERY hardcore.

"Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I'm tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It's good if you're not easily ignored. And I'm not." Actually, with Avril, you get an image of a wannabe-rebel/punk who constantly contradicts herself. Not to mention she says she has a rock/punk sound when she doesn't. At least Kelly Clarkson knows who the fuck she is.

Typical Skanky Hollywood Socialite

She's been photographed on vacation without her husband, flirting with other men, getting drunk and partying, but namely hanging around Brandon Davis. He's an oil heir that's dated both Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton (which Avril has been photographed hanging out with). She’s divorcing her husband, Deryck Whibley (singer of Sum 41) and plans on moving in with Brandon Davis (who has never lived with a woman before, as he's never reached that level of commitment. Guess she wants to clean up Lohan's and Hilton's left overs).

She uses her false status as a "rebel" as an excuse to be a bitch, parties and flirts just like any other Hollywood socialite, and has been safely packaged as a plastic image of what it means to be “punk” for the masses, complete with shallow music, a fashion line with nothing original, and a perfume.

The Avril Troll

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Avril luvz Paris Hilton's leftovers cuz she's got good taste in men!

Avril vs. Thatcher. With no rings it's pretty tough to win. Having said that you get as many attempts as you like because there is no limit to sockpuppetry on TOW.

The Avril "Troll" was a prolific Wikipedia vandal, active 2003-2008. Not until 2007, however, did the vandalism escalate, leading to a spate of treads on the administrator's noticeboard. Many Wikipedos suspected Grawp-like activity, but they as usual were wrong, as it's not his modus operandi.

The Avril Trolls' goal in life was to to punish Wikipedia for its under-representation of Avril Lavigne, which is further evidence that Avril Lavigne fans are fucking retarded. Avril started out on the Reference Desk, flooding the desks with inane questions about Avril Lavigne, her music, hair styles, hat size, height, diet, shoe size, and anything else vaguely relating to Avril Lavigne. Populated entirely by no-life grammar nazis and officious admin wannabes, the Reference Desk talk page quickly generated enough discussion on Avril and how to deal with her to fill several books. Editing from a massive public ip range, Wikipedia admins found it virtually impossible to block or stop Avril. Instead, the Reference Desk tried WP:DENY Avril to little effect.

Outside the reference desk, Avril mostly vandalized high use templates to spread "happy birthday Avril" messages across Wikipedia. Other notable events included exploiting a new subpage moving feature to pagemove thousands of Wikipedia admins' userpages and all related talk page archives at once [1] [2] eventually resulting in developers disabling the feature for non-admins.

This led to some ED users changing the Avril Lavigne page from a redirect to "16-year-old girl" into something of an article, with many disparaging references towards Avril Lavigne. Since the Avril troll shows no mercy and forgiveness to those who dis Avril Lavigne, she became an enemy of Encyclopedia Dramatica, and was very offended at the slightest thing said against Avril Lavigne. This was particularly lulzworthy as it caused the Avril Lavigne troll to come out with death threats and other threats of violence against ED and its users;

	“	Can someone please revert the Avril Lavigne article back to the redirect, and I promise I wont edit war anymore. Please it is hurtful the nasty things being said about her. If you don't I will shift my vandalism focus from Wikipedia to here, I have a 30mbs internet connection and I can crash this site if you don't so just do it now please.	„

Since the citizens of ED do not take well to being told what to do by some butthurt faggot with an obsession over a female pop singer, they decided to hurl insults at Avril Lavigne.

	“	I hope you all burn and die! I hope your internal organs fall out into a vat of boiling acid while you're still alive to feel all the pain. I hope in ten thousand years people spit on your graves. I'm going to find out where you live and put fireworks through your letterboxes and pour red ants onto you and they will sham-wow your skinny nerdy faces until you die of sham-wow overdose. I don't give a fuck what you do on this site anymore, as my goal now is to destroy encyclopediadramatica so it won't matter what you say. This crappy site betrays the author's staggering ignorance. So go ahead, say what you want because it will all be gone when I'm through with you. [1] Die and burn, I curse you all to miserable lives devoid of happiness. And you don't like Liz Vicious??? What are you people on?!? Is this site populated by 26 salmon-breeders, 14 guninea fowl, 6 molluscs, 4 Bulgarian toad-frogs and a leech? She is totally hot, not as hot as Avril but a good second. You'd be lucky if they kicked you in the nuts as that is about the most action any of you freaks are likely to get. The word vagina is pipe dream to you. Just keep telling yourselves its not the penis that is small, its the girl that is huge. One day you might believe it. God, you are all just freaks.	„

Since then nothing else happened, and in late 2008 the Avril Troll finally died. With the introduction of the edit filter over at Wikipedia most large scale vandals have admitted defeat, instead focusing back on the good old art of trolling which the edit filter is powerless against

Avril Lavigne is a fucking alcoholic

File:Avrildrunkho.jpg

"MORE ALCOHOL! I wanna kill more brain cells to make more shitty music!"

Avril Lavigne is a fucking alcoholic. The bitch can drink more booze than your typical Russian, since she is your typical Canadian, after all. Avril Lavigne likes to get drunk and enjoy life.

	“	BLAAHHH pthew	„
	—cunt

Her most popular song ever.

Quotes and memorable events

Epic Reference Desk Trolling - the first and so far best disruptor of the Reference Desk
Wikipedians shit their pants - the page move extravaganza
Wikitravel - so easy to vandalize it's just not fun

	“	[It's] the equivalent of vomiting on yourself in public and gauging the success of that magnificent operation by how many people see it. I mean, sure, it was a successful act of vandalism, but that doesn't make it meaningful.	„
	—Captain Disdain (talk) 00:10, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

	“	I've had it with these people. Using Twinkle to create hundreds of edit summaries that (1) viciously attack another editor and (2) contain a link to a browser-crashing obscene website is about as bad as it gets. Also, if you look at the contribution history of these IPs, they're all schools in England with nothing but vandalism and multiple prior blocks in their histories.	„
	—NawlinWiki (talk) 15:36, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

	“	In case you were wondering, I looked up "Princess Abbey Dawn" -- it's Avril Lavigne's clothing line. :)	„
	—NawlinWiki (talk) 17:57, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

	“	A new user has been removing wikilinks to "cactus" ... I would like to inform the user that this is inappropriate. However the user's talk page has been deleted and protected. Axl (talk) 14:10, 20 August 2008 (UTC)	„
	—Axl (talk) 14:10, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

	“	Checkuser findings indicate that this person is the Refdesk troll. She is on too many IPs at the exact same times as other trolls in this family to be coincidental use of school computers, plus other technical findings I can not discuss specifically.	„
	—Thatcher 13:19, 23 May 2008 (UTC

	“	I got a kick out of the Avril questions.	„
	—--Endless Dan 12:37, 13 May 2008 (UTC}

	“	Tried to revert vandalism. Just more comes out. I think it is a bot, to say the least. Sigh.	„
	—Ottava Rima 16:14, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

	“	I have a question about this particular troll: Why is it when I go to certain pages (on the page for Avril Lavigne and, oddly, on the page for the Irish group Clannad) I see the following that scrolls with the page: "AVRIL LAVIGNE ROCKZ MY SOCKZ! Brought to you by the Avril Troll - On return from Wikibreak!" It makes reading the Clannad page (I was looking up some of the albums - I could care less about Avril) very difficult.	„
	—random wikipedia reader