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Rat

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Not to be confused with a Jew, or a Snitch

The rat, or Jew-mouse, is a filthy, plague-carrying creature that lives amongst, but generally out of the sight of humans.

A rat that has been pwned.
Lord Almighty, look at the size of that big bastard!

On average, rats measure about six inches long from the end of their snouts to the tips of their disgusting, twitching, scaly and hairless tails, although there are cases of them growing much, much larger, with some reaching the size of a small dog. Unlike you, rats have a lot of sex and so breed prolifically, eventually resulting in infestation. Rats are also extremely adaptable, hardy creatures, able to scratch a living just about anywhere, so long as there's a reliable food source nearby (which isn't hard, as rats eat fucking anything, including themselves). Because of this, no matter where you are on the planet Earth, you are never more than six feet away from a rat.

If you have rats in your house, it is generally a good sign that you are a fucking slob who should clean moar. Rats spend their days eating and/or shitting in your food, gnawing through wiring in your walls and pissing all over everything as a way of leaving messages for other rats that might be in the vicinity (And believe me, there will be other rats in the vicinity).

Thankfully, God created the rat's archnemesis that preys on it: the cat.

Rats As Pets

 
A typical rat owner.
   
“ 		 
Dogs may be man's best friend, but rats are his constant companion.
  		„
  		 

Bizarrely, some people actually choose to live with rats voluntarily, keeping the dirty vermin as pets. These individuals, hereafter referred to as 'ratfags', are universally disturbed in some way and should be treated with suspicion, if not outright hostility, because they are doubtless up to something nefarious. Nutcases like these often tend to be inferior to those who reside with ferrets Disregard that, ferrets are just as bad - stinking weaselly little bastards that they are.

Notable ratfags include:

Ratfags will invariably lie about their disgusting pets, claiming them to be very clean and affectionate animals, however, we at Encyclopedia Dramatica know better. Some theorize that perhaps there is some kind of psychoactive chemical in rat shit and that, by eating food contaminated with their droppings, ratfags actually have their minds altered by their revolting pets and so see them as cute, playful and hygienic little critters, rather than the disgusting, ugly, soulless pests that they actually are.

Disease

 
Ewww, gross.
 
Oh, so that's what that stench was...

Rats carry a number of dangerous diseases that frequently result in death, including Weil's disease, rat bite fever, yellow fever, cryptosporidiosis, GOTIS, viral hemorrhagic fever, Q fever, AIDS, hantavirus pulmonary syndrome, toxoplasmosis, trichinosis and the T-Virus.

At least one hundred years ago, The Black Death, one of the most deadly pandemics in human history was caused by rats. Ratfags like to get pedantic about this and point out that, actually it was the fleas that travelled on the backs of the rats, not the rats themselves, but what they fail to realize is that even if that was the case, the plague wouldn't have fucking happened if the rats hadn't have been there in the first place.

TL;DR: Rats will kill you fucking dead and then laugh about it with their friends as they're gnawing on your cold, decaying flesh.

Uses For Rats

 
Go get 'em, science!
 
Rat Torture by an Arab
 
and by some jap


Arabic Space Program


Wait for it...


Read the comment section kek


Snake drowns and eats a rat while clueless retard narrates


Decapitation!


A ratfag's love song.


A true story about rats.


Rats being boiled alive in oil.

Previous Video | Next Video

Rat Facts

  • An adult rat can squeeze into your home through a hole as small as the size of a quarter.
  • Rats are not kosher, as Jews find the idea of cannibalism repugnant.
  • Rats eat shit. In fact, some rats love the taste of feces so much that they've been known to crawl up sewage pipes and into toilets in their search for more of the stuff.
  • Rats multiply so quickly that in eighteen months, two rats could, literally, have over 9,000 descendents. We are outnumbered.
  • Like the rednecks from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or a certain Australian national treasure, rats are incestuous and eagerly breed with their own families.
  • Some rats have wings and can fly. These are called 'pigeons'.
  • Some rats are large and ginger and are fapped over by furries. These are called 'foxes'.
  • Some rats have been specially bred by enterprising Mexicans who have sold them to skanks as expensive fashion accessories. These are called 'Chihuahuas'.
  • Indian people, who are known for their meticulous hygiene, consider rats to be sacred, as one of their silly animal-headed gods rides on a giant rat. As a result, it is considered a terrible sin to kill a rat and the little furry bastards can frequently be seen in that shit-smelling country, crawling and shitting all over everything and stealing food off people's plates without fear of reprisal.
  • Rats smell fucking awful.
  • A rat's strong teeth enable them to chew through glass, cinderblock, wire, aluminum and lead.
  • Mice are scared of rats, likely for similar reasons that white people are wary of Jews.
  • Like Americans and niggers, rats are at their most dangerous when they are hungry.
  • Rats do not have thumbs and so are unable to operate firearms. For now.
  • Rats can walk on water.
  • Rats are fucking crazy fighters, able to take on creatures up to three times their size and possibly larger, if working together.
  • Rats eat one fifth of the world's food supply each year, making them responsible for the deaths of millions in famines.
  • On the Isle of Man, the word 'rat' is considered terribly offensive and, as such, the creatures are called 'long-tails'. Anybody who calls a rat a rat will be punished, via a banhammer.
  • If a rat ever got the chance, he'd kill you and everyone you care about.

Gallery

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    No matter how much you scrub, you'll never be clean.
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    Rat circumcision
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See Also

External Links

Rat
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals  
Basic Concepts [-+]

Animal Abuse • Bestiality • Furry • Hunting • Taxidermy

Meet the Menagerie:

Badgers • Bats • Bears • Bees • Birds • Bunnies • California Pet Laws 1/1/19 • Cats • Chickens • Chihuahuas • Cows • Crabs • Crows • Dinosaurs • Dogs • Ducks • Eagles • Fish • Foxes • Frogs • Giant Isopods • Octopuses • Pandas • Parakeets • Parrots • Penguins • Pigs • Rats • Sharks • Sheep • Snakes • Spiders • Turtles • Walruse • Wolves

Featured article June 29, 2016
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