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Gun
A Gun is a very effective point-and-click IRL banhammer, often deployed by impotent wankers who are butthurt because they won't get what they want through hard work, intelligence, love, creativity, enterprise or other human virtues, and want to act out their frustration and inadequacy through IRL trolling and pwning others. Guns are what Americunts have instead of penises, while britfags (the major proponents of gun control) are forced to suffer through their microscopic penile reality by taking party drugs and drowning themselves in tea and crumpets. The Internet has a huge guns, weapons and military related subculture, with numerous websites catering for all preferences. Some are filled to the brim with 16 year olds who don't have a fucking clue and generally just spout the latest bullshit from Future Weapons, the weapons menu on Counter-Strike, Modern Warfare 2, or the latest article from Soldier of Fortune if they are really advanced. Below is your guide to this delightful phenomenon.
Controversy
There are four types of people:
- Cool people who understand that the right to own guns is awesome
- Idiots who believe the above are compensating for tiny dicks and demand that only the army and police be allowed to have guns
- Non-idiots who actually use guns, and know that both of the above are correct at times
- Moralfags from countries other than the USA, who think that Americans are the funniest people in the world, particularly when it comes to guns.
The Brady Bill: The Brady Handgun Lulz Prevention Act, more commonly known as "The Brady Bill", was put into place in 1993 after John Hinckley Jr. tried to kill Reagen. His press secretary, Jim Brady got in the way of this very lulzy act and was left paralyzed. Common consensus is that he deserved it. Brady, butthurt as hell, became a gun law supporter. Proving that they have no sense of humor, Congress then put into place this act which would require a background check on firearms purchasers and a waiting period for handguns. These provisions have prevented any subsequent tragedies of any kind whatsoever. Democracy works!. Gun Nuts have a strange sexual relationship with this act, because on the one hand it takes away their rights!!!one!!!OMG11!. But on the other they tried to kill their god Reagen, who can do no wrong in their books, and because he signed this act into law, it must be obeyed, even if stricken down by later acts of congress.
The Way of the Gun
Guns were made by Jesus Christ after realizing his favorite country, the United States, needed something to spread the gospel to savages. Jesus himself invented the first gun, and armed with the power of Christianity, and a factory of Indian sweatshop workers, to bring peace and justice to the free world, by ridding us of the lesser races and non-believers.
Choose Your Weapon
| Choose Your Weapon | |||||
| Rifles | Handguns | Submachine Guns | Machine Guns | Other | Calibers |
M-16
The M-16 is the iconic weapon of the red-blooded 'murricun. If you carry this piece you are out on a holy crusade to end the lives of all communists, Nazis, Democrats, towel-heads, Batman fans, evolutionary biologists, Jews, and the occasional Catholic, 'cause we all know those Mary-worshipers have it coming.
During development, the M16 was picked up by the U.S. Army which was struggling because potheads, the primary demographic for recruitment in the 1960s, couldn't handle the hammering recoil of the M14. The M16A1 model helped resolve that problem by introducing a rifle that wouldn't fire at all. The A2 and A3 incarnations solved the reliability problems but introduced one of the worst features in modern firearms which quickly started showing up on every other assault rifle and SMG, the 3-round burst. Originally intended to save ammo and increase accuracy over a fully automatic fire mode, the 3-round burst was devised for those not smart enough to figure out that you don't have to go batshit and hold the trigger till the gun don't fire no mo'. The civilian version is the semi-auto AR-15. It's one of the cheapest (can be had for less than $1000), most popular (inbred rednecks love it), most accurate (many can shoot sub 1 MOA out of the box), most common (It seems like Christ and Everybody makes AR-15s, there are A LOT of AR-15 makers out there), and most modular semi-auto rifles used by Americunts. Many people who buy AR-15s then trick them out with scopes, foregrips, flashlights, and vibrators just to shoot at empty beer cans because they're hillbillies too stupid to join the military. When an AR-15 faggot is describing his weapon, you can be sure it will result in an immediate snorefest. The M16 is so prolific there have been many offshoots of the design, some of the most notable being the .50-caliber Beowulf slug launcher, many chambered in 7.62mm NATO, target shooting conversions for .22LR, foreign modifications like the Nazi HK416.
If you mention the M16/AR-15 on most gun boards or forums you'll spark a flame war more intense than the one that killed the Branch Davidians. Bonus points if you tell them they are all wrong and the M16 should have been chambered in .30-06, have a 100-round drum, and fire full auto.
AK-47
Designed to be easily used by child soldiers and poorly trained conscripts, the AK-47 was spread throughout the world by Tony Stark in a cave. The rifle is simple in construction and fairly robust, using a gas-piston made to looser tolerances than any other gas-piston rifle out there. It has great popularity amongst, well, Communists, terrorists, and guys that want to spree-kill their neighbors. And college Sophomores. Most that you'll come across in real life are Chinese or Eastern European knock-offs, actual Russian models being rare. The AK can be found wherever there are angry Arab and gooks. It's the single best way to ruin GIs IRL. The AK-47 is the most well known firearm in the world and is a symbol of both freedom and opression by those dumb enough to live in third world countries, it also withstands environmental situations (mud, underwater, etc) that most other guns cannot bear with. Actually, faggots, the AK-47 is an obscure early model, nowhere near as popular as the later AKM variant. Almost 99.8% of the AK-47s you see worldwide are in fact AKMs, distinguished by the stamped and riveted sheet metal receiver and muzzle compensator. The more you know...
AK-47 vs. M16 threads are woefully common in any weapons-related forum. The usual crap of accuracy vs. reliability is rehashed and fucked up for yet another inning. On many websites, Military Photos and AR-15.com notably, this kind of crap will get you raped by the admins. You deserve it, you little bastard, because no self-respecting Banhammer will tolerate under-deodorized 13 year old boys bitching about the M-16 being so much more accurate than the AK-47 or the AK-47 being so much more durable than the M16. Either way, both guns can still clear a middle school classroom faster than kicking down the door and shouting "Immigration and Customs Enforcement!" at a LULAC meeting.
Aks-74u
This is a miniature version of the AK-47's modern equivalent, the AK-74. It's small enough to fit in your jeans pocket and to be carried one-handed. Perfect for school shootings, because it will give you street cred, even if you're a Wigger (and you are). Also good for drive-by's due to its compact size, the AKS-74U is every Gangster's dream. and, of course, the ultimate Arab Osama Bin Frickin' Laden carried one of these babies, ensuring that rule 34 applies even in a cave in Afghanistan. Some consider it an SMG, but just because they don't know how to properly use it.
PROTIP: Just because the dumbfucks who made Call of Duty 4 call this a submachine gun does NOT make it an actual submachine gun. The AKs-74u fires the same 5.45x39mm rounds as the AK-74, making it an assault rifle.
SVD
Like the M14, but tailor made for the same poorly trained 3rd world child armies that employ the AK-47. Except the ones that get SVDs are the ones that don't have ADHD and actually paid attention and tried during target practice at Camp Durka. Also holds the title of Biggest Life Ruiner Of American Soldiers 1963-Now, largely in part due to Juba the Baghdad Sniper. However, Since Bill Clinton thought that genuine Russian-made arms like SVDs, original AKs and even the chink bootleg versions were nice things, which means we can't have them, SVDs are really rare and even chink copies go for over $3000 which means you and your COD4 buddies have a snowball's chance in hell of getting one and will have to settle for a Romanian PSL, which is basically a cheap AK with a long barrel and spiffy buttstock.
M14
Before the sweet-sixteen there was the the M14, a beastly pure-bred American piece made of wood, iron, and cock. If you don't mind the fact it kicks like a date-rape scene gone horrible wrong then you can't go wrong with its 7.62x51mm NATO truck stopping power. If a Sand Mexican is having himself a little pow-wow with roasted marshmallows and sing-alongs behind that reinforced sandbag teepee, and your 5.56x45mm NATO ain't cutting it, never fear! Your M14 will punch right through that sandwiched dirt and give Haji a splintering sensation of our constitutional right to kick ass and take names (and lunch money in some cases), even if their names are written in squiggly lines. Just don't mistake it for a machine gun.
Unfortunately, the U.S. military made this mistake by implementing a full-auto function for this gun. The powerful kick of the 7.62x51mm ammunition caused such massive muzzle climb that soldiers in the jungles of Vietnam couldn't hit gooks in full auto, even when they were executing villagers at point blank range. Because of this, and despite the M14's major pwnage potential, it was replaced by the pussy-recoil M16 as a standard issue rifle.
Like the climax of every Disney sports movie, the M14 has made a sudden comeback, sans full-auto capability. With the rise of anabolic steroids and a need to spread democracy at ranges exceeding 400 meters, the M14 has met a revival with snipers and designated marksmen in the lulzfests of Afghanistan and Iraq. With generations of retards raised on counterstrike and a whole desert full of people in need of some democracy, the future for this once forgotten rifle looks brighter than ever!
FN FAL
The right arm of the free world. This rifle killed communists, savages and communist savages throughout the Cold War, and is still being used by dirt poor countries that we gave democracy to. Ironic, since it was made by the friendly Capitalist waffle-humpers at Fabrique Nationale who stole most of the design from the Russian SVT-40. Its XBOX HUEG 7.62x51mm round makes an example of every Russian, Arab, nigger, hippie, gook, Argie and protester that gets in its way.
H&K G3
Conceived by the God-like Aryan engineers during the closing months of World War 2, then stolen by the Spanish, then stolen back again by the Teutons, the Gerat 3 was designed from the ground up to kill anyone politically left-of-center. Chambered in the massively WIN 7.62x51mm NATO round, this gun combines advanced mechanical concepts and the crude ability to open up a bush nigger's head like a ripe watermelon at an impressive 600 meters. Used by most nations of the civilized world who wanted a 1.) rifle that wasn't designed by those dirty Belgians and 2.) had it's roots in the Third Reich. HEIL HITLER! 14/88!
Mauser K98k
This bolt-action rifle was mass-produced by the Nazis to waste jews and it did so rather effectively. It fires PWNAGE 7.92x57mm Mauser bullets. While it doesn't have the profile of its famous Russian contemporary - the Mosin Nagant - in Amerikkka, it is well famous elsewhere because everyone has them. It is fairly accurate (which is great for picking off jews from a balcony) but only carries 5 bullets in the mag. Almost useless for school shootings because they are too slow and will see you riddled with FBI lead while you reload.
Mosin Nagant
Hated by women, children and anyone within 6 metres of it, the "Moist Nugget's" skull-fucking BOOM is a great way to clear out n00bs and IRL troll everyone at the range. The Soviets made millions and millions of them during WWII, and as a result you can get them at sporting goods stores in the U.S. for sixty bucks. Everyone has one, however few can fire them due to the fact that their bolt-action is intended for Popeye-armed Russian potato farmers. The problem is, the Mosin uses a slightly longer than usual .30-caliber round, so Americunts often charge their lazers with 7.62x51mm NATO instead of 7.62x54R. Boom! Natural selection continues.
Protip: The most successful military sniper of all time, "White Death", used this gun to rack up over 500 commie kills in the WintAr War. He also did this using iron sights... He is an hero to us all.
SKS
The official mantle-piece of mobile home owners everywhere, the SKS is another Soviet gun developed between a tree stump and the AK-47. While not used much by the Soviets themselves, it was mass produced in China and was widely used by communist /b/tards around the world. Uses a 7.62x39mm cartridge and the Chinese ones are über-cheap. This gun was also the favorite of the gooks before they laid their dirty mitts on 'Ks. However, because it doesn't pwn quite liek the AK it has fallen out of service with most squaddies, except the Russian display teams - who use them for ceremonial purposes and ass sex. And the shitty Russian SKS only has a 10 round internal magazine, you won't find those that common and instead you'll see the common Chinese Type 56 with detachable magazines.
Sturmgewehr 44
The worlds first true assault rifle was designed and deployed by the nazis in WW2 and was first issued as the MP-43 in 1943. Hitler hated it at first, believing it to be ugly, Jewish and impractical, and because he had no idea what a useful gun was supposed to do since his days in the first world war. After his troops convinced him it was a good rifle, he used it as propaganda, renaming it the Sturmgewehr (German for "Storm Rifle"). Odd additions to this weapon were created for special purposes, such as a curved barrel that could shoot around corners and an infrared night vision sight. If more were produced at an earlier time, the Germans may have won the war. Mikhail Kalashnikov conceived the AK while recovering from getting pwnt by this rifle in WWII.
QBZ-95
Designed by Duo Yingxian and used by the largest army in the world, in reality it is fail. The fire selector is all the way at the rear and the bullet ejects to the right. So if you hold it with your left hand your chin or nose can get hit by a burning brass. Also, the high sight line makes the front sight snag on shit. The newest model designed by Duo's students, the QBZ 95-1, claims to have fixed everything its predecessor failed at. Improvements range from moving the fire selector on the pistol grip, forward bullet ejection, rails, to lowering the sights. It's greatest improvement is making the gun look less like cheap plastic toys into something from Avatar, a.k.a. expensive plastic toys. With the improvements, in theory it has the potential to be the first fully ambidextrous bullpup fielded by a major army that doesn't jam like the F2000. However it has never been used in any major conflict other than pwning the occasional Tibetan insurgent or Falun Gong cultist, so time will tell if the "dash one" variant is reliable or not. Canadians can get the semi-auto version that fires the 5.56mm called QBZ-97, assuming they got the first batch of them numbering in the hundreds. All subsequent rifles are confiscated by the RCMP because they are simply converted from full auto. New and legal QBZ-97's are expected to arrive into Canada in spring 2013, although Canadians are still limited to 10 round LAR magazines. If you live in an igloo you can pay $900 for one p.s. It does not, I repeat, it DOES NOT have a 3 round burst mode, showing how much research Activision did. EA did it slightly better.
QBU-88
The QBU-88 is China's first indigenous design bullpup rifle. Designed by Norinco with Israeli support, it wouldn't be surprising if they end up being used against the Israelis in Syria or Iran. It can hit a coke bottle consistently at 600m, and it'll need the accuracy because at that range the only way the 5.8mm intermediate cartridge can instant-kill is if it penetrates the skull, spine, or the heart. Unlike the QBZ-95, China never bothered making a QBU 88-1 improved variant, so soldiers are stuck with the unwieldy buttstock fire selector and right side only ejection. They also can't mount any accessories onto it. Canadians can get the KBU-97A variant which shoots the 5.56mm NATO round. Apparently it shoots better than the Swiss Arms carbines, which makes sense considering it costs $3000!
Colt Model 1911A1
In 1911, John Moses Browning was deep in prayer when Jesus came forth from heaven bearing the Colt Automatic Pistol Model of 1911. And he did giveth the pistol to John, so that America, his chosen people, could kill colored people all over the globe easier than ever before. This emblem of America brought the USA into the 20th Century as the greatest nation on the planet, by killing Germans, Mexicans, Phillipinos, Nicaraguans, and Haetians with.45 of an inch in righteous hot-lead to the motherfucking sternum. 9mm? America doesn't speak metric, faggot!!!! USA! USA! USA!.
Well, that's what most gun-nuts (as in testicles) will say about it. The pistol is a legend in the USA due to its long service with the military (about 70 years). And given that no one else in the world is allowed to own weapons, this leads it being the most talked about pistol on the webz0rz. Its reputation for accuracy stems mainly for it being bought and riced up for use as IPSC race guns rather than any inherent virtue in the design itself. Truth be known, the original service pistol was just a big, heavy, single-action motherfucker that was no more accurate than any other pistol of the time, and was only notable for being the first pistol chambered in the godly .45 Automatic Colt Pistol round (ACP). But when you spend $2,000 on aftermarket parts, you can do anything.
Beretta 92 a.k.a. M9
The 9mm guido gun that finally replaced the ancient and frail 1911. 1911fags hate it because it replaced their antiquated relic, SIGfags hate it because it does everything their exetershit does but less expensively, glockfags hate it because it beat out their grenade for the coveted position of the gun used to arm soldiers so they can rape delicious brown girls, and Navy SEALS hate it because it tends to blow up in the face of the shooter. This gun was only adopted because the USA wanted military bases in Italy and Beretta made them accept their handgun in return. No other gun in the history of mankind has caused so much drama among gunfags. The Beretta is also a great way to behead yourself! Just make sure the slide is at neck level and pull the trigger!
SIG P226
Best known as Adam Lanza's pistol of choice. Hugely overpriced, with the corrosion resistance of a tetanic nail.
Glock
R' da bloods movin' in awn 'yo crip territry and ya'll need a piece to pop 'dem niggaz wif? Reach for 'yo glock nigga! Created by Austrian grenade and curtains manufacturer Gaston Glock, the Glock was widely adopted by niggers the world over for its ease of use while aiming sideways. Glocks are now used as much by wannabe badboy cops as they are niggers. Glocks, being standard issue to cops, niggers and mafiosi, are therefore owned by everyone. The Blazn Azn used one at his time at VTech!
Springfield XD
The anti-Glock, fixing everything the glock fails at; like exploding when shot. Actually a Croatian pistol called the "HS2000", the American company Springfield Armory just stole the design and called it the "XD". A lot of Counter-strike and Call of Duty 4 players love this gun, right after the Desert Eagle, because the "XD" looks like an emoticon. This gun is designed to function even with the muzzle pressed against a flat surface, such as someone's back.
S&W Model 29
You're going to need much, much more than luck when you stand up to this cannon. The S&W Model 29 .44 Magnum revolver is the closest you can get to an overkill without being impractical. This gun kicks like a mule, but has the power to dismember limbs, and is almost guaranteed to be a one-shot-kill anywhere in the torso. You have a better chance of escaping Chris Hansen at a bait-house than surviving this son-of-a-bitch. Unlike the Desert Eagle, it is still reasonable in terms of size, unless you choose to buy a fucking 12" barrel because you are too big of a pussy to handle the kick.
FN Five-seveN
Admired by Libertarians and spics for its ability to pierce body armor and kill cops. The FN Five-seveN (LOL SO CLEVER THEY MADE THE F AND THE N IN CAPS) is used in a lot of animes and video games, so of course all school shooters pick this up for the job, because, as we know, most school shooters are actually 13 year old boys who have been fapping to too much violent hentai. However, anyone who is on the path to enlightenment will need to save up his allowance for a long time or use mommy and daddy's credit card, as the Five-seveN and its silly 5.7x28mm proprietary cartridge are quite expensive, but will worth the money if you can afford one.
Hi-Point C9
A 9mm pistol that runs about $120 brand new. It does the exact same thing as $700 pistols. Post a picture of one in any weapons related area on the internet and watch the sparks fly. A favorite of black person and Mexicans. They have a lifetime warranty (Which is in practice a Week At most before the Owner gets killed by a Nigger), but it's hard to make a claim with the slide sticking out of your fucking forehead.
Walther P22
Originally designed as a target pistol in weak .22LR, the P22 found a new home in the hands of The Blazn Azn. He dual-wielded it with a Glock in order to achieve the highest score in American history! Walther was of course very pleased by this, and instantly issued a statement commemorating the occasion.
Sig Mosquito
Another target pistol chambered for .22LR that found a new notoriety in the hands of The Finnisher. It should be noted that while Cho used both a 9mm Glock and a .22 pistol, PEA only used a single .22 pistol. This is a good explanation for why he achieved such a low score. Sig Sauer refused to issue a statement, since they were afraid crazy Finns would riot outside of their stores after the ensuing sales boom caused stocks of the Mosquito to run dry.
The Desert Eagle (Deagle)
The Desert Eagle is classified as a handgun, despite being bigger than most SMGs. It is a terrible, overrated, piece of shit that jams more often than New York City traffic. You can create lulz by going to a DE forum and saying the .357 and .44 are fired from more practical-sized guns like revolvers. Weapon of choice for many retards, such as Jace Connors.
The Desert Eagle got notoriety in the U.S. when niggers got their hands on it. Unfortunately, they thought they were holding their Glocks sideways and when they pulled the trigger, they killed themselves from the impact on their head. This is the reason Desert eagles are now made in America instead of Israel, because killing brown people is America's job. If you fire the Deagle with only one hand, you'll break your wrist from the recoil of the .50 bullet, and then, just like with the Uzi, you'll never fap again. A fun fact about the Deagle is that while it is in just about every video game ever, no real military or police force has ever adopted it. This is likely due to the fact that it doesn't fucking fire properly. You would be playing Russian Roulette every time you tried to kill yourself with a Deagle, seeing as how it has about a 1 in 6 chance of firing.
Smith & Wesson Model 500
Oh yeah, make the niggers and spics bow down to you with this fucking .50 caliber revolver! This bad boy does everything that the Deagle should have. It can make bears shit themselves, implant holes bigger than goatse in people, and tear apart a concrete block like a block of cheese. Tired of playing with those baby toys like the .44 and .357? Just cough up $1,000 and fire away, if you can without breaking your wrists and smashing your face in, which you can't, you pussy.
Colt Peacemaker
Officially the Single Action Army. Despite being made obsolete literally at least 100 years ago, it's more popular than ever thanks to pretend cowboys and metal gear solidfags. It has a distinguished history of genociding filthy red savages, mexicans, the irish, chinese laborers, filipinos, freed blackies, and John Marston.
QSZ-92
Another Chinese weapon only available in Canada renamed as "CF-98", it fires just like any other modern 9mm, it handles just like any other modern 9mm, it is just as (un)reliable as any other modern 9mm, and it costs as much as any other modern 9mm ($500). Unless you've got a hard-on for modern Chinese weapons, Americans are not missing out on much.
Automatics firing pistol ammo used by the popo so they can brutalize niggers without penetrating through walls and killing innocents.
HK MP5 - spray 'n pray
So you decided to use one of these guns on this page to create a lulz fest at your local school, mall, and/or place of employment, and now you're wondering what's the fuzz is going to be thrown at you when you get to the final level of the game. Five out of five times, when you've got yourself a good score going and you live in an urban area, the swat bunnies will be plugging your socially mis-adjusted body with the HK MP5. Don't despair, the HK MP5 is the perfect firearm to get mowed down by on national TV. It was also the first closed bolt submachine gun with fine Nazi precision pedigree, so you can be assured that you are going out in style. The 9mm ammunition means that you won't die too quickly so you can have that dramatic last stand, just like in Scarface! Bonus points if you get killed by a beaner wearing shades, from behind, with a shotgun while you're firing your weapon of choice dramatically in the air, as the cops riddle your body with US government lead.
Uzi (Moar like JEWzi, amirite?)
The Uzi (Jewspeak: עוזי) was invented solely to rape sand nigger babies. It's based on the Czechoslovakian series 23 to 26 submachine guns, and is further proof that Jews steal everything, amirite?. Every American should have two. You have two hands, after all, right? Ironically, it's the preferred weapon of neo-Nazis, skinheads and Tommy Vershitty (too bad Carl Johnson couldn't buy some in his country. Shooting this thing one-handed, though it may look cool, will either break your wrist (no more fapping) or turn you into an hero unless you're Bruce Willis...or Carl Johnson, who can hold two fuckin' Sawn-offs and can still walk away and fap afterwords. Lucky Bastard. Uzis, thus, look cool, but aren't as cool as a frickin' AK-47. Chambered in 9mm but having less power than MP5's, that explains why the fuck their magazines are loaded with 32 rounds and not 30. Jews just can't count right.
MP40
Known as the Macheinen Pistole .40 to NeoNazis, this gun is favored by them because they just happened to be used by the original Nazis (though they automatically failed hard against Russian weaponry). This is as close as you can get to being Michael J. Fox with a pistol because it is semi-automatic.
PPSH-41
The Russian-made PPSh-41 (Also known as a bullethose for it's ridiculously high rate of fire (900 rounds per minute)). Firing the small, but powerful 7.62x25mm Tokarev round, this thing has killed more nazis and americans than the showers at Auschwitz have killed Jews. Because the USSR loved to share with anyone who agrees with them, many gooks and Arab have gotten their filthy hands on these fine weapons and used them on foreign invaders. Even today, the PPSh-41 is used by terrorists in the middle east to fight decadent westerners. During WW2, entire platoons would be equipped with this firearm, giving them unparalleled close combat effectiveness.
Tec-9
The Tec-9 an unbelievably shite one-handed SMG made famous by Carl Johnson and the Columbine gays. It was made by Intratec 'til they went bust and so now only exists as cheap gook copies or as museum pieces. Somehow shooting it one-handed doesn't break your wrist, so this is the gun of choice for fapstars. It fires standard 9mm pistol rounds just like every other fucking gun out there. School shootings with this thang will make the media shit bricks and come out with shit like "Columbine REVISITED!" and "School Shootings - A PHENOMENON?!". That means it's perfect for the job; after all, what could be more satisfying to the average an hero than the thought of causing a media stir because of the gun they used, and maybe getting Michael Moore to ban the sale of its ammo?
Thompson SMG
First and foremost, the Thompson is a submachine gun NOT A RIFLE, FAGGOTS. Most commonly used by WW2 Veterans and greasy Italians. It's one of the original SMGs and was invented by John T. Thompson under the close supervision of God At least 100 years ago. It is vastly superior to other guns of the time because it was made in Good 'Ole US of A. It fires .45 ACP pistol rounds, which are fucking huge, and jizzes them out at a fire rate of Over 9000 rpm, which is perfect for shooting up your high school. It unfortunately does not make a loud noise like the M14, but it does make a lovely clicking sound as it spits an unending stream of lead at any Jap on the beach. It will take any one of six magazines, including a humble 20 round stick to the batshit insane 100 round drum. Like the AK, you'd have to shit in the chamber to make this thing jam. It was originally marketed to rednecks to shoot rabbits, deer, niggers, and other undesirables. It was later adopted by law enforcement, the US Army, and the mafia to shoot Nazis, Japs, more Niggers, Jews, each other, and Themselves. Notable people who have used it are greaseball mobsters, G-Men, and Cops. Firing this gun from the hip will make you look like an absolute badass and it's a great idea.
LMGs (Light machine guns)
These are autos you can carry around, like the M240, M249 SAW, MG3, M60, BAR, RPD, RPK, MG34, M1919 and BREN. They can clear a room of students faster than yelling "YOU ARE THE FATHER!" at an NAACP meeting - plus they look teh awesome. They fire rifle-sized bullets so you don't need no high-capacity assault clips for your Bushmaster that will likely jam.
Heavy Stuff
Think Maxim, Vickers, M2, MG42 and DshK. These will gleefully slice 'n' dice your foes to over 9000 pieces, with big bullets. These are teh awesome, more so than LMGs, just because they pwn so well. Only Over 9000 rounds from a .50-cal can even scratch a long cat. However, against ordinary fools, you will win. Niggers can't get their chicken grease mitts on these 'coz they're even more expensive than Nike kicks!.
Don't even bother tooling one of these up for a school shooting, though; it weighs too damn much. Just leave it on a Hummer (for drive-bys) or on a tripod (for long ranged spraying) and let rip. Hurrah!
Gatling Guns
So you want a school shooting with a difference? A 6-barrel XM214 Gatling gun can fire 10,000 rounds a minute, at 3750 fps. Bye bye school, jocks, nerds, whores, and emos.
The Gatling gun comes in a variety of different flavors, not unlike slurpees, or condoms. Starting with the biggest, baddest motherfucker of all, the GAU-8 Avenger, a 30mm precision engineered lead-breathing dragon that has an A-10 Warthog mounted to it. This monster fires Depleted Uranium rounds the size of wine bottles meant for decimating rusted ruskie armor and sand nigger caves. It puts out over 4 tons of recoil force and the gun itself weighs 620lbs, but once you add n the magazine and the hydraulics system required to fire it, you're looking at over 4000lbs, then you'll need almost 2000lbs of ammo for about 15 seconds of blissful carnage. For best results, mount it on your bicycle.
A somewhat smaller version is the 6-barrel M61 Vulcan, capable of firing 20mm rounds at over 6000 rounds per minute that will blast Ruskie jets out of the sky when all the missiles are used up. Also used for blowing missiles out of the sky when mounted to ships and controlled by robots as the CIWS weapon system. The M196 is a 3-barrel version mounted on AH-1 Cobra's used for buttplugging terrorists at close range.
A 'smaller' Gatling gun gaining popularity as a mobile vehicle mounted system is the 3 barrel, .50 caliber GAU-19 GECAL ('jekyll'). It hits as hard as an M2 .50 cal heavy machine gun but has a rate of fire 4 times faster. This allows you to rack up points nearly as fast as a panty-waste M134 but with the added benefit of doing it even when their hiding behind three concrete walls and the nuke proof desks at your local school house.
Smaller still, is the General Electric M134, known commonly as the "Minigun." This 7.62mm beast was first used in the skies over Vietnam to spread freedom and democracy to the gooks, either as a door gun on the UH-1 Huey (no blackhawks in Vietnam dumbass), or as a offensive weapon on the versatile, AH-6 "Little Bird". Made most famous in Terminator 2 when the governator laid the smack down on some Californian police when they tried to take away his god given right to carry around large caliber assault weaponry. The ownage was so great, they appointed him their supreme ruler.
The smallest yet conceived was the 6-barrel XM214 5.56 Gatling gun. It fired literally over 9000 rounds per minute. But it offered no practicality over the M134 and little/no advantage in weight. Even this model put out more than 200lbs of recoil force, weighed over 30lbs, and required at least 100lbs in backup equipment, such as batteries and large cases of ammo, which is needless to say, more than your limp wristed faggoty ass can handle. So forget your dreams of recreating the scene in Predator unless you want to an hero yourself in possibly the most ridiculous fashion possible. On second thought DO IT FAGGOT.
But if you want to kick it old school, look no further than the original Gatling gun, invented by Dr. Richard Jordan Gatling at least 100 years ago, when Amerrcuh was waging war within its own borders. This old warhorse didn't have your fancy electric drive motors. No, you put elbow grease into this antique, as you had to hand-crank the thing to shoot it. If you can find enough of the obsolete .58 caliber rimfire cartridges to fill the hopper of this old-timer, you can waste your school just like your great-great-great-great-granddaddy did to the jiggaboos who refused to work the fields.
Big Game Rifles
Not classed as ordinary rifles, coz they're so fucking huge. Best used to put holes in elephant's skulls, but if you want to terrorize the local niggers just load a .60 or .577 up and point it at 'em. Just don't fire it lying down (broken collar bone) or standing up (broken shoulder). Breaking your bones while pwning niggers will fail you, minussing your score by over 9000 points. Alternately, use them against other snipers, who will be using .50 BMG, 7.62mm, or, if they're real wankers, 5.56mm.
Shotgun
Use this bad boy to really fuck up someone's day. Sprays a lot of buckshot everywhere which means you can pwn a whole bunch of people or destroy one person at extremely close range. Very popular with hunters and cops and comes in many flavors like the pussy fuck .410 , the 12 gauge and the PWNAGE 4 Gauge Magnum that will fucking pwn the fuck out of any sandnigger you meet.
Alternatively:
1. Saw stock off
2. Shorten the barrel(s) to about 11 inches.
3. Fire one handed.
4. ????
5. PROFIT!!
Notable Shotguns:
- Ithaca Model 37
Arguably the first modern shotgun.
- Double Barrel
As if one wasn't enough, now you have double the pwnage. Arguably the best shotgun to use for sawing off, as it can be reduced much shorter than pump-action shotguns, maintain the internal ballistics, and has a higher capacity than the single barrel.
- Remington 870
The most common pump-action shotgun in the world. Everybody in Murka and Canada owns at least three of these.
- AA-12
Fully automatic. What else do you need to know?
Fat cops fear the shotgun especially, since a 12 gauge slug reliably penetrates the Level IIIa body armor that they wear. They never expect getting owned in the face. Shotguns are also more effective if you're host or Bruce Campbell and are fighting demons in the past for some fucked up demon book.
Flamethrower
The closest you can actually come to playing Satan. Strap on 2 scuba tanks full of napalm and rain fiery death on gooks. Just be careful not to use it on a really windy day or you'll involuntarily become an hero. Much to the ire of leftards, you can legally own or build one. Srsly. The best part of this weapon is that you can take out a whole platoon in one shot, however if someone shoots the tank, prepare to suffer one of the most worst and painful deaths imaginable.
Grenade Launcher
This is a gun that shoots 25mm or 40mm grenades. Boom! The M-79 is a favorite from 'Nam, perfect for ruining Gooks. Like a smaller Bazooka, basically. Watch out, though, it's illegal in California. Oh wait, so is everything else. Except weed. The M203 and M320 improve on the M79 by replacing the stock with a functional assault rifle. Now you can have the best of both worlds for just a few pounds more! The Heckler & Koch GMG combines the raw power of a 40mm grenade launcher with the fully-automatic convenience of a belt-fed machine gun. While it has a greater maximum range and rate of fire than the M79, its recoil and weight make it less than ideal for on-the-go use unless mounted to a vehicle.
Bazooka
Will ruin everything from goths to teenagers to the entire local mall in a glorious explosion of win. A favorite of Counter-Strike O.G.s. They don't like dat shit one-two bit. Only refers to the bazooka itself, the rest are called recoiless rifles, asshole.
Railgun
This does happen to exist IRL as it is being experimented with by the Navy as the new anti-warshit gun. It uses two electrostatic field creating rails and shoves a huge-ass block of metal at over 9000 times the speed of sound with a range limit of over 9000 miles away. Naturally this can be the next ultimate in pwning power, but the fields are so strong that when the bullet goes through, it breaks itself apart and requires a month of charging the electricity needed. Alternatively, you could build a Coilgun, which only hit as hard as an arrow, but hey, its legal!
Duct Tape
With duct tape, you can strap two guns together, like a shotgun and a machine gun. However, with duct tape you can also make A FUCKING MINIGUN WITH A FLAMETHROWER AND FIVE MACHINE GUNS AND SHOTGUNS on it (though you will have to operate each weapon manually, something your effete wrists are probably not meant to handle). Duct Tape is something not to be fucked with but if you happened to have purchased a cheaper mesh, don't expect anyone to be afraid of your death contraption when it's in pieces all over the ground.
.25 ACP
Comes from a time when a man who was 5'6" tall was considered a giant, and getting a staph infection was a death sentence. This puny little round is even less powerful than the ubiquitous .22 LR. It's used in pocket sized handguns by people who don't like hard recoil, such as faggots, women, and Oompa Loompas guarding Wonka's chocolate factory.
.32 ACP
Tiny bastard child of Colt cartridges. Used for pocket pistols and is the minimum size for submachine guns. Doesn't do a whole lot of damage, but it gets the job done. It even started World War 1 when it killed that mr. king guy of Austria or something.
9mm
The most widespread pistol cartridge in the world, used by militaries, police, niggers, school shooters, assassins, serial killers, Nazis, and suicide victims alike. The only people who don't use 9mm are rednecks, who think a .1" increase in caliber is somehow better, and American police, who use the explosion-causing .40 S&W.
.40 S&W
A ridiculously overpressure pistol round with a tendency to blow up your gun. It was created to appease dumb American cops who thought 9mm was too weak but wanted more capacity than the giant old ass .45 . TL;DR it's a solution to a problem no one ever had except for rednecks who won't use anything that doesn't start with a 4.
.45 ACP
A lot bigger, and more powerful, than almost every other practical semi-auto handgun round. Nobody but 1911fags use this bullet, for the obvious reason of compensating for their tiny penises.
10mm Auto
Ownage in the palm of your hand. Packing the power of a .357 into a frame the size of a .45 with the ammo capacity of a 9mm, the 10mm Auto was released to much fanfare of it's awesomeness. Well, no it wasn't. Actually, nobody cared.
The FBI adopted it briefly before crying that the recoil hurt their wrists, which were sore after they got done 'researching' all those CP websites. Smith & Wesson obliged by creating the .40S&W, which is believed to stand for either "Smith & Wesson", "Shitty & Weak" or the widely accepted "Shoop & Woop".
.38 Special
Small center fire casing mostly used in revolvers. They are complete shit. Srsly, no one but fat fuck crazy obsessed Beatles fans would use it. Hence the name "Special". It sucks so hard the police actually have a policy against issuing them. They launch the slowest bullets in existence, have low pressure and penetration, and they don't expand, even if it's a hollow point. If you get in a dual and go up against someone, armed with a .38, consider yourself an heroed.
.357 Magnum - BOOM! Headshot
Once you have returned home from killing the entire Viet Kong army, you have become the Pennsylvania state treasurer. You receive bribes and give your friends exclusive million dollar contracts as well as receiving $300,000 kickbacks. When you fuck it up and get convicted; facing 55 years imprisonment, you end it all by blowing your brains out with this baby in front of a live televised press conference. If you want to dramatically kill some one, make sure to shoot him in the lungs closer to the arm to let him live at least a few seconds more (according to Wikipedia you feel like "struck by lightning" when shot at), then let him crawl a little, then shoot him in the heart.
.44 Magnum
The .44 caliber is a classic pwner from the 19th century. It is the most famous revolver cartridge around. Fun to blow up watermelons with and make black people cry. Used by rednecks, police officers, and assassins alike.
5.56x45mm
Official rifle cartridge of NATO, along with the much more awesome 7.62x51mm which sadly is only used by snipers and medium machine guns. The M193, the original loading of this round, maimed gooks so bad in 'Nam that those pussy Europeans refused to use it when they adopted the 5.56 as standard issue because it was too "inhumane". Instead, they chose the M855 which is designed to penetrate through steel helmets that Arabs, niggers, and civilians don't wear. It will still fuck shit up but needs to travel though about 2 feet of tissue to do so past a supersoaker's range, and thus is far better suited for warfare against the Americunts who made teh bullet.
5.8x42mm
A bullet that only China uses. Adpoted so if Russia or America spreads their freedom and democracy there, they can't steal their bullets without stealing their guns. Standard 5.8mm DBP87 does even less damage than the standard 5.56mm against unarmored targets. However, has better ballistic trajectory than the 5.56mm, and designed specifically to defeat American body armor if nothing else. Proof that China is un-American.
6.5x52mm
Fat ass bottle neck cartridge that was mainly used in bolt action rifles. Its fairly accurate, but the rounded diameter causes narrow, straight through wounds. It does not deform easily and can penetrate without tumbling, so it is great if you're looking to pull that sweet 6 for 1 kill. Also good for turning presidents' heads into scrambled chowdah.
7.62x39mm
Used in the AK-47 and all its derivatives. This bad boy does everything the 5.56 should be doing, like busting through soft cover and killing people. Unfortunately, the gay disease spread to the Soviets in 1974, when they replaced the 7.62 in service with the 5.45x39 which sucks worse than 5.56. Even Comrade Kalashnikov said it sucks.
7.62x54R
A Russian mainstay since the 19th century, the 7.62x54R is the badass grandpa used by Russians before they were B movie villains. Used in several variation of the Mosin-Nagant, the Winchester M1895 (Levernugget), the SVT-40 (Autonugget), and the SVD Dragunov (Snipernugget) of FPS fame you can never buy because Bill Clinton Hates you.
7.62x51mm NATO
Also called the .308 Winchester by rednecks, this is the rifle cartridge soldiers should be using if they actually want to win a war. WARNING: shooting this round will make you cream your pants.
.30-06
If you like the 7.62x51mm, well this is just 12 more mm of that. Same bullet, longer cartridge because crummy gunpowder. Was the bullet your great grandpappy put in his gerund to punctuate grammar nazis.
.50 BMG
Is an enemy of democracy being shielded by his village? Break out this motherfucker. The .50 Big Motherfucking Gun was designed to bust through brick and steel, which is overkill because civilians only wear wool at most. Download the AMERICA FUCK YEAH!! DLC to upgrade your ammo to the Raufoss Mk 211, which fucking explodes inside your enemies.
Choose Your Bullet
The NRA
A gun industry lobby organization formed in 1871 along with the KKK, the NRA was established to give White racists, gun-loving soccer moms and hungover rednecks the ability to focus their God-given talents on something much more important: shooting homosexuals, Muslims, Blacks and Scientists. The most noted savior of the NRA was Charlton Heston, who proved that the best reason for us to have guns is to defend ourselves from our government. This group holds that guns are good, and totally ignores studies done by bleeding-heart pseudosciences like "psychology," "sociology," and "political science". The NRA is always doing its duty saving us from the tyrannical grip of people who support gun control - like that godawful boring Noam Chomsky. Oddly enough, many liberals have begun to join the ranks of the NRA, for fear that gun control may render them defenseless against their crazy-ass redneck neighbors. Clearly, the best protection against dangerous nuts with guns is to give everyone guns and hope for the best.
Gun vs. Sword
Guns have replaced the archaic simpleton sword as the killing device of choice for a good many reasons, not least of which is the gun's superiority over hand-to-hand weapons. Some fanboys are in a state of denial about this.
- Myth: Swords are more honorable. Case in point: ninjas and samurai, Jedi and other knights used swords.
- Myth: You can block bullets with a sword if you are skilled enough.
- FACT: You can possibly (unlikely) block bullets with your sword but the bullet will shatter and then spread out into little pieces hitting eveything behind the sword, like say, the person using the sword. Or, if the gun is a shotgun, break the sword in half an send the large sharp upper half into the user's body. Plus, the pellets will probably spread around the sword. That's assuming you CAN react to a 700-800 m/s fast bullet fired from a rifle, and also that your hand is fast enough to block 4-8 bullets coming from an automatic rifle at you every second...
- Myth: You don't have to reload a sword, therefore you can use it forever.
- Myth: Guns are cowardly because you can kill people from a distance; swords take real skill to use.
- FACT: You will not be complaining about a gun's skill level when you have a bullet in your chest or head. Guns can kill at long range, but hitting the thing takes skill.
- Myth: You can run up to a guy with a gun real fast and slice him with your sword before he even gets his gun out.
- FACT: An attempt to do this will result in death on your part, unless you are invisible.
Previous Video | Next Video
1:05:00 to 1:10:00 of that movie clearly demonstrates the superiority of guns over sword in a large scale battle as the Brits in the Opium War completely wtfpwned the Chinese. HINT: You can save your time by watching that whole battle condensed in this link BUT in a lower resolution format The Chinese managed to hack and stab only a handful of Brits to death and most of the Chinese got pwned before they could even get close enough to kung fu the damn Brit's ass. So Guns>>>Sword in not only one-on-one combat but also full scale wars and battles as well (obviously).
Well technically the Zulu were using sword-like spears (called the ASS-engai) and a few stolen guns (which they stole from 'em white folks btw! Kinda like what they are still doing today amrite?). Note at 1:08 of that video a lucky Zulu shoots a Brit. Otherwise, another epic example of 'em whiteys demonstrating the superiority of guns over primitive spears, swords, and other bladed weapons to a bunch of primitive, backwards, non-white troglodytes! White imperialism and colonization of coloured people FTW!!
Despite the above examples of Guns Completely Outclassing Swords, there are occasionally exceptions to this rule!
Famous Gun Enthusiasts
- Canadian GunNutz
- Anders Breivik
- Jesus
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Adam Lanza
- James Holmes
- Mitch Henderson
- Charlton Heston (Clicking the link brings you here again.)
- Eric Harris
- Dylan Klebold
- The Supreme Court, as of last Thursday
- Budd Dwyer
- Trey Burba
- Robert Hawkins
- Sarah Palin
Why guns are cool
Previous Video | Next Video
Huntin' n Fishin'
Previous Video | Next Video
Guns are racist
Quotes
—WKD | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Gallery
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Nothing says "no need to call Child Services" like having your kids pose like this! -
Most experts agree that trigger discipline is very important. -
Do unto others... -
You fucking wish. -
This gun isn't quite deadly enough. -
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Blazin' Azn loves his Glock. -
Goddamn...that's a lot of pizza boxes. -
This gun will definitely be featured in the next Call of Duty game. -
The greatest instrument. -
Animal Mother, American Hero -
A gun can help you make up for your micropenis. -
Nazis loved guns too. Actually, they still do. -
What you should look out for! -
Guns are effective wolfaboo trolling devices -
Use for rounds after the war is over -
Matrix fanbois like guns, but are too weakly to hold them for more than 5 minutes at a time. Thought this was a chick. It isn't. -
C4mp3r fg7. -
This works with pretty much anything IRL too. -
Guns can also be a means to fail epically -
Oh, sexy. -
Gimme yo pokemans foo' -
Guns are necessary to defend African jenkem mines from thieves -
A gun is the answer to all of life's problems -
The RT-20 uses a 20mm round that was originally designed to shoot down planes -
LETS MAKE MUFFINS -
Looking at this probably gives you gun envy. -
She's a great catch, unless you're Muslim, in which case she'll make you get into naked pyramids with other Muslim dudes -
Redneck Christian and his lesbian wife follow their Lord's example. -
This is what a typical nigger wants -
Headshot -
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Guns can also cure mental disorders. -
Guns... -
..prevent this from happening to your family.
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The gun waifu you will never have ;_; -
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See also
- ATF
- America
- Bazooka
- Cock
- Contra
- Counter Strike
- Glocktalk
- Gun control
- Halo
- Headshot
- /k/
- Metal Slug
- Shotgun Mouthwash
- Shot
- pekiti
- Perfect Dark
External Links
- Shrine of the Mall Ninja
- Return of the Iron Fist of the Mall Ninja
- SA users love gun porn [1][2]
- Hidden Gun Cabinets
![[1]](http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/militia-fail.jpg){kind=link}
![[2]](http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/739/4135261207156649683wx7.jpg){kind=link}
| Locus in quo: |
Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 |
|---|---|
| Supporters |
Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews |
| Main ideas: |
Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫 |
| Haters gonna hate: | |
| Acts of revenge: |
Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting |
| Objectors: |
Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫 |
| Pre-2012 Gun Massacres |
Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik |