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Critics United
Last Thursday, a group known as Critics United, a shitty self-proclaimed hero of the shitty fanfiction site Fanfiction.Net, began reviewing shitty fanfiction much to the collective BAAAAAAWing of every shitty fanfiction author on the shitty internet. They achieve this by mass-trolling of 13 year old girls and spamming the admins when they discover a piece of Naruto fiction that doesn't fit in with their own fantasies about screwing cartoon ninjas. So far they have achieved great justice in the form of mass-deletion of shitty fanfic scratch that, all fanfiction is shitty.
The group would at first glance, appear to be doing the internets a favor in using the superior intellects of 30-somethings to bully pre-pubescent girls into never writing a piece of fanfiction again, but for that to be the case, one would have to ignore:
- The fact that most of the critics in CU are, themselves, authors of shitty fanfiction
- The fact that criticizing fanfiction on the internet makes you look more retarded than the retards writing the fanfiction
- The complete lack of fucks given about FF.Net by the general population of the internet who aren't gradeschoolers
The CUnts originally came to the attention of 4chan when a call to action was placed by a newfag on the tumblrs about getting Anon involved in their crusade against the "organization". The effort failed miserably since Anonymous is not your personal army and you should lurk moar. Said faggot eventually retracted his call to arms, but his tumblr account remains.
The Noble Cause
SPOILER ALERT: CU IS NOT JUST A FORUM FOR FAT GIRLS ON A FANFICTION SITE. IT IS A MOVEMENT.
In the words of its high and mighty leader:
—DarkSacredJewelXoX, Defender of the Interbutts |
And thus, these talented critics of pornography set about their righteous deed with just and honorable...FUCK THAT SHIT:
-
Excellent points -
GG was NOT kidding before!!!1! -
BonusKun, champion of justice -
OMG I KNOOOOW! -
She has OVER 100 REVIEWS. You guys. -
MIGHTY LEADER IS INVINCIBLE. -
FF.Net not giving a single fuck -
If you don't stop writing Glee fanfiction, the CUnts will annihilate your life
The Righteous Leaders of the Revolution Lolcows
Gaaras1Girl, AKA The TRVE Bitch OMG!
GG is a miserable suethor who spams the Narutard community with her awful self-insert fiction. Her writing style is no different than your average Twitard’s, with a twist: she actually thinks she knows how to write and should be taken seriously. Naturally, when told the truth about her horrendous suefics and how nobody in the last millennia got a job as a Naruto fanfiction author, she promptly spergs out, blocks and requests immediate baleetion of the offender’s account. GG is different from DarkSacredJewelXoX and other CUnts in the amount of total spaziness she brings to her “reviews”, but not much else.
UPDATE: GG seems to have left the CUnt community because her mom called her out for bullying girls half her age on the internet instead of getting a goddamned job, and nothing of value was lost.
DarkSacredJewelXoX, The Bowl Fulla Dicks
Unbeknownst to her rabid followers, or maybe not, DarkSacredJewelXoX is herself, the epitome of what bad fanfiction authors strive to become. Most of the unfortunate victims of her "writing" are the exact same characters she sends her personal armies to seek out badfic of and undo. She, being a master writer, can't stand shitty fiction, so her work is of nothing less than the highest-quality spank-bank material:
—DarkSacredJewelXoX explaining how furries are able to warp the space around them to allow simultaneous multifinger penetration and clit-suckin' | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
BonusKun, The Fattie
BonusKun is fat and retarded. Nothing special when it comes to authors of fanfiction, so why she feels her opinion of other shitty, fat retards is worth a flying fuck is beyond anyone's guess.
Trolling the Chosen Ones
- Tell them they're not real mods (on a shit website)
- Ask them how many books they've read (that aren't Inuyasha mangas)
- Write songfic/spooge/suefic and post it to FF.Net
- Call their moms to inform them of their basement-dwelling daughter's passion, harassing small children
- Ask them about the importance of pacing, grammar, plot and other writing standards mysteriously absent from their own fanfiction
External Links
- Critics United Forum
- Stop Critics United A tumblr for butthurt prepubescent girls to BAWWW about CUnts
- Tumblr Against Critics United Moar butthurt
- Change.Org petition to stop CUnts No seriously
- Gaaras1Girl on FF.Net
- DarkSacredJewelXoX on FF.Net
- Gaaras1Girl on Deviantart You may want to gouge your eyes out before viewing
- DarkSacredJewel's LiveJournal Account Ditto
Related Articles
| Critics United is part of a series on Dying Alone
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