NASA
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NASA is known to stand for "Neil Armstrong Sodomy Administration" due to the phallic symbolism of sitting on top of a 350-foot-tall liquid-filled missile. It was, until recently, a government agency built to oversee the United State's space program. Along the way, NASA helped build pretty much all the technology that you use today—cordless power-tools, lightweight plastics, advanced digital cameras, robotics, and GPS systems are all spin-off technologies that were developed under NASA and all of those technologies are now farmed out to other foreign powers such as India and China.
Now, with Obama's cancellation of the Constellation Project, it should come as no surprise that now even space flight itself has been outsourced. That's right, after the February 2010 Space Shuttle mission, no more shuttles will be launched and the entire program has been mothballed. What this means is that if the United States wishes to send an astronaut to the International Space Station to utilize machinery that was funded by the American people, that astronaut will have to ride a Russian space vehicle at the cost of 52 million dollars per trip. At this point, President "Hope and Change" has become President "Change Hope to Despair" as yet another industry has been ripped apart by his Marxist agenda.
Oh sure, there are plenty of other things NASA will be doing while it takes over a decade off from the daily grind of manned space flight; most notably watching little brown and yellow men do a victory dance on the surface of the Moon.
History
Nasa was created in the late 1950s to counter the Soviet Union's space flight program because it scared the shit out of normal, god-fearing, white-bread Americans. Soon after its creation, NASA was charged with the conquest of the moon, which was finally realized on July 20, 1969, but was actually a hoax that brilliant minds are only now beginning to uncover. During this "space race" many useful technologies were produced, namely pretty much every scrap of technology in your house from your television set to your toothbrush.
Internet:Two dollars and five minutes.
After this zenith of achievement was reached, NASA rested on its laurels and sucked up taxpayer money for the next 20 years or so until the development of spy satellites, orbiting telescopes, and cellular phones allowed the agency to become useful again. During the last ten years or so the agency has been backsliding into missed deadlines, overspending, and a few highly publicized disasters. It is for those reasons that Obama justified pulling the plug on the Constellation Project while at the same time upping NASA’s yearly budget.
Constellation
Obama took our jerrrrrrrrrrbs.
—Obama tells the world that it takes a village to put a man in space. | ||
The Constellation program was a spaceflight project that had the ultimate goal of exploring space. The first part of the project hinged upon putting a permanent space station on the moon. once that station was in place, manned missions to other parts of the solar system would be far easier due to the decreased gravity of the moon making space shots a lot cheaper. Along the way, further exploration of the moon's natural resources would be conducted, including the study of Helium 3.
Helium 3
The moon is basically a huge chunk of free energy floating along in space. Contrary to popular belief, the moon is not made of cheese, but rather an isotope that is relatively rare on Earth called "H3" or "Helium 3." By using only one or two pounds of Helium 3 in a controlled fusion reaction, the United States would have enough energy to pretty much power everything everywhere for almost no cost. Thanks to the cancellation of the Constellation project, this will never happen.
Permanent Lunar Bases
Since Constellation has been canceled, expect to hear even more threads about Lunar Landing conspiracy on your favorite message and image boards. Obviously Obama has nixed the Constellation program because, being a Muslim, it is against his religion to believe that anybody has set foot on the moon without the grace of Allah being involved. Having permanent Lunar bases sending constant informational data to the earth would seriously jeopardize the "religion of peace."
In late 2009, the LCROSS rocket slammed into the moon's south pole creating a plume of dust that scientists could then study. What they found was 25 gallons of water—an essential ingredient in making a permanent Lunar base—but none of that matters now because Obama has cancelled the project. The data that was gathered, was shared amongst all of the space faring nations, even though it was funded by the American tax payer. Oh well, they are used to taking it up the ass from the Chinese anyways.
Space Launch System
Obama's wonderful solution to the end of Constellation, the Space Launch System is a fail program with no end goal. No srsly. It's closest thing to a 'goal' is going to a freaking asteroid a smaller one bagged up and put into Lunar Orbit A FREAKING BOULDER PCKED UP FROM AN ASTEROID PUT INTO LUNAR ORBIT. They did say some shit about helping in planetary defence against asteroids, but everyone knows NASA's trying to hide their fail. The rocket's crew capsule, however, has been sent into space in an test in 2014, filled with robots. The first manned flight of the Senate/Space Launch System on a manned flight is going to be in 2021, sending a crew into Lunar Orbit and back. As if Apollo 8 wasn't enough.
Obama also says it will go to Mars, but everyone knows that's a lie, just like your dick.
Russian Taxis
Outsourcing is space's next frontier.
Curiously, the end of the 130 mission Space Shuttle program happened at the same time as the cancellation of the Constellation program. This mere coincidence makes a lot of trouble for NASA's astronauts since the end of both projects means that there will be no further development in rocketry and there will be no surviving vehicles to achieve low earth orbit in NASA's arsenal.
No worries! The Russian space authority has gladly extended a helping hand to the Americans, telling them that they will ferry our astronauts to the International Space Station for the low, low cost of 52 million dollars per ride. This cost, which is a vast markup from the 20 million that the average space tourist is expected to shell out; will be absorbed by the American taxpaying public.
Study Climate Change
—I thought we had pretty much killed the climate change discussion? |
During the massive slashing of NASA's only meaningful programs, Obama threw a bone to the liberal fucktards that helped elect him by stating that NASA's focus would be shifted to the failing global climate change conspiracy.
NASA in the Future
With all this budget wrangling, many fans and detractors of the United States space program are left wondering just what the future has in store for NASA. While the White House has not released any clear cut plans, there have been murmurs of privatizing the space industry and re-focusing the general aim of NASA to a new, more bold and hopeful change...meaning they are going to turn it into a political propaganda machine. In addition to those changes, there is talk of sharing technology with several other nations in an effort to simultaneously create a "Space Village" and a "Jobless America" at the same time.
Europa Clipper
After years of absolutely nothing, NASA decided it needed to stay relevant. Therefore, they announced the Europa Clipper mission, to launch on Obama's fail rocket (the Space Launch System) in 2026, then study Europa by orbiting Jupiter (You know, instead of orbiting Europa). Although this only proved to show how much of a fail they were, at least NASA was spending money on something useful and would not be cancelled once Obama leaves.
Also, they announced a new Mars rover to launch in 2020, and be the first segment of a Mars Sample Return Mission. Apparently, retrieving dust particles of Mars is incredibly important, so the announcement caused massive numbers of scientists to ferociously cum. Not unlike you when you watch porn, hoping for a girlfriend.
Moar info: Mars.
Global Warming
—The Orlando Sentinel. | ||
Early in 2009, members of the science community who were used to sucking at the generous teat of the American taxpayer were given a huge shock when it was revealed that the entire global warming movement was a lie. Because of this epic failure and the subsequent backlash, the alarmists were determined to find a new PR campaign to bolster their flagging legitimacy. The tree hugging community needed something...anything to keep Climate Change on the front burner, they gave Black Jesus a call and reminded him just who had put him in office. A massive shift in NASA's overall directive was in order...
Other Items of (dis)Interest
Besides studying global warming, NASA has several other future plans on its plate...
—Cloudynights forum | ||
Since only the Constellation program was cut, NASA will continue to spend over 100 million dollars per year doing pretty much nothing. But because Constellation is gone, don't think that NASA will be spending less money...it will actually have a budget increase under Obama's new plan. The only problem is that this new plan will rely heavily on foreign interests and focus on robotic space exploration instead of manned space flight. What this means is that China will be harvesting delicious Helium 3 while we are still putting up satellites for HD television channels like ESPN.
The new plan also focuses on Jew to step up and take a more hands on approach to space development and exploration, but since private industry is about to give up the ghost, most people are wondering where the time, money, and energy are going to come from.
Recently, proponents of Obama's new plan have stated that the new directive:
But these same proponents don't mention that with the shelving of the Constellation project, the rockets needed to explore space outside of Earth orbit will not be made.
The Private Sector
—Former NASA head Michael Griffin |
Because of the cancellation of the Constellation project and the mothballing of several other initiatives, the Federal Government is seeking help with space flight from a number of outside contractors. They have done this before, but never with this much urgency or with this much American taxes. Below are some of those who will directly benefit from this new, "kinder and gentler" NASA.
United Launch Alliance
Also known as the United Space Alliance, this joint venture between Boeing and Lockheed Martin has long been on the NASA gravy train, receiving tax dollars by the truckload since at least the 1970s. Expect no changes in the future as they will continue to bleed Americans of their hard earned tax dollars without producing anything of value.
Amazon.com
Yes, that's right, Amazon is going to attempt to go into the space tourism business. Under the name Blue Origin, Amazon's owner Jeff Bezos will be in charge of huge amounts of government handouts while he attempts to create low Earth orbit vehicles...just like the Space Shuttle...whose technology is 40 years out of date.
SpaceX
—And their unwavering spending... |
One of the direct beneficiaries of the Obama-led crucifixion of Constellation, SpaceX produces rockets that are in direct competition to the Ares rocket systems developed by NASA. While producing these rockets, they do so under huge government subsidies that will only grow after the 2011 NASA budget plans are revealed.
Interorbital Systems
This company is attempting to win the Google Lunar X Prize by using federal tax dollars supplied by American taxpayers. Oh, they also are trying to build Heavy Rockets capable of putting a space craft beyond Earth orbit...just like NASA was already doing more cheaply.
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See Also
External Links
- Solar Power: Solar Power
- NASA website
- NASA Constellation
- Space.com's poll
- NASA is quick to tow the line, lest they lose further funding.
