User:Pedrobear/Enneagram

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	“	I'm a counterphobic 6w5 sx/sp!	„
	—typical Enneagram test taker example

Much like the MBTI, only instead of being based in psychology and science, it's rooted in ancient religious traditions and correlates with Freudian nonsense.

The System

The Enneagram of Personality is a matrix that is separated into nine arbitrary types, each of them a number*. It's made all the moar complicated when you consider wings** & instinctual variants, so we'll just ignore them like dumpster babies.

Type	Nickname	Description
2	The Helper	Typically women, you know where they belong. Ideally suited for jobs such as nurse, cashier, secretary, maid, butler, waiter or postal worker, they are the backbone of the social service industry. No joke, they will do anything for you, even if you don't ask, as long as you show your appreciation for their servitude. Otherwise, they will turn evil and throw a passionate, terrifying fit.
3	The Achiever	Mostly yuppies and other corporate workaholic types, they deliberately inspire envy in others and motivate them to become moar liek them. Too bad they are completely shallow, doing all they can to keep up their crumbling facade of high status. They also have no souls and often join cults; in fact, some argue these are the type who killed Jeebus, so do your part, my good fellow.
4	The Individualist	Avant-garde fags, they constantly write shitty poetry and brood over their deep, dark emotions. Due to their refined taste in just about everything, they are easy targets for abuse and are prone to become an heroes. They are more in tune with other's repressed, suppressed feelings than any other type, so therefore are found in droves on DeviantArt and are often furries or vampires.
5	The Observer	By far the most elusive of the types, they are often basement dwellers who spend hours a day mulling over their particular area(s) of interest. Though many become successful scientists or award winrars, most are neckbeard hackers or, at worst, terrorists. Due to their introverted behavior, they're usually permavirgins who die alone. Being the type most likely to spend half their time on the internet, they make up about 42% of the deep userbase population.
6	The Loyalist	Easily encountered everywhere in the world, they usually fail outside of the most minimally functional routines and are often mundane blue collar laborers. In their spare time, they are usually found hanging out at shitty nightclubs & bars, working out or taking energy boosters, playing vidyagames or listening to hardcore music like rap, rock or techno. Because of this, they make the perfect suckers for PUA techniques, if only they actually had balls.
7	The Enthusiast	Ever the entertainers, they are the class clowns most often found on YouTube making over 9000 incredibly annoying and nauseating videos, as well as most of the trolls in the comment sections. Frequently immature and full of drama, they will throw a hueg tantrum shall their hyperactive and self-indulgent lifestyle be somehow threatened. They are the type most often addicted to harder drugs.
8	The Challenger	The most domineering, controlling and aggressive type, they tend to come to the defense of society's "dark horses", and destroy anyone who stands in their way. To them, nothing and noone is to be trusted, which is why most of them tend to be racists, even when a minority. When they're not raeping or starting fights with those who disagree with them, they'll go into hiding if someone tries to pwn them by pointing out their shortcomings.
9	The Peacemaker	The type most resistant to change, they like to maintain peace, harmony and solidarity, mostly because they don't like stepping out of their comfort zones and feel threatened otherwise. For the most part, they're good-natured, permissive & lighthearted until too much drama enters their lives, but that's very rare, so anyone who pisses them off must be being a real asshole. Because of this attitude, they severely lack relevance and are therefore quite lame.
1	The Reformer	Worried about anyone breaking "teh ruelz" to an absurd degree, and a constant enemy of lulz, they have high, strict social standards by which they try to uphold and follow, and are always trying to save the world from chaos. Due to their somewhat thin skins, they may go into a rant if slighted too often in this regard. Ironically, they are the type most tending towards self-righteous hypocrisy and insincerity, falling for the latest trends in health or lifestyle if it seems appropriate.