Drug

It has been suggested that this article is too goddamn inclusive and should be split up into smaller articles or subpages. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page.

According to a very reliable source, a drug is any chemical substance which changes the normal function of the human body. While drugs are used by nearly everyone and being high is a hoot and a holler, the discussion of drugs is the source of much drama on the Interbutts.

The drama generally starts with drug users who post while high, and whine endlessly about the legalization and decriminalization of their drug of choice. Their reasons range from the general harmlessness of being stoned to their beliefs that tripping balls provides legitimate cognitive benefits, as opposed to simply being fun. These morons generally piss off the rest of the druggie community (the ones with functional nervous systems, at least) by making them all look like ignorant burn-outs.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who hate drugs; these types claim to not see the point of taking a drug, regardless of it being harmful or not and regardless of the fact they they most likely chain-smoke and are alcoholic, coffee addicts, who chronically masturbate to their child porn. Despite the glaring hypocrisy, these upstanding citizens are too burnt out from their mentally onerous worship of social fascism to even acknowledge their own cognitive dissonance. Dr. Park N. Stones has studied this phenomenon and claims that these people are either lamers, larpers, underage B&s, trolls, fundies, straight edgers, or people that took Reefer Madness way too seriously. Particularly in the United States the Christians fear that if people, especially children, started to do drugs then they would turn away from religion and there simply would not be enough adolescent semen for their Evangelical overlords to guzzle. Furthermore, the subset of these geniuses that are not trolling are the same people responsible for the war on drugs as well as the genocide in Darfur.

A special mention should be given to sXer's, who tend to view themselves as analogues of John Wayne and therefore TOO independent and self-sustaining to ever rely on chemicals, you weakling. A MAN IS NOT AN ISLAND. Channeling the snide countenance of Vegeta and acting like they have reached the height of Darwinian perfection, they walk stolidly into their giant parties of disaffected whiny youth DRUG-FREE. To these folks, drugs are an anathema. On the other hand, insidious bitching about a harmless toker or wishing genuine violence on a contrived archenemy alliance of potsmokers/rapists/atheists is considered a healthy social activity.

Drugs → Creativity → WIN

When Azns take drugs

Just ask William Burroughs, Philip K Dick, and every other writer worth a damn. Drugs, be they good or bad, cause you to think outside the box and thus be creative. Because you're so fucked out of your head you won't rip off other people's ideas and with the right ego-enhancing compounds, you will have enough self-belief to pull off that great novel that everyone's got inside them. S'true! Everything's ripped off of everyone. Nothing is truly original anymore. Just look at tvtropes, which could be considered a drug itself.

Looking to be a writer/musician (to write lyrics hurr durr)? Try these drugs until you find one that works for you!

Alcohol - Stands the test of time, no justification necessary.
- Users: "The Lost Generation", including Hemingway, Faulkner, and Fitzgerald, and every funny comedian.
Heroin - Find out what it means to be truly detached from everything!
- Users: Ray Charles, Lou Reed, Charlie Parker, every rock star/jazz musician ever. sXe doesn't count because emo music sucks anyway.
Amphetamines - Churn out ideas as rapidly as possible; statistically speaking, you'll eventually write something good.
- Users: Lemmy from Motörhead, The Beatles. No, seriously. And apparently Britney Spears.
Weed - If you reach this point you probably weren't meant to be a writer, you'll either be inspired or hungry...
- Users: All the cool kids; every musician (AKA John Mayer), artist and ED user
LSD - You'll trip balls (read: hallucinate you're talking to your dead dog's disembodied head) and be able to, like, totally feel music. Ya rly. You'll literally feel, taste, smell, and/or see music. Synesthesia FTW! Think Dazzler from X-Men. You might also become the internets.
- Users: Every goddamn pop culture icon from the '60s and early '70s. Hippies, psychiatrists, musicians, the CIA, mad scientists and more.
Salvia - Basically LSD lite, but without the cool synesthesia and lasts for only 5 minutes.
- Users: Rich kids on Spring Break in Ocean City looking to "rebel" against their rich white parents.
Shrooms - An organic LSD, if you will. Allows you to experience the novel sensation of tiny fungi grabbing a hold of your brain's receptors and small aliens pulling the switches and levers known as synapses, seemingly at random. Far more likely to cause a psychotic break or a de-railing of the psyche than LSD (well, if the fungus is any -GOOD-). Most of the fun feelings and hallucinations of LSD in a "healthy", organic sense. After-effects are no more severe than your average body poisoning and accompanied by feelings of extreme relief (I ALMOST DIED MAN) and/or a falsely inflated ego and delusions of being God/the creator of the universe.
- Users: Used by magical dwarves as a cash crop, by Northern Israeli psychedelic-trance bands of the infected vareity, and by Neil Patrick Harris as an appetizer.
DMT - Dimethyltryptamine. This is like the final boss of hallucinogenic drugs. If you've ever wanted to hurdle through a kaleidoscopic gateway into 10th dimensional hyperspace whilst talking to Buddha, space-faring bees, aliens, Jesus, and super-intelligent basketballs, all in the timespan of 15 minutes, this is your dope.
- Users: Technically everyone, but especially Amazonian shamans shitting themselves in tents and grimy teenagers at music festivals shitting themselves in tents.
Gasoline - If you think you're moderately hip like me, you might have gone your whole life in America and never know the awesome mind-numbing properties of ordinary gasoline. Only though the awesome educational power of Encyclopedia Dramatica did I learn that Australian Aboriginals have harnessed the enourmous dreamtime-inducing potential of this everyday substance! And you thought they were duffucks.
- Users: Australian aboriginals and doubtless a few other people at the thick end of the wedge in the drug culture-war. Usually it's inhaled, but try smoking it for a special experience.
- Legality: As part of Australia's war on petrol, gasoline will soon be illegal. (what do you expect from a country that bans ED?) This is not actually expected to reduce the use, but it gives them a great excuse to give taxpayer money to BP in exchange for them taking the trouble to establish a monopoly on sales of a special gasoline substitute. (I'm not making this up...)
Pussy - Probably the most costly and mania-inducing drug known to mankind. Pussy will make a man do things no crackhead or LSD shitface would dream of doing in 1 million drug induced years. Pussy in it's natural state is wet, furry, and smells slightly of dead fish. Be warned, if you buy some bad pussy, you could end up with aids.

Why Drugs Are Good

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Drugs are hot.

It r a common known fact that drugs are mostly good for social settings. They can make men and women alike easy to sleep with, and they tend to have no problem blowing hundreds of thousands of hours of your life away (which judging by the fact that you're reading this, you would be doing anyway). You didn't really need them anyway. Drugs are great for laying back and not doing anything, which is great if you're in high school and won't be passing anyway, or if you plan on dropping out of college anyway because your life is really meaningless otherwise. Drugs are also good for making your shitty day great (while you're on them anyway), and they take the pain away from very minuscule happenings, such as losing your omg bf u datd so llong :( (Or PTSD but you're not in the Army and you never will be, little bitch.)

Drugs also make you think you're funnier than you really are, or more talented. Which is great when you're the only one in the room on drugs. While the crowd won't agree, you're the greatest guitarist or the most masterful debater in the room around you.

Less potent substances, such as marijuana and alcohol, are common among many average Americans, most notably youths. Recreational drugs, much like having sex or driving their parent's car fast, liberate kids from social constraints and let peers know that they're fun, cool, and down. In reality, everyone but you has smoked weed.

So go ahead: there really is no reason NOT to take drugs. Unless you're Michael Phelps and some douchebag is there with a camera.

PROTIP: If you edit while under the influence, make sure to use the preview button before saving. This can save your username from having a string of edits in the article history of Roman Showers or other sick shit that you are expert in, you sick fuck.

Real drugs

Fake drugs

Melange or Spice

This drug makes you live longer, endows you with psychic abilities, and increases the size of your penis. Oh, and mutate you into a large worm or space whale. It tastes like cinnamon, jesus'boomstick, and those crazy Bene Gesserit bitches use it like crazy. It's made of sand worm crap, costs a hella' lot and is only available on the desert planet of Arrakis, also known as Dune. If you use it, make sure you use Visine so that your mom won't bust you for having glowing blue eyes. A more powerful derivative of Spice is the Water of Life, which is refined Sand Worm Piss, and can only be safely consumed by the one who is foretold in prophecy and if you are expect one hell of a trip. It also makes dumping the body of Osama Bin Laden into the sea with all your faggot prancing navy sailor friends a more enjoyable experience, IN THE NAVYYYY

Do not confuse genuine spice with the knockoff "Spice". This fake Spice is the synthetic cannabinoid JWH-018 and is a perfectly legal "drug" in most European countries. Fake Spice is fairly cheap as it's made out of shit herbs like marshmallows (sic!) and flowers and easy to order thanks to the magic of the internetz. It's effects include uncool shit like drooling and that intense burning feeling in your throat/lungs. If you can smoke enough without your lungs falling out, Side effects may include smells of turqoise, sounds of green and some memorable hardcore anal pain after being lovingly sodomized.

Adrenochrome

Adrenachrome is a form of oxidized adrenaline that is difficult to make, impossible to obtain and that just might make you trip balls. Its effects include: dysphoria, increased heart rate, increased respiration rate, increased blood pressure, increased chance of death, and just maybe psychotic hallucinations. Purportedly, you feel as if you are right on the threshold of death, having sex and being beaten senseless by asspies, all at the same time.

According to famous scientist Hunter S. Thompson, using the drug will cause you to have no memory of what occurs while under its influence, so duct-taping a tape recorder or video camera to your chest would be advisable. If you're retarded enough to buy 100% REAL ADRENOCHROME off your local drug dealer, your only two sensible options are to resell it to middle-schoolers or to admit that you paid $200 for some dried NyQuil cut with meth.

Cake

"Cake" was created by legendary English troll, Chris Morris, as part of his "Brass Eye" TV series (like the Colbert Report, only better). The episode in question, featured Morris posing as a journalist,then interviewing celebrities regarding what they knew of "cake". Once their moral outrage had been suitably fired up, Morris gave them a set of ridiculous "anti-cake" messages to read on camera, which they happily did.

“	One young kiddie on cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt.	„
— Bernard Manning knows that cake is SRS BIZNS

The Tory politician David Amess M.P, was so fooled by this prank, he even brought the issue up in parliament, bringing further lulz, a transcript of the parliamentary hearing can be found here. You those wanting to know more, you can see the clip here

In conclusion, you can be assured that the cake is a lie. You can also be assured the cake is a spy!

Bill Clinton tried it in college but didn't swallow... the first time.

Catnip

Catnip is what stoners smoke when they are all out of weed, kief, resin and stems. It's best when you're all out of your dirty schwag weed, but it tastes like rotten vagina and burns the fuck out of your throat. But I mean c'mon! Look how happy and shit that cat is, man! That must be some good shit!

UPN

The typical unemployed 16 year old girl stoned off her ass

UPN, not to be confused with the television network for niggers, is short for ureaphenylnitrate, a potent yet quickly metabolized hallucinogen and stimulant. Its discovery is relatively recent (see various publications in the European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology), yet it is gaining OL notoriety in such LJ communities as stoner_girls and drugwar. Preparation is nearly trivial: The intended user accumulates approximately 1 liter of urine in a small Nalgene container (the source of the phenyl group via the naturally flaked bisphenol A); which is permitted to completely evaporate. The urea particles are resuspended in a small volume (< 5mL) of water, and another small (< 5g) amount of saltpeter is added. The resulting mixture contains a significant amount of UPN, so should be tested for specific effects using a Q-Tip on the edge of the nostril before either snorting or inserting directly into the anus for maximum effect. While certainly not addressed in the reputable publications, it is speculated that the discovery of this drug should be attributed to the esoteric S&M babyfurs, who discovered the drug during a noble journey of self-awareness involving piss, cutting, and explosives, during some kind of hiking adventure, which makes absolutely no fucking sense, because babyfurs are justifiably afraid of the sun (it is their pervert god that judges them).

Detailed instructions can be found here (100WaysToGetHigh) or see Party Van

Alternative Medicine

For a full breakdown see this page

Alternative medicine is like real medicine, but instead of containing drugs it contains lies. If you find out you have two months to live, don't spend your time and money doing anything listed above, waste it on alternative treatments. It's exactly as effective as a placebo, particularly expensive, and you've got to give your money to a scam artist masquerading as a hippie.

There are a wide variety of alternative or 'complementary' medicines and they're all as retarded as the last. They're a bit like Darwin Awards in that they make stupid people die quickly.

Heroin Shoot this up and have some FUN

Jenkem

Jenkem is a very rough high that first consists of wanting to kill yourself intensely followed by a very long period of total body numbness. It is a very strong body high that lasts approximately 7 hours. On the down, you just kinda feel like your regaining consciousness after being dead for years. If you have sex on this drug, you will die, then spontaneously implode. This drug is made by pissing and shitting into a plastic container whereupon you must be able to stretch a plastic balloon (standard size!) over the top. Wait approximately 7 to 9 days, to allow for fermentation and shit,where the balloon will fill up with a truly noxious gas. This gas is then to be inhaled though the nostrils. While on this high, it is recomended to find yourself a filthy homosexual and curb stomp him to death.

Medipacks/Healthpacks/Stimpacks

10 hp, but ohh so delicious. "Tsst, Ahh, Thats the stuff."

Medipacks are highly addictive, take away 10hp, and you never have enough of them. You'd kill entire alien armies, suck leprous cocks or srsly fuck it up with demons from hell, just to get your hands on you next "Pack". How they work actually noone knows, but as far as modern science can say, you have to WALK OVER THEM. Maybe the most dangerous thing about Medipacks is, that you can use them while having both hands occupied, for example while killing aliens or fapping while goatseing your anus. Somehow makes guns shoot faster.

Idoser

The best thing since Bush was kicked off the presidential pedestal.

“	Idoser is this shit that is FUCKING AWESOME.It sends sound beats through your brain and you actually get the effects of the drug you choose (not to mention it has every illegal and legal drug out there).IT'S ALSO FREE!!!! You don't have to bother with trying to save up a shitload of cash just for a little bit of drugs, GET IDOSER AND BE PREPARED TO HAVE THE RIDE OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE!	„
— a 13 year old boy

Note: Idoser is total bullshit, unless already tr0pn bawlz.

Note: it may be complete shit, but it'll kill some time.

Drugs and Wikipedia

For first time users who are unsure of the correct methods to inject drugs, Wikipedia is very well versed in the subject. Their article on drug injection details the many ways to insert illicit drugs into one's body. For example, did you know that women are able to insert drugs into their vagina with much the same effect as a suppository? You do now! Thanks to Wikipedia!

Drugs That Don't Have Articles Yet

2C-B/2C-E/2C-I/2-C-T-7/2C-Whatever

Psychedelic research chemicals that burn like the unholy bowels of Hell when snorted up the nose and also taste like rotten Indian food, paint thinner, and year-old jenkem. For best results, stick them up your pooper (no, really). For a while, these chemicals were used legally at raves instead of the illegal ecstasy, but, like all good things, the vast right-wing conspiracy eventually criminalized them as well. Drugs like these research chemicals have interesting side effects that have been recorded. In addition to [raping and killing your neighbors goat, the growth of dreadlocks, attendance at burning man, and having ugly hippie girlfriends is often a direct side effect of the use of these and similar drugs. Furthermore, you may listen to repetitive dubsteb with awful repeating robot sounds, and other forms of horrible sounds which may or may not pass as music . If you become heavily addicted, as most people who use these horrible substances do, you may find yourself thinking you know something about the nature of GOD, thinking anyone gives a shit about your deep thoughts, and posting your experiences on 420chan's /psy/ board.

AMT

Compare to above. AMT has a similar legal history, but different effects. Basically, you'd be better off taking 4 ecstasy pills, eating a bag of shrooms, dropping 5 tabs of acid, snorting, smoking two joints laced with PCP, and watching a horror movie about killer cops.

Amphetamines

Amphetamine is best done daily as it makes you lose weight and eventually start to see weird shit, which is cool as fuck. Retarded kids take it for ADD or something. It takes away the ability to shut the fuck up and removes the need for sleep until it wears off, at which point you will want to kill yourself.

Barbituates

Downers have been known to make one second last 3 hours and make going to the bathroom an ordeal. You know those retarded commercials where "pot" users are fading into the couch? Well, obviously, that's bullshit. Pot won't make you fade into the couch. But downers will.

BZP

A designer drug that was eventually made illegal along with TFMPP. Legal does not mean weak, however. These things are like fucking meth pills. And, best of all, you'll feel like shit coming down from it.

Cathinone and Methcathinone

White powder that will make you feel like Jesus' son for 10 minutes. Then you'll wake up and realize that you're the same loser you were before you snorted it.

Chloroform

As a simple, effective way to knock someone out, chloroform stands the test of time. Just put some on a rag, walk up to that whore, and ask her if your rag smells funny. ???? PROFIT!

DiPT

The psychedelic drug for blind people. It will make your hearing so fucked up, you'll think you're schizophrenic. An audio trip.

DOB/DOC/DOM/DOI/DO-Whatever

Super-acid that often lasts over 24 hours. If your "acid" trip lasts a day and a half, you were sold DOB.

DPT

A psychedelic known for being used as the Eucharist of the Temple of the True Inner Light, which worships psychedelics as the "Flesh of God". And the government lets them. "Separation of Church and state" my ass.

Ephedrine and Pseudoephedrine

A stimulant that is technically still legal, so grab it up before those pigs take it from you.

Ether

Some kind of chemical that was used as an alcohol replacement during Prohibition. May be mixed with alcoholic drinks, but why the fuck anyone would want to do that is beyond human comprehension.

Herbal Ecstasy

Similar to synthetic weed. This is for pussies who can't get real ecstasy. Also, the effects ARE NOTHING LIKE ECSTASY AT ALL.

Foxy

Hyper-ecstasy that will cause you to spasm on the floor and have sex with glow sticks. Yet another drug that was used as a legal ecstasy replacement and sold on the Internet until the government outlawed it in 2003.

GHB

May be used as a club drug or slipped into someone's drink. Usually the latter. PROTIP: Good for raping if you don't want to get caught.

Kava Kava

If you eat enough of this godawful brown stuff, you will be rewarded with nausea and depression. AND IT REALLY WORKS, TOO!

Khat

Chewed by Somalians for years, khat contains cathinone and tastes worse than vomit mixed with charcoal and gasoline. Causes mania and delusions (but you don't need a drug for that, now, do you?)

Krocodil

Krocodil is a drug made in soviet russia that EATS YOUR FUCKING SKIN.[1] Flesh goes grey and peels away to leave bones exposed.

LSA

Soft-core version of LSD; kind of a natural version, the high is not as intense. Fail. Used only by teenagers trying to look cool, Newgrounds users, and You

MDA

A more psychedelic ecstasy.

MDAI

Pretty much the same as below, but legal. May be found on the interwebs.

MDE

A less stimulating, more pussy ecstasy.

Qualuudes

Used by everyone (especially college kids and your mom) during the 1970s, these have virtually faded into oblivion since they stopped being manufactured in 1983. Some sweaty Mexicans can still get you some illegally-made Qualuudes if you know where to look, however.

Nitrous Oxide

Laughing gas that hippies steal from dentists' office and use like fucking crack. Sucking on nitrous-filled balloons while listening to The Grateful Dead is a true sign of being a hippie. Whipped cream chargers contain nitrous and may be used by 13 year old boys who don't know where to find other drugs or who to get them from. Often called "hippie crack" because of the way these canisters fill up VW buses outside of Phish concerts, Nitrous is incredibly psychically addictive, and hippies have been known to find jobs, vote republican, and listen to music that doesn't suck just so they can get their fix.

MXE/MKet/Methoxetamine

A drug invented last thursday that is 'kinda like ketamine.' Was designed when wannabe hippies and ravers grew a bit older and decided that raiding the local pharmacy for robitussin highs was too middle school, but couldn't get real Ketamine. Has only been around for a short time yet has caused massive lulz because every fucktard who orders it assumes it's JUST LIKE THE REAL THING, prepares a "K hole" sized dose, and ends their night attempting to eat a table or bone the dog. Protip: since MXE is cheap and available on the internet, it is completely safe and non-addictive, so you must consume as much as possible. Any negative side effects or cravings are entirely in your head! This drug is actually completely legal in the USA because Ketamine is schedule 3 meaning the analog act doesn't apply. (no, really)

PMA

The worst drug ever. Taking even a tiny amount will cause you to spaz out, overheat, and die. May be mixed with ecstasy for especially lethal fun.

Poppers

Poppers (also known as the goatse drug) is used exclusively by gay faggots during episodes of partying and playing (PNP) who want to be able to fit huge cocks in their ass. All you have to do is pop off the cap, sniff the aromatic contents of the bottle, and your anus will magically expand and be able to stretch to lengths never before thought possible! This is accompanied by a brief high (a minute or two) and increased libido and orgasm potency so you and your gay friends can have a massive gay orgy together! Poppers, sold in porn shops, usually are administered using a cloth soaked in the bottle's aromatic contents and then inhaled. Spilling the bottle is embarrassing and smelly and irritates the skin. Poppers are often part of the PNP practice, used conjunctively with amphetamines and ecstasy-type chemicals with one drug enhancing the other. Persons on viagra to overcome the erectile dysfunction (e.g. crystal dick) that sometimes occurs need to avoid poppers. They can cause a sudden drop in blood pressure that can be fatal if taken to extremes. Viagra + amphetamines + Poppers = a real black out.

Known users of this drug:

Steroids

Used by every athlete alive. These will cause rapid muscle growth as well as facial hair on women, tits on men (no, not the kind you already have), shrunken testicles, and flipping the fuck out.

Synthetic Weed (Spice, K2, ect.)

Government weed. Made from a variety of spices and chemicals, and will make you sick as fuck.

TFMPP

Similar to BZP. Jesus powder that only lasts for a short period of time before you feel like you just got run over by a 30,000-pound steamroller.

Yohimbine

May be used as a stimulant, but is usually sold as an aphrodisiac for lonely old men who can't get an erection.

High Scores

Gallery

About missing Pics

Hmmmm, tell me more about this L S D
Dogs love it, too.
oh my
Claudia Thorn works hard to support her meth habit.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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The newest Wii accessory
Fact: Nicole Richie licks her coke.
Faggy McBAWWW getting high before making the infamous Leave Britney Alone video.
File:Gettinhigh.png
Cocaine is a well-known remedy for hay fever
Don't take the brown acid, man.
This is a black person
DO NOT sort the chipmunk out! He is a fucking freeloader
enough said.
Now in convenient 40-ounce bottles
Remedy for many ills
Smoking makes you look COOL
series of tubes
don't forget this
W is a coke sniffin machine
This is why you should do drugs.
Typical brain on drugs. Order up!
Prolly the only way he can get through filming the show.
Typical junkie
I'm freaking out, man...
A religious experience
I can SEE the music!
I think I took too much
Drugs in a pinch
ED users like drugs.
Why you shouldn't do drugs.
Gengar, giving free advice
Pot raises IQ by millions.
Remember kids; Don't do drugs.
A typical nigger high as a kite.

A typical nigger high as a kite.
What you see when you take drugs