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Devin Patrick Kelley

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Randomne at 19:15, 10 November 2017. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
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This person is a sick fuck!

They should never be trusted by anyone!

Possible side-effects will include at least one of these:

  1. HIV/AIDS
  2. Bestiality
  3. Cuckoldry
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This page contains an hero.
Devin Patrick Kelley
Nationality: Americunt  
Highscore 26 killed, 20 injured
Top 25? #14 Global / #5 USA
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? Yes
Motives
  • Mommy Issues
  • Atheism
  • Butthurt


In November 2017, a violent, wife beating, child abusing neckbeard known as Devin Patrick Kelley from New Braunfels, Texas drove a long 35 miles to Sutherland Springs to shoot up a church, killing 26 people and injuring 20 others before being shot by a neighbor, and getting into a high speed chase with a passerby, and suiciding near the scene at the age of 26. At this point not much is known of Kelley, other than he served four years in the military before being dishonorably discharged and court marshaled for physically assaulting both his wife and child. Apparently he had a colorful history of violent stupidity, aside from just beating his wife and child and yet somehow he managed to pass a background check and purchase a gun, which seems to indicate a serious flaw in the way background checks are done, or what (if any) relevant criteria is compiled into them. I mean, here's a thought; if someone is so violently stupid they attack their own child... probably not a smart idea to sell them a firearm.

This makes Devin the deadliest and second youngest mass shooter on a church beside Dylann Roof, who was 21 at the time of his spree. The difference between Kelley and Roof is that the former managed to have a better kill to injury ratio.

 
 
In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence.
 

 

Nobody Could Have Seen This Coming

File:Devin Patrick Kelley - FaceBook Gun Post.png

Oh, wait a minute. Here's a fun thought that'll get your mind thinking hard: if you have someone as a friend on social media that you've known for a long time and they unexpectedly start posting pictures of guns just completely out of the blue... most likely not a good sign and you should report them so they get V&. Especially if they happen to be somebody with a political view that is anti-cop or anti-government in general, somebody diagnosed with a mental illness, socially awkward, a virgin, child or wife beater, heavy casino gambler, or Muslim.

Graded Score

Graded score
Kill count: 26/20 One kill shy of Adam Lanza
Accuracy: 18/20 46 hits in a room of about 50 people
Style: 5/20 Edgelord tactical gear.
Butthurt: 15/20 Deadliest shooting in Texas and dead kids.
Bonus: 10/20 Subjected the world to Texas on a Sunday.
Total score: 74/100 (C)
Path of the Righteous Man
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________


S.W.A.T. Team


Twitter reaction

As with the Mandalay Bay shooting, a butthurt Hillary voter had this to say of the mass shooting:

   
 
Sutherland Springs is in rural Texas, these were all likely 45 voters.

This is karma in action.

Good riddance.
 


 
 

Antonio E. Gonzalez, 2:29 PM - 5 Nov 2017

The leftists on Twitter took a break from licking Hillary's asshole long enough to let out a joyous cheer for their comrade's epic takedown of 26 dead Christians, while the butthurt patriots cheered themselves up by doxing him and ensuring that his employer saw his touching sentiments about the victims.

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