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Gian Luigi Ferri

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Gian Luigi Ferri
Born December 29, 1937
Died July 1, 1993 (aged 55)
Nationality: Americunt  
Highscore 8 killed, 6 injured
Top 50? Lol no
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? Yes
Motive Depression


Gian Luigi Ferri (born Gianluigi Ettore Ferri) is the wop responsible for the lulziest day in the history of San Franshitshow. Armed with a pair of TEC-9's and the fact that his life had gone down the fucking shitter, Mr. Ferri went out to set the new American High Score, but he failed, just like how he failed at literally everything else in his life. However, he found solace in the form of creating massive amounts of butthurt across the country.

Background

Not much is known about Mr. Ferri's sad and miserable life, except that he was poor for most of it. His entire professional career in the real estate business had been defined by the fact that he kept getting kiked out of his rightfully earned shekels. Even after winning a 1 million dollar settlement, he still couldn't manage to unfuck himself from the hole dug around him. His own mortgage business couldn't get any clients, his credit score was down the shitter, and he couldn't even pay the damn rent. He blamed all of his troubles on more successful companies instead of himself for not knowing what the fuck he was doing. One of these companies, Pettit & Martin, would be the eventual target of Mr. Ferri's rage.

The last straw came when Mr. Ferri couldn't even file bankruptcy, because he couldn't afford the bankruptcy fee.

Previously on Let's Play

 
California passing gun control (c. 1989)

The topic of gun control was fresh in all of Commiefornia due to another shitlord who attempted at setting the high score four years earlier. That shitlord is none other than Patrick Purdy, who pwned 5 gooklets at Stockton Elementary in 1989 before an heroing. Since Mr. Purdy used an assault rifle, Commiefornia set out to be the ultimate buzzkill by completely banning any kind of "assault weapon". This proved difficult for Mr. Ferri to set the High Score, because we all know shit disappears once it's banned, right?

The Shooting

Channeling his inner Hans Gruber, Mr. Ferri took an elevator to the 35th 34th floor (a secretary ruined his plans by pushing an elevator button on the 34th floor), and began what was to be the the single best day in the history of the entire Bay Area. Using his loadout, he first pwned an entitled bitch and her Jewish lawyer; he then began moving down from the 34th floor, ultimately leaving 6 more noobs rekt before the party van showed up in hopes of cutting the madman's spree short. Seeing the cops come up the stairs, Mr. Ferri had no other choice but to end his spree in the most logical way possible; by becoming an hero.

The Ultimate Lolcow

As mentioned before, gun control was in the minds of all Californians after the Stockton shooting. However, this didn't stop the entirety of America from going Full Retard around 1994. Led by none other than Dianne Feinstein, a pity-party full of pathetic sobbing losers descended onto Washington, D.C. in hopes of spreading their buzzkilling to the entire fucking country. Collectively they descended onto Congress screeching for gun control like the liberal harpies they are (hmmm, I wonder who else this could describe). Unfortunately for the rest of the 49 states, they succeeded in banning big scary boomsticks in what was to be known as the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban. At least their incessant groveling worked this time around (spoiler alert, it didn't).

Cry harder you Hook-nosed gun-grabbing manchild

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Intratech TEC-DC9
 
  • Your typical jam-o-matic machine pistol. Same model that would be used by Papa Dylan later on. 21-33 Damage.
  • Attachment 1: Akimbo. Allows dual-wielding.
  • Attachment 2: Extended Mags. Allows the user to fire longer without reloading.
  • Secondary: Norinco M1911
 
  • Shitty Chinese knock-off of the Colt 1911. Used only to an hero. Causes Instant Death to User.
  • Perk 1: Ghost Pro
 
  • Invisible against Spy Planes.
  • Perk 2: Stopping Power Pro
 
  • Hollow Point bullets enable all guns to do 40% More Damage.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 8/20
Accuracy: 17/20
Style: 20/20 High Rise Horror
Butthurt: 20/20 America banned a bunch of guns
Bonus: 20/20 Had the same effect as Parkland 25 years before
Total Score: 85/100 (B)
The Italian Stallion
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

       

 

Federal Bureau of Investigation


See Also

Gian Luigi Ferri
is part of a series on
An Heroes

[iPod][Xbox]
Died Alone

1-14 Jakarta AttacksAaron BushnellAaron HowardAaron SwartzAcidChanAdam LanzaAdolf HitlerAkbarzhon DzhalilovAlan TuringAlexis PilkingtonAmanda ToddAn HaloAndrea PignaniAndrew KehoeAndrew KoenigAnthony WarnerAnton Lundin PetterssonArtyom KazantsevAsa CoonAugust AmesBen VoddenBob8466Brandon CleggBrandon CrispBrandon HoleBrenda WilliamsBrigit GonzalezBroadt LedetBruce PardoBubba CopelandBudd DwyerCandyjunkieArcan CetinCharles BishopCharmaine DragunChloe SagalChris BenoitChris DornerChristine ChubbuckChristopher FosterChris Harper-MercerCho Seung-HuiClay DukeCodey PorterDavid RitchesonDerrick BirdDevin KelleyDustin MichaelsDylan KleboldElliot RodgerEmma JonesEric HarrisEtikaEuler GrandolphoGeorge HennardGeorge SodiniGizgizGleb KorablevHannah BondHeath LedgerHunter S. ThompsonIsrael KeyesJake RobertsJames LeshkevichJarrad WillisJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJenny GrantJewWarioJiverly VoongJodie Gater and Stephanie GestierJoe StackJohn HouserJonathan Kendrick LewisJosé BettsJürgen ConingsKevin Neil WhitrickKlerckKurt CobainLeelah AlcornLivecorpseLowtaxMatthias SchoormannMario FerreyraMarvin HeemeyerMcSkilletMegan MeierMercedes HerreraMia JaninMitchell HendersonMr. HandsMatti SaariJosh BallardNathaniel BerhowNghtmrchld26Nikita LytkinNikki CatsourasOldDirtyBtardOtoya YamaguchiPanya KhamrabPaula GoodspeedPekka-Eric AuvinenPetri GerdtPhilip MarkoffQuentin HubbardRachele RuddRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRichard JeniRina PalenkovaRobert CardRobert HawkinsRobin WilliamsRonnie McNuttRudolph ZurickRyan PalmeterSadie DavilaSalman AbediSam LeesonShane HalliganShaun DykesShawn WoolleyShayShuaibySol PaisStephanie Michelle BrownStephen KazmierczakStephen HuffStephen PaddockStiletto oneTang YongmingTatiana the TigerTerry DavisThe An Heroes of BridgendTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTony48219Tyler ClementiTyler DumstorfTyler PetersonVerne TroyerWilliam Atchison

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Gian Luigi Ferri is part of a series on     [GAME OVERInsert Coin]  
 
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[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Gian Luigi Ferri is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫

Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik